Break Me Down To Build Me Up

“Sometimes you put walls up not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to break them down.”

My friend Kate used this quote often in college, but I never fully understood it until recently. I have come to recognize the beauty of this idea, and simultaneously, it's stupidity.

Why would you put up your own walls and barricades? Why make it harder for people to get close to you?

There are a million and one answers to these questions... Fear comes readily to mind, as does the desire to be sought after. I'm not just talking about in a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship, but also in any relationship. You want your friends to want make effort and reach out. You want your family to do the same. You most definitely desire for those you date to do seek after you and your well-being. You want the people around you to care enough to ask questions, and take real, genuine notice of how you're doing or feeling.

I'm lucky I have fabulous friends. I really do have friends that care about me, and love me.

However, sometimes I think I still put up walls. There are times when I don't really want to shut people out, but I want to see who cares enough to not only look at me or talk to me, but to really SEE me. I didn't realize that I did it until this week...

I can't explain it, but while I feel filled with absurdity over this somewhat-trivial tactic, I also feel validated. It is completely unintentional, but it happens... and I think we all do it at certain points in our life or relationships.  It's hard because I think it's a lame notion, and yet completely comprehend the reasoning behind the idea... We want someone to SEE us - not just see us.  In a world where instant gratification and rapid amounts of change are upon us in each wake of life, we lose a sense of self-importance and worth.  It's humbling, and yet startling... You need friends and family there to care enough to lift you.

I don't think I really noticed how deeply I need people in my life - I need love from those surrounding me - to function fully.  For all of you have been there for me at any point in my life, Thank You.  Thank for you caring enough to see past the outer shell, and take the time to notice me, truly SEE me, and to genuinely care.

Thank you for giving the time and energy I have forced from you in order to break-down my walls. 

*muah*

Song of the Day:  This song has nothing to do with breaking walls, but could perhaps draw analogies to not putting up so many walls...?  Haha!  I think it's just fun to work out to, so that's that.  Here is NKOTBSB (New Kids On The Block & Backstreet Boys) with "Don't Turn Off the Lights," with the Dancing With the Stars cast from this past season dancing to the song.  Only qualm - Nick just isn't that great live on this... Boo.  Haha!  Enjoy!