The Phoenix

A few months ago, I made a change to my body that many of my friends became vocal about - for better or for worse.  I got inked.

For the most part, friends have been overwhelmingly supportive of me making this decision for myself, esp. as they recognize the time and energy that went into choosing the specific design, the colors, the style, the shop, the artist... It was all with an intent to be highly symbolic and therefore, needed to be specific.

I've wanted to get a Phoenix tattoo since last Fall.  2015 was a pretty difficult year for me, and in all honesty, the last few years have been hugely life-changing with many directional switches.  In late 2013 I began lifting and clean eating.  I began to switch my body's routines and the way I looked at overall health.  From that choice, the other parts of my body began to show their issues.  In two years time I had completed four major surgeries - gallbladder, knee, shoulder, and ending with brain. Additionally, I was diagnosed with Lyme disease in March of 2015.  Brain surgery was perhaps one of the most difficult surgeries for many around me, and yet the easiest for me... I knew when they found the aneurysm it would probably equal a surgery, and instead of fear, for the first time I fully embraced TRUST.  It probably helped that I had been through the other three surgeries, so perhaps they were blessings in disguise.  I just KNEW Heavenly Father was going to take care of me... I knew I was suppose to do the surgery, and I knew God wasn't done with me here on earth.  I knew I was going to be okay.

Some know this story... About 10 minutes before the surgery happened the doctor came in and told me he needed me to sign an extra paper.  My brain was shaped differently than any other brain he had worked on in his 17 (I think that was the number...) years practicing and he wasn't sure how the procedure would react with my brain.  It could mean another surgery, or even more severe issues (like paralyzed limbs) if it went poorly... or everything could be fine.  I signed without a second thought and when asked how it was so easy or didn't I want to think about it, I said I already knew what the right choice was for me.  I had prayed about it and God had been clear... This was the surgery I needed to become the healthiest and happiest me.  Six months later at the post-op check-in, I was cleared of any sign there had been an aneurysm.  I know I am meant to share that story and encourage others to fully trust in their Lord even when scared or unsure as to what will happen.  It's also often a much needed reminder for me....

I wish I could say this was all the tattoo was about, however, there are SO many other things that happened during that year, and some of them I'm not ready to share publicly... some I'm just become brave enough to talk about out loud.  A few weeks after my brain surgery, I had an incident where I was sexually assaulted.  I have a hard time saying rape, and sexual assault feels safer... even though the incident itself wasn't safe.  Weird how our brain thinks the way it does - almost self-preserves and protects you emotionally.  However, sometimes, I believe my brain OVER does this protection...  and I'm just now in life learning the power of letting it out.  I experienced rape, and it was terrifying, traumatic, a little devastating, and demoralizing.  I felt guilty - you'll never understand fully, but you question over and over again if it really IS your fault... and if this means you're a weak person.  After the experience, you question your worth, your independence, your intelligence, your gut... you question EVERYTHING. 

It's awful, and it's really hard to come back from... but completely do-able. It just takes a little emotional and spiritual rebuild.

Each experience of 2015 made me stronger and forced me to rebuild.  I am not the person I was these few short years ago, and though I am grateful for the changes and new strength, I can not deny the happenings in life did indeed burn me and cause need for rebirth.  Thus, the need for my phoenix.

"From the ash I am born again, forever safe in the Savior's hand..."

I feel like through some choices, and some happenings, I was burned.  I was buried in my ash.  I was, indeed, reborn.  THAT is why I choose the phoenix.  It stands as a permanent reminder that I CAN do hard things... that I have the ability to make it thorough anything.

We joke, "If Britney Spears could survive 2007, I can survive anything."  I'm here in all seriousness to say, if I can survive 2015, I can survive and do anything... and so can you.
*muah*

Song of the Day: "Alive" by Hillsong United... singing it in church on the 19th and a little bit of my inspiration for today's post. :)

Angiograms and Happy Dances!

