Why I Cry...

I can say that I'm not emotional person, but that's a flat-out lie. I don't mean to lie, but when I say that it just comes out. Truth is, I'm VERY emotional. However, my emotional is not a crying fest. If yours is there is NO judgement here - it's probably a little bit sad that I have so much trouble crying in front of others. I mean, I should be able to show that form of emotion, but unless I'm on a stage or by myself... It's typically a dry faucet.

However...

 ... There are moments I let the water-works loose. Why, you ask? Well, there are a few categories and one major one is film. If there is a moment in film that really moves me, I will often let it rain. It IS usually in a dark theater, so... Haha!

Here is the recent explanation for my outward display of emotion - three times, each time. Did that not make sense? It's about to. On Christmas Day I went with my family to see the film version of the musical Les Miserables.  A few days later I went with my friend, Amber, to see the movie again.  The following Monday for FHE, I went yet again to see this amazing film.  Yep, I went three times in two weeks.  Haha!  I regret nothing.

I know there were imperfections.  I know that Russell Crowe was NOT up to par for this film - not his voice, nor his acting in all reality.  I know that some people really hated all the up-close action - and though I didn't love it all the time, I did appreciate the emotions evoked from some of those shots and the way you could see the work behind the actors.  I know that usually you want acting to look natural, and I did feel like a lot of it was natural (well, as natural as you can be when singing your daily dialogue - haha!).  However, I appreciated that there was emotional effort so often put forth from the actors, and that we could really see that in them.

So, there were imperfections, I truly loved Les Mis.  For me, it was the therapeutic outlet I needed in my life after recent events.  What events you might ask?  Well, I was debating if I should put it in the open or not, but I decided that not only will this be a further form of therapy, but it might help someone else who falls into a similar situation in ANY way.

A few months ago I started "dating" a boy who I met at church after he got up and bore his testimony.  He was cute, sweet-talkin', and into a lot of the same things as I am... Or, so he said he was.  We began as friends for a few weeks and spent time getting to know one another just as friends.  After a short time, we began "dating" for about a month and a half - I put it into quotations because we both SAID we were dating, and we were going out on dates, but that was 100% not his intention.  After about a month and a half of dating he had borrowed a LOT of stuff from me and was really avoiding giving things back to me.  Also, he was showing some interesting colors.  He hit on another girl in front of me.  He took off and left me in a club after I cooked him dinner.  He wasn't into taking pictures with me or ANYONE (you can hate pictures, but this was weird).  His stories began to have inconsistencies   He said his wallet was stolen, and after I got him a new one in Nicaragua, he was suddenly using the old one again...  Don't think I didn't call him out on all of these things either.  We fought enough to the point that I was prepared to break up with him, but just wanted my stuff back first.

In honesty, looking back he was saying and doing shady things from the BEGINNING.  I should have had two eyes open, but I didn't.

Really, what it comes down to is I felt off.  I felt off from the beginning.  I knew right away that something was off and I felt no peace in being with him.  Why did I continue on?  Well, I felt like I must have been having trust issues or just be being scared.  Honest to goodness - I have NEVER had trust issues or been scared in a relationship.  Nope, never.  However, here I was second guessing myself constantly.  I can finally say I know what a "stupor-of-thought" feels like and what a "Martin Harris" moment is like... No disrespect to him, but it's a good way to describe this situation.

Anyway, getting to the brunt of this tale, this boy was not who I thought he was in the least.  His name is Cory Kellogg.  Yep, I'm writing his name in here - you can click on the name for a picture too.  I do it not to be malicious  but to warn any other girl who come into contact with him that he has some serious issues and is not a good person.  I know people can change, but hear me out.  Cory (who had given me a different spelling to his name, by the way) is a convicted felon MANY times over with a history of forgery and theft.  He creates "alternate identities" and "forged stories" to gain respect, trust, and establish relationships with people.  His main targets are girlfriends and family members, but it doesn't end there.  He goes after many people.  He had created an ENTIRELY different identity with me and my friends... He doesn't go to BYU; doesn't play basketball.  He didn't serve the mission he said he did...  He doesn't work in marketing and is not traveling when he says he is (Mr. can't leave the state).  He is a COMPLETELY different person than who he said he was originally...

I saw the signs.  I didn't listen.  It's like Taylor Swift's new song, "I Knew You Were Trouble."  I knew... and I ignored.


Now, how does this all tie into Les Miserables.  Well, that movie is what has truly helped to lock in the healing process.  When I found out everything about Cory, how he had fully lied to me and stolen money and things from me... I was angry.  I'm talking so livid I was shaking and in literal defined shock.  I walked into a room and knelt down right away and just prayed... Prayed for the power to forgive.  I prayed for the ability to move on and know what to do in this situation.  I prayed for comfort and feelings of love.  Those feelings came immediately, but it had been hard at time to keep them in my heart.  I feel like just in the past few weeks  I've started to let go of all that anger because I'm talking openly about how I felt/feel.  Sometimes putting on a happy face is genuinely not the best avenue to take... talk about things openly.

Les Mis - promised I'd get there! Les Miserables is all about love and forgiveness.  It's all about moving forward in life and realizing what "side" you're on in life.  In the final scene, Jean Valjean tells Cosette the truth about his past through a letter and says he never really learned forgiveness and love till she was in his life.  You see the priest in the end still carrying such a place in Valjean's life because he forgave Valjean for stealing his silver and let him know God would forgive all his other sins.  This movie/story is all about forgiveness, redemption, and standing up for what's right.  In the very final moments of the film you see all those who have passed on at the barricade.  They talk about the power in coming into the "light" and being on the side of the Lord in the end - it has a veiled message of worrying about yourself and letting go of others choices...

Do you hear the people sing?
Lost in the valley of the night
It is the music of a people who are climbing to the light 
For the wretched of the earth
There is a flame that never dies
Even the darkest nights will end and the sun will rise 

They will live again in freedom in the garden of the lord 
They will walk behind the plough-share
They will put away the sword
The chain will be broken and all men will have their reward!

