Contrary to popular belief, tonight I did NOT get a husband. I know, I know... Yep, I know what you're thinking. Yes, gentlemen - I am still single.
Tonight was the giant, singles-stake reorganization at the Conference Center in SLC, and the running joke within our ward was that we were all going to get our spouses names handed to us... so you had better show up! Haha... Of course, this was false. I'm on the fence, but I'm thinking that would be a terrible idea. Haha... My friend Amber had to work the Real game tonight (tough break for those guys - next time!) and she told me to pick up her chosen name too... She's gonna be really disappointed. If I make one up, is that a bad idea? Haha... Really - just kidding.
The meeting tonight was actually pretty great! The majority of the meeting was about what we, as young single adults, can do to help in our wards and stakes - and The Two M's of the evening... Missionary Work and Marriage.
Leadership spoke, and a common phrase was, "It only takes an invitation." I couldn't help but think of Christ's invitation to "Come Unto Me." Their first point was all about being a member missionary and fellow-shipping. We were all encouraged to be better friends to those around us...
The second point was that we were put into our singles wards for reasons, and one of those reasons is marriage. I use to hate those talks... I would always think, "We KNOW already! It's not like we're not open to the idea," but I've come to realize that I may know, and I may be open to the idea when the time is right, but not everyone feels the same way... There is so much fear. Elder Ballard spoke to us at one point and stated, "Cast aside fear you have for the future. You need to replace that fear and apprehension with faith." I agree.
A member of church leadership for the YSA's, by the name of Christensen, told a story about a girl named Nicole in a ward he was serving within. His wife was chatting with Nicole and the wife asked her if she was dating anyone. Nicole replied, "Nope, but I hope too!" A boy by the name of Spencer was standing nearby and heard her say this, and asked her out. They got married a few months later... After this story I turned to my neighbors and stated, "Maybe I should speak louder," to which all those behind and in front of me started laughing... Nope, guess I'm already quite loud enough!
Another story about an "open-mic night" (I believe it was a speaker to begin with and turned into that...) in a particular ward told of a girl who stated that she was 29 and unmarried and wondering if she should move on to somewhere else cause she wasn't having luck there. A man a few seats down took the mic next and asked her is she'd be willing to go out with a 27 year-old... he was that 27 year old. The rest of the night consisted in the mic being passed between rows and certain individuals asking other ones out! How does that even happen?! Haha... All I gotta say is that was one brave 29 year old girl who began it all! Haha... Karin and I promptly texted a member of our bishopric (sitting a few seats up from us) and requested an open-mic night. Hahahaha! Their reaction was pretty classic...
Regarding that example, they related this back to the fact that we are to go to the ward we live in (boundary-wise) for a reason.I also didn't realize how many people "ward hop and bishop shop!" I didn't even know you could do that... Well, now you really can't, but I didn't even think of doing that before. It reminds me of a quote from While You Were Sleeping, "Lucy, you are born into a family. You do not join them like you do the marines!" You may not be BORN into a ward family literally, but you aren't really expected to just join whichever ward you please.
One more quote I just HAVE to share came from Elder Ballard... He was talking about meeting his wife and said, "I used every tool I learned on my mission to convince her that I was the only true and living returned missionary..." Haha! Oh, how I love you, Elder Ballard. Classic.
Moral of the story - Singles wards in the west and changing to singles STAKES and I'm happy about it... I'm happy about the guidelines they are setting and I hope that people realize how important it is to follow the counsel that has been given. I'm excited to see wards and stakes grow and change... It seems simple enough, and in a lot of ways it is, but it can make a big difference.
Other morals: Be a missionary... and get married.
*muah*
Song of the Day: As my regular readers know, I like a wide assortment of music... Today, I'm in the mood for a little blues... Bring on some Jonny Lang with his song "Red Light." He can seriously rip on the guitar and his smokey vocals - Mmm Mmm Good. Enjoy!
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
You Want Fries w/ That?!
Contrary to somewhat popular belief, I do NOT spend all my time baking in the kitchen. Yes, this woman remains without full-time employment. However, I've been subbing like mad, which makes good cash. Alas, I think I'll have to give in and work somewhere less desirable for a college grad for the summer before I have to start paying for Graduate School. As long as I don't have to say, "You want fries with that?," I'll live. Sidenote: Do fast-food joints REALLY ask that anymore? They always attack me with happiness and offers right from the get-go, but... "Hi! Welcome to Carl's JR!!! Would you like to try a new Turkey Burger?!" Yep. No fry offer presented.
