Sometimes You NEED to Give Up...

Being a successful musician is all about giving up.  Yep, you read that right... it's all about giving up.

To be a successful musician, or success in anything for that matter, one must give up there following (amongst other things...):

1.  Fear.  Becoming a success requires giving up on any fear you may feel and embracing the faith you have in yourself and your goals.  Fear isn't real anyway, right?  Thus, why do we allow it into our lives... Why do we allow a useless and imaginary emotion to rule over any space in our minds?  I am in no way claiming to be perfect with letting go of my internal fear, though I am monumentally better.  I have the made the decision that when fear begins to creep in to recognize and simultaneously dismiss its presence.  In the words of Will Smith's After Earth character,

“Fear is not real. The only place that fear can exist is in our thoughts of the future. It is a product of our imagination, causing us to fear things that do not at present and may not ever exist. That is near insanity... Do not misunderstand me, danger is very real, but fear is a choice. We are all telling ourselves a story and that day mine changed.”

2.  Wasting Time.  Becoming a success requires giving up wasting time.  It's not so much giving up TIME itself - it's putting it to better use.  It's removing the choices that waste our time.  You have to give up some of those wasted nights of Netflix and chill, or nights sitting around with friends at a party.  You can have those nights, just few and far between if you want to be truly successful.

3. Worry.  Becoming a success requires giving up the habit of worrying.  There's a quote I love to tell my students (and self) by Walt Disney that says,

"Why worry?  If you've done the very best you can, worrying won't make it any better."  

You have to put in the work and let the universe do its work... There's an amount of trust in self, others, God, the universe, etc. that is required in giving up worry, and that can be difficult.  However, it can be done.  Another quote regarding worry, which recently struck me is from Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them.  One of the main characters states,

"Worrying is just suffering twice."  

Instantly I understood that worrying goes back to wasting time and energy... It dozens't solve the problem, just makes you live inside of it... no one that miserable can be successful.

4.  Laziness.  Becoming a success requires giving up on laziness.  You have to put in the hard work and energy to become successful.  Success doesn't just fall into one's lap, even if they're naturally good at things. Kevin Durant once said,

"Hard work beats talent when talent doesn't work hard."  

Imagine if someone WAS amazing naturally at something - sports, singing, math - and they ALSO put in the hard work to be successful and advanced in that skill set... They would be incredible.  This wasn't something I learned until later in life, and I wish I had learned it sooner.  I was naturally good at things as a kid - almost always got the solo in a song, the part in a play I wanted, and made the teams I tried-out for during middle and high school.  I was also naturally good in school at most subjects... aside from chemistry.  It was a blessed curse, because I could skim by most of the time and still defeat those around me... kinda cool, but when I was pushed later, I collapsed into myself.

I've never been a "lazy" person by any means, but I learned the true meaning of HARD work in college and past, and I'm grateful I didn't completely give-up on myself.  However, I gave up on goals for a few years because I was terrified of failure...  See how these all tie together?  Fear means wasting time from worry, creating a lazy pattern and bleeding into my final point... 

5.  Negativity.  Becoming a success requires giving up on negativity.  Your mind is SO powerful... You truly become what you determine you want to become.  Your thoughts drive your actions, which develop your life into the playground you'll live on.

"Whether you think you can or you can not, you are right." - Henry Ford

The mind is SO powerful... 

If you have negative self-beliefs, they hold you back from reaching your full potential... If you have negative attitudes about outcomes, people, places, etc. those attitudes can hold you back from not only enjoyment of the moment, but connecting to others or the process before you.  If you have negative friends, it affects your relationships to them, others, and self.  If you have negative self-beliefs those can be projected on to others and formulate a negative reality... Switch it up!  Turn those negative thoughts around and realize all you're blessed with and blessed to be.  We have an amazing world around us and incredible potential inside of us... use both and think about what could GO RIGHT, and not what could go wrong.  BELIEVE.

There are probably a lot of other things you have to give up to be successful - in fact, this article tells 13 pretty great things to give up, but I found it post writing these out when searching for the picture below:

https://medium.com/personal-growth/13-things-you-need-to-give-up-if-you-want-to-be-successful-44b5b9b06a26

Also, these five listed are the main things that come to my mind in reaching success.  I have a long way to go until I am where I want to be career-wise, musically, financially, body/health-wise, and in my all abilities, however, I feel like as I have been learning to give these things away in more and more areas of my life, I am happier and healthier, which is the first step to calling my life a success.  We are all meant for amazing things and success, even if it genuinely look different for each person... we are meant for greatness, so believe in that and give up on certain things to give room for all you need to gain.

I leave you with this quote, which may appear oxymoronical, but I assure you contributes to the article:

What will you GAIN from giving up?
*muah*

Song of the Day: I've recently become obsessed with the musical Dear Evan Hansen, as half of America has done, and there are many stand out songs from that show.  To choose just one... I think the current one I'm in awe of, if I have to choose one, is "You Will Be Found," featuring Ben Platt.   We have ALL felt like what he is describing, but he's right - you'll be found.  Check it out... :)

The Phoenix

A few months ago, I made a change to my body that many of my friends became vocal about - for better or for worse.  I got inked.

For the most part, friends have been overwhelmingly supportive of me making this decision for myself, esp. as they recognize the time and energy that went into choosing the specific design, the colors, the style, the shop, the artist... It was all with an intent to be highly symbolic and therefore, needed to be specific.

