God's Probably Laughing at Me...

So a good friend of mine (we'll call her Sam, cause that's her name) once told me (yesterday) about a quote which states, "Us making plans in our life is allowing God His chance to laugh at us." I'm not sure that the quote is correct (neither was she), but it made a whole lot of sense today.

I have been thinking a lot about what to do my Graduate work in when I get back to the states next year. I know it's a long way off, but I'm a planner... Well, actually I try to be a planner, but it always changes about fifteen times before I make an actual plan, and then five more times in the process of getting started. I guess that's still planning, though... Haha... Anyway, as I was talking with Sam she said, "Just don't worry about it. You have a lot of time before you have to apply and you should just relax. The answer will come." Then, she shared the quote above with me.

After today and my thinking process, I bet that Heavenly Father has some pretty hilarious material via me to go on...

I had the opportunity to visit with Patrick's cousin from Austria, who is staying with us tonight. He talked with me about his life and things that have and are happening to him, his history - and it was great to visit. He's had some hard times and as I listened I would pop some advice or thoughts in here and there. Anyway, he knows that I am currently debating what to do for Grad School, and he studied psychology. He owns a private practice now in a small city in Austria. Well, he was very encouraging to the fact that I should go into psychology. I told him one thing on my maybe list had been Marriage and Family Therapy, but I kinda thought no on that as I didn't do a lot of psych in my undergrad work - I took four or five classes.

Anyway, he was very supportive. "You're easy to talk to and you're hitting the nail each time with each issue. You're very good at this and very perceptive." I talked with him about other options, but then kinda dropped that part of the conversation because I didn't wanna focus on it. I was going to try/am going to try to back-burner this internal debate over my future, right?

Wrong. Whenever I try and do that... It lasts a grand total of 24, maybe 38, hours.

So, as I cleaned the kitchen I thought to myself, "Maybe I should do psych... I love helping people and problem solving. I think it's fascinating, and I enjoy the studies I've read and studied. I think I'm good with people and a good listener when one on one..." Then, I started laughing (out loud) to myself. I'm sure I looked like a nut-case - great for one who's thinking of going into therapy, eh? Haha! I was laughing because I thought, "Great - another option to add to my very low list of things I could do with my life. Why not add one more in?" Haha!

I have a huge list of things I could do and might want to do after returning to America, but I can not seem to choose... and I know in this case, the Lord just wants me to make the call and go for it. He isn't going to guide me more than I'm willing to 1) guide and direct myself, and 2) let him truly guide me.

Yesterday, I was reading a talk in the Ensign during the boy's music class. It was the address from Russell M. Nelson, given in the last General Conference. He talked about the importance of asking God about and for things with "real intent." Then, he said this, "'Real intent' means that one really intends to follow the divine direction given." That sounds simple enough, but it's not how I had ever thought of this principle before. I had always looked at asking with real intent within the same parameter as faith, and never really separated the two. However, I now have the whole new understanding of "real intent," and I asked myself, "Have I really been intent to follow through with what the answer is when I ask Heavenly Father a question?" I think that I have told myself I am/was, but that I haven't really been preparing myself in that way. I think I have been praying that God would figure out my problems for me, and fix them for me... and I was missing some steps in there where I need to do more.

Sure, I research the questions and come up with my own answer to take to the Lord, but there is SO much more to asking the Lord for something than just asking. It sounds complicated that way, but it's not. It's just more about me and my agency than I think I realized... I said that I knew and understood that, but I didn't fully... until now. I think I am growing and understanding more fully that I must make my own choices, take them to the Lord, but really be content with his answers and forge forward - even if His answer is, "Linze... suck it up and just do it." Then, I need to actually DO IT.

Perhaps this sounds like rambling, and perhaps it is, but this is my blog and I'll ramble if I want to! Haha... No, really it's great to just talk/type ideas out sometimes and then step back and read. It helps me focus my thoughts and really make clearer, more concise decisions.

So, I'm going to back-pocket my plan-making skills and not give God any more material to go off when we sit back and laugh at my life. Haha! However, I will do this... Here is a list of the things I am thinking about as a possibility for Grad School:

- MBA: Mainly focusing on Music Business or Sports & Entertainment. I could get the ins and ideas about the entertainment business and still do music on the side. It would give me a one up over competition, but allow me to make things happen for other talented individuals who are good, clean people and just need a break.
- MFA: Master in Fine Arts focusing on acting and musical theater. I love theater and acting and have ALWAYS wanted to do something with music and/or theater/film. I just don't know if it's right for a Master's focus.
- Masters in Psychology: Emphasis in Marriage & Family Therapy & working with youth. This would be really hard for me, but I would really help people and I think I'd really like it.
- Masters in Education: I like teaching and I'm good at it, but I'm not sure if it's the "safe route" that I would be taking. It's hard, don't get me wrong, but it might be a cop-out for me - I'm trying to figure that out right now.

Those are my thoughts and ideas right now... and really have been for the past year. I have gone back and forth with them over and over in the past year and a half, and really... I just need to make a decision, and make a move.

TRANSITION TIME!

Nico was SO funny today... His dad was trying to see if anyone wanted to go pick up "Uncle David" with him, and the boys were being reluctant. Finally Nico said, "Dad... If no one would like to go with you, just leave it that way. I think it's for the best." Haha!

Other funny moments include when Nico and I were reading about the dinosaurs and the what we can do to help today, and he said, "I'm not exstinking the dinosaurs!" Haha... OR, when I was quietly singing the Dinosaur song by Kesha to myself, and I turn to hear him singing it... It really is a HILARIOUS song, if you haven't heard it. I'm just glad he only learned the beginning from me - The part where they say, "D-I-N-O-S-A- UR a dinosaur!" Haha!

Oh, and for Finni? I walked into his room yesterday after not seeing him downstairs for a bit and he was wearing his sweater, and no pants or underwear - he likes to do this. So, I said, "Finni you know the rule. You have to have underwear and at least long johns on." He whinned and said, "But I don't like to!" I just looked at him and finally he said, "Ok... I want sweats... I need to borrow some sweats." Haha - It reminded me of Nacho Libre! Especially because he was SO dramatic about it.... haha! Classic!

I love these boys.

*muah*

Song of the Day: I really dig this girl... I just discovered her thanks to a friend's blog (Kate - here's a shout-out! Haha...) and this song is just good. It's about bringing yourself up and realizing how great YOU are... Love the message - and really dig her voice and whole CD. Her name is Francesca Battistelli, and the song if Free To Be Me. Enjoy!

Francesca Battistelli - Free To Be Me