Saturday, September 6, 2008

Eternal Consequences...

The atmosphere is thick with indecision
Bating me to choose a side.
Numb to the voices inside my head,
Though other voices invade my perception.
Weightless pressure captures each breath
Making a decision that's life of death...
Life to a friendship to bloom into more
Death to a friendship that fades from before.

There always seems to be reason to allow for one more chance...

Images painted in my mind
Give me hope and determination
En graven memories create only one side to every story
Help me see which line to cross
To see which path is in my creation
We need to look past potential and could-have-beens,
And cling to what is now and can be.
Help me see which line to cross, which life to chose...
Free me.

- Linze Struiksma (copyright)

I feel eternally torn - yes, eternally. Even if I know that in the eternal perspective it could have nothing to do with my path, I also know my life's decisions right now could have EVERYTHING to do with eternity. When you grow up, life gets much more complicated than it needs to me because of indecision and fear. I have lived my life trying to be fearless, and now with each decision I am making I feel a bit of second-guess work creeping into my heart.

I know I am not eternally torn, and yet I feel that way right now. Tonight. It is interesting to me how much weight lies within the choices and feelings that we have during this time in our lives. It's simply crazy to me... I know I am capable of and trusted to make amazing and inspired decisions at this point in my life, but that doesn't mean they will be made easier - and they are not being made easier in my life. I'm waiting to know in my mind and in my heart what course of action to take with each step I take.

The end.

Side-note: Life really is fabulous! I am doing so well with things... I didn't hear back today from the Energy Solutions Arena and so I'm not sure what to think because I thought I would. If I don't hear by Monday than I need to start looking other places because my chances just shot way down. I hope I hear tomorrow... Hm. Things are so hard right now... I just wanna be working a full-time job that I love and am passionate about... Something that I would be awesome at, and continue to grow from while doing things that I enjoy.

I am just having a tough time with making the transition right now from college kid, to working adult. I feel like I don't really belong anywhere anymore, and I just wanna feel acceptance and love from something familiar. I really am loving life though and having a great time with family and friends - no worry there. :)

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