Sometimes You NEED to Give Up...

Being a successful musician is all about giving up.  Yep, you read that right... it's all about giving up.

To be a successful musician, or success in anything for that matter, one must give up there following (amongst other things...):

1.  Fear.  Becoming a success requires giving up on any fear you may feel and embracing the faith you have in yourself and your goals.  Fear isn't real anyway, right?  Thus, why do we allow it into our lives... Why do we allow a useless and imaginary emotion to rule over any space in our minds?  I am in no way claiming to be perfect with letting go of my internal fear, though I am monumentally better.  I have the made the decision that when fear begins to creep in to recognize and simultaneously dismiss its presence.  In the words of Will Smith's After Earth character,

“Fear is not real. The only place that fear can exist is in our thoughts of the future. It is a product of our imagination, causing us to fear things that do not at present and may not ever exist. That is near insanity... Do not misunderstand me, danger is very real, but fear is a choice. We are all telling ourselves a story and that day mine changed.”

2.  Wasting Time.  Becoming a success requires giving up wasting time.  It's not so much giving up TIME itself - it's putting it to better use.  It's removing the choices that waste our time.  You have to give up some of those wasted nights of Netflix and chill, or nights sitting around with friends at a party.  You can have those nights, just few and far between if you want to be truly successful.

3. Worry.  Becoming a success requires giving up the habit of worrying.  There's a quote I love to tell my students (and self) by Walt Disney that says,

"Why worry?  If you've done the very best you can, worrying won't make it any better."  

You have to put in the work and let the universe do its work... There's an amount of trust in self, others, God, the universe, etc. that is required in giving up worry, and that can be difficult.  However, it can be done.  Another quote regarding worry, which recently struck me is from Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them.  One of the main characters states,

"Worrying is just suffering twice."  

Instantly I understood that worrying goes back to wasting time and energy... It dozens't solve the problem, just makes you live inside of it... no one that miserable can be successful.

4.  Laziness.  Becoming a success requires giving up on laziness.  You have to put in the hard work and energy to become successful.  Success doesn't just fall into one's lap, even if they're naturally good at things. Kevin Durant once said,

"Hard work beats talent when talent doesn't work hard."  

Imagine if someone WAS amazing naturally at something - sports, singing, math - and they ALSO put in the hard work to be successful and advanced in that skill set... They would be incredible.  This wasn't something I learned until later in life, and I wish I had learned it sooner.  I was naturally good at things as a kid - almost always got the solo in a song, the part in a play I wanted, and made the teams I tried-out for during middle and high school.  I was also naturally good in school at most subjects... aside from chemistry.  It was a blessed curse, because I could skim by most of the time and still defeat those around me... kinda cool, but when I was pushed later, I collapsed into myself.

I've never been a "lazy" person by any means, but I learned the true meaning of HARD work in college and past, and I'm grateful I didn't completely give-up on myself.  However, I gave up on goals for a few years because I was terrified of failure...  See how these all tie together?  Fear means wasting time from worry, creating a lazy pattern and bleeding into my final point... 

5.  Negativity.  Becoming a success requires giving up on negativity.  Your mind is SO powerful... You truly become what you determine you want to become.  Your thoughts drive your actions, which develop your life into the playground you'll live on.

"Whether you think you can or you can not, you are right." - Henry Ford

The mind is SO powerful... 

If you have negative self-beliefs, they hold you back from reaching your full potential... If you have negative attitudes about outcomes, people, places, etc. those attitudes can hold you back from not only enjoyment of the moment, but connecting to others or the process before you.  If you have negative friends, it affects your relationships to them, others, and self.  If you have negative self-beliefs those can be projected on to others and formulate a negative reality... Switch it up!  Turn those negative thoughts around and realize all you're blessed with and blessed to be.  We have an amazing world around us and incredible potential inside of us... use both and think about what could GO RIGHT, and not what could go wrong.  BELIEVE.

There are probably a lot of other things you have to give up to be successful - in fact, this article tells 13 pretty great things to give up, but I found it post writing these out when searching for the picture below:

https://medium.com/personal-growth/13-things-you-need-to-give-up-if-you-want-to-be-successful-44b5b9b06a26

Also, these five listed are the main things that come to my mind in reaching success.  I have a long way to go until I am where I want to be career-wise, musically, financially, body/health-wise, and in my all abilities, however, I feel like as I have been learning to give these things away in more and more areas of my life, I am happier and healthier, which is the first step to calling my life a success.  We are all meant for amazing things and success, even if it genuinely look different for each person... we are meant for greatness, so believe in that and give up on certain things to give room for all you need to gain.

I leave you with this quote, which may appear oxymoronical, but I assure you contributes to the article:

What will you GAIN from giving up?
*muah*

Song of the Day: I've recently become obsessed with the musical Dear Evan Hansen, as half of America has done, and there are many stand out songs from that show.  To choose just one... I think the current one I'm in awe of, if I have to choose one, is "You Will Be Found," featuring Ben Platt.   We have ALL felt like what he is describing, but he's right - you'll be found.  Check it out... :)

Here We Go, 2017... Here We Go.

As 2016 comes to a close, I have recognized how many ways I am blessed and successful.
1 - I am in the best shape of my life so far - I can run harder and for longer than ever before.  I also went the entire year without a surgery!
2 - I have the ability to chase my music dreams and work on my voice every day.  I even wrote songs and performed an original for a live audience - twice!  I also have a job/career currently that I LOVE and am good at doing.
3 - I have an awesome place to myself and am loving living on my own and experiencing "adulthood."
4 - I went to Europe this year and have the ability to travel and see the world, plus see the people I love around the world.
5 - I read some incredible books, wrote some fun songs, created new friendships, and grew as a person.  I really am learning to accept ALL part of myself and love who I am becoming.
6 - I increased my spirituality and embraced what and how I worship and believe in my Savior... and I became okay with believing in my own way.

There was also hardships and lots of learning to be on my own.  I'm understanding how I struggle being alone, and yet need that time in moments.  I've come to embrace it, and know I need to go even further with that skill.  Life changed for the better in so many ways, and yet, has been emotionally hard with those changes.  As the highly emotional individual I am, change is SO good for me, and yet very hard for me.  It's a love/hate relationship...

As I dive into 2017, I have goals and ambitions that I didn't set for the new year, but have already been working on.  I'm just excited to see the change point from where I'm at in the year's time.

1 - I want to be in the best shape of my life- again!  Just further in my goals.  I want a lower body fat percentage and I want to be even more comfortable in my own skin.  I want for of the physical look I desire.  I also want to run faster and play sports with more coordination and quick-thinking skills.
2 - I want to keep improving my voice, and I want to DO something with it.  I want to create an EP album and audition for shows.  I want to use my talent fully and grow in recognition for doing so.  I want to perform all over and increase those opportunities. I want to learn how to market and brand myself as a professional.
3 - I want to go to San Francisco.  Never been, and I want to check it off my list.
4 - I want to grow in my social sphere and meet some other people I can connect with and form new relationships, while I strengthen the old ones. I want to be a better friend by being honest with myself and others.  I want to not put expectations on others and not wait on anyone else to make decisions.
5 - I want all my "wants" to be "WILLS," and they will be. :)

I love the New Year just because it's a visual reset... just remember, every day is that reset.  Every day is a clean start and a new beginning. :)
*muah*

Realizations of Me

Things I have learned about myself as of late...

