Sometimes You NEED to Give Up...

Being a successful musician is all about giving up.  Yep, you read that right... it's all about giving up.

To be a successful musician, or success in anything for that matter, one must give up there following (amongst other things...):

1.  Fear.  Becoming a success requires giving up on any fear you may feel and embracing the faith you have in yourself and your goals.  Fear isn't real anyway, right?  Thus, why do we allow it into our lives... Why do we allow a useless and imaginary emotion to rule over any space in our minds?  I am in no way claiming to be perfect with letting go of my internal fear, though I am monumentally better.  I have the made the decision that when fear begins to creep in to recognize and simultaneously dismiss its presence.  In the words of Will Smith's After Earth character,

“Fear is not real. The only place that fear can exist is in our thoughts of the future. It is a product of our imagination, causing us to fear things that do not at present and may not ever exist. That is near insanity... Do not misunderstand me, danger is very real, but fear is a choice. We are all telling ourselves a story and that day mine changed.”

2.  Wasting Time.  Becoming a success requires giving up wasting time.  It's not so much giving up TIME itself - it's putting it to better use.  It's removing the choices that waste our time.  You have to give up some of those wasted nights of Netflix and chill, or nights sitting around with friends at a party.  You can have those nights, just few and far between if you want to be truly successful.

3. Worry.  Becoming a success requires giving up the habit of worrying.  There's a quote I love to tell my students (and self) by Walt Disney that says,

"Why worry?  If you've done the very best you can, worrying won't make it any better."  

You have to put in the work and let the universe do its work... There's an amount of trust in self, others, God, the universe, etc. that is required in giving up worry, and that can be difficult.  However, it can be done.  Another quote regarding worry, which recently struck me is from Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them.  One of the main characters states,

"Worrying is just suffering twice."  

Instantly I understood that worrying goes back to wasting time and energy... It dozens't solve the problem, just makes you live inside of it... no one that miserable can be successful.

4.  Laziness.  Becoming a success requires giving up on laziness.  You have to put in the hard work and energy to become successful.  Success doesn't just fall into one's lap, even if they're naturally good at things. Kevin Durant once said,

"Hard work beats talent when talent doesn't work hard."  

Imagine if someone WAS amazing naturally at something - sports, singing, math - and they ALSO put in the hard work to be successful and advanced in that skill set... They would be incredible.  This wasn't something I learned until later in life, and I wish I had learned it sooner.  I was naturally good at things as a kid - almost always got the solo in a song, the part in a play I wanted, and made the teams I tried-out for during middle and high school.  I was also naturally good in school at most subjects... aside from chemistry.  It was a blessed curse, because I could skim by most of the time and still defeat those around me... kinda cool, but when I was pushed later, I collapsed into myself.

I've never been a "lazy" person by any means, but I learned the true meaning of HARD work in college and past, and I'm grateful I didn't completely give-up on myself.  However, I gave up on goals for a few years because I was terrified of failure...  See how these all tie together?  Fear means wasting time from worry, creating a lazy pattern and bleeding into my final point... 

5.  Negativity.  Becoming a success requires giving up on negativity.  Your mind is SO powerful... You truly become what you determine you want to become.  Your thoughts drive your actions, which develop your life into the playground you'll live on.

"Whether you think you can or you can not, you are right." - Henry Ford

The mind is SO powerful... 

If you have negative self-beliefs, they hold you back from reaching your full potential... If you have negative attitudes about outcomes, people, places, etc. those attitudes can hold you back from not only enjoyment of the moment, but connecting to others or the process before you.  If you have negative friends, it affects your relationships to them, others, and self.  If you have negative self-beliefs those can be projected on to others and formulate a negative reality... Switch it up!  Turn those negative thoughts around and realize all you're blessed with and blessed to be.  We have an amazing world around us and incredible potential inside of us... use both and think about what could GO RIGHT, and not what could go wrong.  BELIEVE.

There are probably a lot of other things you have to give up to be successful - in fact, this article tells 13 pretty great things to give up, but I found it post writing these out when searching for the picture below:

https://medium.com/personal-growth/13-things-you-need-to-give-up-if-you-want-to-be-successful-44b5b9b06a26

Also, these five listed are the main things that come to my mind in reaching success.  I have a long way to go until I am where I want to be career-wise, musically, financially, body/health-wise, and in my all abilities, however, I feel like as I have been learning to give these things away in more and more areas of my life, I am happier and healthier, which is the first step to calling my life a success.  We are all meant for amazing things and success, even if it genuinely look different for each person... we are meant for greatness, so believe in that and give up on certain things to give room for all you need to gain.

I leave you with this quote, which may appear oxymoronical, but I assure you contributes to the article:

What will you GAIN from giving up?
*muah*

Song of the Day: I've recently become obsessed with the musical Dear Evan Hansen, as half of America has done, and there are many stand out songs from that show.  To choose just one... I think the current one I'm in awe of, if I have to choose one, is "You Will Be Found," featuring Ben Platt.   We have ALL felt like what he is describing, but he's right - you'll be found.  Check it out... :)

The Phoenix

A few months ago, I made a change to my body that many of my friends became vocal about - for better or for worse.  I got inked.

For the most part, friends have been overwhelmingly supportive of me making this decision for myself, esp. as they recognize the time and energy that went into choosing the specific design, the colors, the style, the shop, the artist... It was all with an intent to be highly symbolic and therefore, needed to be specific.

I've wanted to get a Phoenix tattoo since last Fall.  2015 was a pretty difficult year for me, and in all honesty, the last few years have been hugely life-changing with many directional switches.  In late 2013 I began lifting and clean eating.  I began to switch my body's routines and the way I looked at overall health.  From that choice, the other parts of my body began to show their issues.  In two years time I had completed four major surgeries - gallbladder, knee, shoulder, and ending with brain. Additionally, I was diagnosed with Lyme disease in March of 2015.  Brain surgery was perhaps one of the most difficult surgeries for many around me, and yet the easiest for me... I knew when they found the aneurysm it would probably equal a surgery, and instead of fear, for the first time I fully embraced TRUST.  It probably helped that I had been through the other three surgeries, so perhaps they were blessings in disguise.  I just KNEW Heavenly Father was going to take care of me... I knew I was suppose to do the surgery, and I knew God wasn't done with me here on earth.  I knew I was going to be okay.

Some know this story... About 10 minutes before the surgery happened the doctor came in and told me he needed me to sign an extra paper.  My brain was shaped differently than any other brain he had worked on in his 17 (I think that was the number...) years practicing and he wasn't sure how the procedure would react with my brain.  It could mean another surgery, or even more severe issues (like paralyzed limbs) if it went poorly... or everything could be fine.  I signed without a second thought and when asked how it was so easy or didn't I want to think about it, I said I already knew what the right choice was for me.  I had prayed about it and God had been clear... This was the surgery I needed to become the healthiest and happiest me.  Six months later at the post-op check-in, I was cleared of any sign there had been an aneurysm.  I know I am meant to share that story and encourage others to fully trust in their Lord even when scared or unsure as to what will happen.  It's also often a much needed reminder for me....

I wish I could say this was all the tattoo was about, however, there are SO many other things that happened during that year, and some of them I'm not ready to share publicly... some I'm just become brave enough to talk about out loud.  A few weeks after my brain surgery, I had an incident where I was sexually assaulted.  I have a hard time saying rape, and sexual assault feels safer... even though the incident itself wasn't safe.  Weird how our brain thinks the way it does - almost self-preserves and protects you emotionally.  However, sometimes, I believe my brain OVER does this protection...  and I'm just now in life learning the power of letting it out.  I experienced rape, and it was terrifying, traumatic, a little devastating, and demoralizing.  I felt guilty - you'll never understand fully, but you question over and over again if it really IS your fault... and if this means you're a weak person.  After the experience, you question your worth, your independence, your intelligence, your gut... you question EVERYTHING. 