Today, I learned what an Angiogram is, and how in-depth it can be... WHY did I learn this you ask?

Today, I had an Angiogram.

Now, your next question may or may not be the same as mine.... What the HELL is an angiogram and WHY did you have to have one?  Good question.

If you did not/do not know what an angiogram is, don't feel ashamed... I had one today and I STILL didn't understand fully until I was actually IN the procedure.  An angiogram is (dictionary definition), "an imaging test that uses x-rays to view your body's blood vessels. Physicians often use this test to study narrow, blocked, enlarged, or malformed arteries or veins in many parts of your body, including your brain, heart, abdomen, and legs."  In fifth grade terms, they hook me up to a bunch of machines by running a cord into me to my brain through my thigh and inject dye to see the different parts of my brain.  I was fully awake during the tests and they put all the videos and pictures in front of me right after to explain options and what each picture meant - it was awesome!  The worst part about the whole thing was when the stent in my thigh didn't catch and they had to push down and put pressure on the wound sight for 20 MINUTES afterward!  I thought I would die for a minute - saw the blinding light and did NOT go to it - but it was fine. :)  Thank the Lord above for a high pain tolerance!

For those who do not recall from a few entries back, I was diagnosed in March with a brain aneurysm in my carotid artery.  I've felt symptoms that somewhat tie to this for the past few weeks, but mostly I just have to deal with "taking things slow and light" and focus on killing the Lyme in my body.  So, today they did this test in order to determine the exact procedure and next steps we can and will take to get rid of and defend against this aneurysm.  The doctor I worked with today (amazing doctor!) came out before the procedure to talk options he already was considering and what he felt was the best route.  I knew I liked him immediately when he stated that he thought monitoring was a dumb option too.... I wanna live a full-go-get-em life, and background worry about an aneurysm bursting could harness that greatly.  He suggested a pipeline stent, and after testing, that's what we've decided to do.

The best part about this news... No open brain surgery! That's a lot safer and less potential for infection.  Also......

........ I get to keep my hair!!! Call me shallow.  Call me stupid for thinking about this.  I really don't give a flying... I love my hair.  I've spent a LONG time getting it to the wondrous flowing locks it's at now... Therefore, I was not wanting to cut/shave any section of it.  Now, if this was life or death and they needed to, I'm all in!  However, since they don't have too, I'm allowed to do a slight celebratory dance in my heart.  I'm not allowed to actually dance for a few days while I recover from the stent they put in my thigh today post testing.  So, heart dance it is!!!

*moment of silence for my dance to occur*

Moving onward, I'm happy to have answers and a more definitive direction to move with getting to optimal health and body.  I'm excited to take care of these issues and no longer struggle with brain and memory issues.  I'm killing Lyme, and we're taking control of this aneurysm... and today, I am SO grateful for the gift of modern medicine to aide in this process.   I am grateful for the support of friends and family, pushing me to look into my health and take care of myself.  I am thankful for my body, and the amazing things it can do...

Happy dance, carry on.  Linze, carry on.
*muah*

Song of the Day:  For those not aware, I am really chasing the music thing as of late.  I've started a thing on YouTube called #newmusicmonday where I post a new cover every Monday and encourage friends and family to like, listen, and share.  So, in honor of #newmusicmonday and my working vocal chords (my therapy the past two months), here is this week's cover - a Sia song, "Soon We'll Be Found."  Enjoy!

Focus on the POSITIVE.

"Negative thinkers focus on the problem.  Positive thinkers focus on results/solutions."

I'm two weeks out from deciphering exactly what is going to happen about my brain aneurysm ... Originally, there was no appointment set until May 28th, but I opted for a trip to Park City to move up the appointment and just get this taken care of as soon as possible.  As their only date open happens to be on my father's birthday, and my mom's is two days later, my mom took off work and we decided to make a trip out of it.  I mean, why not?! We may as well live it up and not make the day about my appointment with the neurosurgeon.  See, this is what I'm learning...

