Lost N' Found: Snail Knowledge

There is beauty is becoming lost for awhile.

Have you ever gotten into your car just to drive until you aren't exactly sure where you are?  You might be able to get back to a place you recognize, but for a time, you're lost...

Have you ever wondered around a city, just exploring and taking in the culture, sights, smells, sounds, and people?  You find yourself in a part of town you're unfamiliar with, and aren't exactly sure how you got to this place.  

Have you ever been so in love with someone you find your will is almost lost?  Your will is almost taken from you in moments and replaced (sometimes misplaced) in another individual or their needs.  You may or may not have claimed yourself IN love with them, but you LOVED them... which causes one to lose sight at times and be blinded in love - for better or for worse.

Have you been lost in someone's eyes?  Lost in a moment - good or bad?  Lost in thought?

I have been lost in all these aspects of life.  I have found the beauty in being lost... in being swept away in a moment, in time, in an individual, in thought.  It's amazing to let go of care or worry and just BE LOST...

I have also been the victim of getting lost... I've felt fear at not knowing where I was, wandering down alleys to try and find my way back to a hostel as it's getting dark.  I've felt the embarrassment of losing myself in a moment when it was neither the time, nor the place.  I've felt the pain in losing my emotions to another individual who didn't have the same intention to return my affection.  I've felt the loneliness of losing my way spiritually and separating my will from the will of my Father in Heaven, and Savior.

There are times when a hyper-emotionally-aware individual, such as myself, just needs the emotional release of letting go and losing yourself for just a time.  Sometimes, getting LOST is beautiful and strengthening!  How is there genuine joy in losing yourself?

Because in those moments, I sincerely believe we find ourselves. 

I have discovered more of who I truly am and who I truly want to be in moments where I have just "let go" and spent time wandering... As I often do, I relate things to religious parallels.  In recent discussions had, I looked back at the story of Moses parting the red sea for the children of Israel.  After the mighty miracle of walking on dry (not even muddy!) ground across the span of the sea and being safe the entire time, they spent years "wandering" in process toward the promise land.  Although God was guiding them, they often found themselves in lost moments... and they felt all the feelings you have (good and bad) in being lost. They had miracles given to them left and right and still felt lost at moments... still had trouble with trust and faith. However, within being lost, many of them sincerely found a relationship with Christ and built their true character.

There is beauty in getting lost.

Over the past few years, I have had numerous moments of being "lost," as I searched for the right place for grad school, the right job post-Germany, the right job post-graduate school, and within many other points in my life.  I filled time and kept wandering and striving toward discovery.  Looking back, it is SO clear how LED I was in my LOST state.  Heavenly Father always had my best interest at heart.  Personally, I can look back and see the past SIX YEARS aligning for me to have the job of Theatre teacher at my specific High School.  My current job was literally six-years in the making.  I can see one thing happening because of my choices, then another, then another.... God has said "never will I lave you; never will I forsake you." (Hebrews 13:5)  I was being LED while I felt slightly LOST in those moments.

My life right now is the same in certain aspects, and I just keep trusting that Heavenly Father is leading me on the path I need to be on... even if I seem a little bit "lost" right now, I feel like I am finding my true self, my true purpose, in the process of my wandering journey.... and it's worth the uncertainty and wait.  It's taught me to replace that uncertainty with FAITH.  Faith in my Savior, faith in myself, faith in others.... I am learning the true power and purpose of faith.

"Be strong and of a good courage, fear not, nor be afraid of them: for the Lord thy God, he it is that doth go with thee; he will not fail thee, nor forsake thee." - Deuteronomy 31:6

One last thing this has all taught me.  The power of patience.

I am known to be very patient with children (thank you nannying and teaching), and almost nothing else... Haha!  I want to lose weight faster.  I want the driver in front of me to move over so I can kick it into high gear.  I want my braces to come off sooner, and my hair to grow longer quicker.  I want my knee to heal faster so I can run again and lift legs.  I want my voice to be perfectly in shape again by tomorrow. I want all my questions to be answered at the snap of my fingers.... These wants aren't necessarily "bad," but I am recognizing Heavenly Father's hand guiding my impatient desires to allow me to actually learn something from and within each experience.  This instant-gratification woman must learn the beauty in every inch - in every line drawn - and not always rush to the final picture.  There is joy in the journey.... That's where we grow.  We grow when we are lost.

