Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Blatant Honesty: My Thought on Marriage

I'm about to get heavy... and I don't mean on the scale.

Over the past few weeks, I have been told the same thing several times in different ways... It basically comes down to the fact that many of my friends, acquaintances, students, adoring fans random others in whom I have recently com in contact, etc. all think that I portray myself in the same way.  They think that I do not want to get married or possibly, even date.

Let me begin my rebuttal to these claims right now.  I want to get married (and date).  Believe me, in the words of good ol' JB I want to find "somebody to love."  I want the dress, the flowers, the temple sealing, the dancing, the cake, and even the bubbles or sparklers at the end of the reception.  More importantly, I want to find someone that I can care about more than myself, and they can feel the same way for me.  I want to come home after a long day and feel the comfort that only can come from being around someone that you love - someone that makes you ridiculously happy and just grateful to be alive.  I want to be in a solidified, stable, and "celestial" relationship.

I want to have a family someday.  In fact, being an Au Pair this past year really reaffirmed to me the importance of family and having kids.  I'm genuinely very excited for that to be a huge part of my life someday - being a mom is going to be so hard, but SO worth it... and I am really thrilled to do that at some point in my life.

Now, will all that being said... here comes the "HOWEVER."

I am SO excited for that part of my life to begin.  HOWEVER, I am not going to sit on the sidelines and wait for the love of my life to magically appear one day.  I am not going to wallow in self-pity over not being there, or even focus on the fact that I am not now, nor have I ever been, close to that end result.  I am not going to stop my personal, professional, or even spiritual progression because I do not have a man by my side right now.  And, I am not going to end up with anyone who would want me to do otherwise.

Using my deductive reasoning skills, I have come to the conclusion that I am not really your typical woman.  However, I am a woman.  I want the things that every woman wants in life.  I want to be loved.  I want someone to look at me each day and tell me that I'm beautiful because they think I really am.  I want to be a good mom and homemaker.  However (this word is going to pop-up from time to time), those are not my only ambitions.

I believe that we focus on different things in our life when it's the appropriate time to focus on them.  This seems like a "DUH" to many, but it's easier said than done.  How do we know what to focus on in our lives?  How do we know that we're making the right choices?  How do we know when to switch our focus on the turn of a dime?

We listen to ourselves... We trust our heart, our knowledge and reasoning, and our intuition.  We pay attention to promptings, and we heed the spirit.

My focus is career driven right now, and the spirit has definitely confirmed to me that I should move in that direction. I'm not going to stop that just so that I can get married.  I'm not going to stop that when I meet a good guy that I really like either.  In reality, liking someone only takes you so far.  They still have to ask you out, enjoy the first date, try a second date out for size, and then venture forward... It's a process, like anything else in our lives.  If a kind, smart, funny, attractive guy asked me out tomorrow, I'd say "When and where, babe?"  If in six months to a year down the road he asked me to marry him (considering the assumption that I was in love with him and had a good feeling about our relationship), I'd say, "I already got a dress on hold!"

Sidenote:  I do NOT have a wedding dress on hold!  However (again, here it is), as I said, I'm a woman.  I know what I like.  Haha...

I listen to the spirit and to my heart, and I follow accordingly... Only I can know where I'm suppose to be at in my life.  When the spirit tells me to slow down and give a boy a chance when he's pursuing me, I'll do it.  Until that time, I'm going to keep growing in all aspects of my life that are possible.

I just feel a bit sad that some of the boys in my life have failed to ask me out when they were interested because they felt I was too ambitious.  I hate that I would give off the impression that I "don't need or want a man" because I'm an independent, constantly on-the-move woman.  Some think that someone "can't change" at this stage in their life, and that's I'll always be overly swamped with activities, volunteering for organizations, and working on a career... but it's about priorities.  It's about moderation in all things (something I learned SO much about in Germany!), and making choices.  Right now, I CHOOSE to be busy and focused on career goals, because that's what's available to me, and right for me.

I use to blame the fact that I haven't had many boyfriends on my body size - meaning, I ain't no Barbie... or even close.  Looking back, I realize that, sadly, this was the case sometimes, but I have now come to terms with my body and am very comfortable with my self and my size.  However, more often I think it was because my comments or actions led them to believe that I was too busy or didn't want a relationship.  That's partially my bad, and I'm going to try and watch how I say things.  I'm going to put myself out there a bit more.  At the same time, I really hope that I can find someone who admires, appreciates, and even encourages my ambition and zeal.

Alright, I'm going to wrap-up this little repartee (though it's not extremely witty or quick) by saying this:

"Success in marriage does not come merely through finding the right mate, but through being the right mate."  ~Barnett R. Brickner

So, while I await to find a man who embraces and enhances who I am as an individual, I will continue to work on my qualities, and my character.  I am a strong, independent, and outgoing woman.  Someday I'll find someone who not only can handle that, but wants to have just that. 

P.S. I have an AMAZING friend with all the qualities of being "Super Husband," but he's overly involved in his community, school, and work - and girls get nervous and feel like they won't be a priority with him.  So, they don't let him get to deep into their lives.  It's unfortunate, cause when I say "Super Husband," I mean a very good-looking, smart, spiritually-centered, hilarious, musically-gifted, hard-working, culturally-dynamic individual, who is sometimes pushed back upon because of being ALL THAT... and a bag of chips.  He's amazing - and I know that he feels the same way that I do sometimes. My Point?  It goes two ways... 

Song of the Day:  Okay, this was tough... I have SO many good songs to promote right now!  I suppose I should do an entry all about that later in the week.  For now, here is my song of the day with a hilarious video, including Rainn Wilson (aka: Dwight Shrute) - Andy Grammer with Keep Your Head Up.  Enjoy! 

Andy Grammer - Keep Your Head Up
Uploaded by UniversalMusicGroup. - Music videos, artist interviews, concerts and more.


Lindsay RC Wilson said...

Just my two cents...for both genders...wouldn't you want to date and eventually marry someone who is ambitious/motivated/driven/in pursuit of good things, etc. If you think about it, if they are this AMAZING person that has so much going for them that you don't know if they have room for you and then they DO, they must think a great deal of you to give anything up for you. My husband says that was one thing that drew him to me. I had a career and things were going well, but when he found out I had the abilities to do more but was willing to and wanted to give them up to be a wife and mother, he was impressed. I wanted that, too. I wanted to feel like becoming a wife and mother was a choice I was making rather than I had nothing better to do.

Loved your post, Linze.

C&C said...

I like this. I'm really glad you don't have a wedding dress on hold because girls who do that are CRAZY! You are so great and you make me wish I was MORE ambitious. PS: your blog header picture is adorable and your comment on my blog about your cat was HILARIOUS.

Ask Josh said...

Nice work, Linze K Struiksma. Loved it. *muah*

Kate said...

Amen, Girl! I completely EMPATHIZE with every single thing you said. Right down to body image issues. And I love the Office, so thank you for a tasty morsel of Dwight! :)

Danielle said...

love this, love you. i remember once you said, "i can open a door myself but i prefer a man to do it." i think that PERFECTLY describes can do all these things yourself BUT you WANT and will ALLOW someone to do all these things for you. You're the best. I'll be praying for you and your job opportunities.

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