Sunday, May 18, 2008

Dreams Really Do Come True!

Haha... Let me explain. It might not be my BIGGEST dream coming true, but I am pretty darn excited about my life right now!

Thursday night I went down to Provo for my friend's birthday party and too see some good friends. We had a good time just talking and catching up, as well as dancing a bit around the living room... I really love hip-hop dance and am getting better. Yes, I HAVE been practicin'... don't be a hater. Haha! I really just love the feeling of pop and lockin', as well as the facial expressions and attitude. Yep. Hip-hop dance makes me happy! :)

Well, after dropping of Drew and Amber back home I headed home to Draper for the evening and when I got home went to check my email... Low and behold, I had received two emails from the producers of American Idol saying that I had been given my request for American Idol tickets for THE FINALE! I went on to claim them and Wednesday slots were filled, so I got two vouchers, equaling eight tickets in my name! HAHA! I was ECSTATIC!

I spent the next two hours calling and texting Chad to make plans to head off the LA this week... The next day I woke up early (too excited to sleep) and told my mom what had happened. She stood with her mouth hanging open and then started screaming. Haha! It was a fantastic moment - she was SO excited for me! :) The next few hours were spent calling friends to see who wanted to go with me and Chad to LA and setting up places to stay... That evening we had everything situated for me, Brittany, Chad, and Kevin to head out on Monday afternoon and go to LA for two days to see the American Idol finale on Tuesday and Wednesday night... OH MY WORD!

I know... I feel like a five year old, but this is amazing. I never get ANYTHING and here I am getting tickets for one of the most amazing and sought-after shows in America. I am VERY content right now. LA is going to be crazy because there will be numerous stars there for the show and in general, and the show is in a HUGE, brand-new theater. I am so excited to see both David Archuleta and David Cook battle it out in the Nokia Theater... It is going to be AMAZING!

I'll be sure to post pictures of us in LA and outside the theater... We can't even take cell phones inside, let alone cameras. So, outside the theater will have to do...


Wednesday, May 14, 2008

And So It Goes... [Gettin' A Bit Personal]

Now, contrary to belief at the title... I am not writing about American Idol again. Yes, David Archuleta sang this song on Tuesday night and did an AMAZING job on a tough song. Yes, I might write after this entry about my feelings for the show tonight... However, right now I am actually writing about the experience I have with these moving lyrics...

I sang the song "And So It Goes" with my High School Show Choir. We were an all female choir and this particular piece was our one slow number in the entire routine for senior year competition... The first time our show choir from AHS had ever competed. So, needless to say my teacher was a bit concerned about the judges and how they would look at our slow piece - AHS's forte. I had never heard the song before, but I had just started getting in to Billy Joel's music and thought the song was pretty.

We worked the song to death! Our choir director, JMo, chose four of us (one on each part) to sing the beginning verse alone and I was the melody. I was so worried about sounding clear, removing vibrato, and remembering the words that I never really paid attention to the meaning behind what I was singing. JMo would tell us to "put more emotion into it" and so I made longing eyes at the crowd and diminished my smile to be in the air of "wanting." She told us what the song was about at the end of a long rehearsal, but we were all so exhausted we weren't really listening.

JMo sat the entire class down a few days before competition and said we sounded good on everything and had great energy... but when it came down to "And So It Goes," she knew that we had NO idea what this song was really about. Once again she talked intently upon what we were really expressing and said since most of us had not been in love at that age, to try and understand what the words meant and really imagine those feelings.

[Now, I'm about to get a little personal, so don't be a hater if it's a bit mushy/detailed or vague... Whatever it might be. It's not meant to be "gooey," but I'm assuming it will be...]

I went home that very night and thought about what it feels like to be rejected and quadrupled that emotion... Then, thought about hiding that away in my heart. This was one of the few times I let myself really ache over past events in my life. Reeling back over the past events of my life up to the end of my senior year, I had only ever had one "boyfriend" figure - right when I turned sixteen. He was a senior and I was a sophomore and we dated pretty quick after I reached the age I allowed to do so... People kinda knew what we were, but we kept it quiet because we were well known around the school and it was a smaller town. He was very attractive, funny, a a bit immature (he was only 17!), popular, LDS, and really into music like I was... I really liked the kid and he gave me every appropriate sign that he felt the same.