There is power on focusing on the positive.  There is power in letting your energy come from the beautiful things in life, and letting God figure out the rest.  I'm not ignoring the issues, or burying them - I'm 100% dealing with everything thrown my way - but I'm not focusing on them or letting them run my day.

That day in Park City will be about celebrating my Dad and Mom's birthdays, eating good food, shopping at the outlets, and chillin' as a family.  On a side note, I'll have a doctor's appointment that day that can only help me in determining what exactly I'll need to do to be healthier and happier in the future - to feel as and be my optimal self.  It'll be a good day... :)

On that note, I'm excited to meet with the neurosurgeon and determine what my next steps can/will be.  I know my aneurysm is located in carotid artery (looks more like the upper neck than brain in each picture I've looked up), which is the least likely place for an aneurysm to burst.  So, that's a great sign.  I've been placed on "don't spike or seriously raise your heart rate" restrictions right now, meaning no hardcore running and no lifting.  I have become SUCH a weird indivdiual because I genuinely have missed lifting the past three weeks... I mean, once I'm cleared my first course of action will be leg day.  Try and stop me.

I've been told that with some people they simple monitor the aneurysm, but the problem there is I'm not a "take it half speed" kind of girl.  I'm into pushing myself and plan to just go harder as the years come at me.  Thus, monitoring and hoping nothing happens sounds like a bad plan.  Pending on risk of surgery, I'm opting for a full removal and recovery process so I can start to really go at weight-lifting and training again, and so this can be out of my way so I can focus on treating Lyme even more effectively.  When you remove one problem, it allows you the needed space and ability to focus on the other issues at hand and fix those.  Thus, I'm opting for removal.  We'll see what they say, but I want to be at OPTIMAL health within the next two years, and I'm completely capable of this with the path my body is on.

Sidenote:  I've been on Lyme meds for almost three weeks now, and I'm starting to feel better in minimal ways - but I'll take it, because better is better!  I'm tired LATER in the day typically, and I'm over the "flu-like" symptoms stage, which is great.  I think they'll need to up my dosage because I'm still exhausted and pushing major headaches 4-5 days a week, but we'll get it right and I'll get there soon enough. :)

There's the update.

Now, back to the moral of the entry.... Focus on the positive.  Focus on the beautiful things in life, and the things you are learning from each trail or triumph - you learn in both moments.  Allow you Father in Heaven and Savior to take on the worry and stress, and allow them to heal you, because guess what... Your Savior already has healed you.  Just say thank you, and keep working hard to show your appreciation.  See, that's why I'm not as "stressed as I should be," in MOST moments (I'm human, so I have my freak-out sessions) - I know that ultimately, I'm taken care of and what's suppose to happen will happen if I do my part to take care of the issue.  Turn it over to Him and let CHRIST build you.

I know my entries tend to get spiritually-centered, but I refuse to have it any other way.  The ONLY way I have genuinely been okay through my process of trials (now and at all times in my life) has been through my Savior, and I think it's only right to say thank you and to help others recognize His hand in their lives as well.  I am grateful for my Savior and His guiding strength in my life... for a Father in Heaven who loves me and has created a way for me to leave my worry with Him, and live with Him after this life, AND during this life.

Turn to God.  It can be scary for some, but I'm learning it's worth giving up the control - I promise.
*muah*

Song of the Day:  I was dying to cover this one, but I am having real issues finding a back-up track... So, for now, check out the original - I may have posted this one before...  In the spirit of Easter and thankfulness, here is Jon McLaughlin with "We All Need Saving."

It's a Love/Hate Relationship...

I love running.

I know. I never thought I would hear me say (or see my type) these words either.... ever. Must be a rather nippy day in hell.

All the same, I love running.