Will you join in our crusade?
Who will be strong and stand with me?
Somewhere beyond the barricade is there a world you long to see?
Do you hear the people sing?
Say, do you hear the distant drums?
It is the future that they bring when tomorrow comes!

I don't know what it was, but when I heard them talk about the darkest night ending, I realized that the feelings I was having because of Cory would fade and end.  Truth is, they have now - I'm completely free.  When they talked about all men having their own reward I thought of the choices I am making in my life and how I can improve - how can I gain the reward I desire and be on the side of the Lord in the end?  I thought about the world I long to see that's past the insignificant crap I was feeling because of current situations and the promise of a bright future when tomorrow is here - meaning, not just the next life, but the next situations in my life now.  I can't fully explain it, but I just felt free.  I felt relief and compassion.  I felt forgiveness in my heart and a realization that I had learned new things about myself and life from this experience - in some ways, it was a blessing in disguise.

I know that forgiveness can be hard - really hard - but we can receive great blessings and relief in our life as we just let go of things and as we forgive others.  I know that we are blessed in our forgiveness.  Grudges are like splinters that stay under your skin and fester - they only hurt you more and more.  Let go and move on.... and love.

"To love another person is to see the face of God."

I'm thankful for the film version of Les Mis - really, I am.  For whatever reason, this adaptation struck me differently than the story has before.  I've seen the musical twice and listened to the CD recordings over 200 times in my life.  I even sang some of the songs for competitions or recitals in High School - it wasn't as cliche then, promise.  I have always loved Les Mis, but this time things struck me differently.  This time, I was healed from the words and music.

And so, I cry... and I'm oddly okay with tears.
*muah*

Song of the Day:  DUH.  Here is the finale sequence of Les Mis's finale with the 10th Anniversary Cast.  Enjoy!!!

We All Need Saving

I am so grateful for so much in my life.  In Sunday School today, our Bishop (church congregation leader) asked us to list the positive and negative things in our life and guaranteed the good would outweigh the negative.  Some may be skeptical, but think about it... We have eyesight - well, I'm assuming you do if you're reading this.  If not, right on.  Haha... I can walk.  I can drive, and I have a car.  I can sing... I can sing!  That gets about fifty points in my book.  Almost nothing in the entire world makes me as happy as when I sing. 

There is SO much to be grateful for, even if there are sucky things in our life as well... We have a LOT to outweigh the negative. 

Now, I'm not going to list ALL my positives, but here are a few:
- I can dance.
- I have a warm home to live in and a car.
- I have two loving parents and great siblings.
- I have a job and one that I really love and enjoy!
- I have the means to further my eduction (even if that is through loans).
- I have a working computer, camera, Ipod, TV, DVD player, radio, printer, etc.
- I have amazing friends, and a good amount of them at that... I have wonderful people around me!
- I have a functioning, healthy body with a working brain, heart, nose, eyes, hands, feet, ears, fingers, etc.
- I have traveled a LOT around the world - 16 different countries!  I have lived in three different countries and have had amazing experiences for a girl my age.
- I can sing and make music.  I can listen to music and talk about it with others... I love music.
- I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and it is the right thing for me... I feel so guided by the spirit I have learned to recognize through the gospel. 
- I am happy!

Now, of the negative things in my life, there are a few of those... There are five or six things I could list right now that make my life exceptionally harder.  However, I know my positives outweigh my negatives and that my negatives are just a storm I'm braving in order to learn more about myself, others, the world, or the gospel. 

There's a video I want to share as the "Song of the Day," but also for you to really listen to and take in the words and meaning.  It's called "We All Need Saving," by Jon McLaughlin.  Now, Jon here is one of my favorite artists of all time... I'm not kidding.  This guy is amazingly talented and I could listen to his album on repeat and be happy.  This song, however, is more than that...

I was at the Vocal Point concert on Saturday (I love them!) and this was one of the songs they chose to sing.  I've heard them perform it before, but I loved the song in its original form.  However, this time something hit me differently... I took in the words and remembered the original impact it had on me. I was riding my bike in Germany and having an amazingly tough, exhausting day.  I was homesick and upset with a friend... This song came on during shuffle mode on my IPod and I felt a calming feeling blanket me.  I think that we sometimes think that only "churchy songs" can do that, but that's not the case...  This song came on, I took in the meaning, really listened to the lyrics, and something just clicked.  I heard the following:

"When the cloud in the sky starts to pour

And your life is just a storm you're braving

Don't tell yourself you can't lean on someone else

Cause we all need saving sometimes"

THIS time when I was listening to the song, I heard the following more clearly:

"Come on, come on

You have got to move on

This is not the you i know

This isn't real

It's just all you can feel

And that's the way that feelings go

And whether or not it's right or wrong you'll do what you will do"

Last time, I realized that we HAVE to learn to turn to others and allow them to help, and that we have to allow the Savior to help us.  This time, I realized that people get stuck in their ruts, their addictions, their lonliness... They just get stuck.  I thought of the Savior saying, "Come on - You've got to move on.  This is not the you I know..."  He knows the real us and all we can and will become.  We are more than the "stuck self."  He reassures us that, "This isn't real.  It's just all you can feel," because we're stuck... He knows we'll "do what [we] will do," but He knows that Heavenly Father has a better plan for us than we have for ourselves. 

Take a listen to the song below and read along to the lyrics if you want... It's sincerely so powerful to me.  My hope is that it helps someone the way it helped me.  It's amazing the power that music has for change.


My favorite lines of the song? 

"You make me what I'm worth" - We can apply this to the Savior making you what your worth, OR that as we accept the Atonement, we make Christ's gift and life what it is meant to be worth for each of us.

Also, "Please believe that someone has felt this before" - You are not alone in ANY feelings you have.  Open up and you'll be amazed at how many others truly understand... not the least of these, your Savior.

I'm thankful for the knowledge that I have a Savior and that he took the time, and His life, to save me... cause we ALL need saving.
*muah*

"Tuesday Ten" - A New Installment

 Here's this week installment of the "Tuesday Ten," which are things I am currently lovin' on!