It's awful, and it's really hard to come back from... but completely do-able. It just takes a little emotional and spiritual rebuild.

Each experience of 2015 made me stronger and forced me to rebuild.  I am not the person I was these few short years ago, and though I am grateful for the changes and new strength, I can not deny the happenings in life did indeed burn me and cause need for rebirth.  Thus, the need for my phoenix.

"From the ash I am born again, forever safe in the Savior's hand..."

I feel like through some choices, and some happenings, I was burned.  I was buried in my ash.  I was, indeed, reborn.  THAT is why I choose the phoenix.  It stands as a permanent reminder that I CAN do hard things... that I have the ability to make it thorough anything.

We joke, "If Britney Spears could survive 2007, I can survive anything."  I'm here in all seriousness to say, if I can survive 2015, I can survive and do anything... and so can you.
*muah*

Song of the Day: "Alive" by Hillsong United... singing it in church on the 19th and a little bit of my inspiration for today's post. :)

Expectations

Expectations are the death of a happy soul.

I was speaking with a friend the other day about my experience in Prague, and I realized something... I had the MOST amazing time and fell in love with that city for one reason - I had NO expectations about the city and the trip. I arrived solo, taking a night train from Koln to Prague city center, found my hostel and checked out local surroundings for a bit before a friend arrived and hiked around the city with me for a day and a half. We ate amazing food, saw the famous castle and city sights, and even went to a Czeck Musical! After that, I spent another two days just taking in the city and wondering around wherever I wanted to go, ate at random places, and watched a lot of street performers... It was lovely, and made all the better because I had NO expectation of how things "should" go on the trip or what I "should" do with my time. Sure, I had a list of the different sights I wanted to potentially see, list of foods to taste while there... however, there was no expectation of the "perfect trip."

After this chat, I read an article in Entrepreneur.com and it said the following:

"What did Epictetus, the great Stoic philosopher, say way back in the first century AD?
 - 'People are disturbed not by things, but by the views they take of them.' 

What did Shakespeare write in "Hamlet"?
 - 'There's nothing either good or bad but thinking makes it so.'

How about the Buddha?
 - 'We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts we make the world.'"

They are all so spot on... WE create our perceptions and therefore, the feelings we are having of frustration about the way an event turned out, or how an individual is acting. We have a view of how things "should" go, and it ruins our ability to live in the moment and be okay with how things really ARE going. 

Expectations rarely give us happiness, and therefore... I'm giving up on expectations. There are some key things I shall request/demand in my life if someone wants to stay in my life, however, expecting someone to acting exactly the way I imagine it in my mind is only going to lead to disappointment when people make a different choice or mess-up. We're all human - we don't handle situations perfectly every time. Therefore, if I allow myself to experience a situation and react accordingly, I feel as though I can live with a lot less disappointment and unfulfilled desires.

When it comes to things in my life coming to fruition, I work hard to make them happen - I don't expect them to happen because I have talent or an opportunity. I will allow myself to be in the moment and feel the genuine emotions of that experience... not what I believe I "should" feel or want to feel. That's putting your happiness in the hands of a specific situation or person... and I want to choose my happiness and let it be genuinely present. And, how much more real is that?! I'm not anticipating an emotional reaction or response - I'm letting it naturally come forth. Healthier and happier approach in my mind...

There's a difference between advocating for high results with jobs, events, friends, dating, etc.... However, I'm digging this idea of letting life be what it is and having zero expectations. I've read "always have hope, though never expect." I can live by that rule. :)

 *muah* 

Song of the Day: Love this song, even if it's over-played to some... and it kinda goes with the topic - "Let It Go" by James Bay, and covered by yours truly. :) Enjoy!

Sidenote:  I'm halfway to 31 today! :)  AND, guess what my fortune said this morning...?  "As soon as you feel too old to do a thing, do it."  DONE.

Things That I KNOW.

I know my Savior lives.  I know He lives and that He undoubtably loves me NO MATTER WHAT... He is in my corner.

I know my Father in Heaven wants me to succeed, and will guide me through all things in my life if I let Him - if I listen.  I have faith that He will lead me through my trails and keep me safe and protected if I merely give over my trust and faith to Him.  I have had trouble doing this in my life - REALLY trusting the Lord and not trying to control every aspect of my life.  These past few months, with everything that has happened in my life, I have HAD to give over a lot more control... It was HARD.  It IS hard sometimes... but once I do it, life is SO much more simple...

I know the Lord is there to catch me when I fall.  I know my Heavenly Father has sent a Savior to redeem me and even the playing field... through Him, I can do ALL things.  I can overcome all the proverbial and legitimate bull that life throws my way.  I CAN do hard things...

I've been doing morning meditation for the past six months, and let me tell you that one mantra I've been using is, "I am strong.  I am independent.  I am free.  I can do hard things."  It is through my Savior I have come to actually believe these morning statements.  I AM strong.  I AM independent.  I AM free.  I CAN do hard things..... because of HIM.

"What is impossible with men, is possible with God..." - Luke 18:27 --> My favorite.

Truth.  That is what this statement is - complete truth.

Another thought of truth - "A grateful heart is a magnet for miracles."  I could use s few of those- we all could... and so I'm taking the time to say THANK YOU to the man that matters most - the man that makes it all happen.  ALL things are possible with God...
*muah*

Song of the Day:  I have so many current song obsessions - choosing one is rough.  It must be done, however, so.... here's a girly anthem for summer that will drive most men nuts.  It's one of my current running and slow-drive jams!  Here is G.RL. with "Ugly Heart."  LOVE - Enjoy!

Trial by Forest Fire

Last night, one of my best friends forwarded me this quote as I was doing scripture study, and it reminded me how blessed I am... How if I can put my faith in my Heavenly Father and Savior, I can and will come out on top - all WILL be okay, more than okay, and amazing. 

This week has been a rather tough one - a really hard one.  My life is incredible, and I can not thank the Lord above for all I have in my life.  I have an amazing job that I love, a wonderful roommate and great apartment I can afford, great friends and a support system, clean water, warm showers, soft sheets I can wash each week, delicious food each day, and the ability to hear music and the gift of a voice... I am SO lucky.  That being said, there are days or weeks that things just SUCK.  It doesn't negate how grateful I am, but I think it's important to recognize that we have bad days and life can be hard.

I have a tendency to play the stone - the strong woman who locks away her emotions or reactions to hard situations.  I'm happy to report I have been getting better at being more honest with my emotions and more open with how I really feel -thank goodness, because I feel like I can finally express this in my music now.  However, there are many times it remains my internal struggle.  So, in the process of progression, I need to explain some honest feelings.

In the past nine days, I have been diagnosed with Lyme disease, in and out of two MRI/MRA tests and a bubble heart exam, had a student of mine (for the past two years) take his own life, led a few grief and coping discussions with students, discovered a brain aneurysm, and have heart issues that the doctor would "like to discuss" tomorrow. It's also our Theatre Region Competition on Friday and so late nights are a must each night this week to ensure student success - don't worry, I've been smart and asked other teachers for help.  

It's been a very hard, very emotional week.  I feel like I finally understand the phrase, "When it rains, it pours... and pours, and pours."  I'm trying to look at the positive, and I've actually been finding a lot of silver lining to things, but it's been hard.  I spend a lot of days in pain and feeling completely foggy and un-Linzed.  For those who don't know (I didn't until diagnosed), Lyme can cause the brain to swell and some issues with the neurological and nervous systems.  It's related to some memory loss (that's hugely affected me this year), fogginess of mind, difficulty concentrating, headaches, vision issues, extreme fatigue, poor coordination, and sleep pattern issues - all of which have affected me more and more this past year or two.  Add the brain aneurysm to this, and it's just put some added head pressure, numbness of body and face, tiredness, and muscle spasms.  

