Some Good Old Fashion Remodeling and Recognizing the Capstone, Keystone, and Cornerstone....

So, the other night I had this craving to redecorate that kept me up until 4am... Yea. Haha! First it started with my room and reorganizing all of my clothes, jewelry, the way my room and bathroom are set up, and washing/cleaning EVERYTHING. Haha! I love when I get in those moods because even though they keep me up until all hours of the morning, they also produce creativity and an extremely good-smelling, clean room. Haha... I love that feeling of accomplishment, and I love decorating and organizing things...

Then, this desire for change and reorganization spread to my blog and redoing the layout, background, "accessories," and color theme. I spent a few hours finding other blogs that I liked and looking through a million and one layouts and backgrounds. I found this one blog that had cute "web buttons" (like the one that says "Live, Laugh, Love" on the side of my newly designed blog), and picture links to LDS.org and Mormon.org - way awesome! I found out how to rewrite parts of HTML and create a layout - I felt so computer literate and smart - haha!

Anyway, I bumped into the site of a fellow blogger and loved the page so I stole some of her ideas and emailed her to ask her how things were done. She emailed me some links and ideas and now, with the LDS buttons and specific color themes, I wanna write on here everyday! Haha... I do need to be a better blogger too because my journaling has suffered lately and since I like typing better, this could be an awesome way to keep track of specific thoughts and moments in my life.

If you want some LDS Buttons for your blog too just go - HERE: http://leeloublogs.blogspot.com/2007/10/free-link-buttons.html

Anyway... I have done "winter cleaning" for my room and blog, and now I am officially going to type about something else. Haha!

Today during Sunday School I was letting my mind wonder while we started our study of the Doctrine and Covenants. I think that it is important to just let a thought go when talking about gospel subjects sometimes... Thus, today they talked about the D&C being the "capstone" of our religion. I didn't know that it was refereed to as that... I know that the Book of Mormon is the "keystone," and Christ is the "cornerstone," but I was unaware the D&C had one the those key place references. So, as my mind wondered I was thinking about how this reference I compared it to the art that is, the art of education. Allow me to explain (I sound so intelligent - haha!) - we have a capstone in or majors where we have to do some project, thesis type paper, and/or student teaching to finish out our professional training. Then, we go into the "keystone" using our education in the work force and put that stuff into practice - the real action takes place... and both the the capstone and keystone are based on the main subject -the cornerstone.

This is just like the D&C and Book of Mormon (BoM) are the capstone and keystone - both built upon Christ, the cornerstone. As we teach surrounding the foundation of the gospel principles - Christ - the D&C teaches us specifics in modern day revelation. Not that the BoM doesn't, but the specific points of the D&C is to increase faith, establish specifics for the gospel and church, present modern-day light on missionary work and encourage the need to testify, and create humility and a path for understanding. The Book of Mormon to me, is more what causes us to take action and change our ways. It gives us more meat and potatoes of a meal, rather than the place setting and appetizer of the meal... This all sounded more articulate in my mind. Haha!

Anyway, I just think it is amazing how we can relate the gospel to any and everything. They asked how we can make our scripture study more effective today too and I said that if we were to take time each day to ponder during and after our reading, then taking time throughout the day to just recall what you had read about, then it would be more effective and hopefully change our lifestyle and daily actions... We would become more Christ-like - grow and change.

Questions about the church and what I am talking about? Feel free to ask in the comments section OR press the link "Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints" button or the picture of the Salt Lake Temple (the one on the side - not below) to get some answers. I know that the gospel is the fullness upon the earth and that as we live the gospel we will be happier and grow closer not only to our Savior, but to the true us. Who are you - who am I? We are children of God, and he lives and loves us - as does our Savior, and brother, Jesus Christ. I love the gospel and again testify of its truth and the happiness it brings....

*muah*

P.S. Tomorrow evening, I'll post some pics of Brooke's trip here and Christmas - I simply LOVE the holidays! Tomorrow morning at 6:30 = the end of the holidays and back to work. Ug! Too early.... Haha! Hey, I gotta bring the bacon home- eh? :)

Melodic Memories...