And what's the sweetest part about being lost?  You won't stay lost for forever... 

and there is also beauty in being found.  

*muah*

Song of the Day:  This is perfect... listen to the lyrics!  "Snails see the benefit, the beauty in every inch!" Here is "Snails" by The Format!  I loved this band... :)  To see what inspired this pick, see the pictures in THIS LINK. Enjoy!

Dear YOU -

Dear YOU,

Do you know what you are worth?  I mean, do you really see yourself for all that you are and in the eyes that your Heavenly Father sees you?  In a non-religious sector, do you see yourself for the intelligence, kindness, beauty, talent, and humanity you have to offer?

YOU are worth EVERY happiness.

YOU are worth more than for what you give yourself credit.

You sell yourself short, and you have been selling yourself short.

YOU teach others to grow and see themselves for the beauty they are, and YOU make others believe in themselves.  This is no small feat....

YOU change lives and help others shape their passions and ambitions.  This is no minimal task...

YOU make others smile and believe in something because you believe in them.  THIS is love and compassion, and not all know how to show that to others the way you do.

This is not meant to brag about you or encourage conceit.  On the contrary, this is to help YOU humbly recognize the vast amount of amazingness you have and FINALLY embrace it.  You can move mountains for some, but mostly for yourself... Get rid of the mountains in your way.  Climb over them and learn along the way, or travel around them and discover new paths yet to be found.  Blast through them and tunnel through an exciting adventure... keep learning and growing, and making change happen... because YOU CAN do it.  YOU can make change happen for others AND for yourself.

YOU are just as important as others.  Others are important, but stop for a second and recognize the beauty that is in YOU.  YOU deserve every happiness... and therefore, sometimes you have to serve yourself.  It's okay - really.

I know your whole life you've felt like serving others is the only way to truly find yourself and be happy, but you have to serve YOU too... You have to make time for yourself, your dreams, your passions, your desires.  It's okay to push something else aside sometimes, or to say "no."

I'm going back to YOU deserve every happiness...

YOU cannot sit and play the waiting game with life, with jobs, with men or women, with friends, with decisions... You deserve to ACT and BECOME.  Don't wait on others to help you determine what you want or deserve.  You deserve it all, so go get it... Don't change your personality, interests, or standards for someone else. Don't wait on a man or woman to give you self-worth or validation.  If they don't see how amazing you are and take hold of that, walk.  Keep walking until someone starts to walk and talk beside you... Take THEIR hand because they'll make the effort to keep up with you and they'll recognize your worth.

Find someone who knows YOUR worth, but also know THEIR OWN worth.

Look to God and let Him tell you of your worth... Let Him help you discover what you deserve and be patient with Him.  Just because you're playing on His time-table at times, doesn't mean you can't actively be going for things and that you must forget your own worth.

You WILL fail at things... It does not denote your value.  "...Our destiny is not determined by the number of times we stumble, but by the number of times we rise up..." (Uchtdorf)  Keep on rising up to the challenge because YOU can defeat every obstacle.

YOU are strong.  YOU are amazing.  YOU are worth all the desires your heart can create and muster...

... Believe that of yourself and always, always remember how incredible YOU are simply because YOU are YOU.

*muah*

***This is my message to everyone.  Read it and internalize it for YOU.  Take what you need and pass it on to others so they can do the same.

Song of the Day:  This song sang to me today in light of this entry...  Here's an old one, but a good one - Jessica Andrews with "Who I Am."  Enjoy. :)

Emotion VS Logic

Life.

Life is interesting.

The places that we end up, the friendships and relationships we fall into or create, the experiences we have that allow growth from joy and pain... They make up the person that we are and design the chapters of our life.  There have been times I have chosen wisely, and times I have made some massive decisive errors.  Some of these epic failures have developed out of my knowingly moving forward with a stupid decision.  Some of these mistakes just fell upon me because one action demanded a reaction.  Either way, things happen for a reason.