I love the feeling of accomplishment when you finish a mile, and even more so when you keep going past that first mile. I love the sense of clearing your mind and just listening to the music or your breathe as you run on back trails and side-pavement. I love the air chilling your face slightly, and the comradery you have with the other runners that pass you on the trail. I love that I feel better, healthier, and stronger with each run... and for that reason, this sticker sums it up.

Yep. I love running... when it's done. Hahaha! There are times, in fairness, that I genuinely love running while running and getting in the groove. However, I usually feel all these feelings of accomplishment and strength post-run. Let's face it - I'd much rather lift something heavy. I genuinely enjoy and crave lifting sessions. I WANT to run sometimes, but I don't crave getting a run in very often.

Sometimes in life, we have to find the joy in things that are hard for us, or the things we genuinely might not enjoy a ton. The key is gratitude. Perfect for Thanksgiving, right? :) As you look for the blessing of actually being ABLE to do those things, you realize the benefits and good behind them. You realize the crispness of the air and waves of encouragement from strangers with like-minded goals. You realize the way you feel and how your legs are literally getting stronger. You realize that you are blessed to be ABLE to run...

This Thanksgiving, my goal is to recognize something everyday of November that I usually dislike or "hate," are take time to recognize the blessing and benefits behind that thing. Today, I am grateful for a body that works and the ability to do hard things. Running is HARD for me sometimes, but I change my mindset, take the first quick step, and breathe deep as I go... Along the trail, I start to see the beauty around me and become more at one with the body I've been given. I have a body that is growing stronger, healthier, and "happier," and THAT is something to make me say, "Thank You."

*muah*

Song of the Day: Let's start this off right with a "holiday" song about gratitude and recognizing the beauty around us. Here is JOsh Groban's song "Thankful." Enjoy!!!

8 Months to Sexy: Recipe CARBS Edition

As promised, I am providing a few more delectable recipes for you to try on your pursuit to being more fit and fab.  I often am just dying for some kind of sweet treat, so I have an amazing way for you to feel good about eating a few brownies.  Often, I crave pizza or pasta too... well, I have a fix for you regarding that craving.  Whether it's for weight loss or just being/feeling healthier in your diet, these are some recipes that are SURE to help curb your carb craving! (Check out those alliteration skills!  I am SUCH an English teacher...)

Black Bean Brownies 

(Seriously, might be weird on the first bite... and then perfection!)

First, preheat over to 350 degrees (F).  Next, blend the following ingredients in blender or food processor until smooth:

 - 1 can low sodium black beans (thoroughly rinsed & drained)
 - 1/3 c. Melted coconut oil
 - 1/4 c. Unsweetened cocoa powder
 - 1/8 t. Salt
 - 2 t. Vanilla
 - 1/2 c. Honey or agave

 Next, in a separate bowl, lightly whisk 3 eggs. Fold eggs into chocolate mixture and fold 1/2 to 1 c. finely chopped dark chocolate (I used dark chocolate chips and just sprinkle a handful or two on top) into mixture.  You can also add nuts if your heart desires to do so.  Pour into 8x8 pan and back for about 25-30 minutes.  Let them cool for about 10-15 minutes and then cut and serve... I think they're better cooled though.  I know - an anomaly for brownies, I know, but it's true.  Haha!  You can even enjoy two of these and you still won't feel guilty... or, I didn't feel guilty. :)

Cauliflower Pizza Crust

(A sanctuary... For real.  Don't judge - I love carbs.)

This one looks not as good as my first second one... The second one was perfection.  

1 head (Small Head) Cauliflower

¼ cups Parmesan Cheese

¼ cups Mozzarella Cheese

¼ teaspoons Kosher Salt

½ teaspoons Dried Basil

½ teaspoons Dried Oregano

½ teaspoons Garlic Powder

1 Tablespoon Almond Meal (optional) - I didn't use it last time, but I think I would this time...

1 whole Egg

Preheat oven to 450 degrees (F). Wash and thoroughly dry a small head of cauliflower.  Cut off the florets—you don’t need much stem, but you can use stem if you'd like to. Pulse in your food processor for about 30 seconds, until you get powdery snow like cauliflower. You should end up with 2 to 3 cups of this ridiculously fine cauliflower. Place the cauliflower in a microwave safe bowl and cover. Cook for 6-7 minutes. Dump cooked cauliflower onto a clean tea towel and allow to cool for a bit before attempting the next step. I didn't do this the last time and I kept burning my hands - haha!