Do you remember who the first person you ever slow danced with was? What song did you dance too? Do you recall where this took place and how you felt?

His name was Quincy Stott and he was one of my best friend when I lived in Wyoming. I was in the sixth grade and had promised to only dance fast dances if I went to the dance - because I wasn't fourteen yet and we weren't to attend dances till we were fourteen. Well, I was sneaky and shared in one slow dance with Quincy - just a friend, though two years before (fourth grade - I was in sixth during the dance) I had been "madly in love" with him. Haha...

We danced to Jewel's song, "Foolish Games" - just becoming big from being on a Motion Picture Soundtrack - and it took place in my middle school gymnasium in the middle of the afternoon... I felt awkward and a little stupid because I dragged him out to dance with me. I am a very "go-getter" girl and so if I wanted to do something the boy didn't have a whole lot of options... I promise, I am not that bad anymore. It's more-so a give and take world, now.

Oh, and I remember I wore overalls and I believe a striped shirt. The dance was a "sock hop" in the sense that we had to take our shoes off at the door as to not scratch the wooden floor. I was wearing two different colored socks - green and yellow. I use to do this on purpose to be "different," and thought I was till recently when some of the girls on the cheer squad I coach took their shoes off last week and said they do that same thing... Haha. Oh, to be in sixth grade again - wait. I'm good!

Memories are funny things. Why do we remember some events more vividly than others? Why do memories come back to us - and why do some come back multiple times, or at bizzare times, in our lives?

I think about that dance every time I hear that song - and sometimes at other points in my life. I hold no real connection to Quincy any longer. He just got married to a real cute girl he met up at BYU-Idaho and seems to be studying political science or something like unto it. We have talked a little on facebook, but yea... nothing - no real connection.

I think a lot of memories come through me through music - my main desire and passion. If I hear "Gel" by Metallica, I still think about roller skating in middle school - I would go every Friday and Saturday night and got to be really good on skates - not as much on blades, though I thought they were cooler. If I hear the song "This Will Be (Everlasting Love)" by Natalie Cole, I think about the movie While You Were Sleeping and watching over each holiday with my mom... and then how my mom ALWAYS falls asleep during the middle of the movie.

When I hear "Pachelbel's Cannon" I still think of Father of the Bride and weddings... I think of ceremonies of importance in my life then. When I hear John Mayer's "My Stupid Mouth," I remember my junior year of HS and my first choir concert with the Patriot Singers at Albemarle High - My friend, AnnTolley sang it (cool name, eh?). When I hear "Killing Me Softly" by the Fugees or "Best of Me" by Starting Line, I think about my friends Candice going crazy at EFY in our room singing on her hairbrush to the blasting songs! "Hero" by Mariah Carey reminds me of my dad and singing in the car with him - so does "Opposites Attract" by Paula Abdul.... Speaking of Paula, her song "Coldhearted" reminds me of cheer leading and wanting to be a cheerleader so badly when I was little for awhile because all my girl friends in Phillie did it. My friend Janelle made up a dance to it in her backyard and I rolled my shirt up to be a tummy shirt - haha!

Anything from West Side Story makes me remember knowing I wanted to do theater, singing, and dancing for the rest of my life in some entity. I saw this girl - Meg Nielsen - play Anita in West Side Story and wanted to be like her when I grew up so badly. Meg was six years older than me and I looked up to her SO much... When I hear "Superhuman" by Chris Brown I think of the East Coast, and "Dirty" by Christina Augularia is my recalling to freshman year. "One Love" by Bob Marley reminds me of the Bakersfield Boys - especially Dustin. "At the Beginning" reminds me of Wende Jenness - my seventh grade teacher who changed my life at age 13 and made me believe in myself... That I could write. That I could do anything I put my mind to.

"Breath of Heaven" by Amy Grant, brings me back to every Christmas - especially when I was little and fell asleep to that CD/song each night as Christmas drew closer. That whole Christmas CD is amazing - I listen every year and her version of "Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree" draws forth the memories of Derek (my brother) and I dancing around and acting out the song in our tiny Phillie home, living room - trying to avoid taking a bath one night. Haha!!!