We dated for three months, and as prom drew closer I decided to make my dress to save money (my mom was awesome at sewing) and after a date, when he was dropping me off, I showed him the dress. He told me that night that he had wanted to talk to me about prom... He hadn't officially asked me, but I assumed it was a given. Well, he wanted to take a girl who wasn't very popular and had some disabilities because it was her senior year too and she might not have another chance to get asked. Very thoughtful.... right?

I decided to suck it up and be excited for the girl... and, to surprise my special guy by showing up to prom to steal a few dances when she was too tired.

The night of prom... Well, I'll make it short and sweet. He spent the entire night with his date - NOT the girl he had told me about, but a "friend" of ours from church. So, I (trying to act like I didn't care, and wanting to see how bad I'd been fooled) stayed, and hung out with friends there. He danced with her, held her close, and kissed her... all in front of me.

The next few weeks were spent with very tearful nights and me pretending throughout each day at school that I didn't care/we had never REALLY been official anyway. So many of my friends didn't understand because we had kept things DL, so I didn't bother talking to most of them, and my family was not an option because I didn't want them to hate him. As much as I wanted to hate him, I couldn't. I was hurt. I was crushed. I was broken... but I couldn't hate him.

The kicker: When I finally got the guts to ask him, "Why? Why her now, and not me?" He told me "I'm sorry... she's just so beautiful. She's prettier than you are..." Serious - that was our conversation.

When I finally sat down and contemplated the meaning behind, "And So It Goes," I was surprised to see my story and feelings unravel. It spoke of a sanctuary that each person emotionally goes to in order to keep your heart safe between each experience with a lover. When you chose to open up to another person, you choose to let them break into your SANCTUARY - the most secret, personal part of you. You take the chance of being exposed - you're vulnerable. This new individual sees ALL of you and if they chose to reject it, you have to climb back in, bruised and bleeding, to your personal and secluded sanctuary and attempt to heal before the entire process begins again.

In the song, the author finds someone he is opening his sanctuary too and appears to be terrified to do so, saying his silence about his feelings for her are protecting him... but he will give up that protection if it the cause for her not staying with him. Every time he had love it went wrong, and he hopes this one won't, yet dreads it will... However, because he loves this other person, he is giving his sanctuary/heart to her to what she desires with it. THAT is real courage right there.

Real courage that I have yet to have since my sanctuary was ransacked.

Over the years, I have gone on dates with numerous other boys and liked many other guys - some have even liked me back. I've been growing past that horrible experience and praying that no one would ever have to go through what I had been through. However, I have never found anyone to break through the little "sanctuary" inside of myself. I have concluded that there are a few reasons for this... One) Effort - It's hard to do... I keep it pretty tightly locked and very deep inside. Two) Time - It will take someone who is patient, and then at the right time, is willing to push me a bit... It will take making me slightly uncomfortable in the situation, but ultimately so flawlessly comfortable with the individual. Three) I have to be willing to open up and let others in... There may be more to it than that, but this is my current state of thought.

By: Billy Joel

In every heart there is a room...
A sanctuary safe and strong.
To heal the wounds from lovers past,
Until a new one comes along.

I spoke to you in cautious tones...
You answered me with no pretense.
And still I feel I said too much...
My silence is my self defense.

And every time I've held a rose,
It seems I only felt the thorns.
And so it goes, and so it goes...
And so will you soon I suppose.

But if my silence made you leave,
Then that would be my worst mistake.
So I will share this room with you,
And you can have this heart to break.

And this is why my eyes are closed...
It's just as well for all I've seen.
And so it goes, and so it goes...
And you're the only one who knows.

So I would choose to be with you.
That's if the choice were mine to make.
But you can make decisions too...
And you can have this heart to break.

And so it goes, and so it goes...
And you're the only one who knows...