Back to the kitchen...
I admit I have become quite the passionate lil' baker since my return to the states... I think I just enjoy cooking in English again. It's nice to know which spices I'm using each evening. I've become specifically passionate about unique salads (stealing inspiration from Cheesecake Factory, Chilies, etc) and... cupcakes at this moment. All around the states people will go into cute, themed shops and pay $5-8 for a cupcake covered in a large dollop of frosting, sprinkled cookie crumbs, and a mini-flag sticking out the top. This made me curious... and competitive.
I got to thinking, "I could do that!" One lovely morning I headed to Lindon to meet my bestie, Sam, for two-for-one massage day (aka: Heaven by Hands for CHEAP!) and some Kneader's French Toast (aka: Heaven for Mouth for... not expensive). We kinda love that stuff... Well, I saw some of their "amazingly unique" cupcakes in the display window and scoffed. I could create the same thing... and was determined to do so, but better.
I'm not saying I'm amazing, but I'm getting better and better at it! Remember how I created my own cupcake batter recipe from SCRATCH?! Yea. That was a good moment. I felt rather triumphant... Also, do you recall the cookie monster cupcakes, or the bumble bees? I'm getting more and more creative... or better at stealing ideas off of google, then implementing them into my designs. Either way, today I created the following masterpieces (giving credit for the idea to Bridget Smith):
Awesome, right!? I know... Hamburger cupcakes! That picture at the beginning is NOT a hamburger, but a cleverly disguised cupcake! Cleverly disguised by yours truly...
Sidenote: That was way too many quotations...
The best part of making these? Nope, not eating them.... Giving them away! I wrapped them, took them out to my VT girls and friends, and just visited with different people for awhile - AKA: It took m five hours to deliver nine cupcakes to seven homes within a five-six mile radius. It was pretty great...*muah*
Song of the Day: This song, "Thought of You" by The Weepies is fantastic! However, the video that this animator created is also AMAZING! I can not believe how much time this must have taken - it's beautiful... Watch it. Listen. Love it. Enjoy!
Monday, April 25, 2011
Pornography: An Epidemic
I am surrounded by exceptional people with unique and important talents! I have amazing friends, acquaintances, teachers, leaders, and family. Today this was re-manifest to me through the genuine innovation of some of my old friends regarding their involvement in the creation of video promoting an amazing cause... The fight against pornography. They are two of the individuals seen in THIS video:
THIS is a fantastic video (brought to us by http://www.fightthenewdrug.org)! I'll say what I said to some of the creators: This style of video is so much more accessible for teens to watch because it's not so in-your-face with "Porn is bad!", but yet it is SO clear... Pornography is addictive. This is a resource that WILL bless lives...
I am passionate about this topic. I have seen pornography destroy relationships, goals/dreams, families, and lives. It's sad that we don't always realize how the little things can harness us, and get in our way... Pornography creates false expectations and emotions - it does not instill in us anything that is worth embracing, or that is real.
One of my friends once told me he began an anti-porn presentation by saying, "I have a problem with pornography." The room got uncomfortable. He continued, "I have a problem with it, and I am willing to bet that everyone in this room also has a problem with pornography." People began to look at one another uncomfortably and look worried... He began again, "We all have a problem with pornography, because we are all against it... It's an issue." As he demonstrated in those few seconds prior to the meat of his presentation, it's an uncomfortable topic... The fact that we don't talk about it is part of the problem.
We must create a safe-space where those with a real problem with pornography, even an addiction, are comfortable getting help. I am NOT saying that we need to create a place of acceptance for porn, but for the addict... Hopefully by creating that safe-space, we can stop the issue before an addiction comes into play. Additionally, by educating people on the negative effects of pornography and the sense of false love and false reality it produces, we can stop the epidemic from growing...
Yes. It IS an epidemic. As I said before, I've seen it first-hand destroy lives.
Become a fighter. Spread this video and other information about the negative effects of pornography and help Fight the New Drug.
*muah*
*I'm giving full attention to the video above today... :)
THIS is a fantastic video (brought to us by http://www.fightthenewdrug.org)! I'll say what I said to some of the creators: This style of video is so much more accessible for teens to watch because it's not so in-your-face with "Porn is bad!", but yet it is SO clear... Pornography is addictive. This is a resource that WILL bless lives...