I love music and the memories that are created because of a tune of song. There is so much emotionally tied and charged by a song... I still have specific songs for individuals who have come through my life... "Lady in Red," "Home," "Right Kind of Wrong," "Bounce," "Georgia Rain," "Upside-Down (On the Ceiling)." and even "Foolish Games..."

Some songs make me wanna dance or sing along... and some songs make me desire certain things out of life. Certain songs make me want to "go for it," and push my music career. Other songs create a desire in me to work-out more, or improve myself... Songs instill emotions and desires in us that can be negative, but also SO positive.... Music - the most powerful entity on the planet. The greatest driving force - we are so created through music...

... or is it only me?

What songs bring back specific memories in your life? What songs bring a certain face to your mind? What songs create desire in you???

*muah*

The Depth of Reality

I'm in the contemplation mode today. Sometimes life seems very long to me and other times, so fast. You can compare it to going to a party. If you want to be there, then the party seems to fly past you in a blur and you can't believe that it was last weekend you were there. If the party is lame, you have no one to talk to, or you feel uncomfortable then you crave relief in the form of an ending. The next day, you still feel like that was the longest night of your life and are some what exhausted from the boredom, lack of comfort, or inner stress. The party rating can be determined upon feelings you have prior to the occasion, or from the feelings you get when you are there... It can be determined by past or present events, and future worries. Either way, the party flies or time slooooooooowly ticks on by you.

Today - this week - has been LONG day. It felt like it would never end and I felt monotonous in my routine and my thoughts. I crave change and growth... I crave doing something that I truly love. I like my new job a lot. The kids are fabulous, the pay decent, the hours perfect, and the experience great... However, I don't feel a lot of personal fulfillment by using my talents and capabilities. I feel as though I am learning how to more effectively work with difficult people or those with disabilities. I am enhancing skills that can guide me to being a better mother, role model, and friend - a better listener and more effective communicator. These are all very important abilities. However, there is not a lot of room for me to use my full range of talents in the way I truly want to.

I have been contemplating the meaning of depth. What does depth mean to you, and to me? Is depth external or internal, and if it is both, which amount of depth matters the most? Is depth different from your personality, the things you talk about, and your actions than from your beliefs and personal thoughts or desires? Or, is it all encompassing of those things?

The dictionary stated that depth can be defined as, "an unfathomable space, emotional profundity, a high degree of such knowledge, the quality of being deep, or complexity and obscurity." Thank you dictionary.com - haha!

Depth can be all of the things listed above, but I speak of depth in being true meaning and integrity. Depth stimulates thinking and growth. I do not mean that this growth must change your beliefs, ideals, or desires. However, this growth should change you. We are constantly changing and moving forward or backwards - there is no standing stagnant. Depth of character and mind is what creates a well-rounded, intelligent individual.

I believe that depth is an all encompassing element in creating an understanding of an individual. A person can possess a brilliant mind and even be able to speak these thoughts articulately, but if they do not use their knowledge and sit in slothfulness then the depth is lacking. If someone has strong beliefs and desires to help others and make the world a better place, but their actions to not match these expressed beliefs, these desires appear shallow - the depth has disappeared because the beliefs appear unsupported and weak coming from this individual.

I do believe that a person can have more depth in some aspects of their lives than in others. However, I think the real importance of depth lies in character and mind. So let's do some definitions for depth of character - this being integrity and honesty - and depth of mind - this being more than presentation, but how one truly thinks and what one talks about. If those things are lacking I believe that an individual needs to re-evaluate...

So the presented questions for myself are these: What do I talk about? What do I think about? What are my actions in relation to what I profess to believe and say? Do I stand by what I believe - and I do not just mean religiously, but an extensive reach over all aspects of my life? Am I honest?