Again, I'm not complaining, but I need to be honest about how I feel... and right now, I genuinely feel like life is amazing - and amazingly hard.  I feel confused and nervous about results, and simultaneously grateful for answers and SURE that the Lord will take care of me.  I know through this process, I will grow and learn about myself, my body, and my Savior.  I will become more of the woman I am suppose to be... I know this may sound cheesy, but what's getting me through is the idea that when you go through trial by fire (or a roaring forest in flames), there emerges a Phoenix.  

Job (23:10) state, "But he knows the way that I take; when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold." I can become as gold, as I trust in the Lord and allow Him to comfort, guide, and heal me - in all aspects of my life.

"I know that you can do all things; no purpose of yours can be thwarted." (Job 42:2)
OR, my personal favorite...

I can be brave.  I can be strong.  I can be triumphant.... but I can only be those things as I allow my Heavenly Father to take control.   With God, ALL things are possible.
*muah*

Song of the Day: I found this song this past week, and it hit me hard... I've felt this way a few times in my life and she nails the emotions down beautifully.  Here is Jessie Ware's "Say You Love Me."  Enjoy!

It's a Love/Hate Relationship...

I love running.

I know. I never thought I would hear me say (or see my type) these words either.... ever. Must be a rather nippy day in hell.

All the same, I love running.

I love the feeling of accomplishment when you finish a mile, and even more so when you keep going past that first mile. I love the sense of clearing your mind and just listening to the music or your breathe as you run on back trails and side-pavement. I love the air chilling your face slightly, and the comradery you have with the other runners that pass you on the trail. I love that I feel better, healthier, and stronger with each run... and for that reason, this sticker sums it up.

Yep. I love running... when it's done. Hahaha! There are times, in fairness, that I genuinely love running while running and getting in the groove. However, I usually feel all these feelings of accomplishment and strength post-run. Let's face it - I'd much rather lift something heavy. I genuinely enjoy and crave lifting sessions. I WANT to run sometimes, but I don't crave getting a run in very often.

Sometimes in life, we have to find the joy in things that are hard for us, or the things we genuinely might not enjoy a ton. The key is gratitude. Perfect for Thanksgiving, right? :) As you look for the blessing of actually being ABLE to do those things, you realize the benefits and good behind them. You realize the crispness of the air and waves of encouragement from strangers with like-minded goals. You realize the way you feel and how your legs are literally getting stronger. You realize that you are blessed to be ABLE to run...

This Thanksgiving, my goal is to recognize something everyday of November that I usually dislike or "hate," are take time to recognize the blessing and benefits behind that thing. Today, I am grateful for a body that works and the ability to do hard things. Running is HARD for me sometimes, but I change my mindset, take the first quick step, and breathe deep as I go... Along the trail, I start to see the beauty around me and become more at one with the body I've been given. I have a body that is growing stronger, healthier, and "happier," and THAT is something to make me say, "Thank You."

*muah*

Song of the Day: Let's start this off right with a "holiday" song about gratitude and recognizing the beauty around us. Here is JOsh Groban's song "Thankful." Enjoy!!!

Lost N' Found: Snail Knowledge

There is beauty is becoming lost for awhile.

Have you ever gotten into your car just to drive until you aren't exactly sure where you are?  You might be able to get back to a place you recognize, but for a time, you're lost...

Have you ever wondered around a city, just exploring and taking in the culture, sights, smells, sounds, and people?  You find yourself in a part of town you're unfamiliar with, and aren't exactly sure how you got to this place.  

Have you ever been so in love with someone you find your will is almost lost?  Your will is almost taken from you in moments and replaced (sometimes misplaced) in another individual or their needs.  You may or may not have claimed yourself IN love with them, but you LOVED them... which causes one to lose sight at times and be blinded in love - for better or for worse.

Have you been lost in someone's eyes?  Lost in a moment - good or bad?  Lost in thought?

I have been lost in all these aspects of life.  I have found the beauty in being lost... in being swept away in a moment, in time, in an individual, in thought.  It's amazing to let go of care or worry and just BE LOST...

I have also been the victim of getting lost... I've felt fear at not knowing where I was, wandering down alleys to try and find my way back to a hostel as it's getting dark.  I've felt the embarrassment of losing myself in a moment when it was neither the time, nor the place.  I've felt the pain in losing my emotions to another individual who didn't have the same intention to return my affection.  I've felt the loneliness of losing my way spiritually and separating my will from the will of my Father in Heaven, and Savior.

There are times when a hyper-emotionally-aware individual, such as myself, just needs the emotional release of letting go and losing yourself for just a time.  Sometimes, getting LOST is beautiful and strengthening!  How is there genuine joy in losing yourself?

Because in those moments, I sincerely believe we find ourselves. 

I have discovered more of who I truly am and who I truly want to be in moments where I have just "let go" and spent time wandering... As I often do, I relate things to religious parallels.  In recent discussions had, I looked back at the story of Moses parting the red sea for the children of Israel.  After the mighty miracle of walking on dry (not even muddy!) ground across the span of the sea and being safe the entire time, they spent years "wandering" in process toward the promise land.  Although God was guiding them, they often found themselves in lost moments... and they felt all the feelings you have (good and bad) in being lost. They had miracles given to them left and right and still felt lost at moments... still had trouble with trust and faith. However, within being lost, many of them sincerely found a relationship with Christ and built their true character.

There is beauty in getting lost.

Over the past few years, I have had numerous moments of being "lost," as I searched for the right place for grad school, the right job post-Germany, the right job post-graduate school, and within many other points in my life.  I filled time and kept wandering and striving toward discovery.  Looking back, it is SO clear how LED I was in my LOST state.  Heavenly Father always had my best interest at heart.  Personally, I can look back and see the past SIX YEARS aligning for me to have the job of Theatre teacher at my specific High School.  My current job was literally six-years in the making.  I can see one thing happening because of my choices, then another, then another.... God has said "never will I lave you; never will I forsake you." (Hebrews 13:5)  I was being LED while I felt slightly LOST in those moments.

My life right now is the same in certain aspects, and I just keep trusting that Heavenly Father is leading me on the path I need to be on... even if I seem a little bit "lost" right now, I feel like I am finding my true self, my true purpose, in the process of my wandering journey.... and it's worth the uncertainty and wait.  It's taught me to replace that uncertainty with FAITH.  Faith in my Savior, faith in myself, faith in others.... I am learning the true power and purpose of faith.

"Be strong and of a good courage, fear not, nor be afraid of them: for the Lord thy God, he it is that doth go with thee; he will not fail thee, nor forsake thee." - Deuteronomy 31:6

One last thing this has all taught me.  The power of patience.

I am known to be very patient with children (thank you nannying and teaching), and almost nothing else... Haha!  I want to lose weight faster.  I want the driver in front of me to move over so I can kick it into high gear.  I want my braces to come off sooner, and my hair to grow longer quicker.  I want my knee to heal faster so I can run again and lift legs.  I want my voice to be perfectly in shape again by tomorrow. I want all my questions to be answered at the snap of my fingers.... These wants aren't necessarily "bad," but I am recognizing Heavenly Father's hand guiding my impatient desires to allow me to actually learn something from and within each experience.  This instant-gratification woman must learn the beauty in every inch - in every line drawn - and not always rush to the final picture.  There is joy in the journey.... That's where we grow.  We grow when we are lost.

And what's the sweetest part about being lost?  You won't stay lost for forever... 

and there is also beauty in being found.  