1) I am fairly patient with others, and not at all patient with myself.  Why are we often more cruel to ourselves than to others?  Honestly, I think I have spent so much time in the past few years beating myself up with negative, internal comments or thoughts, and I've finally learned how detrimental that can be to my progression.  I have learned the power in positive thinking and positive self-speak.  When I am helping someone else with a project or self-improvement, I recognize it's a journey and encourage them to be kind to themselves and show patience... However, with myself I have a tendency to demand insta-results... It's unfair to my mindset.  I'm letting go of the impatience I have with myself in all areas of my progression- my fitness journey, my music, my emotional understanding of myself, etc... I deserve the kindness with myself that I give to others, and, "Life ain't a track meet, it's a marathon."

2) I have trouble slowing down.  I walk fast - I drive fast - I move fast.. and I struggle to slow down and just move at a "normal" pace.  A few of my friends have commented about this over the past few years, but I realized this more so at the amusement park this past month.  I was almost always walking way ahead of my family and a few times conscientiously made an effort to slow down... It was rough.  Haha!  I'm not gonna say I couldn't do it, because I could... but my feet and heart just pulled me forward and kept my hustling and moving quickly.  I like to move quickly... and then take a moment and stop to catch the sunset or amazing moment.  In fact, one night in Florida, my brother, Cami, and I went to the park alone and on the way walking there, I just stopped and moved off the path... There was an Opera singer across the little river singing and sun was setting in the sky.  I said, "let's just stop a moment..." and we just listened and looked - stopped the world down for a second.  I don't mind stopping - not at all - I just mind that when there's movement, I don't seem to wanna move slowly... My goal?  Take a walk in nature every day, even if only for 5-10 minutes, and just let the moments get lost... embrace slowing down for a few. 

3) I don't fear a lot anymore, genuinely I have given the majority of my fear away... the one exception is I still fear wasting time, which I admittedly believe comes back to age.  This is interesting in that I have found little "time wasters" in my life and struggled to give them up at times.  However, overall, I have this fear of giving my time to things that may or may not turn out how I see them.  That being said, I had the realization that I am so grateful many things HAVEN'T turned out as I planned... It's all about trusting that the man upstairs truly knows what is best and trusting YOU in your decisions to go after the things you want in life.  If you want something, go for it... He'll stop you if it's wrong.  I know this, but I think I recently needed some reminders.  My plan is to cease thinking in terms of age- age really is going to be "just a number, after all - but really.

4) I am a strong woman.  I like to be tough.  I am also a marshmallow.  I've always said I'm "not a crier," and I'm not a crier in certain aspects.  I don't often cry over death.  I don't often cry over pain.  However, I cry during Pixar movies.  I cry when a song is so beautiful it speaks to what I'm going through or feeling.  I cry when I am really, really hurt or sad emotionally.  I cry when I feel a spiritual awakening moment.  It use to make me feel ashamed because I saw it as weak... I'm beginning to see it as a strength.  This does not mean I'm about to open the floodgates so everyone can watch me weep... but I'm going to embrace the beauty of tears when I need them and of just being an emotionally driven individual in general.

*muah*

Song of the Day: I'm currently obsessed with this Ed Sheeran and Tori Kelly's song, "I Was Made For Loving You."  It's a beautiful song and I had a blast covering it this past week... check out my version here and then look up the original. Great song - enjoy!

Things That I KNOW.

I know my Savior lives.  I know He lives and that He undoubtably loves me NO MATTER WHAT... He is in my corner.

I know my Father in Heaven wants me to succeed, and will guide me through all things in my life if I let Him - if I listen.  I have faith that He will lead me through my trails and keep me safe and protected if I merely give over my trust and faith to Him.  I have had trouble doing this in my life - REALLY trusting the Lord and not trying to control every aspect of my life.  These past few months, with everything that has happened in my life, I have HAD to give over a lot more control... It was HARD.  It IS hard sometimes... but once I do it, life is SO much more simple...

I know the Lord is there to catch me when I fall.  I know my Heavenly Father has sent a Savior to redeem me and even the playing field... through Him, I can do ALL things.  I can overcome all the proverbial and legitimate bull that life throws my way.  I CAN do hard things...

I've been doing morning meditation for the past six months, and let me tell you that one mantra I've been using is, "I am strong.  I am independent.  I am free.  I can do hard things."  It is through my Savior I have come to actually believe these morning statements.  I AM strong.  I AM independent.  I AM free.  I CAN do hard things..... because of HIM.

"What is impossible with men, is possible with God..." - Luke 18:27 --> My favorite.

Truth.  That is what this statement is - complete truth.

Another thought of truth - "A grateful heart is a magnet for miracles."  I could use s few of those- we all could... and so I'm taking the time to say THANK YOU to the man that matters most - the man that makes it all happen.  ALL things are possible with God...
*muah*

Song of the Day:  I have so many current song obsessions - choosing one is rough.  It must be done, however, so.... here's a girly anthem for summer that will drive most men nuts.  It's one of my current running and slow-drive jams!  Here is G.RL. with "Ugly Heart."  LOVE - Enjoy!

Angiograms and Happy Dances!

Today, I learned what an Angiogram is, and how in-depth it can be... WHY did I learn this you ask?

Today, I had an Angiogram.

Now, your next question may or may not be the same as mine.... What the HELL is an angiogram and WHY did you have to have one?  Good question.

If you did not/do not know what an angiogram is, don't feel ashamed... I had one today and I STILL didn't understand fully until I was actually IN the procedure.  An angiogram is (dictionary definition), "an imaging test that uses x-rays to view your body's blood vessels. Physicians often use this test to study narrow, blocked, enlarged, or malformed arteries or veins in many parts of your body, including your brain, heart, abdomen, and legs."  In fifth grade terms, they hook me up to a bunch of machines by running a cord into me to my brain through my thigh and inject dye to see the different parts of my brain.  I was fully awake during the tests and they put all the videos and pictures in front of me right after to explain options and what each picture meant - it was awesome!  The worst part about the whole thing was when the stent in my thigh didn't catch and they had to push down and put pressure on the wound sight for 20 MINUTES afterward!  I thought I would die for a minute - saw the blinding light and did NOT go to it - but it was fine. :)  Thank the Lord above for a high pain tolerance!

For those who do not recall from a few entries back, I was diagnosed in March with a brain aneurysm in my carotid artery.  I've felt symptoms that somewhat tie to this for the past few weeks, but mostly I just have to deal with "taking things slow and light" and focus on killing the Lyme in my body.  So, today they did this test in order to determine the exact procedure and next steps we can and will take to get rid of and defend against this aneurysm.  The doctor I worked with today (amazing doctor!) came out before the procedure to talk options he already was considering and what he felt was the best route.  I knew I liked him immediately when he stated that he thought monitoring was a dumb option too.... I wanna live a full-go-get-em life, and background worry about an aneurysm bursting could harness that greatly.  He suggested a pipeline stent, and after testing, that's what we've decided to do.

The best part about this news... No open brain surgery! That's a lot safer and less potential for infection.  Also......

........ I get to keep my hair!!! Call me shallow.  Call me stupid for thinking about this.  I really don't give a flying... I love my hair.  I've spent a LONG time getting it to the wondrous flowing locks it's at now... Therefore, I was not wanting to cut/shave any section of it.  Now, if this was life or death and they needed to, I'm all in!  However, since they don't have too, I'm allowed to do a slight celebratory dance in my heart.  I'm not allowed to actually dance for a few days while I recover from the stent they put in my thigh today post testing.  So, heart dance it is!!!

*moment of silence for my dance to occur*

Moving onward, I'm happy to have answers and a more definitive direction to move with getting to optimal health and body.  I'm excited to take care of these issues and no longer struggle with brain and memory issues.  I'm killing Lyme, and we're taking control of this aneurysm... and today, I am SO grateful for the gift of modern medicine to aide in this process.   I am grateful for the support of friends and family, pushing me to look into my health and take care of myself.  I am thankful for my body, and the amazing things it can do...

