Expectations are the death of a happy soul.
I was speaking with a friend the other day about my experience in Prague, and I realized something... I had the MOST amazing time and fell in love with that city for one reason - I had NO expectations about the city and the trip. I arrived solo, taking a night train from Koln to Prague city center, found my hostel and checked out local surroundings for a bit before a friend arrived and hiked around the city with me for a day and a half. We ate amazing food, saw the famous castle and city sights, and even went to a Czeck Musical! After that, I spent another two days just taking in the city and wondering around wherever I wanted to go, ate at random places, and watched a lot of street performers... It was lovely, and made all the better because I had NO expectation of how things "should" go on the trip or what I "should" do with my time. Sure, I had a list of the different sights I wanted to potentially see, list of foods to taste while there... however, there was no expectation of the "perfect trip."
After this chat, I read an article in Entrepreneur.com and it said the following:
"What did Epictetus, the great Stoic philosopher, say way back in the first century AD?
- 'People are disturbed not by things, but by the views they take of them.'
What did Shakespeare write in "Hamlet"?
- 'There's nothing either good or bad but thinking makes it so.'
How about the Buddha?
- 'We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts we make the world.'"
They are all so spot on... WE create our perceptions and therefore, the feelings we are having of frustration about the way an event turned out, or how an individual is acting. We have a view of how things "should" go, and it ruins our ability to live in the moment and be okay with how things really ARE going.
Expectations rarely give us happiness, and therefore... I'm giving up on expectations. There are some key things I shall request/demand in my life if someone wants to stay in my life, however, expecting someone to acting exactly the way I imagine it in my mind is only going to lead to disappointment when people make a different choice or mess-up. We're all human - we don't handle situations perfectly every time. Therefore, if I allow myself to experience a situation and react accordingly, I feel as though I can live with a lot less disappointment and unfulfilled desires.
When it comes to things in my life coming to fruition, I work hard to make them happen - I don't expect them to happen because I have talent or an opportunity. I will allow myself to be in the moment and feel the genuine emotions of that experience... not what I believe I "should" feel or want to feel. That's putting your happiness in the hands of a specific situation or person... and I want to choose my happiness and let it be genuinely present. And, how much more real is that?! I'm not anticipating an emotional reaction or response - I'm letting it naturally come forth. Healthier and happier approach in my mind...
There's a difference between advocating for high results with jobs, events, friends, dating, etc.... However, I'm digging this idea of letting life be what it is and having zero expectations. I've read "always have hope, though never expect." I can live by that rule. :)
*muah*
Song of the Day: Love this song, even if it's over-played to some... and it kinda goes with the topic - "Let It Go" by James Bay, and covered by yours truly. :) Enjoy!
Sidenote: I'm halfway to 31 today! :) AND, guess what my fortune said this morning...? "As soon as you feel too old to do a thing, do it." DONE.
Showing posts with label Dating. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Dating. Show all posts
Friday, May 6, 2016
Thursday, July 25, 2013
I Am More Than My Body
I know that I am going to receive backlash for some of the things I will write today... If you are angry, I apologize you have felt that way and that I made you feel that way. I am not, however, apologetic for believing what I believe and have been seeing on a reoccurring basis. I just ask you make it through the ENTIRE entry to see that I do talk about both sides or an issue...
A few years back one of my good friends wrote a song called, "Expectations, Realizations." I have been privileged to perform the song with him at a few venues over the years, but the meaning of the song never really took hold until recently. The popular chorus line states, "expectations rarely equal realizations," also meaning reality. Now, this is not to say that we shouldn't have big dreams and standards for ourselves in life (face it, I'm a theater teacher so I am ALL about dreaming big!) but there is a point where we must also recognize and embrace reality. Sometimes reality gives you an even happier or more peaceful outcome than a lack of acceptance for reality. Also, sometimes I believe that we cheat ourselves and others by being unrealistic in moments when it is necessary.
This is only a PORTION of what I wanna talk about. It all ties together- promise. :)
A few days back I was horrified to hear a break-up story from one of my friends. Incredibly, I have a similar story in my past... We'll get to that. The "break-up" goes like this.. A boy and girl had been dating for around three years on and off. Some may say that I am issue within itself, but I say everyone's timing is different and unique. Finally things came to a head for these individuals and it was brought up, "is this really going anywhere?" That is when this response from the boy came out:
Well, that was strike one times eight million over. Talk about taking someone's self-esteem and shattering it like knocking icicles. Talk about the conversations and statements like this being the reason that THOUSANDS & THOUSANDS of girls have eating disorders or hate themselves/their bodies. Talk about the reason that some girls try to be overly sexy and just perpetuate the issues with sexual addictions (or just having sex too young) that you would/should NEVER want your mothers, sisters, or daughters to take on for themselves. Talk about a mindset that perpetuates the mindset that women are just bodies or sexual creatures. He continued to talk about if they had kids she wouldn't feed them right... The conversation went on, but I was stuck on the statement above....
First issue: IF you argue that this is just a cop-out because he wasn't into her, WORST COP-OUT EVER! Be a man. Be a woman. Have the balls to say what the REAL issues are about.
Second issue: IF this is him being real and saying what he really felt, I believe there is a way to be blunt and honest without being distasteful and cruel. We have to remember that words are powerful. Words are either your band-aid to the wounds created or the salt poured onto the wound to make is seep open. You might create the wound by saying goodbye to someone, but let's not bury the person in salt.
Third issue: The statement above in general. You "might" not be attracted? She "might" gain weight? (Keep in mind, homegirl is THIN and GORGEOUS.) With that kind of thinking you're planning the weddings to your third and fourth wives while at the alter with your first wife. We need to plan for the future - I get that completely. However, there is something to be said for having trust and faith in the Lord - and in another human being. There is something to be said for looking at more than JUST the physical.