*muah*

Song of the Day:  This is perfect... listen to the lyrics!  "Snails see the benefit, the beauty in every inch!" Here is "Snails" by The Format!  I loved this band... :)  To see what inspired this pick, see the pictures in THIS LINK. Enjoy!

Dear YOU -

Dear YOU,

Do you know what you are worth?  I mean, do you really see yourself for all that you are and in the eyes that your Heavenly Father sees you?  In a non-religious sector, do you see yourself for the intelligence, kindness, beauty, talent, and humanity you have to offer?

YOU are worth EVERY happiness.

YOU are worth more than for what you give yourself credit.

You sell yourself short, and you have been selling yourself short.

YOU teach others to grow and see themselves for the beauty they are, and YOU make others believe in themselves.  This is no small feat....

YOU change lives and help others shape their passions and ambitions.  This is no minimal task...

YOU make others smile and believe in something because you believe in them.  THIS is love and compassion, and not all know how to show that to others the way you do.

This is not meant to brag about you or encourage conceit.  On the contrary, this is to help YOU humbly recognize the vast amount of amazingness you have and FINALLY embrace it.  You can move mountains for some, but mostly for yourself... Get rid of the mountains in your way.  Climb over them and learn along the way, or travel around them and discover new paths yet to be found.  Blast through them and tunnel through an exciting adventure... keep learning and growing, and making change happen... because YOU CAN do it.  YOU can make change happen for others AND for yourself.

YOU are just as important as others.  Others are important, but stop for a second and recognize the beauty that is in YOU.  YOU deserve every happiness... and therefore, sometimes you have to serve yourself.  It's okay - really.

I know your whole life you've felt like serving others is the only way to truly find yourself and be happy, but you have to serve YOU too... You have to make time for yourself, your dreams, your passions, your desires.  It's okay to push something else aside sometimes, or to say "no."

I'm going back to YOU deserve every happiness...

YOU cannot sit and play the waiting game with life, with jobs, with men or women, with friends, with decisions... You deserve to ACT and BECOME.  Don't wait on others to help you determine what you want or deserve.  You deserve it all, so go get it... Don't change your personality, interests, or standards for someone else. Don't wait on a man or woman to give you self-worth or validation.  If they don't see how amazing you are and take hold of that, walk.  Keep walking until someone starts to walk and talk beside you... Take THEIR hand because they'll make the effort to keep up with you and they'll recognize your worth.

Find someone who knows YOUR worth, but also know THEIR OWN worth.

Look to God and let Him tell you of your worth... Let Him help you discover what you deserve and be patient with Him.  Just because you're playing on His time-table at times, doesn't mean you can't actively be going for things and that you must forget your own worth.

You WILL fail at things... It does not denote your value.  "...Our destiny is not determined by the number of times we stumble, but by the number of times we rise up..." (Uchtdorf)  Keep on rising up to the challenge because YOU can defeat every obstacle.

YOU are strong.  YOU are amazing.  YOU are worth all the desires your heart can create and muster...

... Believe that of yourself and always, always remember how incredible YOU are simply because YOU are YOU.

*muah*

***This is my message to everyone.  Read it and internalize it for YOU.  Take what you need and pass it on to others so they can do the same.

Song of the Day:  This song sang to me today in light of this entry...  Here's an old one, but a good one - Jessica Andrews with "Who I Am."  Enjoy. :)

Emotion VS Logic

Life.

Life is interesting.

The places that we end up, the friendships and relationships we fall into or create, the experiences we have that allow growth from joy and pain... They make up the person that we are and design the chapters of our life.  There have been times I have chosen wisely, and times I have made some massive decisive errors.  Some of these epic failures have developed out of my knowingly moving forward with a stupid decision.  Some of these mistakes just fell upon me because one action demanded a reaction.  Either way, things happen for a reason.

I tend to make decent decisions and know what's best for me... sometimes I deny that internal knowledge for a contradictory desire, feelings of fear, or even slight confusion, often caused by my emotions.  See, I'm an emotional person.  SHOCKER?  I think not.  I may not be a massive "crier," but everyone who has met me could easily pin-point the bleeding heart on my sleeve and dripping emotion creeping from each pore.  Sorry for the visual, but it simply further illustrates my point.

My question is, WHY are some people designed that way?  Why are are some of us creatures of emotional design, while others are made with logic sequencing as their scepter? I think there is power in both avenues, and beauty within both as well.  This isn't a "grass is greener" moment.  It is simply the acknowledgement of these different individuals existing and the wonderment at WHY we are created the way we are.  If I was literally created with a more emotion-driven DNA strand (in body and spirit), that does not mean I can not learn and master skills on the logically-driven side.  It may be hard as hell, but it's possible.  However, what are I suppose to learn from the way I was created?  How can I help others with this way I was created?  These questions are some I have recently been pondering on as I attempt to reach out and serve others, and help those around me in the best way I know how to offer...

Being the emotional girl I am, I just need to take a second and say that the "blessing and curse" statement completely applies here... That being said, I am so grateful I am me.  I am so grateful I have been given my eyes to see the world and those individuals around me.  I am so grateful I was given my heart to feel others the way I can... The ability to feel someone's brightest smiles and hidden sorrows has always been something that allows me to show love, empathy, and understanding for others.  I'm not perfect at this, but I'm thankful for the moments it has helped me in aiding another find greater enlightenment or joy.

There is no real purpose for the entry, other than to record these thoughts... and this is just the venue I needed to do that today. 

*muah*

Song of the Day:  I love this man's voice... I discovered him a few weeks back and have been obsessed since.  Here is Sam Smith with "Make It To Me."  I love the line, "you're the one designed for me."  Gorgeous - enjoy! 

The Heart of It All...

"The heart is not so easily changed, 
but the head can be persuaded..."

This is not an entry about Frozen, although that might not be so bad to read.  That was a pretty chill movie... get it?  Chill?  See what I did there?  Yea, apparently I'm not as funny as previously claimed.  I can't help it if I adore a good pun... a lot.

Sidenote:  I LOVED Frozen!  I know some did not, but I thought it was adorable, the music was fun, the voices were great, the themes were awesome, the I loved that they decided NOT to have two people get married in a week.  You can begin to really like someone in a day, I know form experience.... but enough to love them for all time?  Yea, there's a resounding, "use your brain, please!"

Anyway, I love this line from the film because I believe that it's one of the most poignant moments.  Someone's mind can be changed as we are wiling to think about things differently.  However, deep-seeded beliefs and feelings are not always as easily swayed when the heart is involved.  The heart is central to the body, and thus, central to how we function... to who we are.  The heart pumps blood through our ENTIRE BODIES - it allows us to live and effects EVERY part of us.  This is its literal function.  However, the heart is more than literal.... We talk about the feelings we have being deep, being central to our souls, and often controlling our mindset.  Again, we see the heart effects EVERY part of us.

We have been told that before the second coming of our Savior, "men's hearts shall fail them..."  What does this really mean than?  Well, if we look at the literal sense of the statement, heart diseases and attacks are growing more and more common.  Many illnesses are overtaking our bodies, and as the heart being the central controlling factor, is frequently involved.  In the less literal way, but still as vitally real, we see hearts failing everyday within society emotional spectrum.  People CARE LESS than previously seen.  People are increasingly apathetic and selfish.  People are giving up on kindness, charity, and sacrifice.  Ideas of divinity and God are pushed aside for more frivolous ventures... We forget what's important and often go for the easy route or instant gratification.