Happy dance, carry on.  Linze, carry on.
*muah*

Song of the Day:  For those not aware, I am really chasing the music thing as of late.  I've started a thing on YouTube called #newmusicmonday where I post a new cover every Monday and encourage friends and family to like, listen, and share.  So, in honor of #newmusicmonday and my working vocal chords (my therapy the past two months), here is this week's cover - a Sia song, "Soon We'll Be Found."  Enjoy!

Focus on the POSITIVE.

"Negative thinkers focus on the problem.  Positive thinkers focus on results/solutions."

I'm two weeks out from deciphering exactly what is going to happen about my brain aneurysm ... Originally, there was no appointment set until May 28th, but I opted for a trip to Park City to move up the appointment and just get this taken care of as soon as possible.  As their only date open happens to be on my father's birthday, and my mom's is two days later, my mom took off work and we decided to make a trip out of it.  I mean, why not?! We may as well live it up and not make the day about my appointment with the neurosurgeon.  See, this is what I'm learning...

There is power on focusing on the positive.  There is power in letting your energy come from the beautiful things in life, and letting God figure out the rest.  I'm not ignoring the issues, or burying them - I'm 100% dealing with everything thrown my way - but I'm not focusing on them or letting them run my day.

That day in Park City will be about celebrating my Dad and Mom's birthdays, eating good food, shopping at the outlets, and chillin' as a family.  On a side note, I'll have a doctor's appointment that day that can only help me in determining what exactly I'll need to do to be healthier and happier in the future - to feel as and be my optimal self.  It'll be a good day... :)

On that note, I'm excited to meet with the neurosurgeon and determine what my next steps can/will be.  I know my aneurysm is located in carotid artery (looks more like the upper neck than brain in each picture I've looked up), which is the least likely place for an aneurysm to burst.  So, that's a great sign.  I've been placed on "don't spike or seriously raise your heart rate" restrictions right now, meaning no hardcore running and no lifting.  I have become SUCH a weird indivdiual because I genuinely have missed lifting the past three weeks... I mean, once I'm cleared my first course of action will be leg day.  Try and stop me.

I've been told that with some people they simple monitor the aneurysm, but the problem there is I'm not a "take it half speed" kind of girl.  I'm into pushing myself and plan to just go harder as the years come at me.  Thus, monitoring and hoping nothing happens sounds like a bad plan.  Pending on risk of surgery, I'm opting for a full removal and recovery process so I can start to really go at weight-lifting and training again, and so this can be out of my way so I can focus on treating Lyme even more effectively.  When you remove one problem, it allows you the needed space and ability to focus on the other issues at hand and fix those.  Thus, I'm opting for removal.  We'll see what they say, but I want to be at OPTIMAL health within the next two years, and I'm completely capable of this with the path my body is on.

Sidenote:  I've been on Lyme meds for almost three weeks now, and I'm starting to feel better in minimal ways - but I'll take it, because better is better!  I'm tired LATER in the day typically, and I'm over the "flu-like" symptoms stage, which is great.  I think they'll need to up my dosage because I'm still exhausted and pushing major headaches 4-5 days a week, but we'll get it right and I'll get there soon enough. :)

There's the update.

Now, back to the moral of the entry.... Focus on the positive.  Focus on the beautiful things in life, and the things you are learning from each trail or triumph - you learn in both moments.  Allow you Father in Heaven and Savior to take on the worry and stress, and allow them to heal you, because guess what... Your Savior already has healed you.  Just say thank you, and keep working hard to show your appreciation.  See, that's why I'm not as "stressed as I should be," in MOST moments (I'm human, so I have my freak-out sessions) - I know that ultimately, I'm taken care of and what's suppose to happen will happen if I do my part to take care of the issue.  Turn it over to Him and let CHRIST build you.

I know my entries tend to get spiritually-centered, but I refuse to have it any other way.  The ONLY way I have genuinely been okay through my process of trials (now and at all times in my life) has been through my Savior, and I think it's only right to say thank you and to help others recognize His hand in their lives as well.  I am grateful for my Savior and His guiding strength in my life... for a Father in Heaven who loves me and has created a way for me to leave my worry with Him, and live with Him after this life, AND during this life.

Turn to God.  It can be scary for some, but I'm learning it's worth giving up the control - I promise.
*muah*

Song of the Day:  I was dying to cover this one, but I am having real issues finding a back-up track... So, for now, check out the original - I may have posted this one before...  In the spirit of Easter and thankfulness, here is Jon McLaughlin with "We All Need Saving."

Life Lemons = Damn Good Fish.

When life gives you lemons... Slice them up real nice and thin, place them on some fresh salmon with some roasted garlic, and bake for a half hour on 350.  I mean, why not, right? :) When life gives you lemons, make some damn good fish. 

Life has it's fair share of ups and downs, but what's interesting is learning how powerful the mind can be during these roller coaster rides.  I had my fair share or bad moments last week, but I also took some time to relish in the sweetness of where my life is right now.  I have a fantastic job at a school I love, with kids I adore, and was blessed enough to win our Region Theatre Competition after a few weeks of hard-work and dedication.  So proud... 

I can drive in my fully-paid-off Escape with the windows and sunroof down, because the weather is glorious and the sun is shining.  Well, today there is rain, but thank goodness for moisture and future greeness, right?!  I can smell the flowers and see the tress blossoming with Spring - it's gorgeous.  

I have the ability to make music and do what I love by singing, learning to record, and growing in my craft.  God has given me a voice and I have the ability to use it and share it with others... Life is good.

As an update to my "conditions," I've had bad days... days where the meds make me exhausted and I have the shakes or trouble holding objects.  I've had days where  half of my body falls numb and my headaches increase. I've had days where no one can seems to give me answers, and I all I can do it turn to God for comfort... but at least He's there for me. 

I am a blessed girl.  In the midst of it all, I find that gratitude and taking time to smile is what gets me through.  Take the time to make someone smile today - it'll help you out too. 

*muah*

Song of the Day:  So, I've got a new computer and equipment and plan to sign up for a sound mixing class this summer... I'm ready to do this!  Here is my most recent cover for #newmusicmonday - "I Can't Make You Love Me," by Bonnie Raitt.  Enjoy!!!

Trial by Forest Fire

Last night, one of my best friends forwarded me this quote as I was doing scripture study, and it reminded me how blessed I am... How if I can put my faith in my Heavenly Father and Savior, I can and will come out on top - all WILL be okay, more than okay, and amazing. 

This week has been a rather tough one - a really hard one.  My life is incredible, and I can not thank the Lord above for all I have in my life.  I have an amazing job that I love, a wonderful roommate and great apartment I can afford, great friends and a support system, clean water, warm showers, soft sheets I can wash each week, delicious food each day, and the ability to hear music and the gift of a voice... I am SO lucky.  That being said, there are days or weeks that things just SUCK.  It doesn't negate how grateful I am, but I think it's important to recognize that we have bad days and life can be hard.

I have a tendency to play the stone - the strong woman who locks away her emotions or reactions to hard situations.  I'm happy to report I have been getting better at being more honest with my emotions and more open with how I really feel -thank goodness, because I feel like I can finally express this in my music now.  However, there are many times it remains my internal struggle.  So, in the process of progression, I need to explain some honest feelings.