I tend to make decent decisions and know what's best for me... sometimes I deny that internal knowledge for a contradictory desire, feelings of fear, or even slight confusion, often caused by my emotions.  See, I'm an emotional person.  SHOCKER?  I think not.  I may not be a massive "crier," but everyone who has met me could easily pin-point the bleeding heart on my sleeve and dripping emotion creeping from each pore.  Sorry for the visual, but it simply further illustrates my point.

My question is, WHY are some people designed that way?  Why are are some of us creatures of emotional design, while others are made with logic sequencing as their scepter? I think there is power in both avenues, and beauty within both as well.  This isn't a "grass is greener" moment.  It is simply the acknowledgement of these different individuals existing and the wonderment at WHY we are created the way we are.  If I was literally created with a more emotion-driven DNA strand (in body and spirit), that does not mean I can not learn and master skills on the logically-driven side.  It may be hard as hell, but it's possible.  However, what are I suppose to learn from the way I was created?  How can I help others with this way I was created?  These questions are some I have recently been pondering on as I attempt to reach out and serve others, and help those around me in the best way I know how to offer...

Being the emotional girl I am, I just need to take a second and say that the "blessing and curse" statement completely applies here... That being said, I am so grateful I am me.  I am so grateful I have been given my eyes to see the world and those individuals around me.  I am so grateful I was given my heart to feel others the way I can... The ability to feel someone's brightest smiles and hidden sorrows has always been something that allows me to show love, empathy, and understanding for others.  I'm not perfect at this, but I'm thankful for the moments it has helped me in aiding another find greater enlightenment or joy.

There is no real purpose for the entry, other than to record these thoughts... and this is just the venue I needed to do that today. 

*muah*

Song of the Day:  I love this man's voice... I discovered him a few weeks back and have been obsessed since.  Here is Sam Smith with "Make It To Me."  I love the line, "you're the one designed for me."  Gorgeous - enjoy! 

I'm Finally Saying I Love You To That Special Someone...

Dear Linze, 

Please bring more snacks with you to school.  I know you always think you bring enough food, but you should bring more... and more options.  I'm always hungry, and it's your responsibility to keep feeding me.

Sincerely, 

Your Body

Dear Body, 

I'm doing my best!  I have this reversal problem from most... My stomach is, in fact, bigger than my eyes.  I know - who'da thunk it?  It gets expensive feeding you and keeping you happy, bringing as many varying options as possible when I'm constantly on the run!  I'll make a mental and literal note to feed you more. 

Sincerely,

Linze

Dear Linze, 

Be smart though.  Put those cheetos from the back closet down... NOW.  They're not helping me at all.

Sincerely, 

Your Thighs

P.S.  Your gallbladder is also whispering a thank you for not partaking in the junk food too.  

P.S.S.  Your abs say they're STARTING to feel the light... can't see it yet, but they'll keep pushing through.  

If I could show you the way I feel now compared to the past, you'd understand the choices I am making for my body.  If If I could show you the progress pictures I have already taken, you'd realize why I making the choices I am for my body.  Well, I COULD show you those pictures... yea, not happening yet.  I've made some VAST improvements on my body image, but I'm not yet where I feel comfortable showing past to present... and it's about more than those pictures.

I feel better.  I feel healthier.  I feel happier.  I know I am moving in a direction I want to stay living in for the rest of my life.  I am learning to love my body in full for the first time.  I am finally saying I love you to that special someone... and that someone is me.

Happy V-Day, you sexy beast, you.
*muah*

Song of the Day:  I don't love the video.  I don't - sorry.  However, I love the song.  Here is Miley Cyrus with "I Adore You."  Enjoy and Happy V-Day to all you lovers out there - even if it's just loving who you are and who you are becoming! :)

The Heart of It All...

"The heart is not so easily changed, 
but the head can be persuaded..."

This is not an entry about Frozen, although that might not be so bad to read.  That was a pretty chill movie... get it?  Chill?  See what I did there?  Yea, apparently I'm not as funny as previously claimed.  I can't help it if I adore a good pun... a lot.