1. I am in love with this idea... I'm not opposed to actually trying this.

2. One of my best friends, Chad, wrote this Samsung commercial -"Fashion Advice." Every time I see it I feel a little twinge of pride for him -  he's pretty talented.


3.  I love quotes.  I love quotes about priorities and making an effort in relationships. I LOVE this quote.

4. I adore these Live the Language commercials!  My favorite one is the Paris one below, even if it wasn't my favorite place to visit.  I'd watch them all.... I'm awaiting the Germany one soon to be released!


5. Orbit Spearmint Gum!  Yes, please.

6.  George Albert Smith created his 11 Ideals to live by and I really like them.  The one that stuck out to me the most is below :

"I would not seek to force people to live up to my ideals but rather love them into doing the thing that is right."

If we all thought that way and tried to just love others, we would have a much better world and all be significantly happier.  The only way a person will really change is if they make the change themselves - just love them, and hopefully others seeing you be Christ-like will make them want to be Christ-like.  You can't ask someone to live up to YOUR ideals, when you're not perfect so YOU can't even live up to each one of your own ideals.

7. This is What Happens When You Give Thousands of Stickers to Thousands of Kids...

8. BBC Sherlock!  Season 2, Episode 1 was just released and I watched it last night... My love for the show, and BBC in general, was reinvigorated.

9. Theater Methods - MAT 625.  Yes, I just listed a class as a favorite thing!  I had my first Theater Methods class last night and I just adore my teacher and the class in general.  I am SO stoked about this semester!

10. The Not Acceptable R-word PSA Commercail. I am rather passionate about the entire "Spread the Word to End the Word" campaign. We talked a lot about it in one of my classes last semester and it's just not okay to use the word "retarded" when someone does something foolish or dumb. It's tacky and a turn-off... and it's just not okay.

*muah*

Bleeding Decisions... and the Path They Create

Wikipedia says that a girl's night can be defined as the following: A gathering of women who have been invited by a host for the purposes of socializing, conversation, and recreation. A girl's night will typically feature food and beverages, and often music and dancing as well.

Urban Dictionary gives the following definition: A planned event, usually held at a cheesy Irish pub or dance club, where groups of females dress provocatively, flirt incessantly, dance badly, and accept free drinks from desperate single men.

I choose to go with the first definition, as that is my usual girl's night out.  If the latter is the case, my drinks are always non-alcoholic, the clothing isn't so revealing, I flirt only on occasion, and I've got moves when it comes to the dance floor... good ones, in case their was any question in this regard. 

Tonight, we had a much more chill girl's night with girls from both the wards in our surrounding area.  We headed to a home, sat around on the living room floor and couch, and just talked for about three hours.  It was fabulous!  I have to say that a girl's night out can give one a LOT to think about... Of course, we discussed boys here and there, but that is not the basis of a girl's night out - contrary to certain beliefs of those who shall not be named.  Adversely, we usually hold a girl's night to talk about other things and remove our minds from the relationship stresses in our life.  Tonight, the conversation varied.... but all led back to life changes, decisions and growing as an individual. 

We're all at the stages in life where we're moving forward - hopefully avoiding the option of staying stagnant in our development.  We should be changing emotionally, spiritually, mentally... It's amazing how this "decade of decisions" (Thanks for that talk, Elder Hales) comes around to help shape who we are and the direction our lives are taking, or are going to take.

Tonight I realized how powerful a decision can be... how each decision I make seems to bleed into the next.  Perhaps that seems a weird visual image, but it proves that as we break down our lives, we can literally see how even the little decisions we make bring us to where we are today.  Sometimes you can't see the tie-ins now, but someday you will if it's important to you... I'm confident in that.

Example -->  Since I was 4 years old I was planning to serve a mission for my church.  It was on my mental "to-do list" and goal-line.  However, as 21 approached (the year I could put in my papers to go serve), I felt like I shouldn't go... It just felt wrong for me.  I put it aside, and came back to it the next year.  Again, I felt weird about that decision.  I talked with my parents, friends, bishop, and they all told me to just make the real decision and trust my heart, the spirit, and myself.  I did just that.  I decided that I felt wrong about it for a reason, and I decided that I wasn't going on a mission.

I was upset with myself.  I felt a bit dejected spiritually (I know, ridiculous, but it's how I felt...) and somehow "less" than what I was in reality.  However, I got over it... I forged forward and took a job teaching at a local school in Special Education Department, gaining an even stronger love for teaching and education.  Now, I've decided to go back to school and get my Master's degree - a Master of Teaching (MAT) degree.  It was greatly because of the experiences I had while at this school that led me to realize that I really did want to teach.  So, shortly I'll return and become certified to teach Theater and English!

Another example (related) is that because I decided not to serve a mission I remained in UT for a time... and I ended up hanging out a LOT with my brother and sister-in-law, Derek & Cami.  It was one of the best years of my life - they're my best, closest friends.  One week, we decided to head down to the road to a local water-park where my brother experienced a crazy accident on one of the water slides.  It was on that terrible trip that we killed some time by wandering around BYU campus, and I found the little note-card on the Wilk Job Board that led to the Au Pair position in Germany.

That job/experience changed my life... It was my mission, and I mean that quite literally.  I had SO many opportunities to share my beliefs, grow in who I am, learn more about myself and my talents, serve others, and learn a foreign language... well, part of one.  Haha!  Germany truly was where I needed to be for the family I was with, and for myself last year... and all because we decided to hit up a water-park one hot July afternoon.


The decisions we make in life, even the small ones, create our path and provide us opportunities to go places, do things, meet people, learn lessons, and make more decisions.  Each decision we make is fractal (shout-out to Jan for that word-choice!)... Just like a snowflake, or a mirror image within a mirror, the results of our decisions are infinite (even more so that the video below...).


I'm happy that I have made some pretty vital decision for myself that have been positive ones... Ones that keep me from being anything but unfulfilled and stagnant.  In fact, in dedication to tonight's girl's night, my life has been fairly legit so far.  I've carved my own path from one decision to another, and the process will just continue on and on and on... and on...