I've wanted to get a Phoenix tattoo since last Fall.  2015 was a pretty difficult year for me, and in all honesty, the last few years have been hugely life-changing with many directional switches.  In late 2013 I began lifting and clean eating.  I began to switch my body's routines and the way I looked at overall health.  From that choice, the other parts of my body began to show their issues.  In two years time I had completed four major surgeries - gallbladder, knee, shoulder, and ending with brain. Additionally, I was diagnosed with Lyme disease in March of 2015.  Brain surgery was perhaps one of the most difficult surgeries for many around me, and yet the easiest for me... I knew when they found the aneurysm it would probably equal a surgery, and instead of fear, for the first time I fully embraced TRUST.  It probably helped that I had been through the other three surgeries, so perhaps they were blessings in disguise.  I just KNEW Heavenly Father was going to take care of me... I knew I was suppose to do the surgery, and I knew God wasn't done with me here on earth.  I knew I was going to be okay.

Some know this story... About 10 minutes before the surgery happened the doctor came in and told me he needed me to sign an extra paper.  My brain was shaped differently than any other brain he had worked on in his 17 (I think that was the number...) years practicing and he wasn't sure how the procedure would react with my brain.  It could mean another surgery, or even more severe issues (like paralyzed limbs) if it went poorly... or everything could be fine.  I signed without a second thought and when asked how it was so easy or didn't I want to think about it, I said I already knew what the right choice was for me.  I had prayed about it and God had been clear... This was the surgery I needed to become the healthiest and happiest me.  Six months later at the post-op check-in, I was cleared of any sign there had been an aneurysm.  I know I am meant to share that story and encourage others to fully trust in their Lord even when scared or unsure as to what will happen.  It's also often a much needed reminder for me....

I wish I could say this was all the tattoo was about, however, there are SO many other things that happened during that year, and some of them I'm not ready to share publicly... some I'm just become brave enough to talk about out loud.  A few weeks after my brain surgery, I had an incident where I was sexually assaulted.  I have a hard time saying rape, and sexual assault feels safer... even though the incident itself wasn't safe.  Weird how our brain thinks the way it does - almost self-preserves and protects you emotionally.  However, sometimes, I believe my brain OVER does this protection...  and I'm just now in life learning the power of letting it out.  I experienced rape, and it was terrifying, traumatic, a little devastating, and demoralizing.  I felt guilty - you'll never understand fully, but you question over and over again if it really IS your fault... and if this means you're a weak person.  After the experience, you question your worth, your independence, your intelligence, your gut... you question EVERYTHING. 

It's awful, and it's really hard to come back from... but completely do-able. It just takes a little emotional and spiritual rebuild.

Each experience of 2015 made me stronger and forced me to rebuild.  I am not the person I was these few short years ago, and though I am grateful for the changes and new strength, I can not deny the happenings in life did indeed burn me and cause need for rebirth.  Thus, the need for my phoenix.

"From the ash I am born again, forever safe in the Savior's hand..."

I feel like through some choices, and some happenings, I was burned.  I was buried in my ash.  I was, indeed, reborn.  THAT is why I choose the phoenix.  It stands as a permanent reminder that I CAN do hard things... that I have the ability to make it thorough anything.

We joke, "If Britney Spears could survive 2007, I can survive anything."  I'm here in all seriousness to say, if I can survive 2015, I can survive and do anything... and so can you.
*muah*

Song of the Day: "Alive" by Hillsong United... singing it in church on the 19th and a little bit of my inspiration for today's post. :)

Here We Go, 2017... Here We Go.

As 2016 comes to a close, I have recognized how many ways I am blessed and successful.
1 - I am in the best shape of my life so far - I can run harder and for longer than ever before.  I also went the entire year without a surgery!
2 - I have the ability to chase my music dreams and work on my voice every day.  I even wrote songs and performed an original for a live audience - twice!  I also have a job/career currently that I LOVE and am good at doing.
3 - I have an awesome place to myself and am loving living on my own and experiencing "adulthood."
4 - I went to Europe this year and have the ability to travel and see the world, plus see the people I love around the world.
5 - I read some incredible books, wrote some fun songs, created new friendships, and grew as a person.  I really am learning to accept ALL part of myself and love who I am becoming.
6 - I increased my spirituality and embraced what and how I worship and believe in my Savior... and I became okay with believing in my own way.

There was also hardships and lots of learning to be on my own.  I'm understanding how I struggle being alone, and yet need that time in moments.  I've come to embrace it, and know I need to go even further with that skill.  Life changed for the better in so many ways, and yet, has been emotionally hard with those changes.  As the highly emotional individual I am, change is SO good for me, and yet very hard for me.  It's a love/hate relationship...

As I dive into 2017, I have goals and ambitions that I didn't set for the new year, but have already been working on.  I'm just excited to see the change point from where I'm at in the year's time.

1 - I want to be in the best shape of my life- again!  Just further in my goals.  I want a lower body fat percentage and I want to be even more comfortable in my own skin.  I want for of the physical look I desire.  I also want to run faster and play sports with more coordination and quick-thinking skills.
2 - I want to keep improving my voice, and I want to DO something with it.  I want to create an EP album and audition for shows.  I want to use my talent fully and grow in recognition for doing so.  I want to perform all over and increase those opportunities. I want to learn how to market and brand myself as a professional.
3 - I want to go to San Francisco.  Never been, and I want to check it off my list.
4 - I want to grow in my social sphere and meet some other people I can connect with and form new relationships, while I strengthen the old ones. I want to be a better friend by being honest with myself and others.  I want to not put expectations on others and not wait on anyone else to make decisions.
5 - I want all my "wants" to be "WILLS," and they will be. :)

I love the New Year just because it's a visual reset... just remember, every day is that reset.  Every day is a clean start and a new beginning. :)
*muah*

Expectations

Expectations are the death of a happy soul.

