Dreams from an Insomniac!

So, here I sit at 4 in the morning and have the worst insomnia EVER. I have been going to bed kind of late anyway, but these past few days I just haven't been tired at all and I find myself just praying that I will be able to fall asleep. I've made a lot of big decisions these past few days and perhaps that is what is keeping me up to an extent... I decided to work at least a semester, if not a full year, here in SLC (hopefully the Delta Center or a PR/Events Planning Firm) until I have enough money to go elsewhere. That means a full-time job and living with my parents until I have enough to really live on my own as a start. I'm a little nervous about living with the family, not because I don't love them or even like being with them - they are the BEST, but I have been on my own for awhile and to come back is weird. Plus, I like being independent...

I made a decision about myself in the last few weeks of EFY, and it might sound horrible, but it is how I feel. My last session director talked with me a lot about dating and relationships - I've been interested in one guy for a long while on and off, and was thinking about trying to take it to another level. Then, I realized that the next level is working toward a relationship leading to marriage...

I'm not ready.

I know that a lot of girls my age, especially ones in Utah, are hungry for marriage and I know that it IS a commandment in its own due time. However, I'm not wanting to be involved in that way right now with another individual. Call me selfish, but I want some me time. I want a few years to discover life a bit more... I'm not still "trying to find myself," because I feel confident in who I am and who I am becoming with each day or experience. I just want time to play and see more of the world... Travel, work, meet people, perform, have new experiences, and grow...

Maybe it comes down to I haven't met someone yet that makes me want to settle down and focus on another individual. There was a time when I truly thought that I had met that person... but I haven't. Not yet... In the future I'll meet him, or discover I feel that way if I already have met him. For now, I am quite content in being young, unattached, and a dreamer. Dare to dream BIG, right?

That's what I am doing... Dreaming BIG.

How ironic that I say "Dream BIG," and yet I remain unable fall asleep... :)

The thoughtful poetry of an insomniac
Drips upon the pages of my once forgotten history,
Remaining ever more as stains.
Stains that form the words I speak and feelings that encompass my being.
Yearning for a time in which my eyes will close,
Yet dreading it still...
Hoping for my chance to see the sunrise.
The sun has risen - peace.
Eyelids shutter to a close...
- LinzeKate

Now, don't be a hater when I saw I've been watching episodes of The Hills and seeing soooooo many shots of the LA skyline and buildings... OH! I wanna work in that city and live there SO bad! Not for forever, but someday for a time... I love that city so much and each time I visit I feel more and more drawn to return. I love, love, LOVE the city... and I love, love, LOVE LA... We'll see I guess! I'm thinking, work in SLC for a year, go to LA and work there for a year, and then going back to grad school. I don't know where I wanna go for grad school, but I wanna know exactly what I want to do before I spend money to hit up grad school. Who knows, perhaps I will work for a place that will pay for me to go to grad school! :) THAT would be awesome...

*muah*

P.S. I am almost over pneumonia and feeling a lot better... In fact, next week I will be in my beloved city for a trip to Disneyland - three days in the magical kingdom, and hoping to be a few moments in the downtown of my beloved city. YES! :)

Tomorrow = Job Application Time.