*muah*

Song of the Day:  I loved this song when sung by the original artist (Missy Higgins), but this version is great.  I found it on a friend's facebook... Here is Caroline County with "Where I Stood."  A rather poignant song... Enjoy!

Sunday Talks and Moments of Spring!

Flowers bloom in Spring
Oh that I could smell them now
To bring me hope's bliss

Well, I feel as though Spring finally has genuinely graced us with her presence - thank goodness! I am beyond ready for sun and warmth! I had to stop on the way home and grab some shots of the glorious blossoms around my building and neighborhood.  I'm over the snow, so if you are one of those buzz kills sent to tell me that it's suppose to snow again... just let me be. Let me dream of today and times of pure Spring bliss... Let me bask.

I actually wrote the Haiku above (yes, that's what it is...) as an example for the student's in the Creative Writing class I was subbing for the other day. I also wrote the follow one, because you have to relate to kids on their level right?

Justin Bieber grows
But he cuts his hair - that's sad
It will grow again

It was a class of eight 8th grade girls. Enough said.
(Sidenote: I love the Biebs as you all know form THIS POST. I remain unashamed.)

This week I was asked to give a talk in my ward for church today on the Gathering of Israel... HUH? Haha... I'm aware of what it is and why they were scattered. I did my research, but the hard part was figuring out a way to approach the topic and make it relateable (apparently that's a made-up word? I had no idea...). So, the result of my talk is below... I spent a chunk of Thursday writing it, and then the next 72 hours trying to think of a good intro. Haha! I ended up just jumping straight into it - no anecdote needed. Anywhere.... This isn't word for word what I said the entire ten minutes, but it's close. Just know that I know the gospel is true and that we're a part of the gathering of Israel -->

"“We believe in the literal gathering of Israel and in the restoration of the ten tribes…” – AoF 10

Going back to a time before Christ’s birth, The Lord scattered the twelve tribes of Israel because of their unrighteousness. However, the Lord also used this scattering among the nations and continents of the world to bless those nations. As people learn about and accept the gospel, they are being gathered back into the fold under Christ. Our job is to help with that!

There are three specific ways that I believe we can do our part in this gathering of Israel. First, we can do missionary work. Second, we can do temple work. Third, we can work on personal development.

First – missionary work. We are the dispensation, one of the chosen generations, that have been given the responsibility and opportunity to share the gospel in a greater capacity than it has ever been shared in the past. We’ve heard it a million times before, and we’ll hear it a million times more… because it’s that important. We are the missing link for our families, friends, and those surrounding us.

“Therefore, if ye have desires to serve God ye are called to the work.” – D&C 4:3

Sometimes, however, you aren’t called in the traditional way….

When I was living in Germany this past year, I had the opportunity to visit The Netherlands (where my ancestors are from) and meet a lot of my family that still resides there. They aren’t members, because those who were baptized years and years ago had to flee the country in order to practice the LDS religion. So, these family members knew a little about the reason why our ancestors left, but not anything about Mormon doctrine.

So, me being who I am went to visit them with a Book of Mormon in Dutch stashed in my bag, praying that I would have the chance to talk to them about religion over the week. In that first weekend alone, and I spent three weekends with my family from there, I was asked SO many questions about our family and my beliefs. I left a BoM in my cousin’s room with my testimony inside before I left. He found it later and thought I’d left it there by accident, but I told him to read the note I left for him in the front and it was a gift.

We spent two other weekends, hanging out and always talking a lot about religion. He hasn’t read the BoM yet, but I’m content to know that my meeting him had an impact. He also made a great impact on me... After I left, he wrote me an email in which he said, “I’m proud to have a niece like you. You have such a strong passion for your church and I hope to have that someday. I’ve never seen that before. This week, I’m going to make time for God.” I have faith that he’ll get there someday, in this life or the next, and I feel SO blessed and honored to have been a part in helping him and my other family gain knowledge of the gospel.

"There are few things in life that bring as much joy as the joy that comes from assisting another improve his or her life." – Richard G. Scott

I’m glad that I was willing to simply open my mouth and share what I believe – even if I didn’t “have all the answers,” I knew that I had the spirit with me.

"Expect great things from God; attempt great things for God" — William Carey

Every other dispensation has been limited in time and in space. For example, every other dispensation ended in apostasy, and thus, time was cut short for teaching others about the gospel. Additionally, other dispensations were limited in space – meaning, they were limited to the area surrounding them – they traveled and journeyed to different cities and valleys, but didn’t have the means to extend information through a full mail system or any kind to different nations. In years ranging from 1700 BC to 500 BC there are claims of having the first message carriers, but that could only extend so far and it took so long. In reality, people and nations of that time didn’t even know all of the other continents that existed.

Russel M. Nelson spoke of OUR dispensation – our generation and those to come – saying, “This dispensation of the fullness of times would not be limited in time or in location. It would not end in apostasy, and it would fill the world.”

Today we have boats that travel much faster than Nephi's, planes, international mail systems, email, blogs, cell phones, texting, and a general knowledge that other continents and people even exist… They didn’t have that before. We have the means to share the gospel now that no other generation had before.

Second – temple work. A great piece of the gathering of Israel is progression we make, and help others make, through temple ordinances and work. Again, we are the missing link for our families, friends, and those surrounding us.

“…By small and simple things are great things brought to pass; And the Lord God doth work by means to bring about his great and eternal purposes; and by very small means the Lord…bringeth about the salvation of many souls.” – Alma 37:6-7

I always equate this scripture to missionary work, and that’s legitimate. However, I often fail to realize that temple work IS missionary work. Missionary work is not only done by teaching in a traditional way, sitting down with scriptures and Preach My Gospel. Missionary work is furthering the kingdom of God… and that is EXACTLY what temple work is accomplishing.