Once cauliflower is cool enough to handle, wrap it up in the dish towel and wring it like mad!  Get your anger issues out on this for a moment... :) You want to squeeze out as much water as possible. This will ensure you get a chewy pizza like crust instead of a crumbly mess. Dumped squeezed cauliflower into a bowl and add parmesan cheese, mozzarella cheese, salt, dried basil (crush up the leaves even more between your fingers before adding), dried oregano (crush up the leaves even more between your fingers before adding - I always add extra cause I love it), garlic powder (not garlic salt), and a dash of red pepper if you want.

Now add the egg and mix away. I forgot this step last time and the pizza had NO hold - it's the sealant, so make sure to use that egg!  Hands tend to work best to mix this up. Once mixed together, use your hands to form dough into a crust on an oiled parchment paper on top of a pan. Pat it down thoroughly, because you want it nice and tightly formed together. Don’t make it too thick or thin either. Bake for 8-11 minutes, until it starts to turn golden brown and then remove from oven.

Add desired amount of sauce, cheese, and toppings you want - I like lots of onions, ham, tons of bell peppers, more spices (bring on the oregano and basil!), and cheese. Make it how you want it!  Now, slide parchment with topped pizza back in the hot oven and cook for another 5 to 7 minutes until the cheese is melted, bubbly, and slightly golden. Test your patience and allow it to cool for a minute or two. Probably closer to two. Then using a pizza cutter and a spatula, serve up your delicious grain-free cauliflower crust pizza! If you want two pizzas (they're a bit bigger than personal size), double the recipe.  I am obsessed with this because I can have pizza and not be breaking the carb bank!  I thought this was insane when I first read about it a few years back, but it's actually pretty good and I feel good about eating it more often than actual pizza.  Thanks to The Tasty Kitchen Blog for this recipe!

I also found this paleo, dairy and gluten-free recipe, but I have yet to try it out: http://www.theluckypennyblog.com/2013/05/the-best-dairy-free-cauliflower-pizza.html

Interesting note on carbs - I feel like I am starting to not process them in my body as well now that I eat them less.... bizarre, right?  Your body adapts and changes as you make changes... who'da thunk it? :)
*muah*

Song of the Day:  A really great new jam by one of my fave bands, Parachute.  Here is "Hurricane."  I LOVE this song!!! I love this band and every song they have ever made... For real. My favorite line of this song..."Funny how it all comes back when you're trying to forget it..."  LOVE!  Enjoy!

8 Months to Sexy: Recipe Edition!

So, as I've been on my "path to sexy" (or sexier) I have needed some good recipes to keep me sane.  Here's the deal, I'm all about quality of life... and I want to eat good food!  I am not going to eat things that taste horrible - I'm sorry.  I'm not going to do it... I find joy in eating good food, which IS okay, but it should be good tasting and good for you.  I'm all about health because I'm all about quality of life and I've come to find that IS genuinely a greater quality of life.

So, let's get to why you're really reading this... the recipes!  I've got a few up my sleeves that I've gotten from others and adapted to what works for me.  Do the same!  Adapt them if you don't have something at your house or if you don't love the taste completely because of one ingredient. Now, adapting by adding chocolate syrup to everything is probably not the best choice.... probably not.  So, still make smart choices!

Here are some of my new faves: (Some sounded CRAY at first! Yes, CRAY.)

Oatmeal Cottage Cheese Pancakes!

(You can have pancakes?!  Yep - and they're GOOD!)

6 egg whites (or do 4 egg whites and two full eggs if you'd like!) 