"Men’s hearts failing them for fear, and for looking after those things which are coming on the earth: for the powers of heaven shall be shaken." - Luke 21:26

We put our FEAR in men, in those around us or society's ideals, while we should instead be putting our FAITH in God. It really comes down to the fact that fear is a lack of faith.... in ourselves, in others, in our Heavenly Father.  We allow our fear to overcome and fail our faithful hearts.

"That your faith should not stand in the wisdom of men, 
but in the power of God." - 1 Corinthians 2:5 

Now, I believe there is an importance in using your heart and minds together.  We were given our minds for a reason, but we were also given our hearts for a reason.  In the past few months, I have observed those who are too focused on their minds and not their hearts, and those who are so focused on feelings while they fail in using logic.  Both situations are negative.  In fact, I suppose one could argue in these final days people's minds are also failing them... However, the mind can be changed and brought to new knowledge and understanding.  The heart IS much harder to shape and rebuild.  The heart is the center to our being....

Why am I writing about this?  I'm been debating within myself what ways my heart has failed me.  When have I lacked kindness or charity?  When have I looked for what I want in the moment more than what is right?  When have I lacked FAITH?

I will not be one to let my heart fail me.  I will have more faith in myself.  I will not let my heart fail Him.  I will have more faith in my God and my Savior.  Simple put:

"Remove any of your fear with faith. 

Trust the power of God to guide you." - Elder M. Russell Ballard

*muah*

Song of the Day:  I think in having faith, we should all be a bit more happy.... Thus, here is Pharrell Williams' song, "Happy."  Enjoy!

Funnies.... Lots of funnies.

Life is funny sometimes... Heck, it's funny all the time!  I laugh everyday, and I think that is vital to my personal happiness.  There is a power in just smiling and having a good chuckle.

Thus, it is time to bring back the good ol' quote-a-thon that happened monthly(ish) on my page!  Some of these are SUPER old... some are new.  Either way, they're enjoyable and give you that little laugh you might need today.  Well, those you understand....

You be welcome, girls and boys.... You be most welcome. 

"I would say yes to him on Tinder..." - Lauren

"Everyone deserves a naked room in their house... or on their porch..." - Linze

"Their breakfast better to be good.  If it's just continental, I'm going to say, 'Where are my damn eggs!?'" - Linze... said rather casually.

"WONDERBOY!" - Tim (Shouted at Bobby Redford @ my Westminster Graduation)

"Remember when you made good movies..." - Jake (said under his breathe to Bobby Redford...)

"He's no Trey Songz..." - Justin (said ABOUT good ol' Redford's speech at graduation)

"That's my grandpa.... grandma." - Linze

"Cause Gesthemene was like, a really big deal." - Paige

"I wish you were a unicorn." - Ally
"I do too - everyday." - Courtney
"Then I could ride you and play with you." - Ally
"Yes.  Yes, you could." - Courtney

"Why is she so happy about the garbage?!" - Ally (said very dryly... hilarious.)

"Yours looks like a picture... mine looks like a video game!" - Linze

"Marry a bean!" - Eliza
"Marry a STRANGER!" - Eliza/Ally
"Wait! If you don't find a husband or wife, you could marry Courtney!" - Ally

"You're not gonna marry anybody." - Ally
"Sad truth." - Courtney

"Do you like to dance?!" - Linze
"It wears me out." - Eliza
"You LOVE to talk!" - Linze
"Seems like YOU love to talk!" - Eliza (She's a feisty one!)

"The final frontier - To go where no man has gone before..." - Star Trek
"To be ridiculously good-looking? Check!" - Linze to my mom...

"People always like the stuff when I swear." - Spencer
"Well, let's be real about the content too!" - Linze (regarding accidentally going to Colorado...)

"You drove to Colorado?!" - Linze (laughing sarcastically)
"Linze.  I'm not kidding." - Spencer
"Oh...." -Linze *crickets*
"Damn you, Siri!" - Spencer

"Do fishes get parched? Yes." - Lo

"Shut up!  How does she still have a calling?!" - Courtney

"I could squat you!" - Linze

"These are like vague Facebook status updates..." - Courtney about testimony meeting :)

"You two go together - Bam!"  - Miss S (me), putting students into groups
"We 'Bammed" already though!" - A student.... who got rather embarrassed
*We were all in teary laughter pretty fast*

"I like a really manly man... who just wants to ravage me!" - Paige

"Are you destiny's child?" - Courtney

"Is that what blurred lines is about?" - Courtney

"Let me see your snap-chat! Can we snap-chat that one boy?" - Eliza
"Spencer?" - Linze
"No." - Eliza
"Isaac?" - Linze
"Is he the one with no shirts?" - Eliza
"Yep." - Linze

*Looking at our snap-chat list from the night*
"That's a lot of Isaac...." - Eliza

"I bet you're a great runner!" - Linze
"That's a stereotype " - Hilma
"I meant cause you're skinny." - Linze
"Oh..." - Hilma (She be black.)

"He's also Hispanic." - Court
"Isn't he Filopino?" - Spence
"Well, he's not white." - Court

"It's like a blast to your vag!" - Nicole

Well, there  ya go.  Enjoy!
*muah*

Song of the Day:  LOVE this song... I want to cover this song!  Here is Katy Perry with "Unconditionally." Enjoy!!!
 

Goals = Growth

I have recently been reflecting on the power there is in making goals and taking action to achieve them.  This is what I have determined...

"You reap the rewards of what you sow - you choose to diminish or choose to grow.
Step back, reflect, and make a pact to strive for something - choose to act."

I wrote that... because I believe that.  I hope more people will understand and strive after that.  Hell - I hope that I continue to understand and strive for that!

Goals are powerful.  Goals drive you, give you passion, and help you to grow.  Without taking the time to write down, actively pursue, and celebrate your goals and achievements, you cease to reach your full potential.

I have a lot of potential to fill and not enough time to do it.  I'm sure gonna give it everything I've got while I can though.

I'm going to include what I wrote for part of our ward blog last week:

"We are at a great time in our life to take FULL advantage of all the world's opportunities and become as successful as we desire to be! Take time to WRITE DOWN YOUR GOALS. 

 It sounds cliche. I don't care. 
It sounds tedious or superfluous. I don't care. 
It sounds like something you don't NEED to do. I don't care. 

 Writing down goals and dreams makes them real and solidifies a sense of finality and dedication to these goals. It makes us more accountable. Want to take it a step further? Set some real goals for yourself and share them with someone in your life other than Heavenly Father - someone who can help you stay on track and will be blunt and honest with you, but encouraging of your goals. THIS is the time to strive for the things we really want in our life. 

 Think on this to close... "What would you do if you knew you could not fail." Heavenly Father is on your side, and if you team with Him and truly work hard and stay focused, you can do all things. Remember, "...the things which are impossible with men are possible with God." (Luke 18:27)"
*muah*

Song of the day: My current obsessions are many.... Here's a good one. Check out Randy Houser's song "Runnin' Outta Moonlight." I'm not always a fan of country - just depends on the song or singer, but I LOVE this song! ADORABLE! :)

You are ENOUGH.

I've had four friends share this video over the day, so I think I should probably pass it along too... must be that good (spoiler: It is!  The whole series seems awesome...). :)



I was talking to a friend today about this very topic and wrote her this note via facebook just this afternoon (before watching the video):

"It really is unfortunate how some men treat women.  [I need to add now, or how some women treat women...] I feel sorry for them and the value that they hold in the size, weight, look, and appearance of a woman.  They miss out on a lot of other important facets that create an entire human being and a DAUGHTER OF GOD.  I know they're "wired differently," but it's sad... It's a little pathetic, and it's unfortunate for them.  We are SO much more than our bodies.