Love takes on a new meaning as you go through time and you realize that the physical attraction becomes secondary to all the reasons you're really staying with another person. You LOVE them, and hopefully through the attraction physically might change and hit high or low spots, you wouldn't want to leave them because you see them through new eyes. Your eyes should change in marriage.... I'm not saying get frumpy and gain weight once you're married. Again, attraction is important... but I think that there's just so much more to marriage than my future hunk-o-rama's looks. Attraction can spark a relationship, AND keep it going.... but it CHANGES. Your relationship becomes so deep that at your physical lows you can look at all the reasons you love them and just not focus on that - they serve you, they make you laugh, they take care of you, they take care of your children, they carry intelligent conversation with you, they carry dumb conversations with you, they make you a better person, they strengthen your testimony, they know you better than anyone else and they just get you....
... and you know each other so well that if that was more important to you, you could work on getting fit together.
The issue isn't him saying as much him THINKING it in the first place. He might not have meant it to be so negative, but that's what worries me the most. That kind of thinking.... the lack of trust in her and the overwhelming focus on the physical is what worries me most. It worries me because I have a LOT of male friends who have made similar comments to me about others. It worries me because I've had more than a handful of girls have things like that said to them. Now, I can say this because right now in my life, I am 100% confident in who I am, I like who I am (body and all), and I do not mean it as a put-down. I am a bit more to love. If a man said that to me, it would hurt and be wrong... I would be angrier at the situation. However, I still find myself angry with this situation and it's not even regarding me... Why? First, because if someone thin and gorgeous has that said to her, how can those of us with actual curves even stand a chance?! If the focus is so much on the physical there are only so many men around here who dig a girl with curves.... I've had enough of my guy friends tell me that when speaking of other girls. If you think when you talk I believe it "doesn't apply to me," guess what - it does boys.... It applies to all us girls and we know it.
It's just sad that you can't see past a body-image.
Second, you make me worry when you're so focused on the body image about the world we live in... a world so focused on sex. It's in out music like CRAZY! It's in our movies and TV shows WAY more than it use to be. It's all over with pornography - and that addiction is skyrocketing like mad with each passing day. It just makes me sick to think that sexuality has been twisted.
I have enjoyed working out and toning my body a bit more.... I am striving in my life to be healthier and yes, thinner, because it makes me healthier. It is NOT so that a guy will like me or so I will look better naked. THAT is why I have actually been able to lose some weight... and when I forget that I plateau.
Sidenote (but not so sidenote): This applies both ways... If, ladies, you are doing the same thing in your dating, then shape up and stop the shallow drive around the lot. I just see it WAY more in men and so I'm addressing the frustration and concern here... on my blog... cause I can.
The point: Look past the physical. I didn't say don't look AT the physical. Being attracted to someone is important, as stated before... However, look PAST that and see what is beneath their body and skin. What makes them a beautiful person and not just a beautiful body.
If the focus is so much on what I may or may not look like in lingerie, underneath covers, in a shower, or wherever (I'm talking about SEX people!), and not on my heart and what I have to offer you one human being to another... one child of God to another... than I am glad I'm still on the market and lookin' for someone who understands what marriage, love, and relationships are really about. I'm not holdin' out for a hero (though that would be okay too).... I'm holdin' out for one of the simple, good ones. I'm holdin' out for someone who knows I am more than my body.
*muah*
Song of the Day: For those who know me well, you know that I really love Sara Bareilles. I love how she encourages people through words to feel and grow. She is an incredible artist with an amazing voice... and she had a new CD come out recently! Needless to say I was elated - ELATED! Thus, here is her newest single, "Brave." It's applicable in being brave and embracing who you are ladies (and gentlemen)! To all the girls who have felt the "backlash of somebody's lack of love" or had words used as a "weapon or a drug" on you... BE BRAVE. Enjoy!
A few years back one of my good friends wrote a song called, "Expectations, Realizations." I have been privileged to perform the song with him at a few venues over the years, but the meaning of the song never really took hold until recently. The popular chorus line states, "expectations rarely equal realizations," also meaning reality. Now, this is not to say that we shouldn't have big dreams and standards for ourselves in life (face it, I'm a theater teacher so I am ALL about dreaming big!) but there is a point where we must also recognize and embrace reality. Sometimes reality gives you an even happier or more peaceful outcome than a lack of acceptance for reality. Also, sometimes I believe that we cheat ourselves and others by being unrealistic in moments when it is necessary.
This is only a PORTION of what I wanna talk about. It all ties together- promise. :)
A few days back I was horrified to hear a break-up story from one of my friends. Incredibly, I have a similar story in my past... We'll get to that. The "break-up" goes like this.. A boy and girl had been dating for around three years on and off. Some may say that I am issue within itself, but I say everyone's timing is different and unique. Finally things came to a head for these individuals and it was brought up, "is this really going anywhere?" That is when this response from the boy came out:
"I'm just concerned I may not be attracted to you in ten years because you like food so much."
Well, that was strike one times eight million over. Talk about taking someone's self-esteem and shattering it like knocking icicles. Talk about the conversations and statements like this being the reason that THOUSANDS & THOUSANDS of girls have eating disorders or hate themselves/their bodies. Talk about the reason that some girls try to be overly sexy and just perpetuate the issues with sexual addictions (or just having sex too young) that you would/should NEVER want your mothers, sisters, or daughters to take on for themselves. Talk about a mindset that perpetuates the mindset that women are just bodies or sexual creatures. He continued to talk about if they had kids she wouldn't feed them right... The conversation went on, but I was stuck on the statement above....
"I may not be attracted to you in ten years because you like food so much."
First issue: IF you argue that this is just a cop-out because he wasn't into her, WORST COP-OUT EVER! Be a man. Be a woman. Have the balls to say what the REAL issues are about.
Second issue: IF this is him being real and saying what he really felt, I believe there is a way to be blunt and honest without being distasteful and cruel. We have to remember that words are powerful. Words are either your band-aid to the wounds created or the salt poured onto the wound to make is seep open. You might create the wound by saying goodbye to someone, but let's not bury the person in salt.