I was speaking with a friend the other day about my experience in Prague, and I realized something... I had the MOST amazing time and fell in love with that city for one reason - I had NO expectations about the city and the trip. I arrived solo, taking a night train from Koln to Prague city center, found my hostel and checked out local surroundings for a bit before a friend arrived and hiked around the city with me for a day and a half. We ate amazing food, saw the famous castle and city sights, and even went to a Czeck Musical! After that, I spent another two days just taking in the city and wondering around wherever I wanted to go, ate at random places, and watched a lot of street performers... It was lovely, and made all the better because I had NO expectation of how things "should" go on the trip or what I "should" do with my time. Sure, I had a list of the different sights I wanted to potentially see, list of foods to taste while there... however, there was no expectation of the "perfect trip."

After this chat, I read an article in Entrepreneur.com and it said the following:

"What did Epictetus, the great Stoic philosopher, say way back in the first century AD?
 - 'People are disturbed not by things, but by the views they take of them.' 

What did Shakespeare write in "Hamlet"?
 - 'There's nothing either good or bad but thinking makes it so.'

How about the Buddha?
 - 'We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts we make the world.'"

They are all so spot on... WE create our perceptions and therefore, the feelings we are having of frustration about the way an event turned out, or how an individual is acting. We have a view of how things "should" go, and it ruins our ability to live in the moment and be okay with how things really ARE going. 

Expectations rarely give us happiness, and therefore... I'm giving up on expectations. There are some key things I shall request/demand in my life if someone wants to stay in my life, however, expecting someone to acting exactly the way I imagine it in my mind is only going to lead to disappointment when people make a different choice or mess-up. We're all human - we don't handle situations perfectly every time. Therefore, if I allow myself to experience a situation and react accordingly, I feel as though I can live with a lot less disappointment and unfulfilled desires.

When it comes to things in my life coming to fruition, I work hard to make them happen - I don't expect them to happen because I have talent or an opportunity. I will allow myself to be in the moment and feel the genuine emotions of that experience... not what I believe I "should" feel or want to feel. That's putting your happiness in the hands of a specific situation or person... and I want to choose my happiness and let it be genuinely present. And, how much more real is that?! I'm not anticipating an emotional reaction or response - I'm letting it naturally come forth. Healthier and happier approach in my mind...

There's a difference between advocating for high results with jobs, events, friends, dating, etc.... However, I'm digging this idea of letting life be what it is and having zero expectations. I've read "always have hope, though never expect." I can live by that rule. :)

 *muah* 

Song of the Day: Love this song, even if it's over-played to some... and it kinda goes with the topic - "Let It Go" by James Bay, and covered by yours truly. :) Enjoy!

Sidenote:  I'm halfway to 31 today! :)  AND, guess what my fortune said this morning...?  "As soon as you feel too old to do a thing, do it."  DONE.

And So, I Will... My Ode to 2015!

I took some time for self-reflection over this week, approaching the New Year, and realized a few things.  I have a lot of growth left to go in order to achieve my goals.  I have some lofty goals, especially in the areas of fitness and personal/career.  I know what I really want, and it's going to take even more dedication than I have put forward and even greater amounts of work.  That being said, I want to take a moment to recognize I kicked 2015's ass.... I mean, I really brought my own in 2015.  I know that I have SO much more work to do, and I will do it... however, I also want to recognize how far I've come.

During the year 2015, I hit the lowest weight and size I have been since High School.  I do not remember a time I was quite this healthy, in fact.  I have come to recognize that weight isn't everything, and nor is size, but health and fitness mean SO much more.  I do not win some grand prize form being below 200 pounds or being a size 10, but I feel accomplished and driven.  I want to be even further in my goals with fitness - to have the body I really want to have the ability to do certain things without so much strain... and so, I will.  

During 2015, I signed-up for a competitive team sports league... that doesn't start till 2016, but STILL!  That's a huge feat for me... I never believed I would do that again unless it was kickball.  I basically willingly signed-up to go running for an hour straight every Sunday night.  In preparation, I have even been getting up before school at 5:15am to do cardio before work and increase my endurance.  Yea... if you know me at ALL, that's dedication right there... mornings. 

During the year 2015, I grew at lot as a musical artist.  I put a LOT more genuine focus on my YouTube channel and growing in who I want to be as a musical artist.  My voice has improved and gotten back into greater shape.  I made over 40 cover videos and played a handful of live shows.  I sang the national anthem at 9 big events.  I began singing with my worship team at SMCC, and experienced and embraced new kinds of music.  I want to be further with my music goals, and this year I want to release and EP, never miss a #nmm (#newmusicmonday), and play at least one live show a month... and so, I will.

During the year 2015,  Scott Alan picked me as a finalist for his trip to London to sing with him at the Hippodrome.  He named me as his #3 choice and posted my video.  And, although I felt that I wasn't suppose to go for many reasons... I know I am good enough to sing on his stage and many to come.  I want to continue in my dreams with music... and so, I will.  

