Friday, June 19, 2009

Jet Planes and Self-Confidence

WARNING: The first few paragraphs written are somewhat unimportant... The meat is served after the potatoes today.

This past month I have accumulated four plane tickets... I have gotten to feel like quite the big spender, until I looked into my dismal bank account and realized that this big spender better knock it off.

First, my ticket to the American Idol Finale... regrets? I think NOT! Not one... not one.

Second, my ticket to HAWAII!!! That's right folks... While many of my friends and family are celebrating Thanksgiving on the mainland, I will be having pineapple with my Turkey and loving a Hawaiian life for the week... 7 FULL days in Hawaii with my friend Sarina! I have never missed a Thanksgiving with my family, but I feel okay about branching out. As long as I'm not missing Christmas... NO WAY! Oh, AND I got my ticket to Hawaii for under $300... yea.

Third, my ticket from SLC to LAX so that I can actually get to Hawaii... Haha! Might not count, except for the fact that I had to buy the tickets from separate airlines.

Fourth, and finally, my ticket from SLC to Denver so that I can do the AI auditions... Keep those fingers crossed ladies and gentlemen! I could be your next American Idol... or someone on the showcase reels that - Haha! Dare to dream is how I see it... :) My friend Katie and I are going together to both try-out, and Sarina is meeting up with us while we're there. No matter what, it'll be fun!

I'm thinking... Almost Doesn't Count by: Brandy. However, I still really like Foolish Games (Jewel), Feels Like Home (Bonnie Raitt), When I Fall In Love (Nat King Cole), You Had Me (Joss Stone), or Never Gonna Get It (En Vouge).... Though En Vouge and Jewel are at the bottom of my list. Still liking Almost Doesn't Count...

*Sidenote: Sarina is involved in every one of my trips... She is OFFICIALLY dubbed, my travel buddy. I know, right? A big honor...

Now, for the more serious portion of this entry... I was thinking about the "line" people walk on between caring what others think about them and fully disregarding them. Regarding this "line" one should walk... sometimes I think I am right on, and sometime I think that I don't care enough! Oops.

This was my little thought - take it as you may - I wasn't sure how to word it, but it was this: Don't care about what others think, care about how they feel.

Except - Peoples thoughts are important... inside of certain arenas. I like to believe that people care about my opinions and ideas. I like to believe that people are actually listening when I am talking... Well, 90% of the time. Ten percent of the time I say whack things and people just look at me funny. That's when I wish they were tunin' out a bit more... Haha!

Thus, I came up with "take-two" of the idea above: It's not okay to worry about what others think, but its a necessity to care about what others feel. Bare with me as I try to explain...

When someone has a fleeting thought like, "Oh my word - did you see what she was wearin'?!," then they don't put much emotion or real feeling behind it. Or, when someone sees you do something stupid or embarrassing, ten seconds later they forget it. It's a quick judgment. However, when someone is talking about their beliefs on a subject or an idea they have, they have put some form of time into it, and it is laced with emotion. Thus, those are the things that we should care about.... Or, for example, when someone has worked really hard to put together a nice, fancy dinner party and their date shows up in jeans, and that embarrasses the host... Their work had time put forth and was also and emotion grew from giving that time. Therefore, we should care about how the person feels within the situation.

(Sidenote to Self: Time = Passion & Connecting Emotions)

I guess it comes down to two things.

One, are your motives for wanting or not wanting to do, say, wear, be something selfishly based. In other words, if you are worried about what others think because of how it might make you appear, though it has no real affect on others, that is selfishly driven. I'm not saying this is always wrong, but if you are constantly focused on what others think about you, then you are focusing on yourself - not others. Thus, you run an even greater risk of feeling self-conscious and holding yourself back from doing, saying, wearing, believing, listening to, or being what you want.

Let's be honest (I know, you're welcome for not lying...) - People are mostly concerned with their own lives. They have busy days and personal storms to weather. They do not have time to focus on your mistakes, embarrassments, wardrobe choices, etc, etc. If they do have time to constantly focus on those minuscule things, they don't have much of life anyway. As harsh as it may sound, at that moment they are taking up space.

You are not THAT important... in that aspect... :)

*Disclaimer - I know that many of my friends spend a generous amount of time focusing outward, and helping others. That's different.

Now, second... It's about self confidence. Are you comfortable in your own skin, and with your own skin??? It's great to care about what others say and think when you have self confidence. See, when you are comfortable with who you are, truly comfortable with you are, only the things that matter will stick. Now, I know we all have insecurities, but it is something to strive for - and you can be confident in yourself and still have things you wish were better about you.

Example - I feel fairly confident in who I am, but I do wish I was skinnier sometimes. It is something I am working on. Do I think about it all the time? No... but it is a thought in my mind that has become a personal goal, rather than a weighted focus. However, I have grown confident in who I, and now when people make comments about my weight, it doesn't really bother me. I have enough to think about besides adding someone's snarky (or accidentally misplaced) comments. They know what I am (or what they think I am). I know what I am becoming... That is my focus.

So, in shorter terms: Be confident and not selfish. Look outward and inward with positivity... Judge others as you like to be judged, and don't sweat the minuscule things - aka: Don't waste your time.

Time is a gift. Time is precious.

Song of the Day: Hm... As I was watching "17 Again" for the third time in theaters (don't be a hater - it was in the dollar theater... haha! I encourage EVERYONE to see it because it is hilarious and a good, clean film...), there was a song that played in one of the closing scenes that I fell in LOVE with. It's by Cat Powers, and it's called The Greatest.

Listen to it. Love it. Enjoy!
P.S. The video is interesting... I don't know if it's legit as HER music video, but it makes you think. The LYRICS are incredible...


Adam R. said...

Linze, you can do it! Good luck with your Idol auditions. You'll always be an the American Idol in my heart.

Mike said...

Yes, a good clean film...except for the teen pregnancy, almost-incest, and pre-marital sex. :-) JK, I actually liked it more than I thought I would.

Amanda said...

I think that its important to differentiate between what people think and what they believe. I think that's what you were getting at, but that's the distinction I work towards.

No matter how crazy I think some people might be (I'll be honest, usually regarding political ideas) I have to remind myself that these people have probably thought about the issue and have come to a reasonable conclusion in their mind. Their experiences and previous life choices might have been different than mine and *gasp* just MIGHT have brought them to a different conclusion.

This isn't always true, but its probably nicer to operate under such an assumption.

Thanks for the message, I think we always need a little reminder that superficial things are really just distractions.

TPlayer said...

Memories are more important than money! We have our whole lives to pay back "memory" debt. At least you're not a shopaholic!)