Third issue: The statement above in general. You "might" not be attracted? She "might" gain weight? (Keep in mind, homegirl is THIN and GORGEOUS.) With that kind of thinking you're planning the weddings to your third and fourth wives while at the alter with your first wife. We need to plan for the future - I get that completely. However, there is something to be said for having trust and faith in the Lord - and in another human being. There is something to be said for looking at more than JUST the physical.
"Being “in love” and attracted to a person is a good start, but clearly not enough."
-Thomas B. Holmes
Attraction IS important! Attraction IS necessary! Attraction IS part of a successful and happy marriage! I am not in anyway undermining or devaluing the importance of attraction... With that being said, I was speaking with my mom the other day on the deck and asked if she was attracted to my dad when they got married. This was two weeks ago and for some reason, I just asked. She kinda laughed and said, "Well, yea..." I said, "Well, I don't know I assumed so, but I didn't know if it was like really, really attracted." Haha! Yep, I don't know where that came from, but I asked. She laughed again and said, "It just seems so juvenile when I think about all that we've been through. Yes, I was attracted to him, but it's more than that... It's more than butterflies when I see him or thinking he's cute... We've been through so much together now and I'm attracted to him WAY past the physical."
"A happy marriage is not so much a matter of romance as it is an anxious concern for the comfort and well-being of one’s companion." - Gordon B. Hinckley
Love takes on a new meaning as you go through time and you realize that the physical attraction becomes secondary to all the reasons you're really staying with another person. You LOVE them, and hopefully through the attraction physically might change and hit high or low spots, you wouldn't want to leave them because you see them through new eyes. Your eyes should change in marriage.... I'm not saying get frumpy and gain weight once you're married. Again, attraction is important... but I think that there's just so much more to marriage than my future hunk-o-rama's looks. Attraction can spark a relationship, AND keep it going.... but it CHANGES. Your relationship becomes so deep that at your physical lows you can look at all the reasons you love them and just not focus on that - they serve you, they make you laugh, they take care of you, they take care of your children, they carry intelligent conversation with you, they carry dumb conversations with you, they make you a better person, they strengthen your testimony, they know you better than anyone else and they just get you....
... and you know each other so well that if that was more important to you, you could work on getting fit together.
The issue isn't him saying as much him THINKING it in the first place. He might not have meant it to be so negative, but that's what worries me the most. That kind of thinking.... the lack of trust in her and the overwhelming focus on the physical is what worries me most. It worries me because I have a LOT of male friends who have made similar comments to me about others. It worries me because I've had more than a handful of girls have things like that said to them. Now, I can say this because right now in my life, I am 100% confident in who I am, I like who I am (body and all), and I do not mean it as a put-down. I am a bit more to love. If a man said that to me, it would hurt and be wrong... I would be angrier at the situation. However, I still find myself angry with this situation and it's not even regarding me... Why? First, because if someone thin and gorgeous has that said to her, how can those of us with actual curves even stand a chance?! If the focus is so much on the physical there are only so many men around here who dig a girl with curves.... I've had enough of my guy friends tell me that when speaking of other girls. If you think when you talk I believe it "doesn't apply to me," guess what - it does boys.... It applies to all us girls and we know it.
It's just sad that you can't see past a body-image.
Second, you make me worry when you're so focused on the body image about the world we live in... a world so focused on sex. It's in out music like CRAZY! It's in our movies and TV shows WAY more than it use to be. It's all over with pornography - and that addiction is skyrocketing like mad with each passing day. It just makes me sick to think that sexuality has been twisted.
I have enjoyed working out and toning my body a bit more.... I am striving in my life to be healthier and yes, thinner, because it makes me healthier. It is NOT so that a guy will like me or so I will look better naked. THAT is why I have actually been able to lose some weight... and when I forget that I plateau.
Sidenote (but not so sidenote): This applies both ways... If, ladies, you are doing the same thing in your dating, then shape up and stop the shallow drive around the lot. I just see it WAY more in men and so I'm addressing the frustration and concern here... on my blog... cause I can.
The point: Look past the physical. I didn't say don't look AT the physical. Being attracted to someone is important, as stated before... However, look PAST that and see what is beneath their body and skin. What makes them a beautiful person and not just a beautiful body.
If the focus is so much on what I may or may not look like in lingerie, underneath covers, in a shower, or wherever (I'm talking about SEX people!), and not on my heart and what I have to offer you one human being to another... one child of God to another... than I am glad I'm still on the market and lookin' for someone who understands what marriage, love, and relationships are really about. I'm not holdin' out for a hero (though that would be okay too).... I'm holdin' out for one of the simple, good ones. I'm holdin' out for someone who knows I am more than my body.
*muah*
Song of the Day: For those who know me well, you know that I really love Sara Bareilles. I love how she encourages people through words to feel and grow. She is an incredible artist with an amazing voice... and she had a new CD come out recently! Needless to say I was elated - ELATED! Thus, here is her newest single, "Brave." It's applicable in being brave and embracing who you are ladies (and gentlemen)! To all the girls who have felt the "backlash of somebody's lack of love" or had words used as a "weapon or a drug" on you... BE BRAVE. Enjoy!
Monday, March 11, 2013
Patience is More Than a Virtue
It's typical for girls of my age(ish) and generation to get frustrated on the lack of male participation in the dating world. I often hear amazing women/girls say how they feel like they're on the right track and just waiting for the boys to step forward and "do something." They are doing everything they can to further themselves educationally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. However, they can only do so much before a guy has to step in and make a move. However, I had a few thoughts about this for all those older young, single adult girls out there...