I am passionate about this topic. I have seen pornography destroy relationships, goals/dreams, families, and lives. It's sad that we don't always realize how the little things can harness us, and get in our way... Pornography creates false expectations and emotions - it does not instill in us anything that is worth embracing, or that is real.
One of my friends once told me he began an anti-porn presentation by saying, "I have a problem with pornography." The room got uncomfortable. He continued, "I have a problem with it, and I am willing to bet that everyone in this room also has a problem with pornography." People began to look at one another uncomfortably and look worried... He began again, "We all have a problem with pornography, because we are all against it... It's an issue." As he demonstrated in those few seconds prior to the meat of his presentation, it's an uncomfortable topic... The fact that we don't talk about it is part of the problem.
We must create a safe-space where those with a real problem with pornography, even an addiction, are comfortable getting help. I am NOT saying that we need to create a place of acceptance for porn, but for the addict... Hopefully by creating that safe-space, we can stop the issue before an addiction comes into play. Additionally, by educating people on the negative effects of pornography and the sense of false love and false reality it produces, we can stop the epidemic from growing...
Yes. It IS an epidemic. As I said before, I've seen it first-hand destroy lives.
Become a fighter. Spread this video and other information about the negative effects of pornography and help Fight the New Drug.
*muah*
*I'm giving full attention to the video above today... :)
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Cartoon Set #1: Food Issues
Recently my mom put together a few slide shows on differing topics where "social commentary" or "political" cartoons were to basis for discussion... She teaches sixth grade. They loved it - of course. Is she not already fabulous in your mind? If not, she should be.
Below are some of those cartoons on the topic of food and eating healthy...
I kinda love these... a lot. It's funny how I turned to my mom and said, "See!," regarding the cartoon where the little girl is arguing that fairy-tale characters (Not BoM characters - haha! Inside joke, sorry - and END.) don't eat their veggies for fear of dying by poison, giants, or trippy mushrooms, but I actually love most vegetables. Okay, that last on is a legit fear... really.
I'm not going to write a blog entry about the social commentary in these cartoons and how they depict our generations love/apathy for unhealthy food and failing health. I'm not going to write a blog entry about how children constantly come to school with sodas, candy bars, hostess snacks, and pringles (all things I too love...) in their Hannah Montana or Superhero lunch-sacks, and the parents are often the ones packing these lunches... Or at least buying these items specifically for quickly-packed lunches. Nope, I'm not going to write that... Oh wait...
Just enjoy the cartoons for what they are... a little observation on society's current state. Also, they're dang funny.
Song of the Day: As it is Easter, I wanted to post a short video with music, pictures, and words about why I choose to celebrate Easter... I know my Savior lives and loves me. Here is a video called "His Sacred Name." Amidst all the candy, fluffy rabbits, and dyed-eggs (which I too LOVE), remember the most important part of Easter is the empty tomb...
Below are some of those cartoons on the topic of food and eating healthy...
I'm not going to write a blog entry about the social commentary in these cartoons and how they depict our generations love/apathy for unhealthy food and failing health. I'm not going to write a blog entry about how children constantly come to school with sodas, candy bars, hostess snacks, and pringles (all things I too love...) in their Hannah Montana or Superhero lunch-sacks, and the parents are often the ones packing these lunches... Or at least buying these items specifically for quickly-packed lunches. Nope, I'm not going to write that... Oh wait...
Just enjoy the cartoons for what they are... a little observation on society's current state. Also, they're dang funny.
*muah*
Song of the Day: As it is Easter, I wanted to post a short video with music, pictures, and words about why I choose to celebrate Easter... I know my Savior lives and loves me. Here is a video called "His Sacred Name." Amidst all the candy, fluffy rabbits, and dyed-eggs (which I too LOVE), remember the most important part of Easter is the empty tomb...
Bleeding Decisions... and the Path They Create
Wikipedia says that a girl's night can be defined as the following: A gathering of women who have been invited by a host for the purposes of socializing, conversation, and recreation. A girl's night will typically feature food and beverages, and often music and dancing as well.
Urban Dictionary gives the following definition: A planned event, usually held at a cheesy Irish pub or dance club, where groups of females dress provocatively, flirt incessantly, dance badly, and accept free drinks from desperate single men.