During the year 2015,  I grew closer to my Savior.  I grew to understand what Christ really is to me as a Savior and comforter... I learned what it meant to put FULL FAITH in my Heavenly Father and trust He had me - that He would guide me.  I began a Bible Study class and have taken to really understanding the New Testament, and how it can help me be a better individual/follower of Christ.  I am STILL working on trusting God in all aspects of my life, but when I struggle, I will always come back to a few moments of 2015 to remind me of His power and my need to trust... 

During the year 2015, I survived brain surgery.  I don't wanna toot my own horn, but that's a pretty bad-ass ice-breaker if I ever heard one before.  The best part, I wasn't even fearful because I sincerely knew that in this instance God had my back... He always does, I simply am still learning to believe that's the case.  I knew what He wanted for me, and knew I had more to give to the world, so I went in with total peace in my heart that whatever happened was His will... and it was.  I am healthier and happier now, and I want to continue to improve my health each day... and so, I will.

During the year 2015, I started to fight Lyme Disease.  It's exhausting.  I put on a strong face a lot in my life - always have and always will - however, I will be brutally honest here for a moment and say that Lyme is draining... fighting Lyme is draining.  I'm tired a lot.  I feel sick a lot.  It makes me struggle to eat or want to eat, and it messes with my weight-loss goals... but I'm gonna defeat it and be the master of my own body.  I recently read a book about how to eat specifically to aid in fighting Lyme - and got rid of a chunk of my food.  I want to learn how to live with Lyme and still function at optimal capacity... and so, I will.  

During 2015, I directed an amazing musical.  

During 2015, I ran SoF with gnarly food-posioning.  

During 2015, I learned to stand up for myself.

During 2015, I showed friends how to lift weights, when two years ago, I had no idea.

During 2015, I had moments of weakness and moments of strength.

During 2015, I overcame unimaginable moments of self-defeat. 

During 2015, I formed more of who I truly am as a human being and child of God.  

During 2015, I tasted success, ran from it, tasted it again, and am learning how to embrace it. 

During 2015, I effed up... and I figured it out.

During the year 2015, I grew a lot.  This was a year of developing and deciding for myself who I really want to be.  We all make statements about what we're going to do, and I've been doing this for awhile now.  I may still be figuring out all the puzzle pieces, but hey... actions do speak louder than words.  I want to be SO much greater in all areas of my life than I am currently in... and so, I will.

*muah*

Song of the Day: The cover that got me recognized by Scott Alan, even more so than his own song I covered, was "How Will I Know," Sam Smith's version of Whitney's classic.  The nicest part, is I just sang it on a whim... completely what I wanted in the moment.  THAT is my goal for 2016 - to sing whatever the hell I want whenever I want to sing it... Here's a little sneak peak of my first cover for #newmusicmonday in 2016, which I covered that evening simply because it felt like the right thing to sing right then - Justin Bieber's "Love Yourself..."  Enjoy and check out the full video on Monday! :)

Half a Year.

Six months from today, I will be 30 years-old.  That's right - 30.

That's a third of 90.  That's half of 60.  Need me to do more math, because I can...

Point is, I have 6 months to do some epic shiz in attempt to make this the most epic birthday year ever because of the person I will be at that 30 year mark.  I've already made some incredibly big and poignant changes in the past two years, but things have gotten tighten up.  To quote a million rappers and famous athletes, "It's about to get real..."

Not because it wasn't real before, but because it's time for a higher level.  I'm not even gonna say, once the aneurysm is gone I'll get going... I'm starting TODAY.  Just watch the next six months play out... I'm ready for big things.

It's documented.  I'm accountable.

That is all.
*muah*

Song of the Day:  I discovered this girl the other evening - well, I think I had heard her before, but I finally listened to her whole CD - and I adore her.  I adore her sound, songs, and style... Here is Banks with "Beggin For Thread."  Enjoy!

Angiograms and Happy Dances!

Today, I learned what an Angiogram is, and how in-depth it can be... WHY did I learn this you ask?

Today, I had an Angiogram.

Now, your next question may or may not be the same as mine.... What the HELL is an angiogram and WHY did you have to have one?  Good question.

If you did not/do not know what an angiogram is, don't feel ashamed... I had one today and I STILL didn't understand fully until I was actually IN the procedure.  An angiogram is (dictionary definition), "an imaging test that uses x-rays to view your body's blood vessels. Physicians often use this test to study narrow, blocked, enlarged, or malformed arteries or veins in many parts of your body, including your brain, heart, abdomen, and legs."  In fifth grade terms, they hook me up to a bunch of machines by running a cord into me to my brain through my thigh and inject dye to see the different parts of my brain.  I was fully awake during the tests and they put all the videos and pictures in front of me right after to explain options and what each picture meant - it was awesome!  The worst part about the whole thing was when the stent in my thigh didn't catch and they had to push down and put pressure on the wound sight for 20 MINUTES afterward!  I thought I would die for a minute - saw the blinding light and did NOT go to it - but it was fine. :)  Thank the Lord above for a high pain tolerance!