1 - Perhaps it's about patience and faith for a different reason than talked about previously. We talk about how girls our age just need to "be more faithful" and really just have trust that everything will work out - I agree... and it will. However, perhaps it's not as much for US personally as it is for our children. This can go for the guys side as well when you're actively pursuing options and just not finding a match - In fact, all these points can apply to both sides... I'm just gearing thoughts more toward girls right now. We're going into a time that's getting progressively harder and harder... and maybe we need to understand patience so clearly in order to understand our children clearly. Perhaps our faith is tested so we can help our children when their faith is really tested... so we know how to walk them through the feelings and situations. At the same time it DOES help us grow, but it can then bless us in multiple ways.
2 - I was listening to a CES Fireside by Elder Bednar and his wife this morning as I got ready for the day... He talked about "not shrinking." He told a story about a couple who had just gotten married and then the man found out he was deep into having cancer. When Elder Bednar came to visit this couple, he felt impressed to ask him a bizarre question. "Do you have the faith to NOT be healed?" Sometimes I have the habit of saying, "Okay, Heavenly Father... I submit my will to you completely You can make what I want happen on your own time." That's not real, true submission. I thought it was, but I realized today it's not. I have a sneaking suspicion that I'm not the only person who has thought this way. True submission is saying, "Heavenly Father. I'm on your time table AND plan for me... If what I want doesn't happen, that's okay... because I know your plan for me it ultimately better." That is HARD! I tell you... especially for an independent, "I-can-do-this-myself" kind of girl. However, it's how true faith and submission works.
Thus, here is a dramatic example... I truly believe that I will get married and have kids in this life. I'm not concerned about it in the long run. However, I need to be able to say that I'm okay if that doesn't happen, because that will be the right thing. Therefore, I am okay with that in my life. I'm content to let the Lord completely lead me - no matter the outcome(s). Again - this is a dramatic example and I'm sure it'll work out in this life for me (and most of you), but I needed an example to relate to this point.
3 - A few weeks ago I saw Sheri Dew speak at an Institute Forum and she made this comment: "If all the prayer and righteous deeds in the world could get you married, I'd have been married awhile ago." This wasn't said in a cocky way in the least... It's more like a reality call to stop beating yourself up. If you're making good choices and doing good things, sometimes it's just not TIME yet. I hate that answer too. Haha! However, it makes me realize how aware HF is of my needs personally - He knows me SO well. He knows YOU too. You'll be thankful when the right when comes along, or you realize who the right one is, and you're still able to be with that person. You'll be so overwhelmingly thankful how it all went down - promise.
I know. I know. This all said from the single girl who has had very few boyfriends in her life... but I still think I can know and speak truth. Hear me out... It'll all work out.
*muah*
Song of the Day: I went down to St. George with some friends for the Macklemore concert... So fun! Thus, here is a song from Macklemore and Ryan Lewis called "Gold" - it's one of my faves. I'll post pics of the trip later in the week. Enjoy!
1 - Perhaps it's about patience and faith for a different reason than talked about previously. We talk about how girls our age just need to "be more faithful" and really just have trust that everything will work out - I agree... and it will. However, perhaps it's not as much for US personally as it is for our children. This can go for the guys side as well when you're actively pursuing options and just not finding a match - In fact, all these points can apply to both sides... I'm just gearing thoughts more toward girls right now. We're going into a time that's getting progressively harder and harder... and maybe we need to understand patience so clearly in order to understand our children clearly. Perhaps our faith is tested so we can help our children when their faith is really tested... so we know how to walk them through the feelings and situations. At the same time it DOES help us grow, but it can then bless us in multiple ways.
2 - I was listening to a CES Fireside by Elder Bednar and his wife this morning as I got ready for the day... He talked about "not shrinking." He told a story about a couple who had just gotten married and then the man found out he was deep into having cancer. When Elder Bednar came to visit this couple, he felt impressed to ask him a bizarre question. "Do you have the faith to NOT be healed?" Sometimes I have the habit of saying, "Okay, Heavenly Father... I submit my will to you completely You can make what I want happen on your own time." That's not real, true submission. I thought it was, but I realized today it's not. I have a sneaking suspicion that I'm not the only person who has thought this way. True submission is saying, "Heavenly Father. I'm on your time table AND plan for me... If what I want doesn't happen, that's okay... because I know your plan for me it ultimately better." That is HARD! I tell you... especially for an independent, "I-can-do-this-myself" kind of girl. However, it's how true faith and submission works.
Thus, here is a dramatic example... I truly believe that I will get married and have kids in this life. I'm not concerned about it in the long run. However, I need to be able to say that I'm okay if that doesn't happen, because that will be the right thing. Therefore, I am okay with that in my life. I'm content to let the Lord completely lead me - no matter the outcome(s). Again - this is a dramatic example and I'm sure it'll work out in this life for me (and most of you), but I needed an example to relate to this point.
3 - A few weeks ago I saw Sheri Dew speak at an Institute Forum and she made this comment: "If all the prayer and righteous deeds in the world could get you married, I'd have been married awhile ago." This wasn't said in a cocky way in the least... It's more like a reality call to stop beating yourself up. If you're making good choices and doing good things, sometimes it's just not TIME yet. I hate that answer too. Haha! However, it makes me realize how aware HF is of my needs personally - He knows me SO well. He knows YOU too. You'll be thankful when the right when comes along, or you realize who the right one is, and you're still able to be with that person. You'll be so overwhelmingly thankful how it all went down - promise.
I know. I know. This all said from the single girl who has had very few boyfriends in her life... but I still think I can know and speak truth. Hear me out... It'll all work out.
*muah*
Song of the Day: I went down to St. George with some friends for the Macklemore concert... So fun! Thus, here is a song from Macklemore and Ryan Lewis called "Gold" - it's one of my faves. I'll post pics of the trip later in the week. Enjoy!
Friday, February 8, 2013
Why I Cry...
I can say that I'm not emotional person, but that's a flat-out lie. I don't mean to lie, but when I say that it just comes out. Truth is, I'm VERY emotional. However, my emotional is not a crying fest. If yours is there is NO judgement here - it's probably a little bit sad that I have so much trouble crying in front of others. I mean, I should be able to show that form of emotion, but unless I'm on a stage or by myself... It's typically a dry faucet.