I choose to go with the first definition, as that is my usual girl's night out. If the latter is the case, my drinks are always non-alcoholic, the clothing isn't so revealing, I flirt only on occasion, and I've got moves when it comes to the dance floor... good ones, in case their was any question in this regard.
Tonight, we had a much more chill girl's night with girls from both the wards in our surrounding area. We headed to a home, sat around on the living room floor and couch, and just talked for about three hours. It was fabulous! I have to say that a girl's night out can give one a LOT to think about... Of course, we discussed boys here and there, but that is not the basis of a girl's night out - contrary to certain beliefs of those who shall not be named. Adversely, we usually hold a girl's night to talk about other things and remove our minds from the relationship stresses in our life. Tonight, the conversation varied.... but all led back to life changes, decisions and growing as an individual.
We're all at the stages in life where we're moving forward - hopefully avoiding the option of staying stagnant in our development. We should be changing emotionally, spiritually, mentally... It's amazing how this "decade of decisions" (Thanks for that talk, Elder Hales) comes around to help shape who we are and the direction our lives are taking, or are going to take.
Tonight I realized how powerful a decision can be... how each decision I make seems to bleed into the next. Perhaps that seems a weird visual image, but it proves that as we break down our lives, we can literally see how even the little decisions we make bring us to where we are today. Sometimes you can't see the tie-ins now, but someday you will if it's important to you... I'm confident in that.
Example --> Since I was 4 years old I was planning to serve a mission for my church. It was on my mental "to-do list" and goal-line. However, as 21 approached (the year I could put in my papers to go serve), I felt like I shouldn't go... It just felt wrong for me. I put it aside, and came back to it the next year. Again, I felt weird about that decision. I talked with my parents, friends, bishop, and they all told me to just make the real decision and trust my heart, the spirit, and myself. I did just that. I decided that I felt wrong about it for a reason, and I decided that I wasn't going on a mission.
I was upset with myself. I felt a bit dejected spiritually (I know, ridiculous, but it's how I felt...) and somehow "less" than what I was in reality. However, I got over it... I forged forward and took a job teaching at a local school in Special Education Department, gaining an even stronger love for teaching and education. Now, I've decided to go back to school and get my Master's degree - a Master of Teaching (MAT) degree. It was greatly because of the experiences I had while at this school that led me to realize that I really did want to teach. So, shortly I'll return and become certified to teach Theater and English!
Another example (related) is that because I decided not to serve a mission I remained in UT for a time... and I ended up hanging out a LOT with my brother and sister-in-law, Derek & Cami. It was one of the best years of my life - they're my best, closest friends. One week, we decided to head down to the road to a local water-park where my brother experienced a crazy accident on one of the water slides. It was on that terrible trip that we killed some time by wandering around BYU campus, and I found the little note-card on the Wilk Job Board that led to the Au Pair position in Germany.
That job/experience changed my life... It was my mission, and I mean that quite literally. I had SO many opportunities to share my beliefs, grow in who I am, learn more about myself and my talents, serve others, and learn a foreign language... well, part of one. Haha! Germany truly was where I needed to be for the family I was with, and for myself last year... and all because we decided to hit up a water-park one hot July afternoon.
The decisions we make in life, even the small ones, create our path and provide us opportunities to go places, do things, meet people, learn lessons, and make more decisions. Each decision we make is fractal (shout-out to Jan for that word-choice!)... Just like a snowflake, or a mirror image within a mirror, the results of our decisions are infinite (even more so that the video below...).
I'm happy that I have made some pretty vital decision for myself that have been positive ones... Ones that keep me from being anything but unfulfilled and stagnant. In fact, in dedication to tonight's girl's night, my life has been fairly legit so far. I've carved my own path from one decision to another, and the process will just continue on and on and on... and on...
Song of the Day: I loved this song when sung by the original artist (Missy Higgins), but this version is great. I found it on a friend's facebook... Here is Caroline County with "Where I Stood." A rather poignant song... Enjoy!
Urban Dictionary gives the following definition: A planned event, usually held at a cheesy Irish pub or dance club, where groups of females dress provocatively, flirt incessantly, dance badly, and accept free drinks from desperate single men.
I choose to go with the first definition, as that is my usual girl's night out. If the latter is the case, my drinks are always non-alcoholic, the clothing isn't so revealing, I flirt only on occasion, and I've got moves when it comes to the dance floor... good ones, in case their was any question in this regard.