For those who do not recall from a few entries back, I was diagnosed in March with a brain aneurysm in my carotid artery.  I've felt symptoms that somewhat tie to this for the past few weeks, but mostly I just have to deal with "taking things slow and light" and focus on killing the Lyme in my body.  So, today they did this test in order to determine the exact procedure and next steps we can and will take to get rid of and defend against this aneurysm.  The doctor I worked with today (amazing doctor!) came out before the procedure to talk options he already was considering and what he felt was the best route.  I knew I liked him immediately when he stated that he thought monitoring was a dumb option too.... I wanna live a full-go-get-em life, and background worry about an aneurysm bursting could harness that greatly.  He suggested a pipeline stent, and after testing, that's what we've decided to do.

The best part about this news... No open brain surgery! That's a lot safer and less potential for infection.  Also......

........ I get to keep my hair!!! Call me shallow.  Call me stupid for thinking about this.  I really don't give a flying... I love my hair.  I've spent a LONG time getting it to the wondrous flowing locks it's at now... Therefore, I was not wanting to cut/shave any section of it.  Now, if this was life or death and they needed to, I'm all in!  However, since they don't have too, I'm allowed to do a slight celebratory dance in my heart.  I'm not allowed to actually dance for a few days while I recover from the stent they put in my thigh today post testing.  So, heart dance it is!!!

*moment of silence for my dance to occur*

Moving onward, I'm happy to have answers and a more definitive direction to move with getting to optimal health and body.  I'm excited to take care of these issues and no longer struggle with brain and memory issues.  I'm killing Lyme, and we're taking control of this aneurysm... and today, I am SO grateful for the gift of modern medicine to aide in this process.   I am grateful for the support of friends and family, pushing me to look into my health and take care of myself.  I am thankful for my body, and the amazing things it can do...

Happy dance, carry on.  Linze, carry on.
*muah*

Song of the Day:  For those not aware, I am really chasing the music thing as of late.  I've started a thing on YouTube called #newmusicmonday where I post a new cover every Monday and encourage friends and family to like, listen, and share.  So, in honor of #newmusicmonday and my working vocal chords (my therapy the past two months), here is this week's cover - a Sia song, "Soon We'll Be Found."  Enjoy!

Riding With Fear: It's Time to Replace Fear with Faith

It’s quite amazing how life recycles itself if you let it.  It’s like a really great, or really terrible, fashion trend.  Every few decades it recycles and becomes a “new fad” or “hip fashion.”  Like life, if we allow it, our situations recycle themselves and come back into play.  This can be a great thing… Or a debilitating road-block. 

I was re-reading some of my old blog entries, attempting to find something for a class, and saw a few things that made me smile just a bit…. The first was this entry from 2008:

“Here is how I feel, right now, this moment. I feel scared, lonely, tired, drained, confused, elated, hopeful, happy, angry, frustrated, discontent, thoughtful, half-baked, wanting, lost... I feel SO many mixed emotions, I have ceased having the ability to make any clear decisions. I wish I could explain in means that were intelligible... Right now, I am describing my feelings as clear as mud. Well, the mud is getting thicker and stickier, and I'm slowly sinking...

It boils down to this. I cannot seem to gain a new future or let go of the past. I cannot seem to live for tomorrow, but am constantly in the future or the past... I am filled with worry and doubt, and that is not a very "Linze" thing to feel. Everyone turns to me for strength and understanding... Not this time. Who do I turn to?

Heavenly Father, of course... and yet, I feel as though he has given me the reins on this one and now I am lost in the desert with only a dying horse to guide me back... I have to choose the paths, and he wants me to learn from each dead end and round-about I encounter.

One day I will look back and be overwhelmingly grateful for these experiences and emotions, but for now I remain in a level of pain. Yes, that's the way to describe the state I am in: One of pain. I thought that was an exaggeration, and it may be, but I am hurting right now and can't seem to find the treatment or medication to numb the pain and heal the wound. Perhaps, tomorrow?”

Now, I have NOT felt in a lot of pain this past year – on the contrary, I have been relieving that pain in so many ways over the past year.  What’s interesting is the feelings of confusion and the middle of this entry (which, in retrospective, I have realized is highly dramatic to put on social media…).  I say, “. I cannot seem to gain a new future or let go of the past. I cannot seem to live for tomorrow, but am constantly in the future or the past... I am filled with worry and doubt, and that is not a very "Linze" thing to feel.”

Well, truth be told this HAS been a very “Linze” thing to feel.  Looking back at my life, I have allowed myself to be filled with worry and doubt over every little thing instead of trusting myself and my Heavenly Father a lot more.  I know “it’s a process” sometimes, but why make everything so complicated?  Why when I know deep down what I want, do I fight it because I’m scared it “might be the wrong choice?”  I do this a lot, and thus, bring on a lot of worry and unneeded stress – and waste a lot of valuable time.  I’m not saying I’ve got the perfect answer to not worrying ever again, but I’m starting to see the true benefit in self-trust and really trusting my Father in Heaven.  I’ve seen the benefit in letting go of what you can’t control and taking charge of what you can while having faith in yourself. 

Another interesting article I wrote in 2008 was my personal goals and mission statement:

“Next Year: I would ideally like to be working for a company I enjoy being involved with and making at least $40, 000 a year. I would like to be heading back to school to complete my Master's Degree, either in Comms or getting my MPA. I would also like to have paid off all of all of my undergraduate loans, live outside of my home again, and own my first car.

Three Years: Be graduated with my Master's Degree and be working in an established events planning/PR job that is making $60,000+ a year. Spend at least a few months living in LA or DC!

Five Years: Have moved up in the company and be in established position, in a significant leadership role. Married; This could happen around the three year mark as well, but I don't know that it will. We'll see.