However...
... There are moments I let the water-works loose. Why, you ask? Well, there are a few categories and one major one is film. If there is a moment in film that really moves me, I will often let it rain. It IS usually in a dark theater, so... Haha!
Here is the recent explanation for my outward display of emotion - three times, each time. Did that not make sense? It's about to. On Christmas Day I went with my family to see the film version of the musical Les Miserables. A few days later I went with my friend, Amber, to see the movie again. The following Monday for FHE, I went yet again to see this amazing film. Yep, I went three times in two weeks. Haha! I regret nothing.
I know there were imperfections. I know that Russell Crowe was NOT up to par for this film - not his voice, nor his acting in all reality. I know that some people really hated all the up-close action - and though I didn't love it all the time, I did appreciate the emotions evoked from some of those shots and the way you could see the work behind the actors. I know that usually you want acting to look natural, and I did feel like a lot of it was natural (well, as natural as you can be when singing your daily dialogue - haha!). However, I appreciated that there was emotional effort so often put forth from the actors, and that we could really see that in them.
So, there were imperfections, I truly loved Les Mis. For me, it was the therapeutic outlet I needed in my life after recent events. What events you might ask? Well, I was debating if I should put it in the open or not, but I decided that not only will this be a further form of therapy, but it might help someone else who falls into a similar situation in ANY way.
A few months ago I started "dating" a boy who I met at church after he got up and bore his testimony. He was cute, sweet-talkin', and into a lot of the same things as I am... Or, so he said he was. We began as friends for a few weeks and spent time getting to know one another just as friends. After a short time, we began "dating" for about a month and a half - I put it into quotations because we both SAID we were dating, and we were going out on dates, but that was 100% not his intention. After about a month and a half of dating he had borrowed a LOT of stuff from me and was really avoiding giving things back to me. Also, he was showing some interesting colors. He hit on another girl in front of me. He took off and left me in a club after I cooked him dinner. He wasn't into taking pictures with me or ANYONE (you can hate pictures, but this was weird). His stories began to have inconsistencies He said his wallet was stolen, and after I got him a new one in Nicaragua, he was suddenly using the old one again... Don't think I didn't call him out on all of these things either. We fought enough to the point that I was prepared to break up with him, but just wanted my stuff back first.
In honesty, looking back he was saying and doing shady things from the BEGINNING. I should have had two eyes open, but I didn't.
Really, what it comes down to is I felt off. I felt off from the beginning. I knew right away that something was off and I felt no peace in being with him. Why did I continue on? Well, I felt like I must have been having trust issues or just be being scared. Honest to goodness - I have NEVER had trust issues or been scared in a relationship. Nope, never. However, here I was second guessing myself constantly. I can finally say I know what a "stupor-of-thought" feels like and what a "Martin Harris" moment is like... No disrespect to him, but it's a good way to describe this situation.
Anyway, getting to the brunt of this tale, this boy was not who I thought he was in the least. His name is Cory Kellogg. Yep, I'm writing his name in here - you can click on the name for a picture too. I do it not to be malicious but to warn any other girl who come into contact with him that he has some serious issues and is not a good person. I know people can change, but hear me out. Cory (who had given me a different spelling to his name, by the way) is a convicted felon MANY times over with a history of forgery and theft. He creates "alternate identities" and "forged stories" to gain respect, trust, and establish relationships with people. His main targets are girlfriends and family members, but it doesn't end there. He goes after many people. He had created an ENTIRELY different identity with me and my friends... He doesn't go to BYU; doesn't play basketball. He didn't serve the mission he said he did... He doesn't work in marketing and is not traveling when he says he is (Mr. can't leave the state). He is a COMPLETELY different person than who he said he was originally...
I saw the signs. I didn't listen. It's like Taylor Swift's new song, "I Knew You Were Trouble." I knew... and I ignored.
Now, how does this all tie into Les Miserables. Well, that movie is what has truly helped to lock in the healing process. When I found out everything about Cory, how he had fully lied to me and stolen money and things from me... I was angry. I'm talking so livid I was shaking and in literal defined shock. I walked into a room and knelt down right away and just prayed... Prayed for the power to forgive. I prayed for the ability to move on and know what to do in this situation. I prayed for comfort and feelings of love. Those feelings came immediately, but it had been hard at time to keep them in my heart. I feel like just in the past few weeks I've started to let go of all that anger because I'm talking openly about how I felt/feel. Sometimes putting on a happy face is genuinely not the best avenue to take... talk about things openly.
Les Mis - promised I'd get there! Les Miserables is all about love and forgiveness. It's all about moving forward in life and realizing what "side" you're on in life. In the final scene, Jean Valjean tells Cosette the truth about his past through a letter and says he never really learned forgiveness and love till she was in his life. You see the priest in the end still carrying such a place in Valjean's life because he forgave Valjean for stealing his silver and let him know God would forgive all his other sins. This movie/story is all about forgiveness, redemption, and standing up for what's right. In the very final moments of the film you see all those who have passed on at the barricade. They talk about the power in coming into the "light" and being on the side of the Lord in the end - it has a veiled message of worrying about yourself and letting go of others choices...
Do you hear the people sing?
Lost in the valley of the night
It is the music of a people who are climbing to the light
For the wretched of the earth
There is a flame that never dies
Even the darkest nights will end and the sun will rise
They will live again in freedom in the garden of the lord
They will walk behind the plough-share
They will put away the sword
The chain will be broken and all men will have their reward!
Will you join in our crusade?
Who will be strong and stand with me?
Somewhere beyond the barricade is there a world you long to see?
Do you hear the people sing?
Say, do you hear the distant drums?
It is the future that they bring when tomorrow comes!