You are an amazing person, with a good heart and vast intelligence.  Not to mention, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. Remember that you are worth more than the value he is placing on you, and that his opinion is invalid.  The only opinions that matter are yours and your Heavenly Father's.  I recognize that is hard to remember when you're hurting, but just know you should feel sorry for HIM for letting you go over shallowness and his own insecurity.  What a messed-up mind-set.... He's going to wind up very unhappy.

You're amazing - keep at it.  You don't need to lose weight for anyone but YOU - remember that right now.  Do what will make YOU sincerely happy, and don't do it for anyone else.  Because YOU are enough."

... And for once, I know with 100% certainty that I'm right....

YOU are enough.  You ARE enough.  You are ENOUGH.

On a non-religious note, whether you believe in a higher power or not, this applies... You are loved and worth everything in the world you desire.  On a more religious note, I am so thankful that I know I have a Father in Heaven who lives and loves me.  I am thankful that I know of my divine heritage and capabilities - and that I am divinity in motion (not to quote MJ, but really... RIP, brotha).  We are all worth so much more than we realize.... and if someone says differently, they're a fool. Straight up, a fool.

"Wherever you are, whatever the circumstances may be, you are not forgotten. No matter how dark your days may seem, no matter how insignificant you may feel, no matter how overshadowed you think you may be, your Heavenly Father has not forgotten you. In fact, He loves you with an infinite love. Just think of it! You are known and remembered by the most majestic, powerful and glorious Being in the universe. You are loved by the King of infinite space and everlasting time. He who created and knows the stars knows you and your name.”  

- Dieter F. Uchtdorf 

In the words of Lion King (although not my original intention): Remember who YOU are.... and in doing so, help those around you remember who THEY are.
*muah*

Song of the Day:  This is one of my all-time faves, and ties right into what we're talking about here.... It was arranged by  friend of mine, Stephanie Maybe, and written by one of her friends, Nicole Sheahan.  The song is called, "I Am His Daughter."  Enjoy!

I Am More Than My Body

I know that I am going to receive backlash for some of the things I will write today... If you are angry, I apologize you have felt that way and that I made you feel that way. I am not, however, apologetic for believing what I believe and have been seeing on a reoccurring basis. I just ask you make it through the ENTIRE entry to see that I do talk about both sides or an issue...

 A few years back one of my good friends wrote a song called, "Expectations, Realizations." I have been privileged to perform the song with him at a few venues over the years, but the meaning of the song never really took hold until recently. The popular chorus line states, "expectations rarely equal realizations," also meaning reality. Now, this is not to say that we shouldn't have big dreams and standards for ourselves in life (face it, I'm a theater teacher so I am ALL about dreaming big!) but there is a point where we must also recognize and embrace reality. Sometimes reality gives you an even happier or more peaceful outcome than a lack of acceptance for reality. Also, sometimes I believe that we cheat ourselves and others by being unrealistic in moments when it is necessary.

This is only a PORTION of what I wanna talk about. It all ties together- promise. :)

 A few days back I was horrified to hear a break-up story from one of my friends. Incredibly, I have a similar story in my past... We'll get to that. The "break-up" goes like this.. A boy and girl had been dating for around three years on and off. Some may say that I am issue within itself, but I say everyone's timing is different and unique. Finally things came to a head for these individuals and it was brought up, "is this really going anywhere?" That is when this response from the boy came out:

 "I'm just concerned I may not be attracted to you in ten years because you like food so much." 

Well, that was strike one times eight million over. Talk about taking someone's self-esteem and shattering it like knocking icicles.  Talk about the conversations and statements like this being the reason that THOUSANDS & THOUSANDS of girls have eating disorders or hate themselves/their bodies.  Talk about the reason that some girls try to be overly sexy and just perpetuate the issues with sexual addictions (or just having sex too young) that you would/should NEVER want your mothers, sisters, or daughters to take on for themselves.  Talk about a mindset that perpetuates the mindset that women are just bodies or sexual creatures.  He continued to talk about if they had kids she wouldn't feed them right... The conversation went on, but I was stuck on the statement above....

"I may not be attracted to you in ten years because you like food so much." 

 First issue: IF you argue that this is just a cop-out because he wasn't into her, WORST COP-OUT EVER!  Be a man.  Be a woman.  Have the balls to say what the REAL issues are about.  

Second issue:  IF this is him being real and saying what he really felt, I believe there is a way to be blunt and honest without being distasteful and cruel.  We have to remember that words are powerful.  Words are either your band-aid to the wounds created or the salt poured onto the wound to make is seep open.  You might create the wound by saying goodbye to someone, but let's not bury the person in salt. 

Third issue:  The statement above in general.  You "might" not be attracted?  She "might" gain weight?  (Keep in mind, homegirl is THIN and GORGEOUS.)  With that kind of thinking you're planning the weddings to your third and fourth wives while at the alter with your first wife.  We need to plan for the future - I get that completely.  However, there is something to be said for having trust and faith in the Lord - and in another human being.  There is something to be said for looking at more than JUST the physical.

"Being “in love” and attracted to a person is a good start, but clearly not enough." 

-Thomas B. Holmes 

Attraction IS important!  Attraction IS necessary!  Attraction IS part of a successful and happy marriage!  I am not in anyway undermining or devaluing the importance of attraction... With that being said, I was speaking with my mom the other day on the deck and asked if she was attracted to my dad when they got married.  This was two weeks ago and for some reason, I just asked.  She kinda laughed and said, "Well, yea..."  I said, "Well, I don't know I assumed so, but I didn't know if it was like really, really attracted."  Haha!  Yep, I don't know where that came from, but I asked.  She laughed again and said, "It just seems so juvenile when I think about all that we've been through.  Yes, I was attracted to him, but it's more than that...  It's more than butterflies when I see him or thinking he's cute... We've been through so much together now and I'm attracted to him WAY past the physical." 

"A happy marriage is not so much a matter of romance as it is an anxious concern for the comfort and well-being of one’s companion." - Gordon B. Hinckley  

Love takes on a new meaning as you go through time and you realize that the physical attraction becomes secondary to all the reasons you're really staying with another person.  You LOVE them, and hopefully through the attraction physically might change and hit high or low spots, you wouldn't want to leave them because you see them through new eyes.  Your eyes should change in marriage.... I'm not saying get frumpy and gain weight once you're married.  Again, attraction is important... but I think that there's just so much more to marriage than my future hunk-o-rama's looks.  Attraction can spark a relationship, AND keep it going.... but it CHANGES.  Your relationship becomes so deep that at your physical lows you can look at all the reasons you love them and just not focus on that - they serve you, they make you laugh, they take care of you,  they take care of your children, they carry intelligent conversation with you, they carry dumb conversations with you, they make you a better person, they strengthen your testimony, they know you better than anyone else and they just get you....

... and you know each other so well that if that was more important to you, you could work on getting fit together.

The issue isn't him saying as much him THINKING it in the first place. He might not have meant it to be so negative, but that's what worries me the most.  That kind of thinking.... the lack of trust in her and the overwhelming focus on the physical is what worries me most.  It worries me because I have a LOT of male friends who have made similar comments to me about others.  It worries me because I've had more than a handful of girls have things like that said to them.  Now, I can say this because right now in my life, I am 100% confident in who I am, I like who I am (body and all), and I do not mean it as a put-down.  I am a bit more to love.  If a man said that to me, it would hurt and be wrong... I would be angrier at the situation.  However, I still find myself angry with this situation and it's not even regarding me... Why?  First, because if someone thin and gorgeous has that said to her, how can those of us with actual curves even stand a chance?!  If the focus is so much on the physical there are only so many men around here who dig a girl with curves.... I've had enough of my guy friends tell me that when speaking of other girls.  If you think when you talk I believe it "doesn't apply to me," guess what - it does boys.... It applies to all us girls and we know it.