1 cup rolled oats, dry (steel-cut are best)

1 cup cottage cheese 

1-2 tsp. raw sugar or honey 

2 teaspoons cinnamon (a natural metabolism booster!)

1 teaspoon vanilla 

Instructions: Blend all ingredients in a blender until smooth. Heat a griddle or large non-stick skillet over medium-low heat. Spray with non-stick cooking spray. For each pancake, pour 1/4 cup of batter onto griddle. I actually just pour it from the blender and eye how big I want my pancakes.  Flip when they start to bubble and cook until golden brown. Repeat with remaining batter, spraying the griddle as needed. (Thanks, Court!)

I top these with bananas I fry with a little olive oil or coconut oil and fresh strawberries than a little honey... Yep, I do add a little sugar because I HATE the sugar-free stuff.  I tried it, hated it, and I decided to take a different route.  You don't need much syrup (use pure maple) or honey when you use the bananas though - they make it super sweet and these pancakes are already super moist! 

Parmesan Broccoli 

(Seriously - INCREDIBLE!)

1 big head of broccoli

Olive Oil

Salt n' Pepper

2-3 Tbsp of Garlic (depends on how strong you like the garlic taste)
Lemon juice

1/4 cup parmesan cheese

First, take time to wash the broccoli and dry it off.  Seriously - do that first.  Then, pre-heat your oven to 425 degrees (F).  Put the broccoli on a cookie sheet and toss with olive oil, salt and pepper. I just eyeball it - never measure it really.  I put olive oil in my hands and rub it on all the broccoli so it's coated, but not dripping off.  Then, I put a little salt over it all and a good amount of pepper.  Now add the garlic!  I use pre-chopped garlic bought at the store.  However, the recipe I found says around 4 cloves if that's your route.  I sprinkle it on and then rub it around with my hands - I'm not afraid to get my hands dirty!  But do wash them in between steps... Haha!  Next, cook the broccoli for about 20-25 minutes, letting it brown (not black) on the edges.  Let the broccoli cool for a few minutes and then toss with lemon juice - don't pour on a ton!  Just put some in your hands and toss it with the juice.  LAST, add 1/4 cup parmesan cheese and toss!  It's like veggie candy... AWESOME!

These are two I have discovered... more to come shortly. :) Enjoy and PLEASE share any you come across in the comments or via my email.  I am dying for new recipes to experiment with and eat!  Next time, I'll post on black bean brownies and cauliflower pizza crust - both BOMB! :)
*muah*

Song of the Day: I love this jam!  Here is Ellie Goulding with "Burn."  SOOOOOO good!

Part II: 8 Months to Sexy!

So, I have been on this slow and steady get-fit-plan entitled "8 Months to Sexy" (yes, I made up that clever name - hold the awe...) for about six weeks now, and I feel fabulous!  I still second guess myself here and there and wonder if I'm making any real progress, but FINALLY this week I started to see the progress come together in little ways and feel more confident about my choices.  I took pictures every other week, and this week I noticed my back rolls are starting to melt and some areas are growing more defined... I have realized that it's going to take a long time and I need to be realistic and understanding with myself and my body. Here are the main things I have come to know about this journey:

1.  It takes dedication and desire.  Where there is a WILL, there is a way.  Where the will lacks, so does the way.... I don't think I really understood that concept until now.  I have to WANT it and go after it for myself - NOT for anyone else.  Again, that's why it's working this time.  I really want this for myself.

2. It takes a lot of hard-work.  I workout at LEAST five times a week, but almost always six times.  I do weights, constantly upping the weight limit and reps.  I do cardio, which near about kills me if I fail to use my inhaler beforehand.  #stupidchoices... I have to really push myself or I don't see results as clearly or quickly (and quickly still means slowly... but quicker.).  The days I have failed to push myself hard are the days I actually want to cheat more.  Which brings me to #3.