Tonight, we had a much more chill girl's night with girls from both the wards in our surrounding area. We headed to a home, sat around on the living room floor and couch, and just talked for about three hours. It was fabulous! I have to say that a girl's night out can give one a LOT to think about... Of course, we discussed boys here and there, but that is not the basis of a girl's night out - contrary to certain beliefs of those who shall not be named. Adversely, we usually hold a girl's night to talk about other things and remove our minds from the relationship stresses in our life. Tonight, the conversation varied.... but all led back to life changes, decisions and growing as an individual.
We're all at the stages in life where we're moving forward - hopefully avoiding the option of staying stagnant in our development. We should be changing emotionally, spiritually, mentally... It's amazing how this "decade of decisions" (Thanks for that talk, Elder Hales) comes around to help shape who we are and the direction our lives are taking, or are going to take.
Tonight I realized how powerful a decision can be... how each decision I make seems to bleed into the next. Perhaps that seems a weird visual image, but it proves that as we break down our lives, we can literally see how even the little decisions we make bring us to where we are today. Sometimes you can't see the tie-ins now, but someday you will if it's important to you... I'm confident in that.
Example --> Since I was 4 years old I was planning to serve a mission for my church. It was on my mental "to-do list" and goal-line. However, as 21 approached (the year I could put in my papers to go serve), I felt like I shouldn't go... It just felt wrong for me. I put it aside, and came back to it the next year. Again, I felt weird about that decision. I talked with my parents, friends, bishop, and they all told me to just make the real decision and trust my heart, the spirit, and myself. I did just that. I decided that I felt wrong about it for a reason, and I decided that I wasn't going on a mission.
I was upset with myself. I felt a bit dejected spiritually (I know, ridiculous, but it's how I felt...) and somehow "less" than what I was in reality. However, I got over it... I forged forward and took a job teaching at a local school in Special Education Department, gaining an even stronger love for teaching and education. Now, I've decided to go back to school and get my Master's degree - a Master of Teaching (MAT) degree. It was greatly because of the experiences I had while at this school that led me to realize that I really did want to teach. So, shortly I'll return and become certified to teach Theater and English!
Another example (related) is that because I decided not to serve a mission I remained in UT for a time... and I ended up hanging out a LOT with my brother and sister-in-law, Derek & Cami. It was one of the best years of my life - they're my best, closest friends. One week, we decided to head down to the road to a local water-park where my brother experienced a crazy accident on one of the water slides. It was on that terrible trip that we killed some time by wandering around BYU campus, and I found the little note-card on the Wilk Job Board that led to the Au Pair position in Germany.
That job/experience changed my life... It was my mission, and I mean that quite literally. I had SO many opportunities to share my beliefs, grow in who I am, learn more about myself and my talents, serve others, and learn a foreign language... well, part of one. Haha! Germany truly was where I needed to be for the family I was with, and for myself last year... and all because we decided to hit up a water-park one hot July afternoon.
The decisions we make in life, even the small ones, create our path and provide us opportunities to go places, do things, meet people, learn lessons, and make more decisions. Each decision we make is fractal (shout-out to Jan for that word-choice!)... Just like a snowflake, or a mirror image within a mirror, the results of our decisions are infinite (even more so that the video below...).
I'm happy that I have made some pretty vital decision for myself that have been positive ones... Ones that keep me from being anything but unfulfilled and stagnant. In fact, in dedication to tonight's girl's night, my life has been fairly legit so far. I've carved my own path from one decision to another, and the process will just continue on and on and on... and on...
*muah*
Song of the Day: I loved this song when sung by the original artist (Missy Higgins), but this version is great. I found it on a friend's facebook... Here is Caroline County with "Where I Stood." A rather poignant song... Enjoy!
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Initial Vehicular Mishap... AKA: First Car Accident.
It was a beautiful sunny day (at the time), and though rain clouds were headed my way literally and metaphorically, I was content to drive through Provo with my best friend. I had just grabbed lunch with Sarah and was headed to Kiwanis park to eat there. We were dying to soak up the last few minutes of sunshine the day had to offer. Moments later, while stopped at a stoplight off Bulldog (for those who know not what I'm talking about, it's a street), I felt my car slam forward. I literally sat there for a second and thought, "What did I do?! What just happened...?" I collected myself and my thoughts, looked in the rear-view mirror to hand out the death stare, and sternly signaled for the boy to get out of his car... I was in complete teacher/mom mode. Haha!
