Last night, one of my best friends forwarded me this quote as I was doing scripture study, and it reminded me how blessed I am... How if I can put my faith in my Heavenly Father and Savior, I can and will come out on top - all WILL be okay, more than okay, and amazing.
This week has been a rather tough one - a really hard one. My life is incredible, and I can not thank the Lord above for all I have in my life. I have an amazing job that I love, a wonderful roommate and great apartment I can afford, great friends and a support system, clean water, warm showers, soft sheets I can wash each week, delicious food each day, and the ability to hear music and the gift of a voice... I am SO lucky. That being said, there are days or weeks that things just SUCK. It doesn't negate how grateful I am, but I think it's important to recognize that we have bad days and life can be hard.
I have a tendency to play the stone - the strong woman who locks away her emotions or reactions to hard situations. I'm happy to report I have been getting better at being more honest with my emotions and more open with how I really feel -thank goodness, because I feel like I can finally express this in my music now. However, there are many times it remains my internal struggle. So, in the process of progression, I need to explain some honest feelings.
In the past nine days, I have been diagnosed with Lyme disease, in and out of two MRI/MRA tests and a bubble heart exam, had a student of mine (for the past two years) take his own life, led a few grief and coping discussions with students, discovered a brain aneurysm, and have heart issues that the doctor would "like to discuss" tomorrow. It's also our Theatre Region Competition on Friday and so late nights are a must each night this week to ensure student success - don't worry, I've been smart and asked other teachers for help.
It's been a very hard, very emotional week. I feel like I finally understand the phrase, "When it rains, it pours... and pours, and pours." I'm trying to look at the positive, and I've actually been finding a lot of silver lining to things, but it's been hard. I spend a lot of days in pain and feeling completely foggy and un-Linzed. For those who don't know (I didn't until diagnosed), Lyme can cause the brain to swell and some issues with the neurological and nervous systems. It's related to some memory loss (that's hugely affected me this year), fogginess of mind, difficulty concentrating, headaches, vision issues, extreme fatigue, poor coordination, and sleep pattern issues - all of which have affected me more and more this past year or two. Add the brain aneurysm to this, and it's just put some added head pressure, numbness of body and face, tiredness, and muscle spasms.
Again, I'm not complaining, but I need to be honest about how I feel... and right now, I genuinely feel like life is amazing - and amazingly hard. I feel confused and nervous about results, and simultaneously grateful for answers and SURE that the Lord will take care of me. I know through this process, I will grow and learn about myself, my body, and my Savior. I will become more of the woman I am suppose to be... I know this may sound cheesy, but what's getting me through is the idea that when you go through trial by fire (or a roaring forest in flames), there emerges a Phoenix.
"I know that you can do all things; no purpose of yours can be thwarted." (Job 42:2)
OR, my personal favorite...
I can be brave. I can be strong. I can be triumphant.... but I can only be those things as I allow my Heavenly Father to take control. With God, ALL things are possible.
*muah*
Song of the Day: I found this song this past week, and it hit me hard... I've felt this way a few times in my life and she nails the emotions down beautifully. Here is Jessie Ware's "Say You Love Me." Enjoy!
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