In the past nine days, I have been diagnosed with Lyme disease, in and out of two MRI/MRA tests and a bubble heart exam, had a student of mine (for the past two years) take his own life, led a few grief and coping discussions with students, discovered a brain aneurysm, and have heart issues that the doctor would "like to discuss" tomorrow. It's also our Theatre Region Competition on Friday and so late nights are a must each night this week to ensure student success - don't worry, I've been smart and asked other teachers for help.  

It's been a very hard, very emotional week.  I feel like I finally understand the phrase, "When it rains, it pours... and pours, and pours."  I'm trying to look at the positive, and I've actually been finding a lot of silver lining to things, but it's been hard.  I spend a lot of days in pain and feeling completely foggy and un-Linzed.  For those who don't know (I didn't until diagnosed), Lyme can cause the brain to swell and some issues with the neurological and nervous systems.  It's related to some memory loss (that's hugely affected me this year), fogginess of mind, difficulty concentrating, headaches, vision issues, extreme fatigue, poor coordination, and sleep pattern issues - all of which have affected me more and more this past year or two.  Add the brain aneurysm to this, and it's just put some added head pressure, numbness of body and face, tiredness, and muscle spasms.  

Again, I'm not complaining, but I need to be honest about how I feel... and right now, I genuinely feel like life is amazing - and amazingly hard.  I feel confused and nervous about results, and simultaneously grateful for answers and SURE that the Lord will take care of me.  I know through this process, I will grow and learn about myself, my body, and my Savior.  I will become more of the woman I am suppose to be... I know this may sound cheesy, but what's getting me through is the idea that when you go through trial by fire (or a roaring forest in flames), there emerges a Phoenix.  

Job (23:10) state, "But he knows the way that I take; when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold." I can become as gold, as I trust in the Lord and allow Him to comfort, guide, and heal me - in all aspects of my life.

"I know that you can do all things; no purpose of yours can be thwarted." (Job 42:2)
OR, my personal favorite...

I can be brave.  I can be strong.  I can be triumphant.... but I can only be those things as I allow my Heavenly Father to take control.   With God, ALL things are possible.
*muah*

Song of the Day: I found this song this past week, and it hit me hard... I've felt this way a few times in my life and she nails the emotions down beautifully.  Here is Jessie Ware's "Say You Love Me."  Enjoy!

It's a Love/Hate Relationship...

I love running.

I know. I never thought I would hear me say (or see my type) these words either.... ever. Must be a rather nippy day in hell.

All the same, I love running.

I love the feeling of accomplishment when you finish a mile, and even more so when you keep going past that first mile. I love the sense of clearing your mind and just listening to the music or your breathe as you run on back trails and side-pavement. I love the air chilling your face slightly, and the comradery you have with the other runners that pass you on the trail. I love that I feel better, healthier, and stronger with each run... and for that reason, this sticker sums it up.

Yep. I love running... when it's done. Hahaha! There are times, in fairness, that I genuinely love running while running and getting in the groove. However, I usually feel all these feelings of accomplishment and strength post-run. Let's face it - I'd much rather lift something heavy. I genuinely enjoy and crave lifting sessions. I WANT to run sometimes, but I don't crave getting a run in very often.

Sometimes in life, we have to find the joy in things that are hard for us, or the things we genuinely might not enjoy a ton. The key is gratitude. Perfect for Thanksgiving, right? :) As you look for the blessing of actually being ABLE to do those things, you realize the benefits and good behind them. You realize the crispness of the air and waves of encouragement from strangers with like-minded goals. You realize the way you feel and how your legs are literally getting stronger. You realize that you are blessed to be ABLE to run...

This Thanksgiving, my goal is to recognize something everyday of November that I usually dislike or "hate," are take time to recognize the blessing and benefits behind that thing. Today, I am grateful for a body that works and the ability to do hard things. Running is HARD for me sometimes, but I change my mindset, take the first quick step, and breathe deep as I go... Along the trail, I start to see the beauty around me and become more at one with the body I've been given. I have a body that is growing stronger, healthier, and "happier," and THAT is something to make me say, "Thank You."

*muah*

Song of the Day: Let's start this off right with a "holiday" song about gratitude and recognizing the beauty around us. Here is JOsh Groban's song "Thankful." Enjoy!!!

Emotion VS Logic

Life.

Life is interesting.

The places that we end up, the friendships and relationships we fall into or create, the experiences we have that allow growth from joy and pain... They make up the person that we are and design the chapters of our life.  There have been times I have chosen wisely, and times I have made some massive decisive errors.  Some of these epic failures have developed out of my knowingly moving forward with a stupid decision.  Some of these mistakes just fell upon me because one action demanded a reaction.  Either way, things happen for a reason.

I tend to make decent decisions and know what's best for me... sometimes I deny that internal knowledge for a contradictory desire, feelings of fear, or even slight confusion, often caused by my emotions.  See, I'm an emotional person.  SHOCKER?  I think not.  I may not be a massive "crier," but everyone who has met me could easily pin-point the bleeding heart on my sleeve and dripping emotion creeping from each pore.  Sorry for the visual, but it simply further illustrates my point.

My question is, WHY are some people designed that way?  Why are are some of us creatures of emotional design, while others are made with logic sequencing as their scepter? I think there is power in both avenues, and beauty within both as well.  This isn't a "grass is greener" moment.  It is simply the acknowledgement of these different individuals existing and the wonderment at WHY we are created the way we are.  If I was literally created with a more emotion-driven DNA strand (in body and spirit), that does not mean I can not learn and master skills on the logically-driven side.  It may be hard as hell, but it's possible.  However, what are I suppose to learn from the way I was created?  How can I help others with this way I was created?  These questions are some I have recently been pondering on as I attempt to reach out and serve others, and help those around me in the best way I know how to offer...

Being the emotional girl I am, I just need to take a second and say that the "blessing and curse" statement completely applies here... That being said, I am so grateful I am me.  I am so grateful I have been given my eyes to see the world and those individuals around me.  I am so grateful I was given my heart to feel others the way I can... The ability to feel someone's brightest smiles and hidden sorrows has always been something that allows me to show love, empathy, and understanding for others.  I'm not perfect at this, but I'm thankful for the moments it has helped me in aiding another find greater enlightenment or joy.

There is no real purpose for the entry, other than to record these thoughts... and this is just the venue I needed to do that today. 

*muah*

Song of the Day:  I love this man's voice... I discovered him a few weeks back and have been obsessed since.  Here is Sam Smith with "Make It To Me."  I love the line, "you're the one designed for me."  Gorgeous - enjoy! 

Dear...

Dear Walmart,
I just want my bike.  I already paid for it.... I just want it.  I do not want it in a box.  I do not want it with some socks.  I do not want it here or there.... I just want my damn bike.
Sincerely,
Still Waiting in the Children's Literature Section


Dear Graduation Speakers,
I just want my diploma.  I wouldn't mind a speech from Robert Redford either, so I'll take it... otherwise, the rest of you can just smile and sit down.  That sounds wonderful.  I'm only walking to hear Bobby and for the pictures to prove to my future children they can do hard things.
Yours Truly,
Worked Hard for 2 Years - Don't Make Me Wait 2 More Hours


Dear Persistent Cough,
I hate you.  Let's break up and never, never, ever get back together.
With Detest,
Lying Awake Listening to T-Swizzle


Dear NBC,
1600 Penn was THAT GOOD.  You need better publicists for new television programming...  In the words of Skip, "[You] threw everything we had away... before we had anything."  Nuff' said.  Nuff said.
Sincerely,
What's a gah-spot?


Dear Heels,
I have conquered you. I have finally conquered you..... and I look good.
Sincerely,
Linze's Feet..... and Caboose.