At our Show Choir competition, I sang this song with greater conviction than any other girl on the stage... and then any solo I had ever performed. And so it does go... The cycle goes on and on, until the sanctuary no longer seems important to either side, so you give it away for keeps. And so it goes...

I just wanted to record that little piece of me and thank Billy Joel, all the way from Linze's little blog, for making a song that relates to EVERYONE. If you have never heard this amazing piece of music, stop reading right now, and Google it. NOW. It is an AMAZING experience just listening to each note and lyric intertwined...


- - - - - - - - -
The inspiration for this entry WAS David singing this song on AI - I admit it. It was an AMAZING rendition that he deserved ten times the credit he got for it. The arrangement and and way he sang with such emotion was, in the words of Simon, "master class." He made it to the finale show for this next week... a lot of pressure on a 17 year-old boy, but I think he will do brilliantly. He is so talented and I am SOOOO excited and blessed to be able to hear him again this next week as he goes for the title of American Idol 2008. Good Luck, David!

P.S. On a less touching note, I got amazing AI Tour tickets today with my pre-sale password and am SUPER stoked about it! I'm going with four boys, and no girls... hm... odd. Haha! It is going to be SUCH an amazing show - what a blast! :)

P.S.S. I'm still figuring things out, but I feel more confident in that life will work itself out... I'm excited for next year, but I have NO idea what I will be doing... none!

Sunday, May 11, 2008

Matters of Unimportance

Now, I love that most of my friends (and the only ones who have commented on here) told me that I talk about real, important issues and feelings... Well, here are some REAL feelings and things, but not very important to most individuals. However, to me it always envelops a chunk of my life each year..... Thus, I give you my topic for today, American Idol. Oh yes, American Idol.

This past week they finally narrowed down the contestants to the top three. Well, I am very excited to say that the individual that I have been supporting and promoting to friends/family is STILL in the competition and COULD win this thing. I have no doubt that he will be in the finale show, but winning is gonna be a tight race... So, I present my reasons as to why YOU should vote for (and pictures from me meeting him this past week) this adorable, humble and EXTREMELY talented young man from Murray, Utah... Yep, David Archuleta is who I am talking about. The one and only, David James (yes, I know his middle name - sue me) Archuleta.

Every year on American Idol the judges have the top three visit home the weekend after they are named the top three. While there they sign autographs for the home crowd, promote themselves to home, visit radio and local fox stations, and have some sort of rally held where they sing and speak to their home crowds. So, when I found out he was coming to SLC for the day of Friday, May 9, 2008 (named by Governor Huntsman as official "David Archuleta Day" in the state of Utah for this year), I decided to go up and try to meet/just see the kid sing live. Well, I succeeded...

This is a picture of David and his madre waving at the crowds in Gateway mall after his arrival... I was about THAT far away... It was awesome! He got so stunned with how many people were there, he began to cry. Now, thus you say, "What a baby!" It was sweet - he was genuinely overwhelmed and moved. Later, at Murray High he got a little tearful too, and was told by Fox's Big Buddha to tell his fans, "vote for me!" His statement, "Thank you all so much for being here - I hope I can continue to make you happy with my singing and perform for you... If you don't wanna vote for me you don't have to, but please keep supporting the show in someway!" That is reason #1 to vote: He is the most HUMBLE kid ever. He is genuinely HUMBLE.

Here is a close-up photo of David, hence any of you are already fans... I was RIGHT THERE by his limo as he pulled away, and it was awesome! The crowd = insane!

Now, this entry isn't really reasons to vote... It is just a way to post my AWESOME experience at seeing David Archuleta from American Idol live and in person TWICE in one day... BUT, I will say this. That morning on Fox News, David was asked a question about serving a mission - He is a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, just as I am. He said (and I am paraphrasing), "I am planning on it, as long as my music allows me.... I kinda feel like I'm serving a mission now though, through my music [and interactions]." Really, the church would have a hard time allowing him to serve anywhere because people might not accept the gospel, but accept him, ya know? However, I think it's great that he is ALWAYS an example on & off-stage of a Christ-like individual and good standards. He is what a real "American Idol" aka: role-model should be to kids and adults alike. We could all learn a thing or two from his kindness and example... I know this sounds ultra-personal for a kid I have never met, but it's how I see it.