My mom has always said, “I do my missionary work through temple work , because I know that they can’t run away from me! Think about it – they can’t slam a door in my face!” My mom is also a FANTASIC missionary, but temple work has always been her thing, and I’m blessed to have her example.

President Gordon B. Hinckley stated, “This work [being temple work], unselfishly given in behalf of those on the other side, comes nearer to the unparalleled vicarious work of the Savior than any other of which I know.”

Finally – work on personal development. The gathering of Israel is not only about missionary work, but also working on bringing yourself to the gospel of Christ. YOU are as important as those you teach. To be the teacher, you must FIRST be the student… In D&C 132: 31-32 it reads, “This promise is yours also, because ye are of Abraham… Go ye, therefore, and do the works of Abraham; enter ye into my law and ye shall be saved.” You are a part of the gathering and YOU are important. Each member, each individual, has a divine reason to be here on this earth and to be a part of this gospel. Are you living up to it?

I encourage each of you to think about a way that you know you could be closer to Christ – whether it’s something you should change in your actions, or a habit you could improve upon (like prayer or scripture study – they seem so simple, but we hear them so much because they’re THAT important…), make the change this week. PUSH YOURSELF and live up to the divine heritage you’ve been given. You are a daughter or son of a true and living God. I know that’s true. I am a Child of God.

In Galatians it tells us that we are “heirs through the promise” – through Christ. You are literally an heir to God’s throne… and He loves you. He wants nothing more than to have you and His other children next to him after the final judgment, and through missionary work, temple work, and bringing ourselves closer to our Savior, we can accept that divine right He has saved for us.”

Then, I just bore my testimony fit to what I was feeling and what I know… which I’ll take the chance to do again NOW:


I know my Savior lives, and that he loves me. I know that through missionary work and temple work we can help others to know those same things. We are children of a Heavenly Father, who also loves us, and all that he does for us - all that he gives us – is for our benefit. Even our trails, as crazy as that sounds. It means that he trusts us, and knows that we can grow. He wants nothing more than for us to be happy. I know that gospel is true and I am thankful for the eternal power of the Atonement. I know that is works… I have a testimony of scripture study and prayer, as them being our link to our Father in Heaven and Savior. Use them in your life. I am grateful for this church, and I bear testimony of its truth in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

I am a blessed woman.

*muah*

Song of the Day: Today I was thinking I should do something that’s Top40 meets Spiritual. So, when I was listening to my IPod on the way home today, this song came on, and was perfect. Here is Regina Spektor with “The Call." Enjoy!

Heidelberg, Germany! (FINALLY!)

On Saturday, I had the chance to sneak in one more trip before heading back to the states. Since I arrived here, I was told by numerouss people how amazing Heidelberg, Germany was. I was told by missionaries, ward members, random people, and friends. So, I planned to go... and after three times of my plans falling-through, me and Dana finally made it to Heidelberg on this past weekend. I am happy to report, everyone was quite right... Heidelberg is GORGEOUS!

The hillsides surrounding it remind me SLIGHTLY of Utah, but then I look and see the kinds of houses on those hillsides and the castles, and I realize that I'm definitely NOT in Utah. Haha... The streets of the city are really cool too - narrow passageways, minus the main, center strip, and cool buildings line the way. The only downsides to the trip were the Christmas Market not quite living up to it's potential, and the public transportation there. The public transportation consists of a few S-bahns and buses, but not enough for how many tourists there are, and how many people simply live there. It made little sense to me, but it didn't ruin the trip in the slightest. The other downside, the Christmas Market, wasn't a ruining factor either, just a minor disappointment. The Market wasn't tiny or terrible, but not what I was expecting and nothing special - I expected special. Haha! Still, it was a cute market and I was glad that I went to check it out.

My favorite part of Heidelberg was the castle! The old castle ruins (and parts that are still mostly intact, but not in use) were SO much fun to see and walk around inside of... Dana and I spent about an hour and a half poking around the ruins, walking through old halls, taking pictures off the look-out points, and checking out the Apoteke Museum (Pharmacy Museum). Dana is studying that at University right now, so she was way excited. I thought it was really interesting to see the stuff from during and right after the World Wars, and how medicine was rationed, sold, and distributed. Overall, the castle was worth going to see for sure it was BEAUTIFUL up there - especially with the snow! It made the city below look very majestic.








Sidenote: One of my FAVORITE moments of the trip? Seeing THIS sign in someone's window - they live near the castle, so they must see lots of tourists walk past... Or have a neighborhood peeping-Tom? Let's hope not. (In case you can't read the words, it says, "This Is Not A Zoo. Thank you for not staring at me." - CLASSIC.)


On the way back from Heidelberg, we had a handful of stressful moments as trains were cancelled and delayed, and we had to change our plan. The weather really can foul up someone's travel plans... I just hope it doesn't do that on Thursday for me getting home. It made us arrive about an hour later than planned back in Bonn, but we got there! We even had good attitudes through most of the trip too - minus our anger toward the drunk, loud soccer boys. Boo! We drowned them out by watching "Hot Rod," so it was all good... Haha! What a classic movie. We were both praying and praying that the trains could get us home that night... and they did. Let's all pray I can make it home safely and with no delay on Thursday. Danke. Haha!

So, all-in-all Heidelberg was a complete success! I had a great time, got to go with a good friend, and got to see a new place before I headed home... I'm a lucky girl. I'm a very lucky girl.
*muah*

Song of the Day: The other day, I randomly stumbled across something on YouTube called, A Very Potter Musical. I thought it would be a song of two and rather dumb... WELL, it was a FULL-BLOWN MUSICAL (written by Darren Criss, who is plays Harry Potter AND is now on Glee as the character Blaine) and was AWESOME! Okay, some parts were lame-o and some a bit inappropriate, but most of it was pretty darn funny. I confess, I watched the whole thing... and the sequel... and got the soundtracks! Haha... SO, on Saturday, I showed Dana (my German HP buddy!) some of the songs, which she thought were HILARIOUS. So.... Here is the song and scene Back to Hogwarts, from A Very Potter Musical - It's in two parts. Enjoy!