I know the answer to these. I'm not asking anyone but myself and my Heavenly Father for these answers - and now I know where my depth is lacking. I will never be perfect, but I think that there can be a great amount of growth from each and every one of us. I think it is important to gain depth from all that we do. I found this quote today, ‘I am very careful to be shallow and conventional where depth and originality are wasted” – Lucy Montgomery. I found this quote to be a little sad. I know there are different ways to look at it, but I read it feeling a twinge of pessimism from the author. Yes, we don't wanna waste time and energy. However, sometimes you have to put your all into something and get little credit or appreciation in the beginning to succeed in the end. If depth and originality are wasted of not appreciated, change it - or at least work to change it. It may not happen right away, but never lower yourself to shallowness and conformity to protect yourself. Find a way to share your depth appropriately, and in a safe manner, and be that example.

“True is a gem that is found at great depth; whilst on the surface of this world, all things are weighed by the false scale of custom” – Lord Bryon

Don't give into the surface measurements - remember that the only measurements that count are deep... The ones deep within our hearts. Those are the ones that our Heavenly Father measures us by, and when honest with ourselves, what we measure ourselves by.

Embrace the depth within and open up to allow it to be seen on the surface...

*muah*

Loving the Little Ones and the Twinkling Lights of Twilight...

I have contained the desire to write for a long while now, but have either been to lazy to do it at the opportune moment, or failed to have the opportune moment. I have so much to be grateful for and am excited about what I am currently involved with.

I recently got a job working at the same school as my mother, working in the special education department. It's a tough job sometimes, but very rewarding when you make a breakthrough. I am specifically the shadow for one seventh grade boy and a third grade boy and girl in the same class. One of the boys was extremely tough the first few days, doing everything he could to push me over the edge and take advantage of the "newbie." He threw so many fits and refused to do ANY work for three days! It was hard because nothing I tried was working...

So, I talked with the pros and they suggested a rules chart and then I thought up a sticker/prize system. I am hesitant to do much reward system stuff with him because he gets a lot of it at home, but it's working! Each day he goes with no warnings (Three warnings and they go to a "think time" - basically a time out with a worksheet each time about character), he gets three stickers for his sticker chart! If he gets warnings but no "think time," he still gets one sticker. He can also gets stickers for following his rules really well, doing a good job with an assignment, and being willing to do his work. When his chart is full, he gets to choose a prize from my "Tresure Chest!" Haha... It's been working like magic these past two days - not even ONE warning - and I'm learning how to handle his oncoming fits and stop them before they start; How to word things differently for him to make him see my point and not get upset. I know every day won't be a slice of heaven, but I'm hoping this helps him improve - he's doing most of his work, staying in his seat, and shedding less tears, so I am happy! Haha... :)

They really are all sweet little kids - I love them with all my heart. The little seventh grade boy is ridiculously funny! He makes everything he touches into a fake gun and pretends to be a Transformer or Star Wars character. He'll stop if he's told no, but most kids play back with him until class starts and love him - he's doing well in mainstream and I love being able to help him maintain his growing process progress. He has gone leaps and bounds from when he started in my mom's class last year. I think I might get him a little action figure or book on planes - he loves those - for Christmas! :)

Otherwise, I must take time to discuss the amazingness of this early morning (midnight) that was, The Twilight Premier! Haha! I wasn't going to go because I have to work this morning, but my friend, Chad, bought me tickets for my birthday (I had a huge dinner at Mac Grill in Orem - SO FUN!) to see with him and two other friends in Provo. Chad and some others also got me a giant cardboard cutout of Edward Cullen... I laughed so hard when they walked in with it and set it up at the end of the long table so he could, "watch over me..." Haha! So classic - we took tons of pictures with it... :) There is a picture on the side of me and "my Edward..." - Haha!

Anyway, I went to the premier with Chad, Sam, and another girl I met tonight, Nadine. It was insane!!! Premiers are always interesting because you have people screaming when characters walk onto the screen or something really big happens within the story. I love the screaming at times, and often participate. However, the giggling little girls that had a hard time keeping quiet when anything physical happened, cheesy or loving words were spoken, or Edward gave "the dazzling look," drove me a little nuts. I'm excited to see the movie when it's been in the theater for awhile and the novelty has worn off a bit. It's kind of shot in an artsy way and I felt that was under appreciated by the giggles...