Sidenote:  I LOVED Frozen!  I know some did not, but I thought it was adorable, the music was fun, the voices were great, the themes were awesome, the I loved that they decided NOT to have two people get married in a week.  You can begin to really like someone in a day, I know form experience.... but enough to love them for all time?  Yea, there's a resounding, "use your brain, please!"

Anyway, I love this line from the film because I believe that it's one of the most poignant moments.  Someone's mind can be changed as we are wiling to think about things differently.  However, deep-seeded beliefs and feelings are not always as easily swayed when the heart is involved.  The heart is central to the body, and thus, central to how we function... to who we are.  The heart pumps blood through our ENTIRE BODIES - it allows us to live and effects EVERY part of us.  This is its literal function.  However, the heart is more than literal.... We talk about the feelings we have being deep, being central to our souls, and often controlling our mindset.  Again, we see the heart effects EVERY part of us.

We have been told that before the second coming of our Savior, "men's hearts shall fail them..."  What does this really mean than?  Well, if we look at the literal sense of the statement, heart diseases and attacks are growing more and more common.  Many illnesses are overtaking our bodies, and as the heart being the central controlling factor, is frequently involved.  In the less literal way, but still as vitally real, we see hearts failing everyday within society emotional spectrum.  People CARE LESS than previously seen.  People are increasingly apathetic and selfish.  People are giving up on kindness, charity, and sacrifice.  Ideas of divinity and God are pushed aside for more frivolous ventures... We forget what's important and often go for the easy route or instant gratification.

"Men’s hearts failing them for fear, and for looking after those things which are coming on the earth: for the powers of heaven shall be shaken." - Luke 21:26

We put our FEAR in men, in those around us or society's ideals, while we should instead be putting our FAITH in God. It really comes down to the fact that fear is a lack of faith.... in ourselves, in others, in our Heavenly Father.  We allow our fear to overcome and fail our faithful hearts.

"That your faith should not stand in the wisdom of men, 
but in the power of God." - 1 Corinthians 2:5 

Now, I believe there is an importance in using your heart and minds together.  We were given our minds for a reason, but we were also given our hearts for a reason.  In the past few months, I have observed those who are too focused on their minds and not their hearts, and those who are so focused on feelings while they fail in using logic.  Both situations are negative.  In fact, I suppose one could argue in these final days people's minds are also failing them... However, the mind can be changed and brought to new knowledge and understanding.  The heart IS much harder to shape and rebuild.  The heart is the center to our being....

Why am I writing about this?  I'm been debating within myself what ways my heart has failed me.  When have I lacked kindness or charity?  When have I looked for what I want in the moment more than what is right?  When have I lacked FAITH?

I will not be one to let my heart fail me.  I will have more faith in myself.  I will not let my heart fail Him.  I will have more faith in my God and my Savior.  Simple put:

"Remove any of your fear with faith. 

Trust the power of God to guide you." - Elder M. Russell Ballard

*muah*

Song of the Day:  I think in having faith, we should all be a bit more happy.... Thus, here is Pharrell Williams' song, "Happy."  Enjoy!

Retraining for a Fearless Mind...

Recently, I've been working on my own personal development and changing my mindset to accomplish goals more successfully, as well as with more meaning.  I heard a man by the name of Craig Manning, a sports psychologist and past pro-tennis player, speak in my Sunday School hour at church a few weeks back, and was inspired to reset my mind and focus.  I'm even reading his book, The Fearless Mind, which I encourage everyone to read!  I talk about it non-stop to friends... I've always been a goal-oriented person, but recently I have become more successful.... and here are some thoughts on why.

We tend to focus on what we need to improve in life, rather than our strengths and ways to use those strengths to get better at things.  This provides us with a more negative than positive mindset.  It's easy to be focused on what we need to fix, and this isn't a bad thing.... but we have to retrain our brains just a little bit.  Manning says, "Don't focus on your failures because it reinforces them... Focus on success and things you do well. Every time you start to think if negativity, change it around!  Don't say don't- don't doubt!  Don't feed that.... For every negative it takes 2.91 positive to X that out!"