Jumping forward five minutes, my car was fine. Sarah was fine, and I was fine. Still, I made the significantly nervous boy give me his name, number, and I copied down his license plate number. First, it's not my car - it's my dad's car. Second, if it was my car, I would have done the same thing. Third, it was my first time ever having something like this (no matter how small) happen to me while driving. Plus, what if I drove away and suddenly the tailpipe exploded or the back bumper fell of?! I know - unrealistic. However, I was going to be prepared in case.
If time slows down in a car accident where nothing was harmed, and that literally only took two seconds to happen, I can't imagine being in a full-blown, few-seconds-long accident and not freaking out. Time genuinely felt slower. My thoughts were clouded and blurred. It was insane... I felt invaded, ruffled, shocked... mostly shocked. I just couldn't believe that it really happened. I KNOW nothing critical happened, but I was still so flustered. I rarely get flustered.
I had a realization through the whole experience though... A girl shared an experience during FHE a few weeks ago where she had prayed to be safe while she traveled and then got in a car accident. She was so angry and felt that her prayer had gone unheard. However, her sister pointed out that they were okay... The car was a bit banged up, but they were safe and unharmed completely.
Today, before I left for Provo I said a prayer that I would be safe in all my travels and that no harm would come upon me or the car. The back of the my car was hit, and was left unharmed. I was safe and protected... It might seem simple, but I was really grateful. God loves us, and He answers prayers.
That's pretty great.
Song of the Day: This was one of the free songs from ITunes, and I actually loved it! Sometimes, with the songs they give for free, it's apparent as to WHY they are free. Haha! However, THIS song is great... Here is Beth Ditto with "I Wrote the Book." It's got a great beat, classic lyrics, and her voice is unique... The video is a bit weird and artsy-fartsy... but, I love it. Enjoy!
Jumping forward five minutes, my car was fine. Sarah was fine, and I was fine. Still, I made the significantly nervous boy give me his name, number, and I copied down his license plate number. First, it's not my car - it's my dad's car. Second, if it was my car, I would have done the same thing. Third, it was my first time ever having something like this (no matter how small) happen to me while driving. Plus, what if I drove away and suddenly the tailpipe exploded or the back bumper fell of?! I know - unrealistic. However, I was going to be prepared in case.
If time slows down in a car accident where nothing was harmed, and that literally only took two seconds to happen, I can't imagine being in a full-blown, few-seconds-long accident and not freaking out. Time genuinely felt slower. My thoughts were clouded and blurred. It was insane... I felt invaded, ruffled, shocked... mostly shocked. I just couldn't believe that it really happened. I KNOW nothing critical happened, but I was still so flustered. I rarely get flustered.
I had a realization through the whole experience though... A girl shared an experience during FHE a few weeks ago where she had prayed to be safe while she traveled and then got in a car accident. She was so angry and felt that her prayer had gone unheard. However, her sister pointed out that they were okay... The car was a bit banged up, but they were safe and unharmed completely.
Today, before I left for Provo I said a prayer that I would be safe in all my travels and that no harm would come upon me or the car. The back of the my car was hit, and was left unharmed. I was safe and protected... It might seem simple, but I was really grateful. God loves us, and He answers prayers.
That's pretty great.
*muah*
Song of the Day: This was one of the free songs from ITunes, and I actually loved it! Sometimes, with the songs they give for free, it's apparent as to WHY they are free. Haha! However, THIS song is great... Here is Beth Ditto with "I Wrote the Book." It's got a great beat, classic lyrics, and her voice is unique... The video is a bit weird and artsy-fartsy... but, I love it. Enjoy!
Monday, April 18, 2011
One Date Does Not Mean We're Dating...
This past weekend I spent a great deal of time talking to and catching-up with some of my closest girlfriends. Some were girls that I see each weekend, and others were girls I hadn't seen in awhile. It was fantastic, but I felt a common theme in our discussions... Dating. I know - big shocker, huh? I actually don't spend all my time talking with friends about dating and boys. We have a fair share of talking about our jobs, education, favorite shows or music, family, politics, funny/awkward real-life occurrences (Oh the books we could write!), and yes, boys. However, this weekend's set of discussions were different.