I don't know what it was, but when I heard them talk about the darkest night ending, I realized that the feelings I was having because of Cory would fade and end. Truth is, they have now - I'm completely free. When they talked about all men having their own reward I thought of the choices I am making in my life and how I can improve - how can I gain the reward I desire and be on the side of the Lord in the end? I thought about the world I long to see that's past the insignificant crap I was feeling because of current situations and the promise of a bright future when tomorrow is here - meaning, not just the next life, but the next situations in my life now. I can't fully explain it, but I just felt free. I felt relief and compassion. I felt forgiveness in my heart and a realization that I had learned new things about myself and life from this experience - in some ways, it was a blessing in disguise.
I know that forgiveness can be hard - really hard - but we can receive great blessings and relief in our life as we just let go of things and as we forgive others. I know that we are blessed in our forgiveness. Grudges are like splinters that stay under your skin and fester - they only hurt you more and more. Let go and move on.... and love.
I'm thankful for the film version of Les Mis - really, I am. For whatever reason, this adaptation struck me differently than the story has before. I've seen the musical twice and listened to the CD recordings over 200 times in my life. I even sang some of the songs for competitions or recitals in High School - it wasn't as cliche then, promise. I have always loved Les Mis, but this time things struck me differently. This time, I was healed from the words and music.
And so, I cry... and I'm oddly okay with tears.
*muah*
Song of the Day: DUH. Here is the finale sequence of Les Mis's finale with the 10th Anniversary Cast. Enjoy!!!
However...
... There are moments I let the water-works loose. Why, you ask? Well, there are a few categories and one major one is film. If there is a moment in film that really moves me, I will often let it rain. It IS usually in a dark theater, so... Haha!
Here is the recent explanation for my outward display of emotion - three times, each time. Did that not make sense? It's about to. On Christmas Day I went with my family to see the film version of the musical Les Miserables. A few days later I went with my friend, Amber, to see the movie again. The following Monday for FHE, I went yet again to see this amazing film. Yep, I went three times in two weeks. Haha! I regret nothing.
I know there were imperfections. I know that Russell Crowe was NOT up to par for this film - not his voice, nor his acting in all reality. I know that some people really hated all the up-close action - and though I didn't love it all the time, I did appreciate the emotions evoked from some of those shots and the way you could see the work behind the actors. I know that usually you want acting to look natural, and I did feel like a lot of it was natural (well, as natural as you can be when singing your daily dialogue - haha!). However, I appreciated that there was emotional effort so often put forth from the actors, and that we could really see that in them.
So, there were imperfections, I truly loved Les Mis. For me, it was the therapeutic outlet I needed in my life after recent events. What events you might ask? Well, I was debating if I should put it in the open or not, but I decided that not only will this be a further form of therapy, but it might help someone else who falls into a similar situation in ANY way.
A few months ago I started "dating" a boy who I met at church after he got up and bore his testimony. He was cute, sweet-talkin', and into a lot of the same things as I am... Or, so he said he was. We began as friends for a few weeks and spent time getting to know one another just as friends. After a short time, we began "dating" for about a month and a half - I put it into quotations because we both SAID we were dating, and we were going out on dates, but that was 100% not his intention. After about a month and a half of dating he had borrowed a LOT of stuff from me and was really avoiding giving things back to me. Also, he was showing some interesting colors. He hit on another girl in front of me. He took off and left me in a club after I cooked him dinner. He wasn't into taking pictures with me or ANYONE (you can hate pictures, but this was weird). His stories began to have inconsistencies He said his wallet was stolen, and after I got him a new one in Nicaragua, he was suddenly using the old one again... Don't think I didn't call him out on all of these things either. We fought enough to the point that I was prepared to break up with him, but just wanted my stuff back first.
In honesty, looking back he was saying and doing shady things from the BEGINNING. I should have had two eyes open, but I didn't.
Really, what it comes down to is I felt off. I felt off from the beginning. I knew right away that something was off and I felt no peace in being with him. Why did I continue on? Well, I felt like I must have been having trust issues or just be being scared. Honest to goodness - I have NEVER had trust issues or been scared in a relationship. Nope, never. However, here I was second guessing myself constantly. I can finally say I know what a "stupor-of-thought" feels like and what a "Martin Harris" moment is like... No disrespect to him, but it's a good way to describe this situation.
Anyway, getting to the brunt of this tale, this boy was not who I thought he was in the least. His name is Cory Kellogg. Yep, I'm writing his name in here - you can click on the name for a picture too. I do it not to be malicious but to warn any other girl who come into contact with him that he has some serious issues and is not a good person. I know people can change, but hear me out. Cory (who had given me a different spelling to his name, by the way) is a convicted felon MANY times over with a history of forgery and theft. He creates "alternate identities" and "forged stories" to gain respect, trust, and establish relationships with people. His main targets are girlfriends and family members, but it doesn't end there. He goes after many people. He had created an ENTIRELY different identity with me and my friends... He doesn't go to BYU; doesn't play basketball. He didn't serve the mission he said he did... He doesn't work in marketing and is not traveling when he says he is (Mr. can't leave the state). He is a COMPLETELY different person than who he said he was originally...
I saw the signs. I didn't listen. It's like Taylor Swift's new song, "I Knew You Were Trouble." I knew... and I ignored.
Now, how does this all tie into Les Miserables. Well, that movie is what has truly helped to lock in the healing process. When I found out everything about Cory, how he had fully lied to me and stolen money and things from me... I was angry. I'm talking so livid I was shaking and in literal defined shock. I walked into a room and knelt down right away and just prayed... Prayed for the power to forgive. I prayed for the ability to move on and know what to do in this situation. I prayed for comfort and feelings of love. Those feelings came immediately, but it had been hard at time to keep them in my heart. I feel like just in the past few weeks I've started to let go of all that anger because I'm talking openly about how I felt/feel. Sometimes putting on a happy face is genuinely not the best avenue to take... talk about things openly.