It's just sad that you can't see past a body-image.  

Second, you make me worry when you're so focused on the body image about the world we live in... a world so focused on sex.  It's in out music like CRAZY!  It's in our movies and TV shows WAY more than it use to be.  It's all over with pornography - and that addiction is skyrocketing like mad with each passing day.  It just makes me sick to think that sexuality has been twisted.

I have enjoyed working out and toning my body a bit more.... I am striving in my life to be healthier and yes, thinner, because it makes me healthier.  It is NOT so that a guy will like me or so I will look better naked.  THAT is why I have actually been able to lose some weight... and when I forget that I plateau.

Sidenote (but not so sidenote): This applies both ways... If, ladies, you are doing the same thing in your dating, then shape up and stop the shallow drive around the lot.  I just see it WAY more in men and so I'm addressing the frustration and concern here... on my blog... cause I can.

The point:  Look past the physical.  I didn't say don't look AT the physical.  Being attracted to someone is important, as stated before... However, look PAST that and see what is beneath their body and skin.  What makes them a beautiful person and not just a beautiful body. 

If the focus is so much on what I may or may not look like in lingerie, underneath covers, in a shower, or wherever (I'm talking about SEX people!), and not on my heart and what I have to offer you one human being to another... one child of God to another... than I am glad I'm still on the market and lookin' for someone who understands what marriage, love, and relationships are really about.   I'm not holdin' out for a hero (though that would be okay too).... I'm holdin' out for one of the simple, good ones.  I'm holdin' out for someone who knows I am more than my body.  

*muah*

Song of the Day: For those who know me well, you know that I really love Sara Bareilles.  I love how she encourages people through words to feel and grow.  She is an incredible artist with an amazing voice... and she had a new CD come out recently!  Needless to say I was elated - ELATED! Thus, here is her newest single, "Brave."  It's applicable in being brave and embracing who you are ladies (and gentlemen)!  To all the girls who have felt the "backlash of somebody's lack of love" or had words used as a "weapon or a drug" on you... BE BRAVE.  Enjoy!

Waitin' on the World to Change... or Me... or God's Timing... or the Weather.

I think we all have moments in our life where we are left "in waiting." We are use to having to wait in lines at Disneyland or Cafe Rio, for someone important to call or text, or for the clock to hit 5:00 pm after a long day at work. However, we never really get use to waiting on the "next step" or next big event in our life.  Both are obnoxious at moments and sometimes impatience can set in... We just want to be where we planned in life - whether that's riding space mountain, eating a pork salad, or graduating from Grad School after a few long years.  However, I have come to learn that it's how we deal with the "waiting time" that says the most about our character and mental health.

We can't always choose our emotions.  We can't.  Anyone who says it's that easy doesn't understand the majority of people in this world.  Emotions come and go like summer and fall, but allowing those emotions to set-in and consume us is often our choice.  We have the ability to use our actions and surroundings to change our emotions.  One way to do this... service.

I recently read an amazing talk by a woman named Christy Nelson. She states:

 "Most everyone has experienced anxiety or anticipation while waiting for something. As a single adult, I certainly have learned what it means to wait. For this reason Isaiah 40:31 has come to have special meaning for me: “But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint” (emphasis added). Many of us dread waiting, but through the prophet Isaiah, the Lord tells us that waiting can actually be a good thing.

So what kind of waiting was Isaiah describing? The Hebrew word translated as wait also means “hope for” and “anticipate” (Isaiah 40:31, footnote a). To add my own interpretation, I like to think of waiting in terms of a waiter at a restaurant. In this sense, to wait on someone is to serve that person. A good waiter—or server—gives his or her customers excellent care and attention by checking in often, learning their desires, and attending to them. When I adopt this attitude toward the Lord, it adds purpose to the time I spend awaiting a particular blessing. In fact, time seems to pass more quickly when I am diligently working to serve God. Ironically enough, it’s through this work that I “renew [my] strength.”

The same amount of time will pass whether I am squandering it in anger and impatience or using it to serve the Lord and His children. Choosing to “wait upon the Lord”—or viewed another way, to serve Him—yields far more satisfying results. This choice also helps me remember that because Heavenly Father’s greatest desire is to bless His children with what will ultimately help us be happy, He will not only give me what I need, He’ll also give it at the time that is best for me."

Now, I'm not one to preach on this topic... I can be a sucky waiter.  Haha!  No, but really... I put on a good face, but I do get a bit anxious at times.  I'm only human.  However, this article and thinking on the topic these past weeks has changed my outlook just a little bit.  I have taken an approach of service and focusing on what I can do for others.  I'm waiting on others in the service attitude, rather than just meaninglessly killing time.  It's a much happier state to be in because you're constantly DOING something... I hate just sitting around waiting... it drives me mad.  Thus, an attitude of focusing on others not only blesses your life, but those you're serving... It's brilliant.

So, in conclusion, I'm gonna stop waitin' on the world to change... and go out there and change it myself.
*muah*

Song of the Day:  I'm currently obsessed with this jam - perfect to drive to and sing to as loud as you'd like.... Here is Nikki Williams with "Glowing."  Enjoy!

Court.

There is one other individual in particular who I feel like I should really say "Thank You!" to in my life right now... I have MANY good friends, and feel very blessed for all of you.  I am beyond thankful for the hours and hours you spend talking with or hanging out with me.  I'm grateful for the effort you put forth in being my friends and confidants.  Eventually I will blog to ALL off you, but for now I need to say one additional thank you to this particular individual and my Heavenly Father for placing her in my life.

I just recently took the time to write about my bestie, Spence, and how he has been such a God-send for me in this past year of my life.  I also feel the same about Miss Jaegs.  She has been there for me through a lot in in the past six-ish months and always willing to spend time and effort on making me happy.  I have found a true friend in her and know that I can count on her to always have my back.  She is up for any crazy thing and helps me not look like too much of an idiot - haha!  She is great because we can have hilarious conversations about frivolous things and then have serious, meaningful conversations about life, decisions, the gospel, and how we're feelings.  It's the perfect friendship for me and she has sincerely grown to be a best friend.  I  know that I can always count on her... and that means the world to me.

Court - I look up to you A LOT!  You have no idea the example you are to me each day.  You have no idea how much I just want to be like you in so many ways.  Thank you for allowing me to be a part of your life and for putting up with my bits of crazy.  Especially since half the world thinks we're lesbians... well, maybe just your mom... and those people at the Sunday party... We LOVE men.  A LOT - FYI world. :)

"In Utah, we do what we want!"

Again, I'm a blessed girl... I should be more thankful.
*muah*

Song of the Day: This is for Court, so... Here is an anthem she fixed me up with awhile back.  Here's Megan and Liz singing "Bad For Me."  Love it. Enjoy!

Spence.

Sometimes we write on our blogs to make a grand statement or announcement.
Sometimes we write in our blogs to express emotion or opinions.
Sometimes we write in our blogs to record an event in our lives.

Today, I write in my blog simply to express gratitude for the past few months.  I've been a blessed girl.  I can truly affirm that Heavenly Father knows WHAT we need WHEN we need it... I truly hate waiting on the Lord's timing (sorry - it's true), but I know He has it figured out for me better than I have if figured out for myself.  This past few months, what have I really needed?  A solid, genuine, trustworthy, loyal, and real best friend.  I've just needed someone I can really 100% talk to about anything and who supports me and vice versa - no matter what.  A friend that stands up for me... and makes fun of me when deserved (Habatchi - need I say more? Nope.). A friend who can make me laugh when I'm upset or calm me down when I'm being irrational.  I have that right now, and that's pretty awesome.

In a hard time he says...

"I don't want to be human." 

My reply...

"Well, zombie is much less attractive... but I'll see what I can work out for ya."