Dear Graduate School,
It's been fun.  It's been real.  It's been real fun..... I am so glad we have intimately shared these past two years.  I have learned so much from you, from our time together, but I'm afraid it's time to say good-bye.  I think it's better you move on and find someone else to become a part of you.  You will always be a part of me, and I will never forget you.  Thanks for the memories...
Sincerely,
Bittersweet Graduate School Graduate


Just call me Master Linze.
*muah*

Song of the Day:  A friend of mine passed along an amazing new song to add to my summer jam list.  I had heard it once before, but it stuck this time and I couldn't stop listening!  Here is DJ Felli Fel (Feat. Ne-Yo, Tyga, and Wiz Khalifa) with "Reason To Hate."  SO good!  Enjoy! :)

Sundays.

I adore Sundays... It's just the pick-up I need for the week for a few reasons.

1) Church meetings:  In general, I just love to refocus on what's really important and my relationship with divinity.... I like to center back on the things I need to do to make me happier, healthier, and on the path to be the person I really want to become.  

2)  Time with Family:  I love my family and am SO thankful for them in my life.  I'm thankful to have them close-by... meaning, downstairs.  I'm thankful for their listening ears, sound advice, awkward scenarios  awesome or awesomely bad jokes, hugs, and their sarcastic wit they have all bestowed upon me over the years... I love my family.

3)  Sunday naps:  I love getting up and "go-go-going" with life... but I also LOVE a good nap.  I mean, a hardcore nap wrapped in my down comforter is pretty much heaven to my body.  I think heaven will quite literally have naps... even if they aren't needed, the option will be present.

4)  Sunday runs OR walk-and-talks:  I tend to love being outside on Sundays after my naps.  I just LOVE being outdoors and feeling the fresh air, as well as the naturalistic connection to the universe   Sounds cheesy?  It is... but it's legit too.  There's something to be said about seeing God's hand in nature and feeling peace in those moments.  I love to take a slow jog around the neighborhood while listening to my music on quieter mode, or invite my mom or a friend to walk around the neighborhood with me while we talk about the week and how our lives are going.  Sunday walk-and-talks are the BEST during the summer... don't be surprised if you see me out and about South Mountain, or if I call you to come walk-and-talk with me.  I love walking... 

I just love Sundays and the refreshing, reviving jump-start they give me for the week.  I am a thankful girl.  

One other thought:  

A little spiritual thought for the day, as it IS Sunday... 

Luke 8:14 - And that which fell among thorns are they, which, when they have heard, go forth, and are choked with cares and riches and pleasures of this life, and bring no fruit to perfection.

Do you go into the world with your focus on the right things?  Do you produce positivity for the world and give back something of worth?  

Those that tend to fall to the wayside, or fall spiritually are those that put their focus into the wrong place.  Those that tend to fall economically, socially, physically, or emotionally are those who put their focus into the wrong place.... especially if you know better.  Go out there this week and make a change for the better - whatever that means to you, focus on the right things and spread that love to others around you.

Work.  
    Serve.  
         Smile.  
              Laugh.  
                    Listen.  
                           Give.  
                                Love.

Bring forth fruit and help pull others from the thorns. 
*muah*

Song of the Day: I adore this little band called Parachute.  Maybe I've talked about them before... once or twice... or more.  They have a new album coming out and here is one of their new songs, which I love - a lot.  Here is "Heart Go Crazy."  I put the regular and acoustic versions on here because I can't decide which I enjoy more.... it changes upon the day!  Enjoy!

Waitin' on the World to Change... or Me... or God's Timing... or the Weather.

I think we all have moments in our life where we are left "in waiting." We are use to having to wait in lines at Disneyland or Cafe Rio, for someone important to call or text, or for the clock to hit 5:00 pm after a long day at work. However, we never really get use to waiting on the "next step" or next big event in our life.  Both are obnoxious at moments and sometimes impatience can set in... We just want to be where we planned in life - whether that's riding space mountain, eating a pork salad, or graduating from Grad School after a few long years.  However, I have come to learn that it's how we deal with the "waiting time" that says the most about our character and mental health.

We can't always choose our emotions.  We can't.  Anyone who says it's that easy doesn't understand the majority of people in this world.  Emotions come and go like summer and fall, but allowing those emotions to set-in and consume us is often our choice.  We have the ability to use our actions and surroundings to change our emotions.  One way to do this... service.

I recently read an amazing talk by a woman named Christy Nelson. She states:

 "Most everyone has experienced anxiety or anticipation while waiting for something. As a single adult, I certainly have learned what it means to wait. For this reason Isaiah 40:31 has come to have special meaning for me: “But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint” (emphasis added). Many of us dread waiting, but through the prophet Isaiah, the Lord tells us that waiting can actually be a good thing.

So what kind of waiting was Isaiah describing? The Hebrew word translated as wait also means “hope for” and “anticipate” (Isaiah 40:31, footnote a). To add my own interpretation, I like to think of waiting in terms of a waiter at a restaurant. In this sense, to wait on someone is to serve that person. A good waiter—or server—gives his or her customers excellent care and attention by checking in often, learning their desires, and attending to them. When I adopt this attitude toward the Lord, it adds purpose to the time I spend awaiting a particular blessing. In fact, time seems to pass more quickly when I am diligently working to serve God. Ironically enough, it’s through this work that I “renew [my] strength.”

The same amount of time will pass whether I am squandering it in anger and impatience or using it to serve the Lord and His children. Choosing to “wait upon the Lord”—or viewed another way, to serve Him—yields far more satisfying results. This choice also helps me remember that because Heavenly Father’s greatest desire is to bless His children with what will ultimately help us be happy, He will not only give me what I need, He’ll also give it at the time that is best for me."

Now, I'm not one to preach on this topic... I can be a sucky waiter.  Haha!  No, but really... I put on a good face, but I do get a bit anxious at times.  I'm only human.  However, this article and thinking on the topic these past weeks has changed my outlook just a little bit.  I have taken an approach of service and focusing on what I can do for others.  I'm waiting on others in the service attitude, rather than just meaninglessly killing time.  It's a much happier state to be in because you're constantly DOING something... I hate just sitting around waiting... it drives me mad.  Thus, an attitude of focusing on others not only blesses your life, but those you're serving... It's brilliant.

So, in conclusion, I'm gonna stop waitin' on the world to change... and go out there and change it myself.
*muah*

Song of the Day:  I'm currently obsessed with this jam - perfect to drive to and sing to as loud as you'd like.... Here is Nikki Williams with "Glowing."  Enjoy!

Court.

There is one other individual in particular who I feel like I should really say "Thank You!" to in my life right now... I have MANY good friends, and feel very blessed for all of you.  I am beyond thankful for the hours and hours you spend talking with or hanging out with me.  I'm grateful for the effort you put forth in being my friends and confidants.  Eventually I will blog to ALL off you, but for now I need to say one additional thank you to this particular individual and my Heavenly Father for placing her in my life.

I just recently took the time to write about my bestie, Spence, and how he has been such a God-send for me in this past year of my life.  I also feel the same about Miss Jaegs.  She has been there for me through a lot in in the past six-ish months and always willing to spend time and effort on making me happy.  I have found a true friend in her and know that I can count on her to always have my back.  She is up for any crazy thing and helps me not look like too much of an idiot - haha!  She is great because we can have hilarious conversations about frivolous things and then have serious, meaningful conversations about life, decisions, the gospel, and how we're feelings.  It's the perfect friendship for me and she has sincerely grown to be a best friend.  I  know that I can always count on her... and that means the world to me.