Let me just say, I haven't gone on a date in quite awhile. I just got back in the country, and I'm still getting to know people. Nevertheless, the about-to-be-proposed-argument is still applicable to situations that I have been in, and to the situations that many of my friends are in right now... Let me begin by making three points:
1 - If someone asks you on a date, they aren't asking you to DATE them - aka: They are not asking you to be exclusive, to be committed, or visualize marriage a few months down the road.
2 - If one of your friends gets asked out on a date by someone, that can be your cue to get excited for them. However, it is not your cue to start talking about it as though it is an eternal commitment.
3 - If you see two individuals on a date one lovely, Spring evening (or any other season, for that matter) it is not obligatory (or wanted) to broadcast the "event" to those in your community, ward, cell phone directory, or even your circle of close friends.
Let me begin back at point numero uno - That's point number one for all those who didn't know... I'm getting so bomb at Spanish. Haha! If someone asks you on a date, they aren't asking you to DATE them. When a guy would ask my roommates out in college I would witness one of two tendencies. If they were already diggin' on the guy, they would get really over-excited. If they were not already diggin' on the boy, they would say, "Well, it's only once. Let's get this over with..."
THANK GOODNESS that phase of my life is done! Not the dating phase, as that is still very much happening, but the phase of pre-judgment and assumption. The phase of reading way too much into one date. We ALL read more than is necessary into certain social interactions, but as I've gotten older I find that I'm able to be a bit more realistic.
A date is a date. (Thanks Captain Obvious...) We need to get back to the real essence of dating is... getting to know each other. I think that's the biggest problem with dating and my generation. We make ONE date into something so much bigger than it is, and it causes stress, pressure, and the inability to be one's self. We over-analyze everything from the asking, to the date, to the post-date text... It's ridiculous - though I've done it too. Remember what good ol' Billy Shakes said, "To thine own self be true." How can you do that if you are putting monumental pressure on yourself?
Which leads my to nummer zwei - Number two in German... I'm pretty much trilingual. If one of your friends gets asked out on a date by someone, it is not the time to start putting the pressure on them and hyping things up. I love that my friends get excited for me when a guy ask me out, especially a guy I'm already into. However, when you over-hype the situation and start making a huge deal out of it all, you add pressure to the dater.
By all means, help your friend pick out their outfit (or men, their cologne?) and let them know they look great with their hair all the way down. Tell your friend to have a great time and you'll want details afterward, and even do the little girly squeal before the date is there to pick your friend up - or manly grunt from the couch for the men. However, leave it at that. Tell them to relax, be who they really are, and just enjoy... Help them take the pressure off the situation and actual potential with the two daters could become possible because they'll get out of their own way.
Now, III - Roman Numerals? Yes, please. If you see two individuals on a date, do not begin the gossip-train that will undoubtedly hit the two daters over later as they are run down with questions from a million and one friends, thus adding more pressure to the what-should-be-chill date. Now... before you think, "Linze. We ALL do that!," I admit... I am guilty. I'm not always guilty because I'm usually oblivious to that fact that two friends are on a date when I randomly see them, but I've been guilty in the past. I've probably been guilty of all of these "rules" at some point, but we grow and learn... and this rule is quite vital.
Outside gossip and assumption adds pressure and stress back to a situation that should merely be about getting to know another individual better and forming a stronger friendship. When it blooms into something else, I truly believe it's because the daters are able to ignore the outside pressure, and let down their walls.
Which brings me to my last point - number four - the secret answer and advice at the end of the "column." If someone asks you out, they are NOT asking for an eternal commitment from you... Too often we read too much into one date, which I believe to be the biggest problem with dating in general. Additionally, just be you. That obviously got you far enough to be asked out, and you should be happy about that. Someone wants to give up some of their precious time to get to know you better. That's quite a compliment! Your only job is to be who that person asked out in the first place - YOU.
Relax, have fun, and you never know... The date could lead to falling in love, making a really great friend, or learning more about what you do/don't want in a potential relationship. Remember, if it doesn't work - It was one date. It was a few hours of your time (minutes if perhaps it really didn't work...). Now, move on and find another person you can get to know better. After all, that's what dating is really all about.
Song of the Day: Josh Radin played this song at his concert back in March and I kinda fell in love with it... Here is Sam Cooke with "Bring It On Home." It's one of those songs you can picture yourself dancing too around the kitchen with your man (or woman). Maybe it's just me... :) Enjoy!