Les Mis - promised I'd get there! Les Miserables is all about love and forgiveness. It's all about moving forward in life and realizing what "side" you're on in life. In the final scene, Jean Valjean tells Cosette the truth about his past through a letter and says he never really learned forgiveness and love till she was in his life. You see the priest in the end still carrying such a place in Valjean's life because he forgave Valjean for stealing his silver and let him know God would forgive all his other sins. This movie/story is all about forgiveness, redemption, and standing up for what's right. In the very final moments of the film you see all those who have passed on at the barricade. They talk about the power in coming into the "light" and being on the side of the Lord in the end - it has a veiled message of worrying about yourself and letting go of others choices...
Do you hear the people sing?
Lost in the valley of the night
It is the music of a people who are climbing to the light
For the wretched of the earth
There is a flame that never dies
Even the darkest nights will end and the sun will rise
They will live again in freedom in the garden of the lord
They will walk behind the plough-share
They will put away the sword
The chain will be broken and all men will have their reward!
Will you join in our crusade?
Who will be strong and stand with me?
Somewhere beyond the barricade is there a world you long to see?
Do you hear the people sing?
Say, do you hear the distant drums?
It is the future that they bring when tomorrow comes!
I don't know what it was, but when I heard them talk about the darkest night ending, I realized that the feelings I was having because of Cory would fade and end. Truth is, they have now - I'm completely free. When they talked about all men having their own reward I thought of the choices I am making in my life and how I can improve - how can I gain the reward I desire and be on the side of the Lord in the end? I thought about the world I long to see that's past the insignificant crap I was feeling because of current situations and the promise of a bright future when tomorrow is here - meaning, not just the next life, but the next situations in my life now. I can't fully explain it, but I just felt free. I felt relief and compassion. I felt forgiveness in my heart and a realization that I had learned new things about myself and life from this experience - in some ways, it was a blessing in disguise.
I know that forgiveness can be hard - really hard - but we can receive great blessings and relief in our life as we just let go of things and as we forgive others. I know that we are blessed in our forgiveness. Grudges are like splinters that stay under your skin and fester - they only hurt you more and more. Let go and move on.... and love.
"To love another person is to see the face of God."
I'm thankful for the film version of Les Mis - really, I am. For whatever reason, this adaptation struck me differently than the story has before. I've seen the musical twice and listened to the CD recordings over 200 times in my life. I even sang some of the songs for competitions or recitals in High School - it wasn't as cliche then, promise. I have always loved Les Mis, but this time things struck me differently. This time, I was healed from the words and music.
And so, I cry... and I'm oddly okay with tears.
*muah*
Song of the Day: DUH. Here is the finale sequence of Les Mis's finale with the 10th Anniversary Cast. Enjoy!!!
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
Dating Advice from a Single Gal - In Case You Needed More.
I was reading an article about dating tonight entitled "If You want to Date Someone Great, Be Someone Great." A friend posted it on their wall awhile back and I book marked it with all intention of reading it later. Well, a few weeks later is how that turned out... Haha!
The article got me thinking about a few things.
1 - Am I who I really want to be? Better yet, am I becoming who I really want to become?
2 - How much control do I really have over meeting "the one" (if you believe in a "one," that is)?
The first quote that got me thinking:
I use to be really into being with someone exactly like me... Someone who loved all the things I loved, thought everything I thought was funny was funny, had all the same life experiences as me... I wanted some BYU fanatic, musical prodigy (okay, I'm no prodigy, but you know what I'm sayin'), moved and traveled a lot, liked all the same bands and movies, and never argued or disagreed with my opinions or ideas. First off, the last one is dangerous... I have some pretty dumb ideas sometimes. I need someone willing to bring me "back to reality" at times. Really, I grew up.
I love having similarities and things in common (who doesn't?!), but I don't wanna date myself. I don't wanna date my clone. I wanna date someone who has common interests and ideals, and the same core values and life direction. However, it's okay if they aren't musical or can't dance. It's okay if they don't bleed blue and they happen to love The Beatles (I'm sorry. I like their songs - but I don't love their music...). It's okay if they like McDonald's (yuck) and hate Cafe Rio (okay- that one's a bit crazy). It's okay if they LOVE running... and though I do it, I believe "... We can be different and still connect - and I've found, it's better. I tend to enjoy the witty banter that comes from difference.
The next quote that got me thinking:
You're not suddenly going to feel like a "full person" because you're dating someone. You have to feel comfortable with who you are alone. I truly believe that part of the reason I am here on this earth is to find someone to be with for forever - eternity. However, I think we have to be happy with who we are as individuals and then realize that being with someone only makes the already amazing version of ourselves better. Making good choices, knowing the way I should be treated, and being loved and respected is what makes me strong. Add a significant other to the mix that does those things, and it just makes it all the sweeter.
Sidenote: You naturally attract what you're puttin' out... Just sayin'.
Next quote I enjoyed:
This one is a big one. It's hard not to focus on what you're doing "right" or "wrong" to meet someone, or worry about being single when a lot of your close friends are getting married. I feel very blessed in that I have kept myself very busy these past few years and 90% don't even think about it. I believe that's the majority of people. However that 10% can be rather brutal if you're focused on it. So, instead of being focused on being single or unmarried do the things it lists above, or find other things that bring you real happiness.
In the past year and a half I have started a Graduate Program, started learning the guitar, joined and faithfully attend a gym, taken care of some personal issues in my life, run a 5k, forgiven some for big things I needed to let go of, traveled to a new city, took on stage managing Stadium of Fire for the first time, made my first "music video," and checked a few things off my bucket list. In the past six years, I've lived in two other countries, traveled to 14 different countries and three new states, graduated college, worked as a paraeducator in Special Education, learned basic German, performed at BYU and the Utah Valley numerous times, recorded on three different albums, helped on two election teams, read over a hundred new books, been to over 50 concerts, been to the American Idol finale TWICE, met a slew of interesting people, and just really learned to love myself.