He's right.

We have to learn to not doubt ourselves, and thinking negatively breeds that self-doubt and deprecation.  I am not always great at this... In fact, last week I received my JPAS scores from the school district and evaluation notes from our administration here at the HS.  I was nervous even though I know I'm working hard and think I'm a good teacher.  When I met with our VP, I had done really well according to the numbers, and more importantly according to her observations.  I only had one pesky marking not reaching the top rank, and it was right below.  However, the first words out to spill from my lips were, "Why I am I low here?  What can I do better - suggestions?"  

Now, it's great to get feedback to help you improve.  It's good to note your weaknesses.  However, why was my first and MAIN focus my weakest area?  The score wasn't even negative either!  However, all weekend I thought about ways I could improve that one area.  Finally, yesterday, I took a step back and reevaluated the results... I am doing great in the classroom.  I don't even need the paper to tell me that!  I know my weaknesses and strengths already, and as I use my areas of strength to push me forward, while not suspending the areas of weakness, I grow in all areas.  I become a better educator and mentor for my students because I gain confidence and experience... and I am focused on the positive energy I can bring to my students.  Heaven knows they need that energy.... 

What is Mr. Manning's assertion?  Well, he suggests we, "Write down three things you did right that day! One thing you can do better."  I think this mindset is helping me move forward, and when I lose that mindset, I take a step back.  Focusing on the positive helps us to have the energy we need to control and reshape the negative or the "not-as-positive."

Here are some other quotes from his lesson that day:

"Get rid of doubts and fears- what CAN you do? What WILL you do? It's faith- application. It's a can-do mindset. Doubt is the adversary's greatest tool."

"How do we change our mindset and muscle memory? Manage your conscience mind and reinforce the right things. At the end of the day, focus on what you did right... What you repeat the most conditions the mind." 

"Repentance is making a commitment to move in a different direction."

"Did the Savior make mistakes? Yes. Did he sin? No. Identify the error and refocus on positive. Change the habit!!!" 

"Are you surrounded about expectations and pressure- negativity? Find a positive focus. Where are you looking for approval? Do we have control over what others think? Recondition the sub conscience- trust yourself and the spirit."

"Do you have the strength to be obedient to the Holy Ghost and trust ourselves?"

"The gospel governs us- the more we understand it, the more control we have!"

"The battle is not yours, but God's!" 

My thoughts: Turn things over to God and let him fight in your corner... Let the Savior be your advocate... He already IS, but we have to tag him in.

"We are all to be on the straight and narrow path, but they are different straight and narrow paths. There is no one ideal person... We don't want to lose the abilities that one person can bring to the table. Be an individual on the path you should be on."

My thoughts:  My favorite thought, I think.... Well, there are so many!  Haha... I LOVE this!  We are all down different paths and we have to be the best on THAT path.  We aren't all bred for the same life-experiences, challenges, or responsibilities. We all have different reasons we're here on earth, and we have to determine what those are for ourselves personally.  

"Being ordinary is doing what the world tells us we should.  Extraordinary is not about being better than others- it's about being true to yourself an finding your own path. Trust in yourself and God- there is not one path. If we think that we play the comparison game and it leads us to ordinary lives..."

My thoughts: I love this too!  We need not compare ourselves to others... We are ordinary when we become what others tell us to become.  We are extraordinary if we find that path for ourselves.  I fought being a teacher for the LONGEST time because my parents were educators and it was what a lot of people thought I should become.  I didn't want to be what THEY wanted!  I'm glad that I took my time in life deciding that I really did love teaching and wanted it for ME and no one else.  THAT is why I am becoming an extraordinary teacher.

All in all, if you need a good holiday read to get your geared on making (and KEEPING) those goals for the upcoming new year, check out A Fearless Mind by Craig Manning, and read some of his notes online.  He is a rock-star at retraining the brain to think successfully.... I am SO blessed to have heard his words and to have been already preparing my mind to accept his words and mindset.  I am a much better person in the past few months in all areas of my life... I am also MUCH happier, and I was already pretty dang happy. :)

*muah*

Song of the Day:  Obsessed with this one... perfect for jamming in the car OR gettin' my lift on! Here is Zendaya with "Replay."  Also, homegirl is a SICK dancer! :)  Check it - enjoy! 