3.  It takes self-control.  I have learned that "cheating" does nothing but hurt me... No one else really cares.  No one.  I have to be the one to care and stay true to the diet and workout plan I have established for myself.  I really have been shocked at my ability to have such self-control!  Have I cheated?  Here and there, yes.  Have I cheated a lot?  No.  My "trainer" told me this analogy the first day working out with him, and it has stuck with me --> "Each day you dig a half-foot deep hole.  Your goal is to dig 100 feet down.  If you eat crap you fill the hole back up and are back to where you started the next day... Or you can already have dug the first part and keep adding to that hole.  It's up to YOU."  He probably said it more eloquently, but you get the gist.  I really have striven to maintain a diet that is healthier, low-carb, and makes my body feel better.  I can tell you already that my taste buds HAVE changed and I have learned to appreciate things that aren't as sweet.  Eating out is fun, but of the handful of times I have, I've always felt a little blech the next day.  As I use self-control, I feel healthier and thus, happier with my body. Plus, it's a goal skill to retain for ALL things in your life - moderation and self-control in all things!

 4.  It IS fun!  I feel good about myself, and though I have always been confident (Surprise!  Shocker.), I feel more confident about my body and self-presentation.  I carry myself differently already and I'm excited to see that continue to change.  I enjoy working out!  Seriously - find what is fun for YOU and learn to ENJOY working out... Otherwise, it will NOT stick.  I find that doing cardio circuits is best for me and that I have to have loud music or be in cardio room (movies!).  I find that for weights, this is more my sanctuary... I actually have learned to enjoy cardio, but I really like weight training and the feeling of pure exhaustion after... It's oddly relaxing.  Weird?  I know.  It's also fun to see the progress you have made and hear people make comments about your new body and attitude.  It's fun to have people ask about recipes and progress, and to try on old clothes and see how differently they fit you.  It's fun to set a goal, reach it (or get a step closer), and set a new goal for yourself... It's fun accomplishing something.

5.  It takes patience.  Be patient with yourself and with those around you that tempt you with deliciousness.  Haha!  They're all getting use to your lifestyle change as well.  Plus, you have to realize that everything TAKES TIME.  Things truly don't happen overnight.  Also, don't compare yourself to others.  I have a friend who just loses faster... I am making the right choices, but her body is just losing quicker... That's okay.  It's not all about weight loss - it's about how you look and feel.  I may not be losing as much, but my goal is also to build muscle and define.  Muscle weighs more than fat, so some weeks I don't really lose much or any.  Her goal is different, and so her workouts and results are different.  Just make good choices in diet and exercise and your body WILL catch-up and react.  Give it time, and practice patience.

6. I am healthier and happier.  I was happy before, and I will be happy in six-months from now whether I am more fit or not (though, I will be).  I believe that weight and such does NOT make your happy or unhappy - or doesn't need to make you unhappy.  I loved my life six-weeks ago, a year ago, and before that time!  I am simply saying that being healthier means I have extended mobility, more energy, and a clearer mind... and those things make me HAPPIER.  Not happy in general, but happier.  I'm not gonna lie, seeing my rolls diminishing and more muscle definition in my arms and legs makes me a bit happier too... It's not about being sexy in a sex way - despite the connotations behind the title of my journey - it's about being sexier because I'm healthier and even more confident.  Sexiness is confidence.

My next few entries will be all about recipes that are helping me to get to where I need to be.  Take them for what you will, but I say, why not try em' out and see if you enjoy them. Even if they sound bizarre - I thought so too with a few of them.  Even if you're not on a health journey or trying to lose weight, why not treat your body to some healthier choices and gain more energy?  Just give things a shot and see what works for YOU in making yourself healthier and happier. :)
*muah*

Song of the Day:  There are SO many great ones right now in my life... Hm.  Let's go with Drake's song "Hold On, We're Going Home."  I adore this song and it's chillness when I'm driving with my windows down in the evening or sitting by my window on a rainy day.  Enjoy!

