Tuesday, November 25, 2008

The Depth of Reality

I'm in the contemplation mode today. Sometimes life seems very long to me and other times, so fast. You can compare it to going to a party. If you want to be there, then the party seems to fly past you in a blur and you can't believe that it was last weekend you were there. If the party is lame, you have no one to talk to, or you feel uncomfortable then you crave relief in the form of an ending. The next day, you still feel like that was the longest night of your life and are some what exhausted from the boredom, lack of comfort, or inner stress. The party rating can be determined upon feelings you have prior to the occasion, or from the feelings you get when you are there... It can be determined by past or present events, and future worries. Either way, the party flies or time slooooooooowly ticks on by you.

Today - this week - has been LONG day. It felt like it would never end and I felt monotonous in my routine and my thoughts. I crave change and growth... I crave doing something that I truly love. I like my new job a lot. The kids are fabulous, the pay decent, the hours perfect, and the experience great... However, I don't feel a lot of personal fulfillment by using my talents and capabilities. I feel as though I am learning how to more effectively work with difficult people or those with disabilities. I am enhancing skills that can guide me to being a better mother, role model, and friend - a better listener and more effective communicator. These are all very important abilities. However, there is not a lot of room for me to use my full range of talents in the way I truly want to.

I have been contemplating the meaning of depth. What does depth mean to you, and to me? Is depth external or internal, and if it is both, which amount of depth matters the most? Is depth different from your personality, the things you talk about, and your actions than from your beliefs and personal thoughts or desires? Or, is it all encompassing of those things?

The dictionary stated that depth can be defined as, "an unfathomable space, emotional profundity, a high degree of such knowledge, the quality of being deep, or complexity and obscurity." Thank you dictionary.com - haha!

Depth can be all of the things listed above, but I speak of depth in being true meaning and integrity. Depth stimulates thinking and growth. I do not mean that this growth must change your beliefs, ideals, or desires. However, this growth should change you. We are constantly changing and moving forward or backwards - there is no standing stagnant. Depth of character and mind is what creates a well-rounded, intelligent individual.

I believe that depth is an all encompassing element in creating an understanding of an individual. A person can possess a brilliant mind and even be able to speak these thoughts articulately, but if they do not use their knowledge and sit in slothfulness then the depth is lacking. If someone has strong beliefs and desires to help others and make the world a better place, but their actions to not match these expressed beliefs, these desires appear shallow - the depth has disappeared because the beliefs appear unsupported and weak coming from this individual.

I do believe that a person can have more depth in some aspects of their lives than in others. However, I think the real importance of depth lies in character and mind. So let's do some definitions for depth of character - this being integrity and honesty - and depth of mind - this being more than presentation, but how one truly thinks and what one talks about. If those things are lacking I believe that an individual needs to re-evaluate...

So the presented questions for myself are these: What do I talk about? What do I think about? What are my actions in relation to what I profess to believe and say? Do I stand by what I believe - and I do not just mean religiously, but an extensive reach over all aspects of my life? Am I honest?

I know the answer to these. I'm not asking anyone but myself and my Heavenly Father for these answers - and now I know where my depth is lacking. I will never be perfect, but I think that there can be a great amount of growth from each and every one of us. I think it is important to gain depth from all that we do. I found this quote today, ‘I am very careful to be shallow and conventional where depth and originality are wasted” – Lucy Montgomery. I found this quote to be a little sad. I know there are different ways to look at it, but I read it feeling a twinge of pessimism from the author. Yes, we don't wanna waste time and energy. However, sometimes you have to put your all into something and get little credit or appreciation in the beginning to succeed in the end. If depth and originality are wasted of not appreciated, change it - or at least work to change it. It may not happen right away, but never lower yourself to shallowness and conformity to protect yourself. Find a way to share your depth appropriately, and in a safe manner, and be that example.

“True is a gem that is found at great depth; whilst on the surface of this world, all things are weighed by the false scale of custom” – Lord Bryon

Don't give into the surface measurements - remember that the only measurements that count are deep... The ones deep within our hearts. Those are the ones that our Heavenly Father measures us by, and when honest with ourselves, what we measure ourselves by.

Embrace the depth within and open up to allow it to be seen on the surface...



Team Carter said...

today I watched "a goofy movie" and thought of you the whole time. I also thought about how that one thanksgiving your mom made me a special pie. PRESH! love you!

Ask Josh said...

Yeah, gurl. Yeah. Sperso is the word I have to type in order to jump through the first hoop toward getting my comment posted on your blog, the second being that you have to approve it first.