Court - I look up to you A LOT!  You have no idea the example you are to me each day.  You have no idea how much I just want to be like you in so many ways.  Thank you for allowing me to be a part of your life and for putting up with my bits of crazy.  Especially since half the world thinks we're lesbians... well, maybe just your mom... and those people at the Sunday party... We LOVE men.  A LOT - FYI world. :)

"In Utah, we do what we want!"

Again, I'm a blessed girl... I should be more thankful.
*muah*

Song of the Day: This is for Court, so... Here is an anthem she fixed me up with awhile back.  Here's Megan and Liz singing "Bad For Me."  Love it. Enjoy!

Spence.

Sometimes we write on our blogs to make a grand statement or announcement.
Sometimes we write in our blogs to express emotion or opinions.
Sometimes we write in our blogs to record an event in our lives.

Today, I write in my blog simply to express gratitude for the past few months.  I've been a blessed girl.  I can truly affirm that Heavenly Father knows WHAT we need WHEN we need it... I truly hate waiting on the Lord's timing (sorry - it's true), but I know He has it figured out for me better than I have if figured out for myself.  This past few months, what have I really needed?  A solid, genuine, trustworthy, loyal, and real best friend.  I've just needed someone I can really 100% talk to about anything and who supports me and vice versa - no matter what.  A friend that stands up for me... and makes fun of me when deserved (Habatchi - need I say more? Nope.). A friend who can make me laugh when I'm upset or calm me down when I'm being irrational.  I have that right now, and that's pretty awesome.

In a hard time he says...

"I don't want to be human." 

My reply...

"Well, zombie is much less attractive... but I'll see what I can work out for ya."

Our convo on the matter...

"Zombies are awesome.  All they want is to eat brains. I could live with that. No heart = no pain."
"And no excitement either... You'd cease to be witty!"
"That sounds like a fair trade though."
"Well, not for me.  Sorry - I need a best friend.  No zombie-life for you."
"And that's why I wouldn't make the trade.  You're welcome."
"Thank you for not becoming a zombie for me."

How awesome are we?  Yep - you're jealous.  Sorry, but... thou shalt not covet.
Our friendship is pretty epic.

I have the best friend in the world.  We understand each other in a way no one else can - on both sides.  It's a bit scary how much we think alike.... We're not the exact same - we harbor differences and different opinions or interests.  However, we THINK alike and just get each other without even using words.  It's pretty amazing - and I just needed that right now.

*Dropping me off*

"Hey, well I'll see you..."
"Just everyday for the rest of our lives."
"Yep."

Sidenote:  Can we take a normal picture?!  I think not.

I'm a lucky girl.  I just felt like I should say, THANK YOU.
*muah*

P.S.  Sorry if this at all seems somewhat sappy - I'm just grateful.  I think it was fine till the song, right?  Eh - oops. Hahaha....
P.S.S. Also, I think the song might be slightly about Jesus... I'm not in any way trying to steal the limelight - FYI. :)

Song of the Day: Without getting overly sappy, I think this song fit appropriately for this entry.  Here's a little Boyce Avenue and Michael Jackson with "Will You Be There." Partake in both or whichever video makes your heart happy... Personally, well, I jam to both.  Enjoy!

 

Nicaragua Part V: Final Day, Final Thoughts

My final day in Nicaragua was more of a sight-seeing, relaxing adventure - similar to Saturday's trip to Masaya and Granada.  We had the opportunity to wake up a bit later that morning and have a chill morning till 10:30am... but a group of us (some LDS/Mormon and some not) opted to attend the local LDS services just a few blocks from the hotel.  Our bus driver, Alberto, was kind enough to drive us around to find the church bldg. and then even attended the service with us.  I didn't understand about 90% of the service, but the one thing I did understand was the spirit.  It sounds cheesy, but I just love how the gospel is the same wherever you go.  I knew exactly what was happening and why, and I could feel the overwhelming love that these members had for the gospel and for each other.  I was really grateful that Cami got all the information together to make it possible for us to attend sacrament meeting.

Sidenote:  It was fast and testimony meeting and they went a good few minutes over because people just kept getting up.  Again, not so different from the states. :)

After the church service we slipped out and headed back to the hotel to change and head to Lake Apoyo (volcano lake) for the afternoon.  If you ever want to experience a piece of paradise, check out Lake Apoyo... Oh my word.  It was gorgeous and SO peaceful!  I was so relaxed and just chill while there.  Don't get me wrong, after lunch I jumped in the lake for a little swim and then spent three and a half hours playing games on the water raft 30-40 feet off shore. It was a blast playing Ninja, Chilean children's games, and Down By the Banks on the river raft then taking a million "action shots!"  However, after that it was nice to just read and lay by the side of the lake for an hour or so... It was a little piece of Nicaraguan heaven.

 Me and Laura!

 Our MAT raft crew!

 HOOK inspired shot...

 Mermaid Dancing?!?

After the swim I realized my mistake of not having worn ear-plugs... I always forget that when swimming a lot in a day, but I get swimmer's ear fairly easily when in the water for an extended period of time.  That night made for a pretty nasty, tearful night (with only about 3 hours of sleep) because of plugged ear, but it's slowly healing now and there's no pain anymore - I can't quite hear out of it fully yet, but hopefully soon!

Going back to Nicaragua, we headed back to the hotel post swimming and relaxing to eat dinner and then meet up for a final reflection discussion.  We were all groaning a bit about having to have the final reflection, but I don't know why... I always end up loving those kind of discussions.  I love dissecting feelings and experiences and talking about them openly.  Is that weird?  Eh.  Oh well!

While we were discussing the events from this week we were asked a few different questions.  The first (worded more articulately that this): What was your favorite highlight from this trip and why?  We were often asked to expand upon that by sharing how that experience would influence us as a teacher in the future.  I talked about my experience with Father Cardenal and how I feel more shaped as an individual after hearing him speak - how I set goals for myself as a person and as a teacher while sitting right in his lecture.  Again, it was THAT good.  I kind of saw him as almost a Nelson Mandela figure of his country and purpose... For real - he was incredible.

Anyway, I wanted to take a second to reflect once more.  We were asked to ponder the following questions for our "final reflection" in class tomorrow.  Though I already feel I touched upon these things, I feel it might be good to regroup my ideas and just share some insight to my overall experience.  First, we were asked how the travel seminar influenced our ability to learn about another culture.  

Truthfully, I felt this seminar to be one of the most powerful things I could do to understand and learn about culture while here at Westminster.  We talk a lot about the different cultural backgrounds our students can and will come from, but I don't believe that I fully understood until my experience down in Nicaragua how culture can affect a student in and out of the classroom.  So many kids down there are excited about and love school, but only have the opportunity to go through 6-8th grade.  This is because they have to work after that so their families can make money to eat and survive.  So, as an educator I was thoughtful of the students I will have that might have to work to help their family make ends meet.  How can I help those students succeed and grow? How will I react when a student comes in and says they don't have their work done because mom needed them to run family errands or work extra hours?  I don't believe in allowing excuses to build and enable students to not have to do work.  However, I can be more understanding and work with them to come up with a plan that will work for them if things arise.  It is going to take more effort on my part as a teacher,  but I want to be the teacher that goes the extra mile when needed.  Some other students won't think it's fair, but I have realized that education and learning (just like parenting) isn't about giving every child the same thing, but giving each child what they need to be successful.  Education is about the individual.