This next picture is David receiving his note that from Governor Huntsman that May 9, 2008 is officially "David Archuleta Day" in the state of Utah. He also had a street named after him, and they announced one of his songs for next week - "And So It Goes" by: Billy Joel, chosen by Paula... one of MY favorite songs of all time.

Here are two pictures of me a the events... One, I am with my friend Chad at the Gateway Mall waiting for autographs. We were fiftieth in line, and they pulled him away before even WE could get one... and there were over 2,000 people there! The second picture is me and my sister at the Murray High Homecoming Event that afternoon - crazy amounts of people!

Finally, for your musical enjoyment - here is a clip of David singing Imagine at Murray High, and him thanking the crowd! :) This kid has some PIPES! A beautiful, tender performance... Gotta love the Archuleta!

So, the three main reasons: Humility, Missionary/Example, and a 17 year-old boy with a heck of a voice!!! That's all on American Idol... I just had to put my plug in for the year. They will also be getting my money in that I will be attending the American Idol Tour when it comes through Utah - haha! :) I also think..... That I might try-out this year. Haha! What an experience...


Friday, May 2, 2008

It's Tough Getting Older

Today was a day of learning... wow, that looked a lot lamer on paper than it sounded in my head. Eh. Well, let's try this - I learned two things today. One, that I have finally begun to reform a core group of friends. I have begun to develop friendships that bond a group of us together from how similar and how different we are. We all just have fun, and seem to mesh. This is something I haven't done since mid-junior year, and I am ecstatic about the people I am growing to know and spend more time with. It will change and shift with time... I might move away, and eventually others will too. People will get married and find real jobs... It'll change; but for now, I am loving the group I have begun to bond with.

I also learned that I have become a convenience friend to some of my past close friends... I still mean something to them, and they do to me. However, I have begun to be the girl that some of my friends call when it is convenient, or when someone that they want to hang out with more is not around. I could be argued, and I may be bias - heck, it is me I'm being bias about, and thus is somewhat legit. Haha... I guess my point is that, we all become convenience friends to some people at some point. I just did not believe that my time would be now with these individuals.

Still some of best, but things change. You live, you grow. You laugh, you love. You inevitably change.

I am excited to see what the future holds... I also must say, I am shocked that I have written in here three days in a row - what the?! Haha... When one has late nights and some down-time, it happens I suppose.

Here is how I feel partially right now... I am excited, but this song just exemplifies my level of knowledge as to what I'm doing with life right now, and who to really turn to right now...

By: Colbie Caillat

Here before my eyes
Many roads ahead
Time for me to choose one way now
If I take a chance
What lies down the road
Feeling so confused
Turned around
On and on... On and on...

Seems like nothing is black and white anymore
Shades of gray and I feel a weight over my shoulder
It's tough getting older...
I always thought that I knew where I'd want to go
Now I'm here and I find that I'm still getting colder
It's kinda tough getting older...

I like these lyrics and I love Colbie Caillat - good job her and her descriptive melodies. Haha! I am SUCH a cheese-ball! Love it, embrace it, fear it. Haha! She actually has another song that describes my feelings about certain things in life too... Perhaps, I will just put them in here right now after all. I have felt like these lyrics have described my feelings MANY times within my life, and will possibly continue to do so... as they currently are doing so as I speak - well, write.

By: Colbie Caillat

Take time to realize
I'm on your side
didn't I, didn't I tell you?
Take time to realize
This all can pass you by... Didn't I tell you?

But I can't spell it out for you,
no its never gonna be that simple
no I can't spell it out for you.

If you just realized what I just realized
then we'd be perfect for each other
then we'd never find another
Just realized what I just realized
we'd never have to wonder if
we missed out on each other now.

It's not always the same
no it's never the same
if you don't feel it to.
If you meet me half way
If you would meet me half way,
It could be the same for you...

If you just realized what I just realized
then we'd be perfect for each other
then we'd never find another
Just realized what I just realized
we'd never have to wonder
Just realize, what I just realized...