It was this past Sunday that I really recognized that I'm comfortable with who I am. I like how I look, how I talk, the way I think, my talent and skills, my interests and strengths... I've been comfortable with myself for awhile, but still struggle with comparison. I'm not perfect, but for the first time I'm only comparing myself to what I'm intended to be - not who someone else is or will be. I've always been happy, but this is a new emotion. It came from realizing the power of bettering myself. I am amazing, and as I continue to better myself, the right people will recognize that too. Will Smith said the following:
Oh, I love him... He's spot on. Be you. Be the BEST you. People who really are suppose to be there in your life will see that person and will be drawn to you. Worry does nothing to serve you, but will merely bring you down and stunt your progression.
My father recently said something to me when I was freaking out about school, work, boys, church, and just everything being crazy... He said, "Don't worry about it - pray about it."
*muah*
Song of the Day: I spent the day home sick (Blech.). So, that meant soup, toast, and series re-runs... This song was on an episode of West Wing and I remember listening to it a bit growing up. It's also how I currently feel about life in some ways, so take a listen. Here are The Eagles with "New York Minute." Enjoy!
The Eagles - New York Minute by 0Ztaylovic0
The article got me thinking about a few things.
1 - Am I who I really want to be? Better yet, am I becoming who I really want to become?
2 - How much control do I really have over meeting "the one" (if you believe in a "one," that is)?
The first quote that got me thinking:
"Someone once told me that if you want to attract a certain type of person, you should become the person you want to date. This is silly advice, because then we’d all date ourselves and Seinfeld already explained what a bad idea that is."
I use to be really into being with someone exactly like me... Someone who loved all the things I loved, thought everything I thought was funny was funny, had all the same life experiences as me... I wanted some BYU fanatic, musical prodigy (okay, I'm no prodigy, but you know what I'm sayin'), moved and traveled a lot, liked all the same bands and movies, and never argued or disagreed with my opinions or ideas. First off, the last one is dangerous... I have some pretty dumb ideas sometimes. I need someone willing to bring me "back to reality" at times. Really, I grew up.
I love having similarities and things in common (who doesn't?!), but I don't wanna date myself. I don't wanna date my clone. I wanna date someone who has common interests and ideals, and the same core values and life direction. However, it's okay if they aren't musical or can't dance. It's okay if they don't bleed blue and they happen to love The Beatles (I'm sorry. I like their songs - but I don't love their music...). It's okay if they like McDonald's (yuck) and hate Cafe Rio (okay- that one's a bit crazy). It's okay if they LOVE running... and though I do it, I believe "... We can be different and still connect - and I've found, it's better. I tend to enjoy the witty banter that comes from difference.
The next quote that got me thinking:
"The thing that makes her feel strong is being strong — making good
choices, knowing that she deserves to be treated well by the person
she’s with and being loved and respected in the right ways."
You're not suddenly going to feel like a "full person" because you're dating someone. You have to feel comfortable with who you are alone. I truly believe that part of the reason I am here on this earth is to find someone to be with for forever - eternity. However, I think we have to be happy with who we are as individuals and then realize that being with someone only makes the already amazing version of ourselves better. Making good choices, knowing the way I should be treated, and being loved and respected is what makes me strong. Add a significant other to the mix that does those things, and it just makes it all the sweeter.
Sidenote: You naturally attract what you're puttin' out... Just sayin'.
Next quote I enjoyed:
"So, instead of worrying about The One, forget about that and be The One You Would Want To Be With. Go running every night, smile at every person you meet, pick up that James Joyce novel you’ve been putting off, start writing again, join a support group to work out your issues, go back to get another degree, help old ladies cross the street, work on forgiving your parents, take Tai Chi to learn to let go, get involved at the local community center and/or take a cooking class. Push yourself to get out and be better; you can’t control who you meet, but you can control the person you are when you meet them."
This one is a big one. It's hard not to focus on what you're doing "right" or "wrong" to meet someone, or worry about being single when a lot of your close friends are getting married. I feel very blessed in that I have kept myself very busy these past few years and 90% don't even think about it. I believe that's the majority of people. However that 10% can be rather brutal if you're focused on it. So, instead of being focused on being single or unmarried do the things it lists above, or find other things that bring you real happiness.
In the past year and a half I have started a Graduate Program, started learning the guitar, joined and faithfully attend a gym, taken care of some personal issues in my life, run a 5k, forgiven some for big things I needed to let go of, traveled to a new city, took on stage managing Stadium of Fire for the first time, made my first "music video," and checked a few things off my bucket list. In the past six years, I've lived in two other countries, traveled to 14 different countries and three new states, graduated college, worked as a paraeducator in Special Education, learned basic German, performed at BYU and the Utah Valley numerous times, recorded on three different albums, helped on two election teams, read over a hundred new books, been to over 50 concerts, been to the American Idol finale TWICE, met a slew of interesting people, and just really learned to love myself.
It was this past Sunday that I really recognized that I'm comfortable with who I am. I like how I look, how I talk, the way I think, my talent and skills, my interests and strengths... I've been comfortable with myself for awhile, but still struggle with comparison. I'm not perfect, but for the first time I'm only comparing myself to what I'm intended to be - not who someone else is or will be. I've always been happy, but this is a new emotion. It came from realizing the power of bettering myself. I am amazing, and as I continue to better myself, the right people will recognize that too. Will Smith said the following:
Oh, I love him... He's spot on. Be you. Be the BEST you. People who really are suppose to be there in your life will see that person and will be drawn to you. Worry does nothing to serve you, but will merely bring you down and stunt your progression.
My father recently said something to me when I was freaking out about school, work, boys, church, and just everything being crazy... He said, "Don't worry about it - pray about it."
*muah*
Song of the Day: I spent the day home sick (Blech.). So, that meant soup, toast, and series re-runs... This song was on an episode of West Wing and I remember listening to it a bit growing up. It's also how I currently feel about life in some ways, so take a listen. Here are The Eagles with "New York Minute." Enjoy!
The Eagles - New York Minute by 0Ztaylovic0
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