In all honesty, the movie was VERY different from the book (no huge surprise there) - more different than the Harry Potter movies were from the books - and it was hard for me to be subjective, but I was. I saw the film and book each as separate entities, and was able to appreciate it a bit more. I still think the film could have been a little bit longer and slowed down in the beginning... They cut one of the most beautiful and intimate parts of the story - the meadow scene - and it turned into a rushed and awkward moment between them... and for the audience. There were some great scenes though. I loved how they did the baseball scene! It has an interesting rhythm to it and the shots are beautiful. In fact, I love the coloration of the entire film - again, very artsy. I am going to see it again this weekend cause my sister-in-law also got me tickets, and I thought, "why not!" Haha... I still wanna see it again in a few weeks though cause Saturday is still gonna be crazy.

Overall, a good film and I think I will say a great film after I see it without the giggles and can really connect with the on-screen characters and their emotions... In closing...

i.heart.twilight*muah*

Gonna Make a Change....

Presidential Election results for 2008: Barack Obama with VP, Joe Biden!

I have much to dwell upon and even more to write - haha! We have reached a very pivotal point in history for the United States of America, and I must add that I am mighty proud to be an American. No matter what you believe (republican or democratic values) it is pretty amazing to think that America voted in the first ever black president. We have come a loooooong way in the past fifty years! It really is going to be a day I must record in full for my posterity - my advice, save some newspaper clippings, write down your reactions and the public's reactions, and record how the media portrays things over the next few days/weeks. I do this with any big event... Olympics, 9/11, bombings, new church leaders, etc...

I noticed today as I talked to my mom and Chad about election stuff and where I stand on different issues that I am more of a moderate than anything - I truly am so split on where I stand. I mean, Over the past year and a half I have developed concise, clear, defined, and strong opinions about almost every issue. However, some issue I stand conservative in view and other issue I stand on the liberal side. It's a bit interesting... I had some awesome discussions with friends and family this week, and some intense arguments. I have really grown as an individual in the past few years, and especially this past few weeks... I love that! :)

I have more to write about my millions of doctor's appointments, writing songs, and my amazing trip back east... but for now, I have a date with my pillow - haha! That was cheesy... Oh well, I've got subbing all week and wanna make it through another day of full-day kindergarten tomorrow! :)

*muah*

Dreaming Big Hurts...

My entire life, all I've ever really wanted to do is sing. When I was in seventh grade I remember singing on the playground while playing basketball at lunch. One of the girls I hung out with got frustrated with me and said, "Do you EVER stop singing? Don't you ever just want to be quiet?" I was beating her at half-court two on two, and I told myself that was why she was frustrated... Then I began to think that maybe I did sing all the time - and I did. I was always humming at school in the halls and class. I was singing at recess, in the shower, car, walking home, my room... humming again at the dinner table. I have always been obsessed with music and making music. Nothing makes me happier... nothing.

When I get angry or upset, I know that if I listen to music (even "angry music") I will automatically begin to feel better and release the inner/outer tension. When I lived in Oregon I got into a huge argument with my father once and was SO angry. I went outside with my diskman and listened to Linkin Park for twenty minutes... Though the problem was still there, I was calm. Music soothes my soul and bring my pure contentment.

I have really felt like a failure lately at a lot of things... Everything I touch seems to run away from me. I don't have a job still and I'm no longer going to school. I'm not dating anyone and I'm not losing the weight I would like to be losing. I have way to much time to "dwell" and not enough positive thinking around me to dwell upon. I feel like an ultimate failure... To add to the mix, for the past three months I have spent an overwhelming amount of time sick, and I have been unable to fully sing. Before I was even sick I was having problems with my voice... I have an appointment with an ear, nose, and throat doctor up in Murry and I'm nervous there is some sort of damage there... I just want my voice back and I would feel SO much better.

I feel like Heavenly Father is trying me in every way possible. I'm up for the challenge - just not today.

Today in Relief Society one of the counselors said, "It's okay, to not be okay... It's okay to let your walls down and be vulnerable. Start being more real and stop holding back..." She said this to everyone, but I felt like it was aimed to me through the spirit. Each day I'm a fortress, but today I'm an open field... I'm a immovable target for emotional distress. I can't really hold back anymore.

