Sunday, May 15, 2011

Meet the Queen of Awkward

I am the queen of awkward.

If you still don't believe me, it is for one of the following three reasons:  First, you have yet to spend more than twenty minutes in my presence when I spoke out loud.  Second, you have yet to see me throw a baseball.  Third, I have never left you a voice-male message.

As shown above, a picture says a thousand words...

Now, that's awkward. 

The definition of awkward can be found as, "lacking skill or dexterity," "lacking grace or ease of movement," or "lacking social graces or manners."  I'm pretty sure I can move alright.  I'm a good dancer and did gymnastics for years... but um, the other two areas, may INDEED be lacking.  

Additionally, to solidified my "queen" status, ask any of my EFY of German missionary friends what the sign for awkward is in American sign language.  Yep - one of the only things I know how to say in ASL. (Other words include, beautiful, America, work, make-out, the words to "Love One Another," thank you, and sorry... The last one's a good one to know if you're an awkward individual.. Just FYI.)

In case you are in need of supplementary example of my awkwardidity ( If Dr. Suess made up words - so can I!), I will happily satisfy that need.  This weekend I spent my evenings surrounded by family & friends, going to movies, eating out, hanging out at other's homes, and even going to church.  In ALL of these places, I had some pretty epic awkward moments... Yes - even in church.  Most of these quotes below, however, are not mine (and are merely funny friend quotes too good to pass up putting on the WWW)- only some belong to my brain mouth.

Warning: I would write something about how "I'm really not a bad person!" or "I really AM semi-articulate in most situations," which I am, but this is my blog... So, no excuse is necessary.  Proceed with caution... 

"My body gets steamy really fast!" - That one IS mine... What?  I was really hot in church when I first sat down...

"OMG!" - Kate
"Who called us hoochie?!..... That's not what you said?" - Bekah
"I'm bloggin' that.  Type it into my cell, Kate." - Linze
"Wait... I don't know how to spell hoochie?..." - Kate
This was proceeded by Bekah and I spelling "H-O-O-C-H-I-E!" really fast. (Sidenote:  We WERE listening to Selena...)

"If you are willing to give up kissing, you haven't kissed anyone who's good at it." - Karin


"At least he ended on a high note!" - Bekah, in relation to my band director in HS wanting to retire after the drum-line put marijuana in brownies they fed to a chunk of the students before competition (not me, thankfully) - Get it?

"I have a testimony of sex...  Wait, that's not what I meant!" - Linze (Yep.)
"Well, you should... but not yet." - Tate
Sidenote:  It really was within a legit conversation about a movie we had just seen, but somehow phrasing got off... don't ask. 

"We should play shirts and skins!" - Spencer
"They'd have to be shirts..." - Linze
Needless to say, we didn't play shirts and skins... There was MORE awkwardness involved in this story, but I'll save that part for personal conversations.

It could be much worse.  I could be this girl:


Adding to the comments above, there was a moment when I was on the phone and almost put my car into "drive" rather than "reverse," almost causing chaos... Twice. I ripped my jean shorts straight in half after falling down the stairs.  I told a lady she had something (chocolate was my guess) on her face, trying to be nice and helpful, and it was a mole.  This was just this week...

I promise, I DO have moments of normalcy and am known for the most part as a classy, tactful, and intelligent woman.  However, not so much in the moment below:
This picture was taken in the "Naked Park" in Oslo, Norway.  Note the girl in right corner that is laughing hysterically at me as I was explaining (while lying on the naked statues), "I know I'm in a dress, but I have spandex shorts underneath!  It's okay - really!"  The language barrier was apparently a bit of a problem for her... oops.

I promise, I'm not always awkward... but how boring would life be if I was always graceful and smooth?
*muah*

Sidenote:  It is almost 9pm and I am heading to Amber's in two minutes... I am still in my swimsuit from laying out in the sunshine (not anywhere near water) at 3pm. What?  You didn't spend YOUR Sunday afternoon singing show-tunes around the piano in your swimsuit?  Yea, me neither. 

Song of the Day:  I'm learning this one right now... Here is "Breathe" from In the Heights, sung by Mandy Gonzales.  I'm in dire need of seeing this... even though it's closed now.  Boo. Enjoy!

2 comments:

Danielle said...

HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA! and this is why we are friends.

Matt and Autumn Stone said...

that video was sooooo funny!!!! haha that is the epitome of awkwardness! and you? you're nothing but love! i miss u!