Ten Years: Married with a few children. Working from home for an events business and improving in my knowledge of event and social trends. Preparing to fund my and open my own events planning business!

From there, who knows if I will be in events or education... I enjoy both, and we will see where life leads me. Of course, a few things will change my time-line... One) If I go on a mission 2) If/when I have my own family they will be numero uno on my list of priorities. So, that will fit in more and more to my list as I get married and have children... I wish I could plot that on my time-line. Haha! I would love to be secure enough with my husband's income to not have to work, but still get to work - if your know what I mean. I really LOVE working and staying busy, so I would love to still be doing a little something... Even if it is simply aiding in my child's Kindergarten class! Haha...

Now, enough of life planning for now. I still have yet to make a Mission Statement for my life... So, I shall give it a shot, but probably do a lot of revising over the course of the week to perfect it:

MISSION STATEMENT: MY LIFE

The mission of Linze Struiksma is to grow and progress toward perfection in pursuit for eternal life. I will live a life full of intensive learning and development as I surround myself with motivating and positive settings and individuals. My commitment to excellence will be shown through my service to others, especially my family. I will maintain a balanced life by being a well-rounded individual – educated in the arts, sports, the political arena, history, current events around the world, and of course, the gospel of Jesus Christ. I will teach my family and friends to do the same within their lives.

To succeed in this mission, I will not fear change and progression within the workplace, church or internally. I will be kind and understanding of all those I come in contact with, as I strive to continually improve my networking abilities and relationships with others. Effective communication, open honesty, and genuine trust will be the foundation for any established relationship. I will always remember to be open-minded and understanding to new ideas or cultures. I will maintain flexibility and patience as new situations are placed in front of me.

My life will be lived to experience true happiness and help others enjoy each day! I will show gratitude to those around me, and tell those close to me how much I love and appreciate them each day. My positive attitude and genuine concern for the individual are to be shared openly with others. I will use my drive, passions, and talents to bless my family and the lives of others – I will share the gift of music and communication with the world. I will teach others to fight for what they believe in, and chase their truest desires by doing so for myself.

I will strive to be a constant example of truth and light to all those I come in contact with, and share my testimony through my actions. I will raise my family to have integrity and live in correspondence with these eternal truths. My educational, occupational, and personal goals are to be centered on my desire to grow closer to my Savior, and become who I was meant to be. Personal responsibilities must always lie in serving others in each project I undertake and decision that I make; doing so will bring me closer to Christ. I will make every effort to convey happiness in my home and social situations, and bring strength to those around me.”

WOW.  Can I just say… life has changed.  Life has NOT gone to plan… and for that I am SO grateful.  I could have been “fine,” in a PR job – I would have been great at it! 

I wouldn't have been as happy.  I have made certain choices in my life that led me down other paths, and I’m not sad about that at all.  Germany through a wrench into everything I had planned, and it was the best detour I could have asked for in my life.  I grew and developed there, and become a fuller version of myself.  Upon returning to the USA, I have loved teaching and my Master’s Program at Westminster was an AMAZING choice for me.  I met incredible people, had amazing experiences, learned a lot about social and political structures, formed more clear opinions, and grow in understanding myself more fully.  Teaching has been fun, and hard, and a time for personal reflection.

But, my goals were completely shattered with those choices.  My one, three, five, and ten year plans, changed and developed into a better plan.  Goals are fabulous, but sometimes, you have to reevaluate and close certain doors so you can walk through another door.  Sometimes, you have to be honest with yourself and let go of a sub-par plan because you want something more, something BEST, for yourself…

I have other dreams that have always been screaming at me from the field, as I slowly walk along the sidelines.  These dreams are begging me to finally give in and play the game – gear up and run with it!  I've been scared.  I've recycled all that fear and the previous years of my life and let it ride with me in my journey… Well, this past year, I started to slowly drop it off where it belongs – the dump.  I wish I had just opened the car door at 60 mph and pushed it out of “the journey mobile,” but it was already riding with me… and so I was scared to let go of the fear.  Promise, this sounds clear in my head.  Here’s the hoping it works on paper too.

Well, yesterday I had a little epiphany.  After a slow drive with the music turned down and talking to God, I realized, I have to close some doors.  I have to do what’s best for ME and what I want from this life (and the next)… I have to move forward and push fear out the window – and just like that, it disappeared.  I’m not saying it’ll never try and slide back into the passenger seat, but I’m actively filling that seat and all the other seats in my “journey mobile” with other things so there’s no room for it… That seat will be filled with Faith, Trust, Self-Worth, Belief, Confidence, Determination, Hard-work, and Passion. 

As for the MOST fascinating part, my goals may have been thrown for a loop, but my personal mission statement is the same.  Read it again.  In honesty, I am still the same ME.  I am just a more developed, better version, TRUER version, of myself.  I still want to be a great person and leader who will make a difference, who has a strong relationship and focus on Christ, and uses my talents in music and character to grow and develop myself and others.  I still want to have a great family and let others know they are loved by being open-minded and happy.  I simply have new passengers with me on the journey and my ride is already feeling much more optimistic and progressive. 

Moral of the ten-year-in-the-making story:  Don’t wait to close the door on fear... In fact, don’t wait. 