Let me just say, I haven't gone on a date in quite awhile. I just got back in the country, and I'm still getting to know people. Nevertheless, the about-to-be-proposed-argument is still applicable to situations that I have been in, and to the situations that many of my friends are in right now... Let me begin by making three points:
1 - If someone asks you on a date, they aren't asking you to DATE them - aka: They are not asking you to be exclusive, to be committed, or visualize marriage a few months down the road.
2 - If one of your friends gets asked out on a date by someone, that can be your cue to get excited for them. However, it is not your cue to start talking about it as though it is an eternal commitment.
3 - If you see two individuals on a date one lovely, Spring evening (or any other season, for that matter) it is not obligatory (or wanted) to broadcast the "event" to those in your community, ward, cell phone directory, or even your circle of close friends.
Let me begin back at point numero uno - That's point number one for all those who didn't know... I'm getting so bomb at Spanish. Haha! If someone asks you on a date, they aren't asking you to DATE them. When a guy would ask my roommates out in college I would witness one of two tendencies. If they were already diggin' on the guy, they would get really over-excited. If they were not already diggin' on the boy, they would say, "Well, it's only once. Let's get this over with..."
THANK GOODNESS that phase of my life is done! Not the dating phase, as that is still very much happening, but the phase of pre-judgment and assumption. The phase of reading way too much into one date. We ALL read more than is necessary into certain social interactions, but as I've gotten older I find that I'm able to be a bit more realistic.
A date is a date. (Thanks Captain Obvious...) We need to get back to the real essence of dating is... getting to know each other. I think that's the biggest problem with dating and my generation. We make ONE date into something so much bigger than it is, and it causes stress, pressure, and the inability to be one's self. We over-analyze everything from the asking, to the date, to the post-date text... It's ridiculous - though I've done it too. Remember what good ol' Billy Shakes said, "To thine own self be true." How can you do that if you are putting monumental pressure on yourself?
Which leads my to nummer zwei - Number two in German... I'm pretty much trilingual. If one of your friends gets asked out on a date by someone, it is not the time to start putting the pressure on them and hyping things up. I love that my friends get excited for me when a guy ask me out, especially a guy I'm already into. However, when you over-hype the situation and start making a huge deal out of it all, you add pressure to the dater.
By all means, help your friend pick out their outfit (or men, their cologne?) and let them know they look great with their hair all the way down. Tell your friend to have a great time and you'll want details afterward, and even do the little girly squeal before the date is there to pick your friend up - or manly grunt from the couch for the men. However, leave it at that. Tell them to relax, be who they really are, and just enjoy... Help them take the pressure off the situation and actual potential with the two daters could become possible because they'll get out of their own way.
Now, III - Roman Numerals? Yes, please. If you see two individuals on a date, do not begin the gossip-train that will undoubtedly hit the two daters over later as they are run down with questions from a million and one friends, thus adding more pressure to the what-should-be-chill date. Now... before you think, "Linze. We ALL do that!," I admit... I am guilty. I'm not always guilty because I'm usually oblivious to that fact that two friends are on a date when I randomly see them, but I've been guilty in the past. I've
Outside gossip and assumption adds pressure and stress back to a situation that should merely be about getting to know another individual better and forming a stronger friendship. When it blooms into something else, I truly believe it's because the daters are able to ignore the outside pressure, and let down their walls.
Which brings me to my last point - number four - the secret answer and advice at the end of the "column." If someone asks you out, they are NOT asking for an eternal commitment from you... Too often we read too much into one date, which I believe to be the biggest problem with dating in general. Additionally, just be you. That obviously got you far enough to be asked out, and you should be happy about that. Someone wants to give up some of their precious time to get to know you better. That's quite a compliment! Your only job is to be who that person asked out in the first place - YOU.
Relax, have fun, and you never know... The date could lead to falling in love, making a really great friend, or learning more about what you do/don't want in a potential relationship. Remember, if it doesn't work - It was one date. It was a few hours of your time (minutes if perhaps it really didn't work...). Now, move on and find another person you can get to know better. After all, that's what dating is really all about.
*muah*
Song of the Day: Josh Radin played this song at his concert back in March and I kinda fell in love with it... Here is Sam Cooke with "Bring It On Home." It's one of those songs you can picture yourself dancing too around the kitchen with your man (or woman). Maybe it's just me... :) Enjoy!
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