Mein Ansprachen - What Do YOU Want to Do This Christmas?

Today was my last Sunday in Germany... It was the last time that I will speak in the Bonn, Germany ward and the last time I will see a lot of the people there in person. It was one of those days that kind of passed me in a blur, but it was a good one. The colors were vivid and bright, and the moments were special and authentic. I feel good about the connections I have made while here in Germany, and know that some will continue... while some will fade. I feel fulfilled in sharing my testimony with those around me through my example and quite literally, as well. I have chosen to leave a mark, and I hope that those people here in Bonn accept it as a positive one.

As it was my last Sunday, I was asked to give a "farewell talk," in Sacrament Meeting. I could have tried out my Deutsch, but I stuck to English and Dana translated for me. I gave her a copy yesterday to copy over in to German. It was SUCH a weird experience, because I had to really stick to my talk that I wrote and not fly into a tangent. The weirdest part, however, was the waiting in between what I said.... Just bizarre. Haha!

I was asked to speak about "What I would like to do for Christmas this year?" This struck me as a somewhat awkward topic, with no specific religious focus. Perhaps that was the point - to leave it open-ended and free to interpretation. However, I spent more than a week just pondering which direction to take. Finally, I just asked myself the presented question, "What DID I want to do this Christmas?" The answers were clear and created the perfect talk. Here's what I came up with... (I went a little quote crazy! :P)

This Christmas, I wish to do two things. I wish to grow closer to my family here on earth, and I wish to grow closer to my Savior. Let me begin with the latter.

Christmas is a celebration and commemoration to Jesus Christ, our Redeemer and brother. As we focus on him, we are geared to become more Christ-like. Think about it – When you are constantly thinking about something, your actions reflect that mind-set. As we take the time to remember that Christmas is about CHRIST, our outward expressions will mirror His actions.

When I think about how to become more Christ-like, I think about his character. I think about his life and ministry. He not only taught us in parables and allegories what was right and wrong, but he taught us by his example. So, how can we become more like Christ? By following his example, and living in the same way. Christ lives with an attitude of gratefulness, hands filled with service, and love toward his family.

Gratitude

“God gave you a gift of 86,400 seconds today. Have you used one to say ‘thank you?’" ~ William A. Ward (American Religious Writer)

“If the only prayer you said in your whole life was, ‘thank you,’ that would suffice.” ~ Meister Eckhart (German Philosopher and Theologian)

“… Gratitude takes its place among the noblest of virtues.” – President Thomas S. Monson

"If we only look around us, there are a thousand reasons for us not to be happy, and it is simplicity itself to blame our unhappiness on the things we lack in life. It doesn't take any talent at all to find them. The problem is, the more we focus on the things we don’t have, the more unhappy and more resentful we become" - Joseph B. Wirthlin

In the US we have a holiday called Thanksgiving toward the end of November. I’m sure many of you know about this holiday. What I love most about this holiday is not the actual history behind it, but the way it focuses me before the holiday madness begins. I am able to take a moment and just recognize the things that I have to be thankful for. Yes, I could do this on any day, but I’m appreciative of the reminder.

This year, I wanted to really focus on that attitude of gratitude leading up to Thanksgiving and on through Christmas. One day, as I was riding my bike back from picking-up Nico at school, I started to think about what I could do to focus more on my thankfulness for other people. It seems simple and perhaps superfluous, but I started a daily dedication of thankfulness that I post on my blog each evening. I wrote a list of many people who have really blessed and influenced my life in great or small ways, and the list was pretty long. So, it will not only go on through Christmas, but till the New Year. For me, this was the perfect way to focus on the importance of Thanksgiving, Christmas, and just life in general… It helps me remember that I always can find something, or someone to be grateful for.

Amulek speaks to the Zoramites in Mosiah 34:38, and reminds them to “…live in Thanksgiving daily.” As we live with our hearts geared toward thankfulness we will grow to become more Christ-like, which leads to knowing him better…

"Through expression of prayerful gratitude and thanksgiving, we show our dependence upon a higher source of wisdom and knowledge—God the Father and his Son, our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ" - Robert D. Hales

Gratitude brings us closer to our Savior.

Service

"Only a life lived for others, is a life worthwhile." – Albert Einstein

"It is one of the most beautiful compensations of life that no man can sincerely try to help another without helping himself." – Ralph Waldo Emerson

"The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others." - Mahatma Gandhi

By serving those around us, we serve our Father in Heaven, and we serve our Savior, Jesus Christ. In Mosiah 2:17 it reads, “When ye are in the service of your fellow beings, ye are only in the service of your God.”

Along with this message, one of my favorite talks is President Uchtdorf’s “Ye Are My Hands” from the April 2010 General Conference. He states, “As we emulate His perfect example, our hands can become His hands; our eyes, His eyes; our heart, His heart.” As we emulate his perfect example, we become more like him… We grow closer to our Savior, and we grow to understand His love for us and for others.

One of the hardest and darkest times in my life was during my sophomore year in college. There were things going on in my family, I had some health issues to deal with, my school work-load was really heavy, and my job was taking a toll on my time. I was constantly stressed and focused on MY problems. Then, I was called to be the chair for the Service Committee in my ward. I was a bit overwhelmed at first, and though I said yes, I had no idea how I would have the time to help others and even THINK of activities when I was so busy. Again, I was thinking of myself.

As the semester carried on, I found myself dedicated to the cause of my calling. It’s funny, but that “extra thing piled on” to my already crazy life, was the biggest blessing. As I made an effort to look out for others, and for opportunities to serve those in my ward and area, my mind was relieved of the stress from my own problems. I found that looking outward, not only blessed the lives of others, but really blessed my own life. I forget that semester sometimes, but when I remember it, I recall that service is what saved me… and it definitely brought me closer to Christ.