*muah*

Song of the Day:  My most recent cover is here, so I’m going to share it!  Here is a song called "Anyway," from a new musical, Tales From the Bad Years.  I'm a huge fan of Kerrigan-Lowdermilk's work and encourage you to look up some of their other songs.  Please take a listen and enjoy! 

Find Your Passion, Find Your Love

I started this entry a few months back, but I'm finally finishing it... Enjoy.

I spent the afternoon grading and listening to inspirational speeches while I did so... I find that personal development during grading helps me focus in a weird way.  It helps the time pass with the possibility of maintaining sanity.  See, I don't love grading papers.... I love teaching - a lot.  However, very few teachers love grading papers.  I love grading scenes and theatre projects (thus, being a full-time theatre teacher next year (see I started this awhile back) is going to be heaven), but not papers... Eh.

The point of this entry, however, is not to discuss my like or dislike of grading.  This is about inspiration and motivation.  This is about finding time in your day, every day, to really give moments to personal development and inner-growth.  My life has dramatically changed over the past year as I have redirected and again redirected myself because of personal development in many areas.  One area, is the development of my mind and intellect.  I have found that as I read more, listen to speeches or talks, and study on words of motivational value, I am a more full and driven individual.

One speech I was recently listening to was a speech from a few years back, given by Steve Jobs at a college graduation ceremony.  I know Jobs can be hyped, but I really do love a lot of his advice and think his unique approach and path are emulatable - yes, I made up that word - in certain circumstances.  I love this advice he gives, which can apply to our lives in school, professions, friends, love, religion, and personal growth:

 "You can't connect the dots looking forward you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something: your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. Because believing that the dots will connect down the road will give you the confidence to follow your heart, even when it leads you off the well worn path." 

- Steve Jobs

He goes on to talk about truly loving what you do and in a way, who you are becoming and can become: 

"You've got to find what you love... Do what you believe is great work. The only way to do great work is to love what you do.  If you haven't found it yet, keep looking... you'll know when you find it.  Keep looking - don't settle." 

- Steve Jobs

I love this.  Too often we find ourselves stuck in positions of life where we are unhappy or discontent.  These feelings can be a breeding means for two things --> complaint or change.  We can find ourselves growing more negative as we allow the discontent we feel and experience to overrun our lives and thoughts, or we can work to "change our stars."  We can notice these feelings or unhappiness as a call to move.  We are not meant to be stationary creatures, and we are given desires in our hearts to lead us where we need to go in life.  I truly believe we should not settle to settle.  

Now, I'm not saying allow discontent to run your life and never find your happiness so you're constantly running from opportunities or using this as an excuse.  You know, deep down, when you have found yourself in a place you're suppose to be.  You also know, deep down when you should be chasing a different dream or goal.  You know, deep down when a person isn't right for you or when being with someone is a good option to try and pursue.  Sometimes we walk a little more in faith than knowledge, but we feel promptings or even gut-guidance no matter what religious beliefs you harbor.  Don't settle - follow your heart till you arrive at the place YOU should be or with the person YOU should be with because love is present.  Start to genuinely trust yourself.

Here's some real advice to put into action... In the words of Robin Roberts, when fear knocks, let faith answer the door.  Find what you love, embrace that God puts passion into our lives for a reason, take a scary (but necessary) step in the direction of what you love, and have faith when that fear starts knocking... There is soon to be another blog entry on this very topic, so for now, I'll say, to be continued...
*muah*

Ps Here is a site with some great speeches, some of which have the quotes I found for this article: http://elitedaily.com/life/motivation/5-of-the-most-inspirational-speeches-of-our-time-motivate/

Song of the Day: In the spirit of Christmas, which it is, I recnetly recorded a cover of "Grown-up Christmas List," that I wouldlove you to check out! Enjoy and remember, reaching out to serve others is the greatest gift we can give this season... :)

Retraining for a Fearless Mind...

Recently, I've been working on my own personal development and changing my mindset to accomplish goals more successfully, as well as with more meaning.  I heard a man by the name of Craig Manning, a sports psychologist and past pro-tennis player, speak in my Sunday School hour at church a few weeks back, and was inspired to reset my mind and focus.  I'm even reading his book, The Fearless Mind, which I encourage everyone to read!  I talk about it non-stop to friends... I've always been a goal-oriented person, but recently I have become more successful.... and here are some thoughts on why.

We tend to focus on what we need to improve in life, rather than our strengths and ways to use those strengths to get better at things.  This provides us with a more negative than positive mindset.  It's easy to be focused on what we need to fix, and this isn't a bad thing.... but we have to retrain our brains just a little bit.  Manning says, "Don't focus on your failures because it reinforces them... Focus on success and things you do well. Every time you start to think if negativity, change it around!  Don't say don't- don't doubt!  Don't feed that.... For every negative it takes 2.91 positive to X that out!"

He's right.

We have to learn to not doubt ourselves, and thinking negatively breeds that self-doubt and deprecation.  I am not always great at this... In fact, last week I received my JPAS scores from the school district and evaluation notes from our administration here at the HS.  I was nervous even though I know I'm working hard and think I'm a good teacher.  When I met with our VP, I had done really well according to the numbers, and more importantly according to her observations.  I only had one pesky marking not reaching the top rank, and it was right below.  However, the first words out to spill from my lips were, "Why I am I low here?  What can I do better - suggestions?"  