8 Months to Sexy!

Life over the past few weeks has come with a good chunk of changes.  I finally am starting my first official year as a teacher and have been getting my classrooms (yes, plural) ready for students and teaching.  I have an English classroom that I am sharing with another teacher (I teach A Days there and she teaches B Days), and a Theater office/classroom that I use to teacher Theater I and II on B Days.  I have been lesson planning and reading tips... collaborating with other teachers till I can collaborate no longer.  I am excited to start officially teaching tomorrow and begin a new phase in my life.  I loved being a nanny, but I am ready to take on the "real world...," aka: High School.  Haha!  In the words of Andy Samberg, "I'm an adult!"

Yea, buddy.

Another big change I have been making in life is regarding my health and diet.  I'd like to call this stage of my life, "8 Months to Sexy."  BAM!  Yep - that's a pretty good motto, I know.  I'm only 2 1/2 weeks in, but that's something!

I want to clear something up in that I am not dieting like crazy and not eating.  On the contrary, I am eating more than before (I use to frequently forget to eat) and eating more meals (six-ish smaller ones).  I am not cutting out everything I love to eat in life or obsessing about every calorie I eat either.  I am not eating pre-packaged foods or living for a program - not being a hater at all, that just doesn't work for me.  I am not thinking about it non-stop and focusing so much on losing weight that I become unhappy about who I am or what I look like.

I am still much more than my body (this does not negate that concept), but I want to gain more control over this one part of my life.  I have control over the rest of my life... well, generally. :)  Why not take control of my body?!

On the contrary, I am feeling better about myself and my body.  I am happier and on my way to being healthier.  I know that when I am eating better, my body feels better.  I had an insane cheat night on Friday night and hit up Texas Roadhouse with some friends.  I know, I know... those rolls!  They're heaven.  Haha!  Well, I don't regret an ounce of food I ate that night, but I do know that the next day I felt more lethargic and "off" than I have in the past two weeks.  I am learning that I like eating healthier on a regular basis.  Now, I'm not perfect... I mess up and eat something crappy here (and I forgive myself adn move on!) and there, but I've been pretty diligent and I like that... It's not only re-teaching and training my body, it's retraining my self-discipline in general.

Then there's the working out.... I have one of my good friends acting as my "personal trainer," and it has been the best thing ever.  Not only do I already trust the person telling me how to eat and work-out, but I think he can push me harder than someone else could.  He uses logic when I need something explained or uses motivation (sometimes through relentlessly giving me a hard time) to make me stretch myself.  He watches and know how hard to push me and when I'm just done.  He's all about form and making me do things right, and because of that, I feel comfortable with everything he's asked me to do or way he's pushed me.  Let me tell you too - he pushes me like crazy!  My muscles ache and I'm a sore woman most days, and I am fantastic sweat-fest post workout, but I still feel great.... I'm not miserable.  Okay, one day I was!  Hahaha.... but that passed and I'm happy to have stronger legs, arms, abs (gettin' there with those - blech!  Haha!), and a sexier butt comin' my way.  Haha!  I like being STRONGER and FEELING BETTER.  I'm not focusing on weight - though I do like losing - or even size - though I would like to be smaller eventually - but I'm focusing on how I feel and the energy I have each day.... I'm loving it.  I'm focusing on ME.

Point is, I'm on the path called "8 Months to Sexy" (or "sexier" as my friends lovingly remind me) and I'm healthier with the changes I'm making.  I'm happier.  And although I was beautiful before, I am excited to feel even more confident in my own skin. :)
*muah*

Song of the Day: Today is all about bettering yourself and being comfortable in your OWN skin.  Thus, I am obsessed with this video and how this girl embraces herself.  If you are fine where you're at now, perfect!  If you want to change something - awesome!  Do it!  This is a GREAT jam too... Here is NKOTB with "Remix (I Like The)."  OBSESSED!