Funnies.... Lots of funnies.

Life is funny sometimes... Heck, it's funny all the time!  I laugh everyday, and I think that is vital to my personal happiness.  There is a power in just smiling and having a good chuckle.

Thus, it is time to bring back the good ol' quote-a-thon that happened monthly(ish) on my page!  Some of these are SUPER old... some are new.  Either way, they're enjoyable and give you that little laugh you might need today.  Well, those you understand....

You be welcome, girls and boys.... You be most welcome. 

"I would say yes to him on Tinder..." - Lauren

"Everyone deserves a naked room in their house... or on their porch..." - Linze

"Their breakfast better to be good.  If it's just continental, I'm going to say, 'Where are my damn eggs!?'" - Linze... said rather casually.

"WONDERBOY!" - Tim (Shouted at Bobby Redford @ my Westminster Graduation)

"Remember when you made good movies..." - Jake (said under his breathe to Bobby Redford...)

"He's no Trey Songz..." - Justin (said ABOUT good ol' Redford's speech at graduation)

"That's my grandpa.... grandma." - Linze

"Cause Gesthemene was like, a really big deal." - Paige

"I wish you were a unicorn." - Ally
"I do too - everyday." - Courtney
"Then I could ride you and play with you." - Ally
"Yes.  Yes, you could." - Courtney

"Why is she so happy about the garbage?!" - Ally (said very dryly... hilarious.)

"Yours looks like a picture... mine looks like a video game!" - Linze

"Marry a bean!" - Eliza
"Marry a STRANGER!" - Eliza/Ally
"Wait! If you don't find a husband or wife, you could marry Courtney!" - Ally

"You're not gonna marry anybody." - Ally
"Sad truth." - Courtney

"Do you like to dance?!" - Linze
"It wears me out." - Eliza
"You LOVE to talk!" - Linze
"Seems like YOU love to talk!" - Eliza (She's a feisty one!)

"The final frontier - To go where no man has gone before..." - Star Trek
"To be ridiculously good-looking? Check!" - Linze to my mom...

"People always like the stuff when I swear." - Spencer
"Well, let's be real about the content too!" - Linze (regarding accidentally going to Colorado...)

"You drove to Colorado?!" - Linze (laughing sarcastically)
"Linze.  I'm not kidding." - Spencer
"Oh...." -Linze *crickets*
"Damn you, Siri!" - Spencer

"Do fishes get parched? Yes." - Lo

"Shut up!  How does she still have a calling?!" - Courtney

"I could squat you!" - Linze

"These are like vague Facebook status updates..." - Courtney about testimony meeting :)

"You two go together - Bam!"  - Miss S (me), putting students into groups
"We 'Bammed" already though!" - A student.... who got rather embarrassed
*We were all in teary laughter pretty fast*

"I like a really manly man... who just wants to ravage me!" - Paige

"Are you destiny's child?" - Courtney

"Is that what blurred lines is about?" - Courtney

"Let me see your snap-chat! Can we snap-chat that one boy?" - Eliza
"Spencer?" - Linze
"No." - Eliza
"Isaac?" - Linze
"Is he the one with no shirts?" - Eliza
"Yep." - Linze

*Looking at our snap-chat list from the night*
"That's a lot of Isaac...." - Eliza

"I bet you're a great runner!" - Linze
"That's a stereotype " - Hilma
"I meant cause you're skinny." - Linze
"Oh..." - Hilma (She be black.)

"He's also Hispanic." - Court
"Isn't he Filopino?" - Spence
"Well, he's not white." - Court

"It's like a blast to your vag!" - Nicole

Well, there  ya go.  Enjoy!
*muah*

Song of the Day:  LOVE this song... I want to cover this song!  Here is Katy Perry with "Unconditionally." Enjoy!!!