Now, it's great to get feedback to help you improve.  It's good to note your weaknesses.  However, why was my first and MAIN focus my weakest area?  The score wasn't even negative either!  However, all weekend I thought about ways I could improve that one area.  Finally, yesterday, I took a step back and reevaluated the results... I am doing great in the classroom.  I don't even need the paper to tell me that!  I know my weaknesses and strengths already, and as I use my areas of strength to push me forward, while not suspending the areas of weakness, I grow in all areas.  I become a better educator and mentor for my students because I gain confidence and experience... and I am focused on the positive energy I can bring to my students.  Heaven knows they need that energy.... 

What is Mr. Manning's assertion?  Well, he suggests we, "Write down three things you did right that day! One thing you can do better."  I think this mindset is helping me move forward, and when I lose that mindset, I take a step back.  Focusing on the positive helps us to have the energy we need to control and reshape the negative or the "not-as-positive."

Here are some other quotes from his lesson that day:

"Get rid of doubts and fears- what CAN you do? What WILL you do? It's faith- application. It's a can-do mindset. Doubt is the adversary's greatest tool."

"How do we change our mindset and muscle memory? Manage your conscience mind and reinforce the right things. At the end of the day, focus on what you did right... What you repeat the most conditions the mind." 

"Repentance is making a commitment to move in a different direction."

"Did the Savior make mistakes? Yes. Did he sin? No. Identify the error and refocus on positive. Change the habit!!!" 

"Are you surrounded about expectations and pressure- negativity? Find a positive focus. Where are you looking for approval? Do we have control over what others think? Recondition the sub conscience- trust yourself and the spirit."

"Do you have the strength to be obedient to the Holy Ghost and trust ourselves?"

"The gospel governs us- the more we understand it, the more control we have!"

"The battle is not yours, but God's!" 

My thoughts: Turn things over to God and let him fight in your corner... Let the Savior be your advocate... He already IS, but we have to tag him in.

"We are all to be on the straight and narrow path, but they are different straight and narrow paths. There is no one ideal person... We don't want to lose the abilities that one person can bring to the table. Be an individual on the path you should be on."

My thoughts:  My favorite thought, I think.... Well, there are so many!  Haha... I LOVE this!  We are all down different paths and we have to be the best on THAT path.  We aren't all bred for the same life-experiences, challenges, or responsibilities. We all have different reasons we're here on earth, and we have to determine what those are for ourselves personally.  

"Being ordinary is doing what the world tells us we should.  Extraordinary is not about being better than others- it's about being true to yourself an finding your own path. Trust in yourself and God- there is not one path. If we think that we play the comparison game and it leads us to ordinary lives..."

My thoughts: I love this too!  We need not compare ourselves to others... We are ordinary when we become what others tell us to become.  We are extraordinary if we find that path for ourselves.  I fought being a teacher for the LONGEST time because my parents were educators and it was what a lot of people thought I should become.  I didn't want to be what THEY wanted!  I'm glad that I took my time in life deciding that I really did love teaching and wanted it for ME and no one else.  THAT is why I am becoming an extraordinary teacher.

All in all, if you need a good holiday read to get your geared on making (and KEEPING) those goals for the upcoming new year, check out A Fearless Mind by Craig Manning, and read some of his notes online.  He is a rock-star at retraining the brain to think successfully.... I am SO blessed to have heard his words and to have been already preparing my mind to accept his words and mindset.  I am a much better person in the past few months in all areas of my life... I am also MUCH happier, and I was already pretty dang happy. :)

*muah*

Song of the Day:  Obsessed with this one... perfect for jamming in the car OR gettin' my lift on! Here is Zendaya with "Replay."  Also, homegirl is a SICK dancer! :)  Check it - enjoy! 

Goals = Growth

I have recently been reflecting on the power there is in making goals and taking action to achieve them.  This is what I have determined...

"You reap the rewards of what you sow - you choose to diminish or choose to grow.
Step back, reflect, and make a pact to strive for something - choose to act."

I wrote that... because I believe that.  I hope more people will understand and strive after that.  Hell - I hope that I continue to understand and strive for that!

Goals are powerful.  Goals drive you, give you passion, and help you to grow.  Without taking the time to write down, actively pursue, and celebrate your goals and achievements, you cease to reach your full potential.

I have a lot of potential to fill and not enough time to do it.  I'm sure gonna give it everything I've got while I can though.

I'm going to include what I wrote for part of our ward blog last week:

"We are at a great time in our life to take FULL advantage of all the world's opportunities and become as successful as we desire to be! Take time to WRITE DOWN YOUR GOALS. 

 It sounds cliche. I don't care. 
It sounds tedious or superfluous. I don't care. 
It sounds like something you don't NEED to do. I don't care. 

 Writing down goals and dreams makes them real and solidifies a sense of finality and dedication to these goals. It makes us more accountable. Want to take it a step further? Set some real goals for yourself and share them with someone in your life other than Heavenly Father - someone who can help you stay on track and will be blunt and honest with you, but encouraging of your goals. THIS is the time to strive for the things we really want in our life. 

 Think on this to close... "What would you do if you knew you could not fail." Heavenly Father is on your side, and if you team with Him and truly work hard and stay focused, you can do all things. Remember, "...the things which are impossible with men are possible with God." (Luke 18:27)"
*muah*

Song of the day: My current obsessions are many.... Here's a good one. Check out Randy Houser's song "Runnin' Outta Moonlight." I'm not always a fan of country - just depends on the song or singer, but I LOVE this song! ADORABLE! :)