Thursday, November 12, 2009

Perfectly, Incandescently, and Beautifully Lonely... and SO happy!

Um... I'm 24 now. I don't really feel any different, but apparently I'm suppose to. On the days surrounding, and the day of, my birthday I was asked by no less than twenty-five different individuals if I felt old. The exact question tended to be, "24! Wow... Don't you feel old now? That's a big age." Well, I'm sorry to disappoint everyone and report that I do NOT feel in the slightest bit old. I feel young, vibrant, and full of lives-experiences that I have laid out before me. This old woman is still fully kickin'!

My favorite moment was being told that someone had addressed my moving to Germany with, "That won't help her find a husband... and she's getting older." Hm. To this I ask the question, how does anyone know what will or will not help someone along the path to find their eternal soul-mate? I'm NOT expecting to find anyone over there -not in the slightest will that be a focus. However, the things I learn over there WILL allow me to be a better mother and spouse someday. I'm 100% positive that I will learn greater patience, love, understanding, and abilities to compromise. I guarantee I will figure out more fully who I am with each experience I am given. I never thought I would marry young... well, I did when I was five. That dream faded fast, as did my youth - I mean, I'm old now, right?

Sidenote: I hope people are catching the sarcasm and humor in this entry and know I actually think this whole way others have of thinking about age is funny.

I still feel SO young... I still am SO young. I have so much left to accomplish, and plenty of time to do so. I have SO much I want to experience before I settle down and have a family, or even go to Grad School. I feel like if I have really pondered and prayed about my choices, and I feel good about them, then I'm on the right path for me. My path has never been, nor do I believe that it will it ever be, traditional. I march to the beat of five drums at once, and I like it... I like being a bit oddly-functional (not dysfunctional) because it makes my life fun and exciting... but still on track with where I need to be. I'm not worried... Why is anyone else?

I'm not old. I'm not sad that I'm not married. I'm not worried. I'm not even searching or craving marriage, youth, or anything more right now... well, a bit more money would be nice. Haha... no, but seriously. :)

I am 24 years-old, single, and still deciding what exactly I am going to do with my life. I am happy! I'm doing more than alright and in the words of John Mayer, "I'm perfectly lonely. It's the way that I want it..."

... for now. Don't worry - unless you already are, then I'm sorry I am the cause of your sleepless nights. It's the way I want it to be until I find someone who changes my mind... becomes my forever best friend. I will eventually, but for now... This old woman is off to see the world and step into her own spotlight!


Song of the Day: This song is off of John Mayer's new album, Battle Studies. The song is called... Perfectly Lonely. Never saw THAT one coming, eh? Haha... Listen. Love it. Enjoy!


Sue said...

You go girl! Do yo own thing! How'd you like the Wicked song in Glee this week? Loved it!

a sunlit dreaming tree said...

beautifully written linz. so many times, you write what i've been feeling but didn't know how to put words to. :)

miss and love ya! ps--can't wait to hear more of john mayer's new album!!

TPlayer said...

Why are people so stupid? I'm sorry. First of all, I never knew you were 24. To be honest, I think I've always expected you to be older...ya know why....because you're way of being is mature, grateful and content. Most youngins are all about "why hasn't "this or that" happened yet?" (AKA in Why am I not living the "Mormon dream" and having lots of babies yet?") It's ridiculous. I had an experience this week that seriously smacked even more perspective into my life. I'm almost 30, right...did you know that? Yeah in a couple months. Anyway, this past week I had the chance to visit with probably my closest female friend from my High school and Young Women's days. She's a year younger than me, married with 3 kids. She looked and absolutely acted exhausted in every way when it came to life. It was almost as if simple laughter had escaped her being... (unless it was something her kids did to humnor her). It made me extremely sad. I am so so so so grateful that I am not tired in my 20s. I never have been and I never will be. Being tired in my 30s seems a much more acceptable plan for me, personally. There is way to much life to live to just sit around and do nothing until "HE" comes along. That's just absurd and ridiculous to me. Thank you for loving yourself enough to take care of you. In my opinion, that's what makes a person truly attractive. If you can't enjoy being with yourself, why should anyone else enjoy being with you!? You're a rock star. Don't listen to people. keep doing YOUR thing. *muah right back at ya!

Sarina Thomas said...

This is exactly why you are my friend.
I love you!