Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Dating Advice from a Single Gal - In Case You Needed More.

I was reading an article about dating tonight entitled "If You want to Date Someone Great, Be Someone Great."  A friend posted it on their wall awhile back and I book marked it with all intention of reading it later.  Well, a few weeks later is how that turned out... Haha!

The article got me thinking about a few things.
1 - Am I who I really want to be?  Better yet, am I becoming who I really want to become?
2 - How much control do I really have over meeting "the one" (if you believe in a "one," that is)?

The first quote that got me thinking:

"Someone once told me that if you want to attract a certain type of person, you should become the person you want to date. This is silly advice, because then we’d all date ourselves and Seinfeld already explained what a bad idea that is."

I use to be really into being with someone exactly like me... Someone who loved all the things I loved, thought everything I thought was funny was funny, had all the same life experiences as me...  I wanted some BYU fanatic, musical prodigy (okay, I'm no prodigy, but you know what I'm sayin'), moved and traveled a lot, liked all the same bands and movies, and never argued or disagreed with my opinions or ideas.  First off, the last one is dangerous... I have some pretty dumb ideas sometimes.  I need someone willing to bring me "back to reality" at times.  Really, I grew up.

I love having similarities and things in common (who doesn't?!), but I don't wanna date myself.  I don't wanna date my clone.  I wanna date someone who has common interests and ideals, and the same core values and life direction.  However, it's okay if they aren't musical or can't dance.  It's okay if they don't bleed blue and they happen to love The Beatles (I'm sorry. I like their songs - but I don't love their music...).  It's okay if they like McDonald's (yuck) and hate Cafe Rio (okay- that one's a bit crazy).  It's okay if they LOVE running... and though I do it, I believe "...running is wrong unless professionally or as a child. I think as an adult you should only run if you're near a train station and look at your watch first. I mean... galloping is more fun isn't it? That's something I'd like to see more of..." I adore Miranda Hart.  It's okay if my counter-part doesn't.  We can be different and still connect - and I've found, it's better.  I tend to enjoy the witty banter that comes from difference.

The next quote that got me thinking:

"The thing that makes her feel strong is being strong — making good choices, knowing that she deserves to be treated well by the person she’s with and being loved and respected in the right ways."

You're not suddenly going to feel like a "full person" because you're dating someone.  You have to feel comfortable with who you are alone.  I truly believe that part of the reason I am here on this earth is to find someone to be with for forever - eternity.  However, I think we have to be happy with who we are as individuals and then realize that being with someone only makes the already amazing version of ourselves better.  Making good choices, knowing the way I should be treated, and being loved and respected is what makes me strong.  Add a significant other to the mix that does those things, and it just makes it all the sweeter.

Sidenote:  You naturally attract what you're puttin' out... Just sayin'.

Next quote I enjoyed:

"So, instead of worrying about The One, forget about that and be The One You Would Want To Be With. Go running every night, smile at every person you meet, pick up that James Joyce novel you’ve been putting off, start writing again, join a support group to work out your issues, go back to get another degree, help old ladies cross the street, work on forgiving your parents, take Tai Chi to learn to let go, get involved at the local community center and/or take a cooking class. Push yourself to get out and be better; you can’t control who you meet, but you can control the person you are when you meet them."

This one is a big one.  It's hard not to focus on what you're doing "right" or "wrong" to meet someone, or worry about being single when a lot of your close friends are getting married.  I feel very blessed in that I have kept myself very busy these past few years and 90% don't even think about it.  I believe that's the majority of people.  However that 10% can be rather brutal if you're focused on it.  So, instead of being focused on being single or unmarried do the things it lists above, or find other things that bring you real happiness. 

In the past year and a half I have started a Graduate Program, started learning the guitar, joined and faithfully attend a gym, taken care of some personal issues in my life, run a 5k, forgiven some for big things I needed to let go of, traveled to a new city, took on stage managing Stadium of Fire for the first time, made my first "music video," and checked a few things off my bucket list.  In the past six years, I've lived in two other countries, traveled to 14 different countries and three new states, graduated college, worked as a paraeducator in Special Education, learned basic German, performed at BYU and the Utah Valley numerous times, recorded on three different albums, helped on two election teams, read over a hundred new books, been to over 50 concerts, been to the American Idol finale TWICE, met a slew of interesting people, and just really learned to love myself. 

It was this past Sunday that I really recognized that I'm comfortable with who I am.  I like how I look, how I talk, the way I think, my talent and skills, my interests and strengths...  I've been comfortable with myself for awhile, but still struggle with comparison.  I'm not perfect, but for the first time I'm only comparing myself to what I'm intended to be - not who someone else is or will be.  I've always been happy, but this is a new emotion.  It came from realizing the power of bettering myself.  I am amazing, and as I continue to better myself, the right people will recognize that too.  Will Smith said the following:

Oh, I love him... He's spot on.  Be you.  Be the BEST you.  People who really are suppose to be there in your life will see that person and will be drawn to you.  Worry does nothing to serve you, but will merely bring you down and stunt your progression.

My father recently said something to me when I was freaking out about school, work, boys, church, and just everything being crazy... He said, "Don't worry about it - pray about it."

Song of the Day: I spent the day home sick (Blech.).  So, that meant soup, toast, and series re-runs... This song was on an episode of West Wing and I remember listening to it a bit growing up.  It's also how I currently feel about life in some ways, so take a listen.  Here are The Eagles with "New York Minute."  Enjoy!

The Eagles - New York Minute by 0Ztaylovic0


Annie said...

I love this!! It is so true!
I especially agree with the fact that you have to be comfortable with yourself and who you are before you add another person to the mix.
And I always thought I would end up with someone just like me too. Loud, energetic, social, etc. But I married my complete opposite. He is a homebody and would prefer hanging with 1 good friend than a room full of friends. It keeps things interesting and makes it so we have to compromise more, and we teach each other different ways of seeing things.
So happy you are happy Linze! I know if you keep taking care of yourself and doing what the Lord asks he will bring you and your other half together. :)

Anonymous said...

Oh my word Linze!! I loooved this post!! I did not read it, I just swallowed it so fast that I had to re-read it one mre time just to get everything with me! Could you share the site you read it from please?
You are such an inspiration girl!! I miss you so much and I might use your entry into a teach I will be giving on Sunday (if you don´t mind that I do)!
My favorite quote from the entry is; I really recognized that I'm comfortable with who I am. I like how I look, how I talk, the way I think, my talent and skills, my interests and strengths... I've been comfortable with myself for awhile, but still struggle with comparison.
To me, you are one of the MOST AWESOME people I this UNIVERSE!!

eden said...

i'm sorry. but i completely, 100%, *adamantly* disagree with one thing.

'it's okay if they don't bleed blue...'?!?!?!? are you kidding me???


everything else... dang girl, you've got some brilliant ideas in that head of yours. i'm glad you're sharing some of them with the rest of us!

Amanda K said...

Love you. Love this. It's a journey all of us are on-- married or not. We might be in different places, but it doesn't end. Being true to who you are-- seeking joy from within and not without, is difficult.

You are awesome.