The second question: How will you continue to learn about cultures as a practicing teacher?  My thoughts are coming out in THIS fashion:

1.  Be familiar with your surrounding.  As a teacher, I will be aware of the cultures and values represented in that area.  I want to make sure that I know as much as I can about the background of each student and where they are coming from so I can understand their situations and struggles.  I want to be understanding of the kids that fall out of the cultural norms of the area's population, and determine how I can make those students feel included without singling them (or others) out.
2.  Be familiar with what is happening around the world.  At times, kids from other backgrounds and cultures are effected by the things that are happening halfway across the world.  If I stay up-to-date on the important things that are happening around the world, I can relate to those students and hopefully know how to better help them through any tough experiences.  Also, I can use cultural events from around to world to bring in information or ideas that may represent that student without singling them out or making them uncomfortable.
3.  In regards to English or theater, why not bring in literature or theatrical pieces from other countries or cultures?  If there is a piece originally written in a different language, I could bring in translations for class members.  I can use pieces that dig into cultural or societal issues (which many and most do in some way), and do more than perform or read them, but discuss them.  I think this is a vital piece of theater and studying literature, regardless - dissecting and discussing the real meaning behind a piece.
4.  Travel.  I have NO problem with this idea... The more I travel and observe different cultures, asking questions and walking the non-touristy path, the more I can come to better understand a culture or life style.  I love traveling SO much and experiencing new places, so this idea is heaven to me... Yep - I'm going to travel like crazy during my summer months.  It's research, right? :)  Think I can get funding for that?  Yea - didn't think so.  It was worth a shot though! :)

All in all, my experience to Nicaragua was life changing and incredible.  I really was so happy with the people I was there with and how we influenced and taught one another, as well as the experiences the Center for Global Education had laid out for us.  It really was the PERFECT trip and learning experience.  Westminster, I love you even more now... and I already loved you a whole lot.
*muah*

Song of the Day:  I think I post this video EVERY Christmas, but it is THAT good.  Here is Vocal Point (Feat. Ryan Innes) singing "He Is Born."  He is insane good - they all are.  BLOWS MY MIND.  Check out both versions (one is only half, BUT it's a better version I believe)... Enjoy!

Siesta, Fiesta!!! Nicaragua: Part 1

Just sing the entry title above to the tune of R Kelly and Jay Z's "Fiesta" and you'll get a flavor for my first day in Nicaragua...

Yep.  I'm in freakin' Nicaragua.  Nicaragua!!!

It's painfully beautiful.  It's dirty.  It's busy and loud.  It's still and quiet.  It's a mix of emotions as your drive through the streets.  I was pleasantly surprised in some ways by things that I saw and am still in a mild state of shock by other things.  I would like to preach that I'm not naive, but in some ways... I am.  When it comes to foreign countries that are poor and on the third-world spectrum, I am somewhat naive.  I believe that most are until they see things for themselves and experience a piece of the third-world culture.

Today we went to help at the schools sponsored by the NicaHope foundation.  Well, help is probably an overstatement, because we merely were helping hands in serving the kids lunch and cleaning the kitchen/cafeteria a bit and they didn't exactly need us there to make that happen.  We were more present to observe and take note of the resources available and the culture surrounding the school.  We're visiting two more schools tomorrow, so it'll be interesting to compare and contrast.

Taking a step back, breakfast was rice and beans fried up together, eggs with peppers, onions, and tomatoes (amazing!), mixed fruit (fresh watermelon, pineapple, and the best papaya ever) and toast with melon jelly - surprisingly good.  It was pretty bomb.... Back to the important stuff.

After our visit to the schools we went back to the homestead for NicaHope and talked more in depth about their organization and what they have done for Nicaraguans and their schooling opportunities.  They began in 2008 and have grown from 5 workers to 24 since then, and TONS of kids.  We also had the opportunity to buy jewelery from their after-school program, made from "trash" found in Nicaragua - i.e. soda cans, wire, paper, stones, etc. They have gone from 10 kids to 100 in two year's time!  I spent a bit more there than planned, as it was more expensive than things I would even typically buy in the US, but I justified it by saying it was for a very good cause - and rightfully so, as it goes to help these kids and the foundation.  We aren't suppose to give money out to kids or people on the street, so I figure it's my way to give back.  There is literally only so much I'm allowed to do, so buying gorgeous "trash" jewelery sounded pretty amazing to me.

After NicaHope stuff we came back to the hotel for lunch and a mini-siesta.  Lunch was rice and the smoothest, best re-fried beans of my life, steak with pico de gallo salsa, some rice/pineapple drink (not my thing - I tend to not be fond of rice drinks), and bread... well, they had fresh tortillas, but I was last to the table and they were gone by then.... Tomorrow I'm gettin' my hands on one of those.  Haha! 

In the afternoon we headed to the Universidad (University) de Nicaragua for a lecture series on the history of Nicaragua.... Now, usually I'd be bored out of my mind because half lecture style learning is not my thing.  It's not the information, but the presentation of the information.  However, this guy has a great style to him and was an exceptional giver of information... 90% I was highly engaged in what he was saying.

Highlight Notes from Lecture:
 - Traditional clothes and behavior has faded out because it's not in "self-interest" to be IDed as indigenous.  Example --> Two people could speak the Rama dialect (originated in Nicaragua) two years ago and now it's unknown if more learned or the language has died... The Sumos language is likewise almost gone.
 - Some indigenous people (on the Atlantic side) are still trying to succeed from time to time.
 - On the pacific side, the shores are full of creoles, garifonas, and mestizos - black, slave trade individuals who either escaped from slavery or overthrew their boats.
 - They are self-dependent with rice and pretty much beans. They have coffee being exported all the time, and also grow cotton, corn, sesame seeds, and have amazing fishing up North. The surplus corn the US kept giving then Nicaraguans to sell in the 80s actually caused a million issues because they could no longer get money for their own goods and it hurt their economy.  Sometimes I wonder how much America is helping when they think they are...?  Not everywhere, but sometimes...
 - Conservatives are loyal to Spanish traditions of political culture and trade, and liberals will buy from anyone.  That's what defines them generally.
 - In 1856, an American by the name of Filibuster burned a city in the South and declared himself President and English the official language.  This did NOT stick- obviously.
 - Almost 80% are living below the poverty line....
 - The Literacy Campaign in the 80's brought the illiteracy level from 50% to 12.9% in 5 months!!!
 - The presidents of the past are automatically on the supreme court, and they are immune from everything... To vote them out it takes a ridiculously high number of votes.
 - 98% of kids fail the college entry exam now...
 - 1.3% birthrate and life expectancy around 72% - There are more dependents working now, but in 3-4 decades they fear this will not be the case.

QUESTION TO THINK ON: Do you think corruption in politics is possible more readily because media is not as accessible, and the media there is is only run by one side  -the Sandistas? 

Following the lecture on campus, we all walked back to our hotel (about 5-10 minutes away), taking pictures of some murals along the walls as we went... The graffiti here is typically in mural form and carried some deeper political or social meaning.  I believe that's what a great majority of ALL graffiti in mural form is about... it's the crap words spray-painted here or there that I detest.  Mural art (graffiti or not) is simply gorgeous to me.  They use rather bright colors and poignant messages - I enjoy art in all forms.  On that note, I plan to look for some piece of art to bring home at the market tomorrow... here's to hopin' I find a good one.

We went on a bus tour of Managua after we arrived back at the hotel, but it was fairly dark by the time we reached downtown area.  Thus, we'll be going back to do some walking around and picture taking another day.  Well, in the safer parts... It was interesting because we weren't allowed to have our windows open on the bus for safety reasons (along with people trying to sell us a million and one goods - especially since we're white) and we are really visible to people here.  We just have to be cautious and smart.  Anyway, we saw some amazing statues, a giant cathedral, a Nicaraguan fair, and the slum areas... It was really cool, and highly humbling. 