I'm worried. I'm worried about money and success. I'm worried about never doing what I really love and want to do.

I know that worry is a "lack of faith," but... here I sit, worried. Trying with ALL my being to have faith, and losing faith in myself... I guess that is the tricky part. Heavenly Father says have faith, but it is more than faith in him. It is faith in our own being - his child and creation. I am usually so confident, but I feel none of that confidence right now.


You know, they tell you in children's books to "dream big" - they also tell you this at EFY... (*enter sarcastic smile here*) However, sometimes it is hard to be the big dreamer. I know what I want and have always wanted to do. Yet, when you are not measuring up and have gone back and forth with these dreams, then you lose so much hope and faith in yourself. You start to believe that dreams don't come true and you will never be good enough. You start to see why everyone else is so much better than you... so much smarter than you, more qualified... so much prettier than you.

I know I'm suppose to be little miss strong... Linze - the girl who is always an optimist. I usually am, that's true... not today. Today, life is allowed to just SUCK a little.

All I really want to do is make music and perform... Really, that is ALL I want. Yes, I would love to "be an event planner and maybe a teacher when I'm older" - the classic things I say. However, what do I really want? I want to sing. I want to be my own symphony. I've been writing lyrics a lot lately, and getting better at it... but what does that really do. I need songs here and now and I need to be out there... I also need the money from a job to do that.

Do you know why I really want a job? Well, other than to add to society & my home's income and to not be bored.... I want to make enough money that I can pay off stupid debts and then travel around LA trying to sing for a living. I know. "Really Linze? Really?" That is what you're thinking... YES. REALLY.

I want to have family and be happily married in the temple someday, but first I wanna be out there living the dream... and just like everything else, all I can say is: We'll See.

Will tomorrow be a better day? We'll See.

*muah*

John Mayer Season...

It's getting cold out... I think it's John Mayer season.

I was sitting in my living room, watching The Posh Life of Pop Stars on VH1 and heard that a good chunk of those who have grown to be mondo famous in the past few years have become so randomly. For example, people put stuff out on MySpace or YouTube, someone sees them, and BANG! They are famous and rich individuals. Perhaps I should put some of my songs on there...

Haha... What a thought. We'll see.

So, I found a grad school program at GWU in Washington D.C. that I think looks perfect - getting my MBA, emphasizing in Tourism and Hospitality. I want to do events management/planning, and working and going to school in D.C. could be the perfect step to actually getting started with my dreams of one day owning my own events planning business! I'm going to tour the campus in a week and a half when I am there with my family, and want to meet with an adviser while there if possible. I love the city life, so it's also a big plus in this area as well!

Life is great... So chill, but still looking for employment. Nothing suggested has really worked out for me, but I know that it will in due time. For now, I am so close to my senior trip back East that I'm not hitting applying for positions really hard until I return. I asked my parents if they thought this was dumb, but they said not at all. I really want to go back East and they really want me there - it's gonna be AMAZING! :)

Sarah goes into the MTC in five days... I can't really talk about it right now because it doesn't seem real yet. I got my first letter from Nicole today - weird! She was put in advanced Spanish and leaves the MTC in TWO WEEKS for the field!!! I am so excited for and proud of her - she is going to be an amazing missionary... As is Sarah. DANG. That girl has such a good heart... I have never had a better friend and better example for me to follow in so many ways. She is my BEST friend and it is gonna be really hard when she's finally gone - as excited as I am for her.

Like I said, I can't really talk about how I feel about it since it's still so new and unreal to me...

So, I read David Archuleta's interviews and blog - I know. I am SO weird... maybe a little crazy. Sue me. My point, is that he is an amazing kid - what a good example to me and the rest of us of thinking about others before yourself. If you want to understand where I am coming from I suggest reading his blog entries on his MySpace page, or googling his interviews... Seriously, you'll be blown away by how much David "gets it"... cause he does.

Yep. Cold. I think it's John Mayer season. That would be fall/early winter - pensive time in many ways.... personal, reflective time to ponder about my life and the lives or needs of others. John Mayer season, because his music is just too perfect for moments of internal questioning...

Bring on, John Mayer season.

*muah*