“My brothers and sisters, we are surrounded by those in need of our attention, our encouragement, our support, our comfort, our kindness—be they family members, friends, acquaintances, or strangers. We are the Lord’s hands here upon the earth, with the mandate to serve and to lift His children. He is dependent upon each of us.” – Thomas S Monson

Family

Jesus Christ showed his great love for his Heavenly Father when he said, “Father if thou be willing, remove this cup from me; nevertheless, not my will, but thine, be done.” (Luke 22:42) He also showed his great love for us as he took on each of our sins moments later. I tend to forget that Christ is not only my Savior, but my brother. He is my family. I think when I remember that, the Atonement has a deeper meaning to me.

When I was writing this talk, thinking of how to gel my ideas together, I realized that the two things I want to do this Christmas go hand-in-hand with one another. As we grow closer to our Savior, and become Christ-like, we grow closer to our family, because He is family. He is our brother.

With the same mind-set toward out earthly family, the same thing happens. As you show them the gratitude that you have for them, showing them thanks for all they do for you and for who they are, and as we serve them, we grow closer to them. We grow to look at them differently and see how the positive outweighs the negative.

Your family is the most important thing you have here on earth. Christ gave His life to bring us back to our Heavenly Father. He is our Father. We are here on this earth to create families, and make them eternal through temple work. All we do in our existence is based upon the family. In that, I see that as I grow closer to my family, I am fulfilling what I have been sent here to do… and that brings me closer to my Savior. It’s an eternal round, and Christmas is a good reminder of how it all comes together as we merely strive to be more like the child that was once born in a stable.

I know that my Savior lives and that he loves me, and each one of you... I know that as we strive to live a life full of service, being truly grateful for those around us, we will grow closer to our family, and in return, our Savior. I know that gospel brings me joy and peace, and that it teaches truth. It is the full truth here on this earth. I am grateful for the holiday season, to remind me of where my focus should be and to show gratitude to my Heavenly Father and Brother, Jesus Christ. I love him. I know that all of you, can know and love him too.

If you have questions, feel free to let me know. Otherwise, simply enjoy this holiday season, and remember that CHRIST in Christmas.

*muah*

Song of the Day: This is more like "VIDEO OF THE DAY" today... I wanted to post this video I discovered a few weeks ago of some children speaking about the meaning of Christmas to them. Whether you are Mormon or not, it's quite funny and sweet - very entertaining. Here is the Mormon Messages with Kids and Christmas. Enjoy!

Advent Celebrations!

Over the past few weeks, I have had the wonderful opportunity to experience Advent at it's fullness. What is Advent, you ask? It's the season on the "Christian calendar" that leads to Christmas down - like a countdown. The actual definition of the word means "the coming or arrival." It is suppose to focus everyone one the true meaning of Christmas - Christ. He is coming, and we are to prepare the way for him through service and coming together as a family and community. We are to turn our hearts toward being more Christ-like. I love this thought and how embedded the celebration leading to the celebration is within German culture.

Virtually, every home has a wreath with four candles surrounding it to represent the four Sundays leading up the Christmas. Each week a different candle is lit, and families spend time singing religious Christmas songs, reading scriptures, or some other religious activity to prep everyone for Christmas. It's beautiful, and simple. I plan to start this tradition in my own home someday.

Along with the wreath, there is the Advent calendar. The Advent calendar is a countdown starting on the 1st of December and going until Christmas day. Each day, the children (or adults :P) open one "box" on the calendar and find a small treat and an activity to complete for the day that is Christmas related. I was given the responsibility and opportunity to create the activities for the Merl Family's Christmas calendar. I put little candies in each day's calendar pouch and then came up with activities like coloring Christmas cartoons, reading a Christmas story while snuggled together under a huge blanket, building a snow man, going ice skating, reading the story of Jesus's birth in the bible, or giving away some of the boy's old toys to children in need. It has been fun to complete each task with the boys and watch them get excited each day to open a new calendar pouch... I love it.

These are pictures of some of the activities we have done together. I had Nico help me make and bake sugar cookies and then Finn helped us decorate them that evening. After the boys went to bed, there was still TONS of dough left, so I stayed up to bake the rest and decorate some more of them... The boys ate most of theirs - or we gave them to neighbors before I got too many pictures, but I snagged a few decent shots. Haha! We had a ton of fun, and I made over 200 cookies. DANG.

Nico even took the time to make a cooking video (below) that was one of the cutest things EVER! He asked to make more movies for the rest of the day, and of course, I said yes. I kinda love the Arts. However, not as much as I love, Nico. Haha!


Favorite Quote?: "Like the three wise-men with Jesus... but we're not talking about Jesus now." HAHA!

One day, we played a game called "Pin the the Frosty" (above), where Finn and I drew a giant snowman and they had to try and get the carrot nose on him in the right place while blindfolded.... So, basically, "Pin the Tail on the Donkey," but with a snowman... and a carrot. Haha! The boys have loved this activity and want to play again and again - I need to laminate it and then they can have it for next year. We also made really cute bottle-cap snowman ornaments! I got the idea off of a crafting-blog, adapted it a bit and they turned out really cute - below are the original batch we made! Nico's is on the left, Finn's is on the right, and mine is in the middle. I made another batch the next day and they're even better because I found better paint to do the white with - super, high-gloss nail polish. Haha!

Another day, one of the first days, Nico and I made a giant paper-chain to countdown the days til' Christmas. I know the calendar already kind of does that, but it's MY tradition, so I wanted to pass it along. Nico had a lot of fun doing it too... It was simple, but perfect. I'm learning that sometimes, less really is more.



We spent one evening cutting out a bunch of paper snowflakes and then "made it snow in the house," by taping them all over the windows. I wanted to hang them from the ceiling, but I didn't have the ability to do that and not ruin the paint-job. Finn, chose to make a much of "snow-monster faces," and then rip them in half to be his snowflakes. I was all about a little creativity... Haha! Plus, the roaring noise he would make for each "monster" was pretty classic. I love this kid. I learned how to make the really cool star-flowers (above - first pic) too! I had never made those before, but I wanna get better at it... I love how cute they are.
I am in no rush to start a family of my own just yet (which is good as I'm still a young, single woman), but I am excited to one day have the chance to create and start my own traditions for each holiday and special occasion... and the celebration of Advent is definitely one that I want to carry on with my own family.

