Friday, January 1, 2016

And So, I Will... My Ode to 2015!

I took some time for self-reflection over this week, approaching the New Year, and realized a few things.  I have a lot of growth left to go in order to achieve my goals.  I have some lofty goals, especially in the areas of fitness and personal/career.  I know what I really want, and it's going to take even more dedication than I have put forward and even greater amounts of work.  That being said, I want to take a moment to recognize I kicked 2015's ass.... I mean, I really brought my own in 2015.  I know that I have SO much more work to do, and I will do it... however, I also want to recognize how far I've come.

During the year 2015, I hit the lowest weight and size I have been since High School.  I do not remember a time I was quite this healthy, in fact.  I have come to recognize that weight isn't everything, and nor is size, but health and fitness mean SO much more.  I do not win some grand prize form being below 200 pounds or being a size 10, but I feel accomplished and driven.  I want to be even further in my goals with fitness - to have the body I really want to have the ability to do certain things without so much strain... and so, I will.  

During 2015, I signed-up for a competitive team sports league... that doesn't start till 2016, but STILL!  That's a huge feat for me... I never believed I would do that again unless it was kickball.  I basically willingly signed-up to go running for an hour straight every Sunday night.  In preparation, I have even been getting up before school at 5:15am to do cardio before work and increase my endurance.  Yea... if you know me at ALL, that's dedication right there... mornings. 

During the year 2015, I grew at lot as a musical artist.  I put a LOT more genuine focus on my YouTube channel and growing in who I want to be as a musical artist.  My voice has improved and gotten back into greater shape.  I made over 40 cover videos and played a handful of live shows.  I sang the national anthem at 9 big events.  I began singing with my worship team at SMCC, and experienced and embraced new kinds of music.  I want to be further with my music goals, and this year I want to release and EP, never miss a #nmm (#newmusicmonday), and play at least one live show a month... and so, I will.

During the year 2015,  Scott Alan picked me as a finalist for his trip to London to sing with him at the Hippodrome.  He named me as his #3 choice and posted my video.  And, although I felt that I wasn't suppose to go for many reasons... I know I am good enough to sing on his stage and many to come.  I want to continue in my dreams with music... and so, I will.  

During the year 2015,  I grew closer to my Savior.  I grew to understand what Christ really is to me as a Savior and comforter... I learned what it meant to put FULL FAITH in my Heavenly Father and trust He had me - that He would guide me.  I began a Bible Study class and have taken to really understanding the New Testament, and how it can help me be a better individual/follower of Christ.  I am STILL working on trusting God in all aspects of my life, but when I struggle, I will always come back to a few moments of 2015 to remind me of His power and my need to trust... 

During the year 2015, I survived brain surgery.  I don't wanna toot my own horn, but that's a pretty bad-ass ice-breaker if I ever heard one before.  The best part, I wasn't even fearful because I sincerely knew that in this instance God had my back... He always does, I simply am still learning to believe that's the case.  I knew what He wanted for me, and knew I had more to give to the world, so I went in with total peace in my heart that whatever happened was His will... and it was.  I am healthier and happier now, and I want to continue to improve my health each day... and so, I will.

During the year 2015, I started to fight Lyme Disease.  It's exhausting.  I put on a strong face a lot in my life - always have and always will - however, I will be brutally honest here for a moment and say that Lyme is draining... fighting Lyme is draining.  I'm tired a lot.  I feel sick a lot.  It makes me struggle to eat or want to eat, and it messes with my weight-loss goals... but I'm gonna defeat it and be the master of my own body.  I recently read a book about how to eat specifically to aid in fighting Lyme - and got rid of a chunk of my food.  I want to learn how to live with Lyme and still function at optimal capacity... and so, I will.  

During 2015, I directed an amazing musical.  
During 2015, I ran SoF with gnarly food-posioning.  
During 2015, I learned to stand up for myself.
During 2015, I showed friends how to lift weights, when two years ago, I had no idea.
During 2015, I had moments of weakness and moments of strength.
During 2015, I overcame unimaginable moments of self-defeat. 
During 2015, I formed more of who I truly am as a human being and child of God.  
During 2015, I tasted success, ran from it, tasted it again, and am learning how to embrace it. 
During 2015, I effed up... and I figured it out.

During the year 2015, I grew a lot.  This was a year of developing and deciding for myself who I really want to be.  We all make statements about what we're going to do, and I've been doing this for awhile now.  I may still be figuring out all the puzzle pieces, but hey... actions do speak louder than words.  I want to be SO much greater in all areas of my life than I am currently in... and so, I will.

Song of the Day: The cover that got me recognized by Scott Alan, even more so than his own song I covered, was "How Will I Know," Sam Smith's version of Whitney's classic.  The nicest part, is I just sang it on a whim... completely what I wanted in the moment.  THAT is my goal for 2016 - to sing whatever the hell I want whenever I want to sing it... Here's a little sneak peak of my first cover for #newmusicmonday in 2016, which I covered that evening simply because it felt like the right thing to sing right then - Justin Bieber's "Love Yourself..."  Enjoy and check out the full video on Monday! :)