Our convo on the matter...

"Zombies are awesome.  All they want is to eat brains. I could live with that. No heart = no pain."
"And no excitement either... You'd cease to be witty!"
"That sounds like a fair trade though."
"Well, not for me.  Sorry - I need a best friend.  No zombie-life for you."
"And that's why I wouldn't make the trade.  You're welcome."
"Thank you for not becoming a zombie for me."

How awesome are we?  Yep - you're jealous.  Sorry, but... thou shalt not covet.
Our friendship is pretty epic.

I have the best friend in the world.  We understand each other in a way no one else can - on both sides.  It's a bit scary how much we think alike.... We're not the exact same - we harbor differences and different opinions or interests.  However, we THINK alike and just get each other without even using words.  It's pretty amazing - and I just needed that right now.

*Dropping me off*

"Hey, well I'll see you..."
"Just everyday for the rest of our lives."
"Yep."

Sidenote:  Can we take a normal picture?!  I think not.

I'm a lucky girl.  I just felt like I should say, THANK YOU.
*muah*

P.S.  Sorry if this at all seems somewhat sappy - I'm just grateful.  I think it was fine till the song, right?  Eh - oops. Hahaha....
P.S.S. Also, I think the song might be slightly about Jesus... I'm not in any way trying to steal the limelight - FYI. :)

Song of the Day: Without getting overly sappy, I think this song fit appropriately for this entry.  Here's a little Boyce Avenue and Michael Jackson with "Will You Be There." Partake in both or whichever video makes your heart happy... Personally, well, I jam to both.  Enjoy!

 

I Said THAT?! #Oops.

Round 587 of quotes..... ENJOY.

"I need people to back up so I can back-it-up!" - Linze

"I sustained them from the pool." - Linze
"We sustained them from the pool-pit!" - Spencer
*Crickets while I we alone died of laughter...*
I thought it was really funny. :)

"Have you heard of Temper Trap?" - Linze
"The temperature?" - Spence
"Temper Trap..." -Linze
*Taking his earphones out completely* "I thought you said, 'Do you have the temperature app?!'"

"We can sing ALL of the Wicked soundtrack!" - Linze to Spencer
Together: "... AND MARK CAN'T STOP US!"

 "Hell, Damn, Shiz, Bi%*@!" - She shall not be named, but it was CLASSIC! Clean that mouff out, girl!  Hahahaha...

"This is dangerous...." *BOOM* - Spencer
The chair back collapsed.
"Be careful poolside!" - Mama Minnick

"I guess my butt just needs to go in the crevas..." -Spence

"This is slow as Moses!" - Spencer
".... Molasses???" - Linze

"You can't ribbon to this - you need whips!" - Spence

"I'm going to therapy before I come up there." - Spence
"Oh ok.  Well, take all the time you need." - Linze
"By therapy, I mean tanning." - Spence

"I can do this ALL DAY!" - Derek and Cami... and now me... and all because of THIS:

"Man everything is quoted off pinterest.... God is Pinterest.  Quote Him." -  Yours Truly during RS...

"He didn't know how to spell commitment... That's why it's all jumbled together up there." - Court

"I'm not trying to be unspiritual, but all I could think of was damn and douche...." - Truth.

"Don't say my name!  I know who I am!" - Leslie :)

"If you're a polygamist and you can't get married..." - Mark

"You could catch-up..." - Linze
"I'm sorry. I can't hear you over the 20 points that separate us!" - Natalie

"I'll be Hitler." - Ashleigh

"They have peanuts to munch on." - Michelle
"They have what?!" - Me.

"Do you want a ratio?!" - Spencer :)  (I love that he's my best friend - hahahaha!)

"Maybe I could bloom here?!" - Linze

"Fine. You don't have to wear a suit." - Spencer
"Damn straight I don't have to wear a suit!...... Sorry.  I get feisty on Sundays." - Um, me. :)

"First World Problems." - Spencer

Speaking of first world problems, check the video my brother sent me... I love him.

Well, that gave you a good glimpse into the last few weeks of my life... It's been a good month.
*muah*

Song of the Day:  Well this should be SONGS of the day... Here are some of the best jam-out songs of 2012 in ONE!  Yep - In an epic remix.  Here is "Pop Danthology 2012" with a myriad of amazing jams - check it! (The video is REALLY cool too!)

Patience is More Than a Virtue

It's typical for girls of my age(ish) and generation to get frustrated on the lack of male participation in the dating world.  I often hear amazing women/girls say how they feel like they're on the right track and just waiting for the boys to step forward and "do something."  They are doing everything they can to further themselves educationally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually.  However, they can only do so much before a guy has to step in and make a move. However, I had a few thoughts about this for all those older young, single adult girls out there...

1 - Perhaps it's about patience and faith for a different reason than talked about previously.  We talk about how girls our age just need to "be more faithful" and really just have trust that everything will work out - I agree... and it will.  However, perhaps it's not as much for US personally as it is for our children.  This can go for the guys side as well when you're actively pursuing options and just not finding a match - In fact, all these points can apply to both sides... I'm just gearing thoughts more toward girls right now.  We're going into a time that's getting progressively harder and harder... and maybe we need to understand patience so clearly in order to understand our children clearly. Perhaps our faith is tested so we can help our children when their faith is really tested... so we know how to walk them through the feelings and situations.  At the same time it DOES help us grow, but it can then bless us in multiple ways.

2 - I was listening to a CES Fireside by Elder Bednar and his wife this morning as I got ready for the day... He talked about "not shrinking."  He told a story about a couple who had just gotten married and then the man found out he was deep into having cancer.  When Elder Bednar came to visit this couple, he felt impressed to ask him a bizarre question. "Do you have the faith to NOT be healed?"  Sometimes I have the habit of saying, "Okay, Heavenly Father... I submit my will to you completely   You can make what I want happen on your own time."  That's not real, true submission.  I thought it was, but I realized today it's not.  I have a sneaking suspicion that I'm not the only person who has thought this way.  True submission is saying, "Heavenly Father.  I'm on your time table AND plan for me... If what I want doesn't happen, that's okay... because I know your plan for me it ultimately better."  That is HARD!  I tell you... especially for an independent, "I-can-do-this-myself" kind of girl.  However, it's how true faith and submission works.

Thus, here is a dramatic example... I truly believe that I will get married and have kids in this life.  I'm not concerned about it in the long run.  However, I need to be able to say that I'm okay if that doesn't happen, because that will be the right thing.  Therefore, I am okay with that in my life.  I'm content to let the Lord completely lead me - no matter the outcome(s).  Again - this is a dramatic example and I'm sure it'll work out in this life for me (and most of you), but I needed an example to relate to this point.

3 - A few weeks ago I saw Sheri Dew speak at an Institute Forum and she made this comment: "If all the prayer and righteous deeds in the world could get you married, I'd have been married awhile ago."  This wasn't said in a cocky way in the least... It's more like a reality call to stop beating yourself up.  If you're making good choices and doing good things, sometimes it's just not TIME yet.  I hate that answer too.  Haha!  However, it makes me realize how aware HF is of my needs personally - He knows me SO well.  He knows YOU too.  You'll be thankful when the right when comes along, or you realize who the right one is, and you're still able to be with that person.  You'll be so overwhelmingly thankful how it all went down - promise.

I know. I know. This all said from the single girl who has had very few boyfriends in her life... but I still think I can know and speak truth.  Hear me out... It'll all work out.
*muah*

Song of the Day:  I went down to St. George with some friends for the Macklemore concert... So fun!  Thus, here is a song from Macklemore and Ryan Lewis called "Gold" - it's one of my faves.  I'll post pics of the trip later in the week.  Enjoy!