Oh, and just to add these AMAZING pictures... I have gotten to put the boys to bed lots of times the past few weeks... and they got a little funny the other night. Okay, they got REALLY funny. They created, nerd wear. CLASSIC.


Man, these boys just make my day.
*muah*

Song of the Day: I am completely diggin' on Madcon right now - he's got some tight beats and vocals, and his music is just fun. I found this song today and a video of all these European countries creating a "flash mob" dance to this song during Eurovision. Here is Madcon with Glow. Enjoy!

I'll Take a Chance Any Day!

Day 22 - my lucky number had to go to someone special! It doesn't even seem like it's been that many, by the way... I love doing these.

This next individual is one of my favorite people. He and I have been friends since the summer of 2006 as EFY counselors, and have grown closer throughout the years. He is one of the most intelligent people I know, and really knows how to reach out to people. I am constantly impressed by his ability to draw in those around him, to unite people under a cause and to be the incredible leader that he was born to become. His abilities and personality inspire others - I know they have pushed me to work harder and be a little better. I am so thankful for that... I am in awe at the way he works with with the power to get things done and maintains Christ-like heart and attitude. He loves those he serves, and I have learned SO much about the power of service from him. He gives me hope for the future... If we had more hard-working, good-natured people out there - more people like him - we would have a MUCH better world.

Today, My thankfulness message is dedicated to, Chance Basinger!

Chance, you have grown to become one of my best friends. I know that I can turn to you in anything, and everything. You believe in me, and that motivates me more than you know. I am so thankful for the way you have pushed me (perhaps without even knowing) to strive for things that I believe in and to be better person. I am better from knowing you. You are hilarious - HILARIOUS! I will never forget the times we have shared laughing in the car or your apartment, sharing late-night talks and advice, and just finding the humor in the everyday events of our life... We make a pretty funny pair sometimes. I am thankful beyond all things to call you a friend and confidant - I hope we stay that way throughout the years to come... You are amazing. You inspire SO many people to be GOOD and to believe in things - you are seriously more special than I think you realize, and you're going to do amazing things in your life. You're going to change the world. As far as I'm concerned, you already have. Today, I am thankful for YOU, Chance! :)

Story-time! This one involves the person to whom this entry is dedicated...

So, the other night I was in charge of bedtime duty with the boys, which means violin practice as well. Nico recently got a new violin and Finn took his old one. The old one's name is "Lucy," but the new one didn't have a name yet... I have been trying for three weeks to get him to choose a name, and that night I ALMOST got him to go for "Guido," when he said, "What are names of your boyfriends?" I said, "Nico and Finn." He laughed and said, "NO. I mean you boyfriends at home , or your friends that are boys." I said, "Ben, Chance, Adam, Tyler..."

Suddenly, he yelled, "STOP! Chance? Like in Homeward Bound?" I said, "Well, except that's a talking dog, and my friend is a real, live boy." Nico replied, "Chance... Tell your friend there is now a dog and a violin named after him."

Thus, Nico has named his violin, CHANCE. After, he said, "It's partially cause I have to take a lot of CHANCES when trying to play it right... get it?" HAHA! He's a smart cookie.

So, CONGRATS, Chance Basinger! You have a violin in Germany named after YOU. Here's a video of Nico practicing on his new violin, "Chance." He is way too adorable with his "You're Welcome very much" at the end... Love this boy.

*muah*

Song of the Day: Um, this one wasn't even a contest to see what I would chose. Here is B2K with Bump Bump Bump. Oh, haha... Enjoy!

B2K & P. Diddy - Bump Bump Bump
Hochgeladen von foxysoul. - Sieh mehr Musikvideos, in HD!

Christmas Markets - German Style!

So, while my parents were here we became somewhat fanatical about going to German Christmas Markets... They have become one of my favorite things in the entire world. They are full of lights, rides for the kids, good (fatty) foods and treats, and stand upon stand of toys and knick-knacks to give as Christmas gifts. You can buys wooden nativities, specialized candles and license plates, Christmas tree ornaments, snow-globes, metal-worked animals, and pretty much anything else you can imagine. The smell of waffles, crepes, brawts, reibekuchen (potato pancakes), caramel apples, chocolate covered fruits, donner fries, cotton candy, hot cocoa, and mulled wine waft through the lanes as you stroll past each booth. Plus, it's just got a spirit about it... People are so happy to be there and full of the Christmas heart of everything. I'm in love with German Christmas'.



Above: I took Finni on a ride on the Ferris Wheel at Bonn's Christmas Market and he LOVED it! He was giggling and smiling the entire time... It was very, very cute! Below: Nico and Finn love looking at the window displays of all the Christmas animals - It's kinda nice cause it's not about selling the products as much about the Christmas display in Bonn.

Here are some pictures of Cologne, Bad Musterheifel, and Aachen's Christmas Markets...

Above: My FAVORITE food in Germany and especially at the Christmas Markets! :)






Above: That is mistletoe -real mistletoe. Just practicing... Haha!!! Below: There was also a medieval Christmas Market in a little place called Stazvey that we went to! It's surrounding and inside of the Burg (castle) there, and we really beautiful... It was a bit touristy, but we enjoyed it - especially my sister!

Above: DON'T DRINK AND FLY. CLASSIC.







"Ausgang"= Exit... and therefore, I am making mine.
German Christmas Markets, I heart YOU.
*muah*

Song of the Day: So, this show called Glee (don't know if you've heard of it...) put together some song "mash-ups" that I adore. A few weeks ago, they had Gwyneth Paltrow on as a guest star and she sang a "mash-up" song with Matthew Morrison and the cast that I listen to regularly on my IPod now... Here is the Glee Cast (and Gwyneth) with Singing in the Rain/Umbrella. Enjoy!!!

P.S. Did you know JAMIE CULLUM did a "mash-up" of the same two songs back in 2009?! Did they steal the idea? I think so... Both are great, just very different - so here is his version!