We came back to the hotel eat dinner (rice, fish, papas fritas (fries - with ketchup!), and cooked veggie mix that was pretty bomb.  I tell you what, I don't care what anyone else says, I'm lovin' the food... might just be me, but I'm a happy girl in the stomach department.  After dinner I chilled for about an hour and then did the "unthinkable" in this hot, humid city... I went running.  I know, I know... I do it a lot - still hate it.  I've determined I'll never love it, even if there are MOMENTS of small enjoyment in the process.  I just prefer other forms of exersise.  I love dancing, Zumba, lifting weights, and the elliptical... I just hate pure running or jogging.  HOWEVER, I did it - and felt great after.  Sweating like mad makes my skin clear and feel really nice...  I did some jump stuff, squats, and lunges after, and then took an amazing shower.  Haha!

Other Notes:
 - The ants here are HUGE with massive bums... it's slightly intimidating.
 - The first night riding here from the airport we all crowded on this tiny bus with all our luggage and barely fit, which was pretty entertaining... At least it was air-conditioned!  (As are our hotel rooms - thank goodness!)
 - Trash is everywhere in the streets.  Everywhere.  It's pretty weird thinking about actually just littering like that without a second thought - bizarre to me.
 - The dogs remind me of how Nicole and Amber described them in Argentina - ridiculously skinny, starving, running wild in the streets with no particular owner, flee-biting, and full of disease... It's VERY sad to me.
 - People not only try to sell you things on the side of the road, but IN the road.  They walk down the middle like it's nothing, trying to sell nuts, fruit, water pouches, flowers, or even wash your window.  I've seen all these things before, but not in the MASSIV hoards of people trying to live off of doing those jobs.  EVERY intersection was PACKED with people and handcarts (of donkey-pulled carts) full of items to sell.
 - The whole city is prepping for Dec. 7th celebration "La Gritería" - a religious event where thousands come to sing to 7 different alters carrying replicas of the virgin Mary and will be rewarded with food, sweets, and small presents from the government.  I wish we were here for it, but it's still cool to see them prep for the event.  It's insane how much is going into the alters decorations...

Day one was a good one here in Managua... I even used a little Spanish!  Muy pequno... but still.  Really, I can not stop thinking in GERMAN!  Weird - huh? I need to hit the sack, because I kinda can't wait for tomorrow... :) 

I'LL POST PICTURES TOMORROW!
*muah*

Song of the Day:  The song within this video is pretty powerful (I think it's called "Hope is Coming," but I have no clue who it's by...), but this also shows a bit more about who NicaHope is trying to help...  Enjoy.

Nica HOPE from Nica HOPE on Vimeo.

October 2012 General Conference: Part I

I adore General Conference.

I love the advice and the guidance given.  I love the spirit felt with each talk and speaker.  I love the reaffirmation that we have a living prophet who gives us a clearer view of our personal road map.  I love the chastisement or critique presented that helps me know where I need to make improvements in my life.

I love General Conference.

Sidenote:  For those friends who don't know what General Conference is, let me give you a little definition.  General Conference is when leaders from the LDS church speak to members, investigators, and anyone who want to listen about the teachings and principles of our gospel.  If you're looking to find out more about the LDS faith, or just Jesus Christ in general, check out some of the talks by clicking HERE. 

 **My favorite speakers are Dieter F. Uchtdorf and Thomas S. Monson, but Marcus B. Nash gave a favorite talk for me this time too!

Here are a few of quotes and notes from this last Saturday session (October 6) in case you missed it...
 
Quentin L. Cook
 - When you feel disillusioned evaluate where you are in life.  You have enlisted to serve God - you left the neutral ground... Don't go back to that ground.
 - "The foundation for kindness begins in the home... Spiritual maturity must flourish in our homes."

Ann N. Dibb
 - "I am a Mormon. I know it.  I live it.  I love it!"
 - Are we as well-versed in gospel truths and how they fit into your life?  Knowledge is the power of God and salvation. As our gospel knowledge increases we can more fully live the gospel.

Craig C. Christensen
 - As a parent (future for me), take advantage of the questions from our children, and opportunities to share the gospel.  When your children feel something, tap into that and let them know when you feel the spirit.
 - Our blessings and the spirit are given upon our desires to receive them.... what desirest thou?

Russel M. Nelson
 - We keep all that is good and true from all religions and then add unto it with fervor. 
 - Families can be together forever, but it takes WORK.
 [My own thought - People keep telling me what's "normal" for a young adult my age... but LDS young adults aren't normal.  Haha!  We have to try and cut above the curve completely.]

Dieter F. Uchtdorf
 - Do you have any regrets?  Apply the gospel!  The blessings and teachings of the gospel prevent us from having regret.
 - "We often wear our business as a badge of honor..."  Moderation in ALL things.
 - God knows things about us that we do not know about ourselves - trust Him.
 - Don't focus on the trivial or fleeting - follow the Savior!
 - "Discipleship is a perusal of holiness and happiness - it is the path to our best and happiest self."
 - "When it comes to living the gospel, we should not be like the boy who dipped his toe in the water and then claimed he went swimming... we are capable of so much more."
 -  Listen to all the promptings that come to you!
 - It's not a race, it's a journey - enjoy the moment!  Don't focus to hard on the finish line.  Example: "Do we say our prayers with only the "amen" in mind?"  Happiness is available all the time - there's something in each day to bring excitement.
 -  "General conference is always a good time for both hearing and doing. Therefore, let us 'be … doers of the word, and not hearers only.''
 -  "I pray we will not wait until we are ready to die before we truly learn to live."

L. Tom Perry
 - Set values and expectations from the gospel.  
 - Teaching in the home is the most sacred calling - make the home come first... Pray, eat, and read the scriptures together.  Have Family Home Evenings each week.  Utilize church leaders, share your testimony often, organize clear expectations, and let family know you love them.
 - Teach them by example as well as precept- teach them to love and serve.

Robert C. Gay
 - Follow all promptings and listen to the spirit --> This was mentioned a LOT!
 - It is not enough just to avoid evil.  Able men who sit as sophisticated neutrals are a large part of Satan's plan.
 - Don't sell your soul for the candy bars and trophies of the world...

Scott D. Whiting
 - God sees all parts of you - do not undertake to cover up your sins... work to fix them.  Give 100% of your efforts 100% of the time. You are divine material.

Niel A. Andersen
 - When you have trials, don't step away from the gospel and what's holding you up.  Protect your faith by being close to it...
 - When you want to ask, "How can you ask so much?" of God, remember that His ways are higher than ours.
 - "A real but manageable test for one can be a fiery trial for another."
 -  Quoting Ezra Taft Benson, "Every [person] eventually is backed up to the wall of faith, and there … must make his stand.” --> Love this!
- "Hold on and fear not, for God shall be with you."

Dallin H. Oaks
 - Take a stand against that which you know to be wrong.
 - Making a child feel useless or unwanted is the worst of transgressions.  (Being a teacher and a nanny, I can completely see this to be the case - children are so fragile, and it's our job to build them up -not break them down.)
 -  "We are all under the Savior’s command to love and care for each other and especially for the weak and defenseless."
- "Children need others to speak for them, and they need decision makers who put their well-being ahead of selfish adult interests."

More on the Sunday session to come soon... :)
*muah*

Song of the Day: This is one of my faovrite songs that MoTab sang during these sessions... I adore the line that says, "Fear not. I am with thee."  I also love, "I will not, I cannot, desert to his foes!"  So powerful.  Here is The Mormon Tabernacle Choir singing, "How Firm a Foundation."  Enjoy!